From the way my mother was looking at me when I moved to the table, I half expected her to say, “I know he was in your room.” There was so much accusation in her eyes. My father glanced at me and then looked down at his newspaper. I was surprised he didn’t say good morning.
“Why didn’t either his father or he call you to tell you anything last night?” my mother asked the moment I sat. “And don’t tell me he was too embarrassed. His father knew about our concern. You called to see how he was. They don’t sound like very reliable people. I’m hoping you will open your eyes and avoid this boy now.”
“Avoid him? Why?”
“He’s not right for you.”
“That’s not true. How could you know that from looking at him once? You just don’t want me to have any sort of social life,” I countered. “Maybe you want to turn me into a nun.”
My father raised his eyes from the newspaper, looking just as surprised as my mother at how aggressively I had come back at her. “Sage,” he said.
“I’m sorry, Dad. She’s so eager to have my blossoming relationship with Summer die on the vine.”
“I gave you permission to go out on the date, didn’t I?” she said.
“Reluctantly,” I muttered. “And no, you couldn’t wait to restrict me to in-house arrest for a month.”
“It’s what any good parent would do. You should appreciate our concern for your welfare. Too many parents are too self-absorbed to concern themselves with their children and then wonder why they go wrong.”
“I’ve always been wrong,” I said, almost in a whisper. “I don’t know why, but in your eyes, I’ve always been a bad seed. Why didn’t you fulfill the threat you always used to frighten me, that you would return me to the orphanage? Maybe you wouldn’t be as miserable as you are.”
“Stop it, Sage. This isn’t like you at all,” my father said.
“I don’t care. I can’t help it,” I said, and started to cry. The tears surprised me, too. Usually, I was good at keeping things locked up, tears falling inside me and not streaming down my cheeks. “I’m not hungry,” I said, and shot up and out of my seat.
“Sage!” my father called after me as I charged up the stairway. I didn’t turn back.
Something had changed in me. It wasn’t only my courage to be defiant. I wasn’t running up to my room to sulk like any other teenager. Something bigger had exploded within me, something that had been pent up and building for a while now. Oddly, I didn’t feel like a mop soaked with self-pity. I felt stronger. It was as if my tears had unlocked someone else inside me. Everything felt different; my vision, my hearing, all of my senses were sharper, stronger. I was like someone hallucinating after taking a mind-altering drug. I seemed to grow taller, giving me a different perspective about everything around me. I had awoken in a dollhouse and would soon crash through the walls, the floor, and the ceiling.
After another moment, the room began to spin around me. I realized that I was falling into the same sort of swoon I had experienced when I first confronted the large pentacle in my father’s office. I was having trouble breathing. I gasped and then managed a cry, before I felt myself sinking to the floor. It was odd. I wasn’t falling. I was oozing down onto it, forming a puddle of myself. I was grateful to lose consciousness.
When I awoke, I was lying in my bed. For a few moments, I stared up at the ceiling. The room wasn’t spinning, but my mind was fumbling with thoughts, stumbling through a fog. It all began to clear, and I realized I had passed out again. I turned and started to sit up, expecting to see my parents standing there.
They were.
But they weren’t alone.
Moving toward me on the right was Uncle Wade, and moving up on my left were my great-uncle Alexis and my great-aunt Suzume. All of them seemed to have the same eyes, black, the pupils swirling. My parents stepped forward to the foot of the bed. They were all staring at me as if I had metamorphosed into a giant butterfly or something.
“What happened? Why is everyone here?” I asked.
“Because it’s time you knew who you are,” my father said.
20
“Who am I?” I asked in a deep whisper.
My heart was pounding. All my life, I had been anticipating this day. Even though I never fully expressed it to myself or anyone else, I knew it would happen. What I didn’t know was whether it would result in my being sent away. I had grown up under a cloud, a threat that thundered in my mother’s every angry glare or comment and my father’s suspicions and disappointments, from the first day I could talk and tell stories about my dreams and visions. Having been adopted provided trepidation and insecurity enough. I didn’t need that added layer of doubt and fear.
“You’re one of us, the Belladonnas,” Uncle Alexis said. “Not full-blooded, but nevertheless one of us. We know that now.”
One of them? That sounded like more than just being in a normal family. Who were they? I looked from face to face and stopped on Uncle Wade’s. He smiled and stepped forward to take my right hand into his.
“I think,” he said, “in your heart you always knew.”
I shook my head and looked again at my parents, who did seem different. They seemed more mellow, like two people who had come a long way and now could relax. The tension I had always seen and felt wasn’t there. What did all this really mean? I turned back to Uncle Alexis.
“Is your uncle right?” he asked.
“Yes. I felt something. I’ve always felt different, but I don’t know what it means exactly when you say I’m one of you. Am I now an accepted member of this family for some reason?”
“Yes, you’re an accepted member, but we’re not just any family, Sage. We are all Wiccans. We were all born into it. You were born of a mother who wasn’t one of us, but your father was. You’re not the first who was born this way. Some have joined us; some have not. Your parents had the responsibility of bringing you up to determine if you would be one of us or not.”
“Wiccans?”
“We’re often referred to as witches, but that belies our true meaning and purpose because of how the word ‘witch’ was used to denigrate people with spiritual power and vision. Religious leaders thought we were heretics, children of the devil, when we have always been just the opposite. We do no harm, and those few of us who do evil know that they eventually will suffer three times as much,” he said.
“We tried to bring you along slowly, a step at a time. Your parents already have introduced you to our spiritual beliefs,” Aunt Suzume continued. “In our religion, our god and goddess complement each other. Think of yin and yang.”
“Our doorbell,” I said, looking at my mother. She smiled and nodded.
“We will teach you more about us, about yourself, now,” Uncle Alexis said, “but we’ve always known you have inherited much of what we are. Those visions and memories you’ve had are real. We believe the soul is reincarnated over many lives in order to learn and advance spiritually.”
“They weren’t simply mad dreams?”
“Oh, no. They were paths leading you back to your true heritage, your true self. The powers that you’ve observed in your uncle Wade and have begun to experience yourself are what we call white magic. Wade uses it to make a living,” Aunt Suzume said, smiling at him, “but, like us, he uses it to heal, to protect, and to fight negative powers. You have never used your visions to harm anyone, but you have used white magic to help someone, haven’t you?”
“Yes,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. “I told you about this girl. Her name is Cassie Marlowe. She was being abused by her father. I used the pen Uncle Wade had given me to alert the school nurse,” I said, looking at him. “More white magic?”
Uncle Wade nodded and smiled.
“I suspected the resulting handwriting style was the style of the man who first owned it. It was clearly not mine, a perfect disguise enabling me to remain anonymous.”
“Exactly,” Uncle Wade said. “I knew you would use it for a good purpose one day
.”
“You’ve always tried to help others, to make them happy. You’ve demonstrated humility, concern, and compassion,” Aunt Suzume said.
“How do you know all this, know that I’ve done more?”
“We know the way you know things that are beyond others,” Uncle Alexis said. “We have never been very far from you.”
I looked at my father. “You told me Uncle Alexis was away and you hadn’t seen him for a very long time, when he was always nearby.”
“We told you what we could when we could,” he said. “We were worried about moving you along too quickly and frightening you, Sage. We tried our best to be proper parents to you, proper Wiccan parents.”
“Who is my biological father? My birth mother?” I asked. I looked at Uncle Wade. Was he my real father? Was that why we always seemed more connected?
“Your biological father is an outcast,” Uncle Alexis said. “He is not part of our coven, our family, anymore. He was corrupted, drunk on his powers. He bewitched your birth mother, bewitched many women. To escape us, he took on another identity. For years, he has been on the run from not only us but also from other Wiccan families.”
“But he has returned,” my father said.
“For you,” my mother added.
“This was the man you were always warning me about, questioning me about whether I had seen someone watching me, stalking me?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this years ago?”
“We weren’t sure how you would turn out,” she said without blinking an eye. “We had to discover if you would be more like him or more like the rest of us.”
I looked at Uncle Wade. He had been trying to tell me some of this in his way. It was why he was always telling me to be more patient with my parents. My latest conversation with him returned to me, especially my confession about what I had discovered in my father’s office.
“The two other children you took in . . .”
“Were also of mixed blood,” my mother said. “But we were able to quickly realize that they weren’t going to be like us. We couldn’t keep them.”
“Were they my biological father’s children, too?”
“No,” she said quickly. “In their cases, it was the mother who had gone wrong.”
“A terrible disappointment to us,” Uncle Alexis said, shaking his head. “Every family has one or two, but we’ve had three.”
“Where are those children now?”
No one answered. I nodded. Some things needn’t be spoken for me to hear the answers.
“Where I might have gone?”
Uncle Wade nodded first.
“Why are you telling me all this now? Why today?”
“Because, as your parents just said, he’s come back for you,” Uncle Alexis said.
“Why now? Why did he wait so long?”
“He’s not stupid. He planned well,” Uncle Alexis said. “If it weren’t for your parents, he might have succeeded.”
“Taking you away with him would be a great victory for him over us,” Aunt Suzume added.
“Where is he right now?”
“You know,” my mother said. “You’ve met him.”
I felt my heart stop and start. My right hand fluttered up to my throat. I started to shake my head. It couldn’t be. They had to be wrong.
“Don’t worry. He won’t be here long,” my father said.
“How did you know he was here?”
“We weren’t sure until yesterday,” my mother said. “When his son couldn’t overcome what we had placed in front of our house to protect us from evil spirits, we knew his spirit was among us. His son has followed in his path because he was brought up with him. I’m sorry.”
“Summer’s not evil. He can’t be.”
“Think,” my mother said. “Has he used what powers he has inherited to harm others?”
I couldn’t swallow for a moment. My lungs seemed to seize up. What was done to poor Ned Wyatt, Skip pushing Jason down the stairway, the fight in school, what he had done to the girls and the boys at Jason’s house—all of it came rushing back at me. He used his powers to do all those evil things. I understood why I was so suspicious, but I wouldn’t see it because he was sincerely interested in me.
“I believed he was in love with me,” I said. “I have strong feelings for him, feelings I can’t deny.”
“You have to deny them. He’s your half brother,” my mother said. “Don’t tell us you never sensed it?”
I looked at her. Yes, I had sensed it. I had sensed it last night. That was what made me resist. How much did she and my father really know? Did they know he was here? Did they let it happen to see what I would do? Their faces seemed to be saying yes.
I shook my head. “This can’t be.”
“It is,” my father said. “It can be, and it is.”
A new hope occurred to me. “But does Summer know who I am?”
“Yes,” my mother said quickly, too quickly.
“We’re not absolutely sure,” my father added in a softer tone, “but most likely, yes.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“You must,” Uncle Wade said. “You must accept that what we are telling you is the truth. We never lie to one another.”
“Don’t be nervous,” Aunt Suzume said with a warm smile. “Don’t be afraid.”
“There is much for you to learn now about us, about yourself,” Uncle Alexis said. “You will be part of our family. We’ll teach you how to use your powers and your wisdom for great good. You’ll have special responsibilities, and you will swear to obey our rules and our laws and follow our beliefs. Above all, you will swear to protect us. You can begin now by accepting all we have told you. It’s a joy to have you,” he added.
I looked at my parents. Never before had they looked as happy and as loving as they did at this moment.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you,” my mother said. “We had to be sure you are what you are.”
“How are you so sure now?”
“We know you haven’t used your powers for evil, but we also know you are in a dangerous place now, with your father and his son trying to win you away. Both your father and I sensed that this was a crisis, and Alexis decided it was time to bring you into our family to have its protection,” she explained. “The temptation is too great.”
The mysteries and secrets I saw as flies caught in cobwebs in our house began to break free. I understood now why my parents did not want me telling stories about visions and dreams. There were things that had to be kept hidden so as not to bring unwanted attention to them, to us all.
“Those things I found in your office filing cabinet, Dad, those pictures and documents.”
“What about them?”
“They were real, weren’t they? They weren’t jokes you and Uncle Wade created.”
“Yes, they’re real.”
“How old are you?”
“We’re both old enough to be beyond our Wiccan powers. They weaken with age, but not for the first hundred years or so,” he said. “That’s why your mother and I foster children who are questionable. It’s our responsibility to the family now, how we can still contribute to the Belladonnas. But you must believe me when I say you have been different for us. We do love you, Sage, love you no less than if you were our biological child.”
I looked at everyone’s face and saw how they were all studying me and my reactions. Was this the final test? The truth and how I would accept it? Would I still refuse to accept it? Would I flee?
“What exactly will happen to me now? Am I to leave? Live with someone else?”
“No, no. You’ll continue as you are,” Uncle Alexis said. “And as I said, you’ll take your place among us, and in time, you will completely understand yourself and what good you can do. It will be different now that you know all this, but you have the wisdom of ages in you, and we’re confident you’ll be someone of whom we can be proud.”
“What ab
out my father and Summer?”
“You must not worry about that,” my father said. “What needs to be done about them will be done.”
“And my mother, my birth mother?”
“What about her?” Uncle Alexis said.
“What happened to her?”
“Nothing bad.”
“Where is she?”
“She has her own life, her new family. She’s fine. We made sure of that.”
“Does she know what happened to me?”
“No. She doesn’t even remember giving birth to you,” Aunt Suzume said. “It was for the best. It had to be. We only use our powers for good, and it was good for her to escape your father and what he had brought.”
“Me. He had brought me!”
My outburst surprised them all, and for a moment, no one spoke.
“If we didn’t do what we had to do, she wouldn’t have survived. She wouldn’t have the good life she has now. It’s okay,” Aunt Suzume added. “You don’t have to worry about her.”
“But I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to know who she is. I want to see her.”
“She wouldn’t know who you are. You’d frighten her,” Uncle Alexis said.
“I don’t have to tell her who I am. I want to know who she is.”
No one spoke. I knew this was an unusual situation for them, a situation my biological father had caused. It was untested ground, but I was willing to test it.
“It’s what I want,” I said firmly. “If I’m going to live with the truth now, I want the whole truth. I want to know exactly who I am. I won’t swear to anything. I won’t accept anything less.”
They all continued to stare at me, and then Aunt Suzume broke the heavy mood when she smiled. “She’s a lot like me when I was her age,” she said. “Stubborn and determined.”
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