by Mark Clodi
Laughing softly, Carl asked, “You are not religious are you?”
Tom shook his head.
“Lutherans can marry. Have families, lead a productive family life. We can sin too, there isn't a 'God Card' for that, we are human. That is the way it should be, how could we tend to our communities needs if we didn't have them ourselves? Tom I will tell you this, I wouldn't 'hook up' with a woman on this cruise. I don't believe in that. But I could meet someone. You never know when or where you will meet the woman for you. What about you?”
“No, nothing for me here. Most of the women are a little younger than me, I've talked to a few of them, but some are just girls. The older women...well, they seem worse than the younger ones, desperate almost. I was feeling bad for myself until I ran into some of the middle aged women here.”
“Cougars?”
“No, no one that old, but women my age or a little older, they seem to think this is their last chance. But it's just a ten day trip! One cruise, not the end of their opportunities!”
“So you haven't 'hooked up' either?”
“I didn't say that. The first two nights were pretty wild, but I, just, couldn't. It felt so...”
“Wrong?” Tom nodded, “There is hope for you then brother, you are following your heart and that is all that you can do, it is funny how most times you follow your heart you are doing God's work at the same time. If something feels wrong to you, that is your first clue you are on the wrong path. Who are your friends?”
“The big guy, snoring, is Lance, the other guy is Dan. Lance was a little...he had been drinking, but he is an Army Ranger. I don't know what Dan does. He did save me though, when two zombies were trying to get me outside of the pizzeria.”
“Zombies?”
“Yeah, they called them that, it seems to fit.”
“The undead come to life. It is the end of times and I don't even have a flock to tend to. Or maybe I do? Maybe God put me here to tend to this ship, to tend to you three and any other survivors we might find?”
Carl shrugged in a non-committal manner and looked out across the void to what he thought of as the captain's tower. “I think the captain is in there. The other two thought we should wait here until daylight and try to get their attention.”
“You don't agree?”
“I am tired, but I keep thinking there might be other people out there we could help. I heard screaming a while ago. Fighting.”
“It was the fighting that woke me up. I thought of the usual crimes, those of passion, two men disagreeing over a woman, or a drunken man not knowing how to deal with the frustration as a woman said 'no'. I didn't expect...er, 'zombies'.”
“How'd you end up where you heard me?”
“I just followed the noise, I had a bit of a tussle getting out of my deck. I have a simple cabin in the inside of the ship. My parents wanted to get me a room on the upper decks with a balcony, but I felt an interior room was more fitting. Who spends time in their room after all?”
“I have an outer room, but on the Riviera deck.” Tom said, naming the lowest passenger deck on the ship. “What deck are you on?”
“Well, my parents insisted on bumping me up to the Empress. I've cruised before. Is this your first time?”
Tom nodded.
“Usually if you can afford it, you bump up above the Riviera, just to get closer to all the action.”
Smiling wryly Tom said, “To separate the paying clients from the riff-raff?”
“Pretty much. So you haven't found anyone to see the sights with then?”
“No, you?”
“I don't think there is much in the way of God on board this time around. The women I have run into seem to want more from life than what a poor Pastor has to offer.”
“People are so shallow these days. Are you tired?”
“I had a few hours’ sleep, maybe four. You?”
“I haven't been to sleep yet and I was starting to nod off when I heard you down there.”
Carl gestured towards Lance and Dan, “By all means, get a couple hours sleep. I will watch over you until the morning.”
“Thanks, uh, what do I call you?”
“Lutherans might call me 'Pastor', or 'Father', but you can call me Carl, it isn't disrespectful.”
“Okay Carl. Thanks!”
“Sleep well Tom.”
Tom pulled another lounge chair off the stack and grabbed four of the towels off of the rack to use as pillows and blankets. He didn't think he would actually be able to fall asleep again so swiftly, but soon he was snoring like the other two men. Carl looked out over the moonlight waters and brought up the cross, he made as if to throw it over the side of the ship, then halted and pulled it in to hug it close to his chest. Slowly he fell to his knees and began to pray quietly, had anyone been awake they would have wondered what the man had done that made him beg forgiveness so fervently from the Lord.
Chapter 4
As the sun peeked over the horizon Lance groggily woke up first and found himself needing to take a piss. He jerked more awake when he saw Carl watching over them, in his befuddled memory he could not decide if that was the same guy he spoke to last night or someone else.
Hesitantly he spoke, “Ah...Tom...wasn't it?”
The minister smiled and shook his head, “No, I came in later.” Carl pointed to where Tom was still sleeping a little further away, “Tom got tired and I took over watching out for any of them.”
The large man stood up and offered his hand to the preacher, “Good, I thought, well...I..” Catching a good look at the guy for the first time he blushed and said, “Pardon me, I didn't mean to offend...”
Carl shook his head harder this time and said, “No, you haven't.” Taking the man's hand he shook it and said, “I am Carl Finch.”
“Lance Charleston, like the city. I am very pleased to meet you.” Noticing the large wooden crucifix in the man's hands Carl asked, “What is that for?”
“I picked it up in the Bahamas, it is for my church.”
“Oh the preacher should like that, it is nice.”
“Well, I will be the preacher and, yes I do think it is nice too.”
“I, uh, didn't really expect to see any clergymen on a ship like this.”
“A singles cruise? I am Lutheran, we can marry, I haven't yet.”
“So you are freshly minted, huh? You do look pretty young.”
“I have an internship to serve if I get back.”
“'When', you mean 'when' we get back, don't you?”
“No, I am afraid not Lance. Can't you feel it?”
“Feel what?”
“The ship isn't moving, we are dead in the water.”
Lance turned around to get his bearings and headed towards the railing that overlooked the back of the ship. There was no wake, no trail behind the ship anymore, just endless, unbroken waves.
“Oh Lordy! This isn't good. Say, I really gotta pi...use the bathroom.”
“There is a toilet off of the basketball court, just to the left if you go down those stairs.” Carl said pointing.
“Geez, yeah, I knew that from last night.” He paused, “You ever have one of those mornings were you think to yourself, 'Maybe I shouldn't have been drinking last night.'?”
Carl smiled, “I am afraid so, alcohol is not forbidden in our religion and I am just as human as anyone else. This too, shall pass my son. Go use the bathroom.”
“Thank you father.” Lance called as he made his way down the stairs to the basketball court and then over to the bathrooms.
Looking at the other two men sleeping Carl muttered a blessing and asked for God's protection for all of them. Lance was soon back and reported that the lights were on in the bathroom, and that he didn't think they had been working the night before.
“Maybe they are on a timer.” Carl suggested, “And only come on when the area is in use?”
“Could be. Have you seen anyone since the sun came up?”
“Only some of them. They come out of the sh
adows and wander among the stacked up chairs once in a while, as if looking for something. So far none of them have noticed me. I usually step away from the railing when they appear, there is no sense taking any chances.”
Dan woke up about and after another round of introductions; he too went to visit the bathroom, leaving Lance and Carl discussing whether to wake up Tom. Lance eventually decided to do so, because if it were him he wouldn't want to be left sleeping while everyone else stood around talking. Tom was up by the time Dan returned and soon the four of them were looking over the railing towards the center of the ship, trying to decide what course of action to take.
“We should make our way to the captain's area and see if we can get the ship started.” Dan said.
“I don't know how to steer a ship, not this size. I could do with something the size of a fishing boat, my uncle has one of those and I took it out alone a few times.” Lance said.
“It is just bigger is all, you could manage if you have to. But I bet there is someone alive around here that can pilot this thing.” Dan argued.
“Maybe.” Carl said doubtfully.
“No, there has to be, if the captain were incapacitated, the boat wouldn't have stopped, it would still be moving. Someone shut it down and I bet it was the captain.”
“So we go there first and see what we can see?” asked Tom.
“Sure. Then if that doesn't work...we head to a life boat.” Dan snapped his fingers, “That's perfect! Lance here could pilot that!”
“Well, I don't think the life boats have engines on them, they just float.” said Lance.
“Floating would be better than being stuck on a ship full of zombies!”
“Well, let's make our way to the bridge and see what happens, we'll plan our next move once we get there. It probably would not hurt to get a life boat ready if we have to.” Carl said.
“Sounds good.” Dan agreed. “You two in?”
Tom and Lance nodded.
“Good, now we need weapons. Lance you were in the Rangers, what can we use as a weapon that we can find up here?”
“It is pretty sparse, these chairs are just plastic, they are too thin to work very well. I have an idea though, yeah, that will work. C'mon down here with me.” The other three followed Lance down to the basketball court. They all stopped when they saw a line of the undead on the other side of the chain linked fence, held at bay by a little wire, a chain, and a padlock.
“Don't think of them right now, let's get what I came for.” said Lance, “We'll look at them in a minute.” He disappeared into the men's room, the others stayed outside, waiting. They heard him grunting for a moment then there was a loud, metallic snap and Lance reappeared with one of the bars that had been bolted to the walls to assist handicapped guests in getting onto the toilet. The metal tube was a little longer than Tom would have chosen, if he had been given a choice, and both ends turned at ninety degrees from where the pipe had been bolted to the wall. Still, Tom could not think of a better weapon that they could get from what was available. Lance came back from snapping the next pipe off the wall, and then broke into the ladies room to scavenge two more of the bars from inside. Once they each had a pipe they slowly walked across the court to the gate.
“They are zombies.” Dan said, pointing his pipe at the one near the front of the pack. There were three others behind him, moving up the stairs in a slow, clumsy manner. Tom watched as one of the females, a slightly pudgy Hispanic with black hair and opaque eyes that might have once been dark brown, stumbled and then fell back down to the bottom of the steps.
Dan laughed and pointed, “So slow and stupid! There is no way the zombies could win. She stumbled worse than a drunken southern boy!”
“I don't think I like you saying that Dan.” Lance said, rubbing his eyes with his off hand, “I sure wish I had some sunglasses.”
Lance wasn't the only one who didn't appear to like the remark, Tom could swear he saw the lead zombie give Dan a peculiar look too.
“Did you see that?” Tom asked, “That one looked all pissed off at what Dan said.”
“You're crazy! Zombies aren't smart, they are stupid douche bags that move slow and are easy to kill in small numbers. They are like Soviet army troops in the eighties, their only advantage is numbers.” Dan slammed his pipe onto the fence in front of the lead zombie, causing it to flinch backwards slightly and moan.
“Yeah, that's right, groan mother fucker! That is the best you can do, otherwise you already would have climbed over the fence.” Dan hit the fence in front of the zombie again, then threaded his pipe through it to push the thing, trying to get it to fall backwards too.
The zombie, wearing a ragged black suit jacket with a bloodstained white shirt reached out for the pipe, but ended up hooking its hand onto the chain holding the padlock in place. Dan continued to push it until it did lose its balance and fell backward, holding itself up by the chain.
“Whoa! Look at that! The damned thing got lucky! I'll show him how lucky, though.” Dan worked the pipe up and down, trying to dislodge the thing's hand. However the zombie was stubborn and Dan could not get a solid hit on it with his minuscule movements.
“Damn, hey Ranger, why don't you crawl over and bash its head in?”
“I could do that.” Lance said, “I guess we'd have to anyway.”
Tom gave Carl a look, but Carl wasn't looking at the zombies or Tom, he was looking back along the basketball court, staring out to sea.
“Carl?” Tom said interrupting the pastor's woolgathering.
“Hm?”
“Couldn't you...you know, make these guys back off?”
“Oh, yes, what was I thinking. Wait Lance.”
Lance was already at the top of the fence and seemed to be having second thoughts about dropping down into the group of zombies. “What?” he asked looking at Carl.
“Let the power of the Lord drive these fell beasts from our presence.” Carl took out his crucifix and brandished it in front of him, “In the name of the Lord I command you to back away and trouble us no more!”
The suited zombie stared up at Carl, but held onto the chain, the other two backed away and tipped over the top stair to fall backwards onto the pudgy Hispanic girl who had just made it halfway up the stairs. “Back I say! In the name of God! Flee back to your master Satan!”
Tom watched as the zombie's fingers slowly loosened on the chain, first his pinkie finger, then the ring finger, both sticking out strait instead of grasping. Slowly, oh so slowly, the middle and pointer finger followed, as they did the thing fell backwards and rolled down the stairs, it did not appear to be affected by the fall in the slightest. When it reached the bottom the suit was up faster than the other two and with a slow glance back at them, it turned and shambled quickly away, leaving the other three zombies in a pile behind it.
“Did you see that? I think you are right Tom, that one hates us!” said Dan.
“It is faster too.” said Lance from where he was sitting on the top of the fence. Jumping down he almost fell, then his hand quickly snatched the fence for support.
“Careful there Ranger, you don't need a broken...anything right now.” Dan said.
“Don't I know it sir. We need to get in outta this sun, it is killing me.”
“I'll go next. Then Carl, you take up the rear Tom.”
The others agreed and soon they were all on the other side with their backs to the fencing.
“Should we kill those?” asked Tom, pointing at two of the zombies, who were still struggling to get away from the Pastor.
“Hell yes! We can't let them get someone else.” Dan strode down to two, lined up his makeshift club and bashed it down on the thing's head.
“Well, what if there is a cure?” Tom asked.
“No cure for zombie-ism, everyone knows that.” said Dan, lining up his next blow.
Lance looked at the other two and shrugged, “I ain't killing any unless they come after me.” he said softly.
“Me eit
her.” said Tom, just as quietly.
“I will only kill them to protect you three.” said Carl.
“C'mon you pansies, let's go!” Dan led the way and the others followed.
Chapter 5
Getting to the bridge was easy, Carl had to push back three groups of zombies along the way, but otherwise they didn't see anyone. Dan seemed almost disappointed not to have to fight anymore and Lance paused by one of the corpses they found to pull a pair of sunglasses off of it. There were several dead bodies along the way, all shared one trait; major head trauma.
“Hit em in the head, to make sure they are dead. Hit 'em twice to cover your...rice? Can anybody make a rhyme there?” asked Dan.
“Nothing much rhymes with twice. Rice, nice, slice?” offered Carl.
“You need to go to a different format.” said Tom, squirting a bunch of hand sanitizer into his cupped hand, which he rubbed all over the makeshift club from the bathroom. The sanitizers were all over the ship, this one was attached to the wall outside of a doorway with signs reading 'Spa', 'Day Care' and 'Elevator'.
“Why are you doing that? And what do you mean?”
Tom stopped, “Ah, germs. I mean, Lance got these out of the bathroom and who knows who touched them last.”
Lance laughed, but he squirted sanitizer into his hands as well. Carl got in line and did the same, saying, “It seems prudent.”
Dan looked irritated and didn't get any sanitizer, “So what do you mean about the poem?”
“Well spread it out a little, start with 'Hit 'em in the head, then do it twice, to make sure they are dead, is very nice.' Something like that. Four lines mixed up a little.”
“That almost works, I will think on it. Are you in marketing Tom?”
Tom flushed, “No. I make websites.”
“Oh, so you are in the business anyway. Cool.”
“Well, not really...”
“We have to go in to get up to the bridge.” Dan said, gesturing to Lance to lead the way. Lance grimaced but stepped up to the door.
As he walked down the long corridor, lined with small tables and sitting chairs near large windows looking out onto the deck Lance asked, “Are you sure this is the way?”