Welcome to Hell Box Set: Paranormal Romantic Comedy (Mel Goes to Hell Series Book 123)

by Demelza Carlton

  "I think you should come first and let the rest of the world handle itself for just a day." His grin was dirty as he rubbed soap down his thighs. He straightened and threw the bar into the dish, reaching for the shampoo instead. "I've never seen you so worried without a world war or major disaster to deal with. If you spread your spirit too thin, doing too much, you'll need to heal in Heaven until you regain your strength. Does Raphael know how stressed you are? This Lucifer thing is really getting to you, isn't it?"

  Mel watched as Patrick leaned back to rinse his hair, his hips thrust forward to maintain his balance. He certainly beat any image search on her office computer and he didn't make her think of socks.

  "Mel?"

  She shook her head to clear it a little, wondering if it was possible for the steam to leak into her brain through her ears. Her head certainly felt misty enough. "Raphael's worried, too, and he's trying to get more angels into Western Australia, but there are so few of us there. I mean, it's so far from anywhere, which is probably why Luce chose it. That and the resources he'll control. And if it's as close to Hell as you say, that only makes the situation more serious, because he'll have as many demon reinforcements as he needs to take his corporation global. Lucifer's the key to this – I know he is – but if I tell Raphael that he'll panic and pull out. Try to pull me out. I don't know that we'll get another chance at this and it looks like it's going to have to be me." Mel looked up to meet Patrick's sympathetic eyes. "Demons. I've never dealt with demons before. I feel if I understood them, I'd have a better idea of what's going on."

  "Hey, I'm not a demon expert, but if I can help…" Patrick held out his hands in an unmistakeable invitation. Mel wished she could take his offer more seriously, but his lack of clothing was decidedly distracting. "Call me – or get Raphael to call me, if you're too busy. I downloaded all yesterday's photos onto your little laptop, so you'll even have those to remind you to call me if you need me. You know I'd do anything for you."

  Mel smiled and nodded. She did know – but that didn't help. "I don't want to think about Lucifer or demons again until I'm home. That'll be tonight or the early hours of tomorrow morning and plenty soon enough. Thank you for the offer and if I need you, I will call. Right now…" She sighed deeply.

  Patrick's reflection winked at her in the mirror. "You know, we still have a couple of hours before I have to leave for the airport. If you want to do more than just look, there's room in this shower for two of us and there's always the bed…"

  She laughed, lifting her dress over her head before dropping it on the side of the bathtub. "We shouldn't use the shower. Wouldn't want to waste all that water…"

  "The water's not wasted if I'm with you," Patrick replied, pulling her into the hot water with him. "Every drop and every second is precious with you, Mel meum." His hands and kisses helped her forget everything but him.

  "Mmm, I miss Latin. So sweet to hear it from you…" Mel closed her eyes as she let her fingers roam.

  "Quid ego faciam tibi, Mel meum?"

  (What will I do for thee, O my honey?)

  Twenty-Four

  All too soon Mel found herself back at her HELL Corporation desk. Even as she returned to the task at hand, Patrick remained a warm, if receding, memory. She took one look at her long list of emails and decided to send the few pictures Patrick had taken to those she knew in the office who might care. She plugged in the memory stick with her photos and heaved a big sigh as she started on the boring backlog.

  "Jez has just come through with the final pictures. Can you take a look, Mel?" Lili's voice roused Mel from trying to decipher her emails. She wasn't the only one who'd been playing with fish and photos: someone had taken their fetish for 007 a little too far – to the point where they'd stuck a fish in a suit and called the poor thing 'James Pond'.

  Lili's head popped over the partition. "Oh, good, you're already reading it. Can you print some colour copies and take it up to Luce to see what he thinks?"

  Mel looked at the silly picture. "Of what?"

  Lili sounded impatient. "The fish in the suit. That one!" She pointed at the screen.

  Surely she couldn't be serious – it looked too silly, Mel thought, but she printed the pages anyway. She brought the papers to Lili. "You want me to take these to Luce?"

  "Yes," Lili snapped. "They're the graphics for his presentation on our new Water Unit in the Environment Division. The state government wanted more money to fund the politicians' pay rise so they sold all water, fishing and boating services to us. Luce needs the pictures for our end-of-year staff talk this afternoon. Take them to him right now so we have time to get back to Jez with any changes."

  Mel reminded herself for the millionth time that her job was to execute orders. "Sure," she replied, and took the photos upstairs to Luce.

  Luce's personal assistant sat perkily at the desk outside his office, guarding it like a lair once again. "Can I help you?" Mephi asked sweetly.

  "Hi, Lili sent me with the Water Unit pictures?" Mel let the statement become a question.

  "Go on in – he's expecting you." Mephi gave Mel a professional smile before dismissing her with disinterest.

  Mel stepped hesitantly into the office, glancing at the bright paintings she itched to get a closer look at.

  Luce raised his eyebrows as she entered and watched her without saying a word.

  Mel found his scrutiny sleazy as Hell, but she resisted the urge to pull her skirt down so that she showed as little flesh as possible. He made her feel like a million spiders were scuttling across her skin.

  There had to be something about the man that was good, she told herself. The pride he took in his appearance, perhaps. His restraint in managing not to proposition her the second she walked in, despite his obvious desire to do so. The fact that he didn't smell of sulphur and brimstone. Mel took a deep breath, appreciating whatever aftershave he used to fend off the whiff of Hell.

  "I brought you the pictures for your presentation," Mel began, proffering the pages. "I…hope you like them." And let me leave quickly, she added in her head.

  Luce picked up the sheaf of paper and spread them across the desk. "What do you think of these?" he asked.

  "I…" Mel started to say, wondering how to tell him she'd thought they were a joke without making Jez and Lili look bad.

  "I think they're shit. I asked for photos that show all the good things about water that we want to preserve. Not fish in clothes pretending to be spies. Bring me something better and next time, don't waste paper. Just email them so I can post them straight into my presentation." Luce glared at her, sweeping the papers into a pile and dumping them in his bin.

  Mel backed away, biting her lip hard to hide her smile. For the first time, she agreed with the demon, but she didn't dare tell him. She wondered why he employed graphic designers who couldn't follow simple instructions. Perhaps it was just Jez. Or was it a demon thing – the inability to do a job well?

  She sat down heavily in her desk chair, which made her feel penitent when it squeaked in protest. She tried to distract herself by looking at her holiday photos and emailing them out before she had to tell Jez the bad news. She couldn't work out who to send them to, so she just dumped her very small contacts list in the address box and hoped she hadn't missed anyone. "A little tropical sunshine to help brighten your day," she murmured as she typed the words.

  Mel hit 'send' just as the phone rang. She spent the next three hours trying to work out who was responsible for dealing with illegal dumping of dead cane toads on the front steps of some monument. She tried the Wildlife Unit, but was told that the toads were pests and they only dealt with native animals. She tried the Pest Unit, but they shooed her away like a blowfly, telling her that she could keep her dead toads or throw them in the rubbish. She went to the Lands Division, searching for someone who dealt with landfills and recycling. She was told not to waste their time. She tried to contact the building cleaner, who told her to clean up her own messes – they only cleaned
the inside of the building.

  In despair, she turned to Lili, who was pulling on her suit jacket. "Are you ready?" Lili asked.

  Mel shook her head. "I don't know what to do."

  "Come upstairs. We have the CEO's end-of-year briefing. The one with Jez's brilliant fish campaign." Lili rubbed her hands together in excitement.

  Mel's heart felt like it was sliding through her ribs and out the bottom of her skirt. In all the excitement about cane toads, she'd forgotten to call Jez. "Ah, about the fish…"

  Lili threaded her way through the cubicle maze to the lifts, apparently not even listening.

  Mel gave up and followed her. She wondered if she'd get to see Luce throw a tantrum this time. She resolved to sit up the back and look as small as possible. Let him take his wrath out on a demon who deserved it instead of her. Except that she felt she did deserve it this time. The cane toads had taken over…

  Mel chose a seat in the highest row at the back of the seminar room, hidden behind the tallest man she could find. Lili arranged herself in the seat beside her, leaning over to speak with the tall man. He inclined his head toward Lili so Mel had a clear view of the front where Luce stood at the lectern, his presentation on the screen beside him.

  He started to speak about drinking water quality and how important it was. Mel lost all interest when the first slide appeared – a picture of her drinking her third large vodka and lemonade at the hotel bar in the garden, laughing. She figured there was some water in there somewhere – perhaps in the ice.

  "…stunning natural waters…."

  Mel winced at the photo of her emerging from the pool. Patrick had captured the moment perfectly.

  "…fun fishing opportunities…"

  Mel covered her face as she saw the wahoo against her wet shirt, his tail nestled between her breasts.

  "…and beautiful beaches."

  At least the sunset had looked nice – it had been a wonderful walk and the weather had been warm enough to do it in just a swimsuit. Mel vowed to throw her white bikini out as soon as she got home. She hadn't realised how revealing it was until it was magnified on the presentation screen to twice life size.

  "Thank you," Luce finished, as everyone clapped. He smiled straight at Mel.

  She sank down in her seat. Somehow, she'd sent the CEO her holiday snaps and now everyone knew what she looked like near-naked. Heaven help her, she pleaded in her head, hoping no one heard.

  Twenty-Five

  Mel had just started reading a new book on vampires, not her usual taste, but it was terribly compelling, so she decided to take out her phone so she could read a little more at lunch. She'd just reached the point where the vampire arrived in Hell at the call of a particularly seductive demon who seemed to be wearing nothing but a blanket…Mel was feeling unusually warm when she heard a voice.

  "Mel?" Lili's head popped over the partition.

  No, Callie. She wanted to know what Callie would do with…Mel tried to cool her blushing cheeks as she looked up at Lili, reluctantly putting her phone down. "Yes?"

  "We've decided to move your desk. You'll be in with the rest of the team. Won't that be fun?"

  She wouldn't be reading the rest of this story at work, then, Mel thought but didn't say. Callie and Lucien would have to wait until she took her train home. Unless they were going to test the bedsprings. Lucien sounded like the energetic type. Perhaps she should wait until she got home…

  "Sure." Mel summoned a smile. "I'll ask the IT guys to switch my computer over, then I'll start moving my things."

  Mel had to shift a surprising number of cabinets to reach the desk – they appeared to be nesting beneath and around it. After translocating the stacks of files that had migrated to the desk during its vacancy and removing the choking layer of dust, Mel looked for the computer. She saw the monitor, mouse and keyboard, but nothing else.

  With a sigh, brushing the dust bunnies from her breasts, Mel trudged back to her old desk beside the fire escape. There was no response from IT. She headed across the office to the cubicles where the IT staff holed up, insulated by boxes of computer hardware beside the frozen core of the office computer servers, blinking behind the glass that made up one wall. The imps were nowhere in sight.

  All the desks were empty bar one. "Yes?" the man seated at it asked. His eyes were on his screen and not on her.

  "They're shifting me to the dusty desk by the big south window and I need your help setting up the computer," Mel said.

  He turned slowly to face her, taking her in with an extended glance that ended in surprise when Nybbas met her eyes. "Mel!"

  Mel wished she'd worn something with a longer skirt. Why did male demons always seem to stare at her legs?

  "You should be fine setting it up all by yourself. I know how good you are," he said with a shy smile. "If you need a little more authority with the printers and the like, I'd be happy to help. I'll stop by and see how you're doing later on today." He gave her a pointed look and returned to his own computer in what was clearly a dismissal.

  Mel sighed and returned to her computer conundrum. It had to be here somewhere…

  She followed the monitor and keyboard cables to a hole in the desk surface, then tracked them to a tiny, dusty shelf in the deepest, darkest corner beneath the desk. Swearing under her breath, Mel dropped to her knees and crawled under the desk. The dust bunnies under there used growth hormones, she was certain of it.

  She brushed them aside, hoping they didn't use spiders as sentries, and tried to pull the whole unit out into the light where she could see it. She was surprised to find she held a laptop on a cardboard box.

  She could hear someone calling her name from behind her and she carefully backed up and out from under the desk. She was still on her hands and knees when he spoke again.

  "Oh, no worries, it looks like you're doing just fine. You don't need my help." Nybbas' feet moved away from her. "Give me a shout when you want me." He walked away.

  By the time Mel had managed to get to her feet, clutching the dusty laptop, she was alone. She looked down and realised that Nybbas had caught an eyeful of lace that no one should have seen. At least she'd been wearing stockings today. She smoothed her dress down over her hips and hoped he hadn't noticed.

  She finished setting up the computer with the promised lack of problems, before she left for the day. As she crossed the road, she realised that the big south window was entirely transparent. The whole street and the admiring guy in the office over the road had seen a clear view of her stockings and more while she'd been under the desk.

  Twenty-Six

  Entirely uncomfortable, with a storm brewing in her head to match the clouds above, Mel boarded a train and mentally dared anyone to even approach her with a briefcase today. No one did. When she left the train at her station, she chose to walk home instead of taking the bus. Nothing like exercise to release pent-up frustration.

  She lengthened her stride as she saw the dark clouds, hoping to make it home before the rain hit. Thunder boomed above her, adding to her discomfort in the high humidity that reminded her of Singapore and Sri Lanka.

  An actinic flash of lightning touched the tarmac, not fifteen metres from her. Mel looked warily at the street and the nearby trees before quickening her pace. Walking home in an electrical storm wasn't the safest thing to do.

  Another flash jumped between two clouds above her head. She looked up to see the clouds actually roiling – something she didn't think real clouds did. The only time she'd ever seen clouds do that was when she'd touched Luce – the stormy shroud surrounding his soul. In fact, if she looked closely, this storm appeared to have eyes – two of them, glaring angrily down at her, just like Luce did when he wanted to blame her for something.

  She shook herself. Storms only had one eye and that was calm, not angry. She must be imagining such things – two angry eyes in a storm. Preposterous!

  A streak of lightning touched the road, now only ten metres from her feet. She took a deep br
eath, inhaling sharp ozone from the discharge. Her heels tapped frantically on the pavement as she hurried for home.

  Idly, she wondered if there was a better way to relieve anger than her misguided walk. Though she wasn't the type to hurl thunderbolts at unsuspecting humans, today she felt she could do with a little target practice, especially if her target was an empty road. It might help her to release a little steam after the stressful day.

  On the footpath, she bumped into a man she'd seen before, but had never come close to.

  "Hello." He beamed at her.

  "Hi," Mel replied, flustered. "I'm sorry…"

  "Beautiful weather, don't you think?" he asked. "I'm Jimmy. What's your name?"

  "Mel."

  "Ah, beautiful like you, Belle," he said, holding out a full-blown, red rose, thorns and all. "For you."

  She carefully took the flower from the strange man, thanking him. Both walked on in opposite directions. Mel glanced back, but he'd already disappeared. So had the angry eyes in the sky.

  Perhaps hurling thunderbolts might be a better release than going for a walk, but she didn't feel the need to direct any today. Maybe another day, Mel decided.

  She turned onto her street as the skies opened, showering her with warm rain. She kept walking, not caring as the precipitation pelted her, for she was already soaked in sweat from the sweltering heat of the day. Any other wetness was an improvement.

  She stepped inside, dripping across the carpet, heading for the kitchen to take care of the rose. Mature and red, both the lovely fragrance and defensive spikes marked it as a rose from a garden and not a florist. What was it supposed to mean? Was there some strange symbolism she was supposed to see? Or was it simply a lovely gift to remind her that there was more to life than HELL?