Sandy had stood and stared at him, wearing the baffled expression that had been his first clue they weren’t speaking the same language. Then she’d set her luggage on the snow-covered ground, placed her hands on her hips and begun to explain things he still didn’t fully understand.
“We work together, Drew.”
So far, he was with her.
“I’m a professional woman, and whether you know it or not, protecting my personal and professional reputation has to be one of my first concerns.”
That was where she’d begun to lose him. When had getting married become a reputation-ruining action? Was this some kind of morals clause he’d missed? Family-values legislation gone haywire?
“What happened in Chicago was special,” Sandy had continued, while Drew stood by, himself now the baffled one. “And I’m not sorry it happened. But if you think I’d come back to Tyler after a weekend business trip with one of my co-workers and let everybody in town know what went on...well, I don’t even know what to say to you! How could you even think such a thing?”
By now, Drew was completely lost. “Sandy, I didn’t mean we have to start sending out invitations in the afternoon mail, but—”
“Besides which, do you remember who we are, Drew Stirling?”
Drew had groaned. “You’re not going to use that thing about Grandpa and your grandmother again, are you? Sandy, that’s nuts. It has nothing to do with us. Can’t you see that?”
Her expression said he amazed her more with each word he uttered. Then she picked up her luggage and said, “You are too obtuse for words. I’m going in. And I don’t expect you ever to bring up this subject again.”
Of course, he had. At least, he had tried. Without success.
He had sat in his car outside Yes! Yogurt the next morning, waiting for her to arrive. When she pulled up, he’d called out to her. She kept walking toward the building.
“Sandy, wait! Don’t you think we need to talk about this?”
“I can’t hear you, Drew.”
Then she had closed her office door and left him standing in the hall in his dripping galoshes.
He brought her a hot dog for lunch, smothered in chili and cheese, just like the one she had been darn near orgasmic over at the street vendor’s in Chicago.
“Does this cover the price of admission?” he’d asked, sticking his head through her office door.
“I can’t eat that,” she had said stiffly. “Have you ever heard of cholesterol?”
“You loved it in Chicago,” he protested.
“Sometimes the things we indulge in out of town simply don’t fly as part of our daily routine back home.”
Remembering that one always hurt. Drew rubbed his forehead and said, “So what does that make me, Jake? On the same level as a hot dog? Something that gives her heartburn? Is that it?”
Jake stared at him a long time, then said, “You’re going to have to leave her alone.”
“I can’t leave her alone. I love her.”
“But she doesn’t love you, Drew.”
He sprang up out of his chair. “Hell, yes, she does!”
“She’s not acting like it.”
“Not now, maybe. Not now.” But Drew remembered what it had been like in Chicago. The way she had looked at him when they made love. The way her touch had felt, so tender and filled with awe. The same way he’d felt when he touched her. He remembered the things they’d talked about, the discoveries of all the ways they thought alike, beliefs they shared. No, no matter what Sandy might be trying to convince herself of, Drew knew she loved him. He was as certain of that as he was certain that he loved her.
“She’s the one, Jake. You’ve gotta tell me what to do.”
“There’s only one thing you can do when a woman gets cold feet.”
“Okay. I’m ready. Give me the game plan.”
“Leave her alone. The more you pursue her, the faster she’s going to run.”
* * *
SANDY’S SECOND GREATEST obsession was that someone would figure out what had happened in Chicago between her and Drew.
Her greatest obsession was Drew, plain and simple.
She thought with fear of that split second when he’d mentioned marriage and her heart had leaped joyfully.
Then she had remembered all the reasons why it simply couldn’t be. Drew might think marriage sounded great now. But it was all too complicated, too jumbled up in ancient history and office politics. What would happen when their grandparents found out? What would happen when things started growing tense at work? What would happen when he realized it wasn’t going to work out?
Then Sandy would be in disgrace, unable to hold her head up at work and responsible for breaking an old woman’s heart.
So, no matter what her own heart told her, Sandy knew what she had to do.
All in all, she thought she was doing a pretty good job of pretending nothing had happened in Chicago, until Britt dropped by her apartment one evening. Sandy knew right away that something was up. Britt the homebody didn’t go off and leave the family on a school night for an insignificant reason.
Britt had barely sat down on the futon couch before saying, “You want to tell me what’s going to happen about you and Drew?”
Guilt and paranoia struck at Sandy’s heart. Her old friend—her boss!—knew. And the only way she could know was if Drew had talked to Jake, and Jake to Britt. Sandy would throttle Drew.
Resigned, she told herself the best she could do now was come clean and hope to salvage her career. Sighing, she said, “Who told you?”
Britt smiled. “You did.”
Sandy curled up in a corner of the couch, knees pulled tightly to her chest, arms locked around her legs. “Are you going to fire me?”
Britt chuckled softly. “Fire you? Whatever makes you think I’d fire you?”
“Not now, maybe. But later. When things get sticky.”
“What makes you think things have to get sticky?”
Sandy let out a long, shuddering breath. The truth. It had been eating at her for days. “Because I don’t think I can stay away from him.” She forced herself to look at Britt, to gauge her reaction.
Britt smiled like a woman who had been there herself, and Sandy felt her defenses evaporate. She had worked so hard to avoid being with Drew, talking to him. But what was in her mind and heart was always with her, unavoidable and resolute. She was filled to the brim with Drew: his irrepressible humor, his certainty about what really mattered in life, his gentle spirit.
And his love for her.
That was the hard part. Remembering that he’d said he loved her.
All of it spilled out now, in the face of Britt’s acceptance and understanding. She listened while Sandy told her everything that had happened, from that first meeting at Worthington House to her panic when he’d brought up the subject of marriage on the way back into Tyler.
“And I’m just so embarrassed,” Sandy moaned. “Professional women don’t do this kind of thing.”
“Sandy, all women fall in love.”
Sandy flinched. There it was again: love. She couldn’t hear the word without feeling adrift, vulnerable, out of control. How could he have fallen in love?
Worse, how could she?
“That can’t be what it is, Britt. It just can’t be.”
And there it was again, her friend’s encouraging, understanding smile. A best friend’s smile and a mother’s smile all rolled into one. “Can’t it?” Britt asked.
“Of course not. How could we work together?”
“The way Jake and I do.”
Sandy sagged against the couch, ready to stop fighting but still unwilling to surrender. Britt could be right, of course. Maybe things like this didn’t always have to end the way they’
d ended for Gin. Look what a terrific team Drew and she had been in Chicago, even after they’d become lovers. No tension between them during work, and never a false move, as if they read each other like the nutrition label on a container of Yes! Yogurt. It did work for Britt and Jake, after all. Still...
“Sandy, most of the time this kind of thing is a problem because one of the people involved doesn’t take it seriously. When it’s only a fling.”
Sandy thought about Gin, and how deeply she had loved Ted. Then she thought about Ted, and what a faithless so-and-so he had turned out to be.
“Now, we know Drew isn’t taking this lightly. How about you?”
“Oh, Britt,” Sandy said miserably. Could it be true, that what she’d seen happen to Gin didn’t have to happen to everyone? Even if she could safely believe that, what about the rest of it? She groaned. “Oh, Britt, this is the worst thing that could have happened.”
“What is it you’re really worried about, Sandy?”
“Don’t you see? What about our families?” Her insides began to churn just contemplating the consequences of her actions. “This just doesn’t feel right. It’s going to throw everybody into a tailspin. And then when it’s over, our work will suffer and—”
Britt leaned forward and grasped her hand. “Sandy, one of the things I almost let get in the way of my marriage to Jake was my kids.”
For a moment, Sandy lost her absorption with her own worries. “Really?”
“Especially Matt. He resented the heck out of the fact that his real dad was dead and I wanted to bring another man into the family.” Britt looked down at the ring on her finger. “I almost let his anger wreck my chance at happiness. But I didn’t, because burying myself with my kids wasn’t the right thing for me. And you know how it’s all worked out. None of the kids are closer to Jake than Matt.”
Despite the certainty in Britt’s voice and eyes, fear still roared loud and strong in Sandy’s ears. “But it would break Gran’s heart all over again.”
“I don’t know what happened between Mag and Drew’s grandfather,” Britt said. “I’m not sure anybody’s positive about that, maybe not even the two of them. But a lot of the stuff I’ve heard revolves around their families’ interference. You know, love isn’t something you do for the other people in your family, Sandy. It’s something you accept wholeheartedly because it’s right for you.”
* * *
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Sandy drove by Worthington House three times, trying to work up the courage to go in and talk to her grandmother.
Three times she kept driving.
What could she say to Gran if she did go in? What did she expect her grandmother to say to her? Did she hope that by some miracle the facts of the story surrounding Mag and Clarence would have changed? For it was this that haunted her so, that hung so heavily around her heart.
Was history doomed to repeat itself? Gin’s history? Gran’s history?
The thought made Sandy shudder.
She kept driving, quickly finding herself roaming the countryside surrounding Tyler. The winter-bleak scenery suited her mood. She parked near the lodge and looked out over icy Timber Lake. Bare black branches silhouetted against a gray sky offered little hope of the spring that was endless months away. At this moment, it seemed as if the world would be frozen and bitter forever.
High above the lake, on the opposite shore, she could see the fresh-cut beams of a house going up. Drew’s house. Her heart began to race, and to ache. He had wanted her to see the house, because he wanted to share it with her. And she wanted to see it. If only...
She stared, wondering if he was there. Wondering how much she had hurt him these past few days.
Suddenly, Drew’s feelings seemed as important to her as her own. And that, according to Britt, was the way it should be when you’re in love. Sandy remembered all the times she had respected Britt’s opinions, how often she had gone to her for guidance during her college years. If she had trusted Britt to help her choose a major, to help her decide on a job, why not now?
It was then she heard indistinguishable voices farther down the shore. She craned her neck and saw Liza and Cliff Forrester tromping along the lake’s edge, little Margaret Alyssa bundled up between them. The little girl squealed with delight when Cliff picked her up and swung her over his head, their laughter visible as their breath hit the frosty air.
The gray clouds that formed a backdrop to the happy family scene suddenly didn’t look bleak or threatening, Sandy noticed.
She remembered when Liza had come back to town and fallen in love with Cliff, a troubled man with a troubling past. She remembered how everyone had talked and disapproved, predicting a gloomy outcome for the couple. The trio on the shore proved all the gossips wrong.
If Britt was right, true love was that way, able to defy all the odds. Lifting the people who believed in it to another, higher place where even the tough times weren’t as hard to get through.
What else was it Britt had said? First you have to believe in it wholeheartedly?
With her heartbeat quickening, Sandy hurried back to her car. Blocking out the fears that had paralyzed her, she found the turnoff to Drew’s new house within minutes and paused on the side of the road, hands trembling on the steering wheel as she tried to make up her mind. She didn’t know, of course, that he was even around. But she had been drawn here. If Drew was at the house, wouldn’t that be a sign that this was the right thing to do?
Holding her breath, she turned into the rutted, frozen drive. A solitary car sat near the house, which rose clean and simple out of the woods and toward the sky, feathered now with silvery clouds.
She found Drew on the second floor, sitting cross-legged on a thick cotton blanket, a patch of blue spread over bare plywood. The view from the floor-to-ceiling window took in the lake Sandy had just come from. He, too, was watching the Forrester family. Sandy stood in the doorway, admiring the way his hair fluttered in the crisp breeze wafting through the unfinished window. She remembered the way that hair felt against her fingers.
“They look happy,” she said.
He nodded. “You didn’t.”
And neither did he. Sandy’s heart thumped. What if it was too late? “I’m not.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“And?”
“Any chance you still love me?”
He turned to look at her, and she saw the teasing light she had missed recently flicker once again in his eyes. “Sorry. I’ve been sworn to silence on that matter.”
In all fairness, there was no reason he should make this easy on her, she supposed. She walked over and sat on the edge of the blanket. His closeness affected her instantly and powerfully. She wanted him. But that was less important now than what she’d come to say. For she realized, seeing him like this, that it had to be said.
“I was wrong,” she said. “I was afraid and I was wrong. I—I love you, Drew.”
The mischief drained out of his eyes and all that was left was raw emotion. “You’re sure about this, Sandy?”
“I’m sure. I—I won’t say it’s not scary. But I can’t hide from it any longer.”
He let out a long breath and took her in his arms. “Thank goodness. I was afraid I was going to have to resort to something desperate.”
His arms felt so right around her. “Like what?” she asked.
“I don’t know. A magic charm? A pact with Cupid? Anything.”
He kissed her, pulling her back to the blanket with him and cradling her in his arms, shielding her from the cold. He slipped his hands beneath her clothes, caressing her without exposing her to the weather, reminding her of all the ways he had shared his love those four days in Chicago.
They made love slowly and sweetly, then wrapped themselves in
the blanket and lay back to watch the stars come out. They talked quietly, telling themselves long after their fingers and toes began to feel numb that it wasn’t cold enough to get up and go home.
When the moon came out, a brilliant silver sliver, they rose reluctantly and headed for their cars.
“You won’t change your mind when we get back to Tyler, will you?” he asked, brushing kisses across her forehead.
“I won’t. But we’ll have to tell them, won’t we? Soon.”
“Grandpa and Mag? Tell them what? That we’re in love?”
“No. That we’re...you know.”
“Oh, no. I’m not making that mistake again.”
“What mistake?”
“Saying the M word. This kid only screws up once before he learns his lesson.”
“Okay, then.” She drew a long breath. “That we’re getting...married. Aren’t we?”
“Is that a proposal? You know, I was hoping for more. Something tender. Romantic. Whatever happened to the woman getting down on one knee and—”
She gave him a jab in the ribs. “You’re pressing your luck, Drew.”
He laughed. “Okay. Yes, I’ll let you make an honest man out of me.”
“Drew? Can we...let’s not wait around. I don’t think I’m up for all the gossip and speculation. I just want to do it. Soon. Okay?”
“The sooner the better,” he said. “So when do we break the news to the good folks at Worthington House?”
* * *
THE QUILTING CIRCLE was in session when Sandy and Drew arrived at Worthington House the next afternoon. Drew noted Sandy’s worried frown, saw the hesitation forming in her eyes.
“You sit,” he said, nudging her into a seat near her grandmother. “I’ll go find Grandpa.”
“But all these people—”
“Will make it easier,” he whispered. “They’ll both behave better with an audience.”
He went off in search of Clarence, hoping Sandy would still be there when he returned.
She was, but she still looked worried. And Clarence grew even more agitated when he realized Drew was leading him into the midst of Mag’s quilting circle.
Love and War Page 19