by Jody Hedlund
She’d felt a slight pang of guilt at her irresponsibility, at leaving Jakob to fend for himself, at not providing a hot meal to sustain him or Reinhold through the morning. She understood how hard they worked and how much energy they expended with the harvest. She’d witnessed and experienced it firsthand.
She should have gotten up and cooked them something. Except that Reinhold didn’t want her. He’d made plans for her to leave.
A tear slipped down, and she swiped it off her cheek angrily.
Jakob would just have to get used to cooking his own meals again. That’s all there was to it.
“You’re awake?” Anna said behind her.
Sophie nodded.
Anna stretched, her cold feet brushing against Sophie’s leg. “So are you going to tell me what happened, or will I have to guess?”
Sophie’s throat ached from the need to cry, but she willed herself to be strong. She’d already shed too many tears last night in Reinhold’s arms. She couldn’t give way to her emotions again. “Turns out you were right. Reinhold wants us to go our separate ways.”
The covers tugged away from Sophie as Anna rose to her elbows. “I wasn’t right. In fact, I was completely wrong about Reinhold. I wasn’t around him often yesterday, but even in the few times I saw him with you, I could tell he adores you, would do anything for you.”
Sophie couldn’t tear her gaze from the window, from the low, dark clouds rolling past. It was a mirror of her heart and soul. “It doesn’t matter how much attraction he might feel for me. He made it clear last night that he never planned to stay married to me, that he intends to give me an annulment.”
“You know as well as I do how to remedy that problem.” Anna’s voice was knowing. “Find a cozy part of the barn and pull him down into the hay with you. And don’t let him up until—”
“Anna!” Sophie chided, heat flooding her face. “I don’t want to coerce him into having a real marriage if he doesn’t want one. If I do that, maybe he’ll resent me.”
“Or maybe he’ll accept that the two of you belong together. Anyone with eyes in their head can see that.”
Sophie swallowed past the pain. She’d wanted to belong to Reinhold. But she should have known that dreams like that don’t come true. In fact, most dreams were just wishful imaginations of an impossibility.
“So what are you going to do now?” Anna asked, flopping back onto the bed.
Sophie remained motionless. Still facing the window, she replied, “I’m leaving.”
“You mean, we’re leaving.”
For a minute, Sophie debated how to respond to her friend. She loved Anna and didn’t want to lose her, yet why would Anna want to stay with her? “Do you really want to stick with me, Anna? I never do anything other than make mistakes.”
“That’s not true—”
“You wouldn’t be battered up by Mr. Pierce if not for me.”
Anna scoffed. “You had nothing to do with it.”
“I brought us here.”
“I have a mind of my own too, you know. I could have gone my own way long ago if I’d wanted to.”
For a moment, they lay silently. The only sound was the wind rattling the shingles and whistling in through the cracks in the window.
“Listen, Sophie,” Anna finally said, this time in a whisper. “I got a letter from my sister.”
Sophie rolled over so that she was facing her friend.
In the gray light of the day, Anna’s bruised face seemed even more discolored. Her wavy black hair was tangled and wild, but her dark eyes were solid and steady—something Sophie needed right now.
“When we first arrived, I sent Mollie a letter letting her know where I was,” Anna continued. “I got a letter from her this week, and she told me Mugs and Danny were set free, that the police didn’t have enough evidence to pin the murders on them. Apparently no one outside the Roach Guards would step forward to stand as a witness. Probably too afraid of the Bowery Boys and their retaliation to come forward.”
“I don’t blame them.”
Anna nodded. “I guess Mugs wants me to come home.”
“Back to New York?”
“Yes, and Danny asked about you.”
Sophie glanced over Anna’s head to the candle holder on the bedside crate. The brass angel finally held a candle. “No matter how lost you might feel at times, always keep His light burning inside you.” Her mother’s deathbed admonition whispered through Sophie.
She hadn’t followed her mother’s instructions. She supposed in some ways she’d already let the light of her faith grow dim even before her mother had died. Over the ensuing months, God’s light inside her had been all too easy to extinguish.
Was it too late to rekindle the flame? What if she allowed God to light her path instead of continuing to try to find her way in the dark?
Sophie pictured the candle’s flame driving away the darkness. Just one little flicker on one little candle could illuminate a whole room. She wanted that. No, she needed that.
“We could go back to the city,” Anna whispered. “I’ll marry Mugs, and you can marry Danny the way you’d planned.”
In comparison with the depths of what she felt for Reinhold, any feelings she’d once harbored for Danny were shallow, not even real. At the time, she’d been caught up in Danny’s importance as one of the leaders of the gang. And she’d needed him to fulfill her, to give her meaning, to provide for her.
Her inner ramblings ceased with a sudden realization. She’d been looking to Reinhold the same way—needing him to fulfill her, give her meaning, and provide for her. Her love for him had been selfish and about her needs. Maybe she’d tried to justify what she was doing by finding ways to help him. But ultimately she’d been selfish. Just as her love for Olivia and Nicholas had so often been selfish too.
“I could wire Mugs for the money for train fare,” Anna said. “I’m sure he and Danny would find a way to get us home.”
Home. Where was that? She certainly didn’t think of New York as home. She never had. But now this wasn’t home either. Reinhold had made that evident.
“What do you say? Should we go back?”
She couldn’t stay here, not with Reinhold giving her an annulment and her sisters coming for her. But she wasn’t sure she could go through with marrying Danny, not after everything she’d felt for Reinhold.
“Are you sure we’ll be safe there? Won’t the Roach Guards still be after us to testify against Danny and Mugs?”
Anna hesitated. “I don’t think so.”
“Maybe we should try out Chicago first like we originally planned.”
“I’m not going anywhere without Nicholas.” A little girl’s voice came from the doorway.
Sophie’s heart sank. How long had Olivia been standing there listening to their conversation? She sat up to the sight of Olivia barefoot and in her nightgown, trembling from cold.
Sophie shoved aside her covers and hurried around the bed to the girl. She started to gather Olivia into her arms, but Olivia pushed her away, her eyes wide and filled with accusation. Sophie was relieved to see some of Olivia’s spirit returning. Even if she was stubborn at times, that was better than the lethargic and weepy girl of yesterday.
“I won’t leave Nicholas behind,” Olivia said more forcefully.
“Of course we won’t,” Sophie replied. “We’ll take him with us.” Although she had no idea how. She’d already done everything within her means to get him away from the Ramseys.
But her answer seemed to be enough for Olivia. When Sophie reached for Olivia again, the girl fell against her, allowing her to draw her into an embrace.
“Yoo-hoo” came a woman’s voice from downstairs. “Is anyone home?”
Sophie straightened. “Euphemia?”
“Yes, lass. I’ve come to lend you a hand.”
Euphemia was here. Even if Euphemia wouldn’t be able to solve all her problems, there was something calming and reassuring about the dear woman’s presence.
Sophie clutched Olivia’s hand, and together they descended the stairs. For several minutes, Euphemia made a fuss over Olivia, setting her up at the table and giving her oatmeal cookies from the tin she’d brought along. While Olivia ate the cookies, Euphemia busied herself putting the coffee to boil and cleaning out the greasy remains from the bottom of a pan.
Soon she had leftover chicken soup bubbling and biscuits baking and was bustling about the kitchen as if it were hers. “When Reinhold rode over this morning himself instead of sending Jakob, I knew you needed me.”
“Reinhold rode over?”
“That man loves you, lass,” Euphemia said with a smile.
Sophie shook her head in denial, the wounds of the previous evening still stinging.
“He never leaves his work for anything,” Euphemia continued. “And he left it this morning for you.”
Sophie mulled over Euphemia’s words while she and Olivia ate soup and biscuits. Both Anna and Euphemia believed Reinhold loved her. She supposed there was no denying the attraction they felt for each other. But love?
Sophie suspected Reinhold had ridden over to the Duffs’ place because he was worried about leaving her alone during the day while he was out in the fields. He’d probably wanted Euphemia to check on her and convince her to stay and see her sisters when they arrived.
Whatever the case, she was grateful Reinhold had gone after Euphemia. No matter his motive, the woman was a godsend.
Euphemia took food upstairs to Anna. And for a while their voices drifted down the stairs, Euphemia’s Scottish lilt and loving-kindness warming Sophie every bit as much as the soup.
“Och, what a sweet one that Anna is,” Euphemia said as she hefted her portly frame down the stairs into the kitchen. “After missing you, Sophie, I sure will enjoy having another woman in the house again.”
“Another woman?”
“Reinhold said Anna needed a place to live, said she couldn’t return to the Pierces.” Euphemia cast a sideways glance at Olivia as if to warn Sophie to refrain from saying anything more detailed around the little girl.
Should Sophie tell Euphemia about their plans to leave? To go to Chicago, or maybe even New York City?
“Anna says she’s well enough to brave a wagon ride,” Euphemia said. “Since you have your hands full enough now, I’ll take her back to my house and nurse her from there.”
Sophie supposed Reinhold was anxious to make other arrangements for Anna before the week’s end, so he could avoid any more gossip than possible. He would suffer enough once people in the community learned she’d left.
“Only if you dinnae mind.” Euphemia squeezed Sophie’s shoulder. “Reinhold thought Anna would be safer with us if Mr. Pierce came around looking for her.”
“That’s true.” Anna would be hidden better with the Duffs. Even if Anna only stayed there for a few days, as long as it took for Sophie to come up with another scheme for getting back Nicholas.
“And you know you’re always welcome to visit Anna whenever you’re lonesome for her.”
“Thank you, Euphemia.”
Euphemia waved her hand in dismissal. “Och, think nothing of it, lass. I’m just grateful the good Lord has given me the chance to have two daughters now instead of one.”
Sophie swallowed her guilt at the realization that Euphemia would lose both her and Anna at the same time. It wasn’t fair to Euphemia, especially after how wide she’d opened her heart to love them.
They didn’t deserve such kindness from Euphemia. From anyone.
“I thank the good Lord that He never treats us as our sins deserve.”
Euphemia’s words wafted through Sophie. She thought often of Euphemia’s story, of her pregnancy out of wedlock, of her bitterness toward God. And each time she remembered how much Euphemia had changed, fresh hope and longing swelled within Sophie.
Sophie stifled a sigh. She didn’t want to leave Euphemia. She wasn’t ready to leave anything in Mayfield, especially the man she loved.
But she had no choice. She just prayed that once she was gone, Euphemia would find the grace to forgive her, even though she wouldn’t deserve it.
“Can I name them?” Olivia asked as she stroked the fluffy body of the nearest orange tabby kitten while the other three from the litter crawled over their black-tortoiseshell mother who’d finally lain down for them.
Sophie knelt next to Olivia in the barn loft, where the mother cat kept her kittens safe and away from the larger animals. Now that the kittens were walking and getting bigger, they were in more danger.
The sweet scent of the newly cut hay wrapped around them, overpowering the other more unpleasant barn odors. The loft was cold, with the chilled October air seeping in through the cracks in the barn walls, especially now that night had fallen. But she’d brought Olivia out to distract her from her anxiety over Nicholas. The little girl thought of little else but her brother. After Anna and Euphemia had left earlier in the afternoon, the anxiety had mounted so much that Sophie was afraid Olivia would make herself sick.
“Maybe we should let Reinhold and Jakob name the kittens,” Sophie said. After all, she and Olivia would be gone by the end of the week and wouldn’t see the kittens ever again. Sophie scratched the orange tabby on the top of its head between its ears. It tumbled in its climb, rolling in the hay toward its mother.
Olivia giggled at the kitten’s clumsiness.
Sophie couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard Olivia’s laughter. How long had it been? Weeks? Months? Whatever the length, Olivia didn’t laugh often enough.
Sophie let her shoulders sink under the familiar weight of failure. Now that she had Olivia back, what made her think she could do better than before? Why had she thought the children would be better off with her?
What if Nicholas really would be happier with the Ramseys? With Reverend Poole’s assurances that the Ramseys loved and wanted the little boy, maybe she should stop plotting how to take him away.
“I think we should name this one Orangey,” Olivia declared.
“But then what about the other orange kitten? What will you name him? Orangey number two?” The orange kittens vied to nurse alongside the two kittens who had their mother’s tortoiseshell coloring.
Olivia giggled again. “No, silly. We’ll call him Cheesy.”
“Orangey and Cheesy.” Completely unoriginal pet names that only a five-year-old could appreciate. But since she and Olivia were leaving just as soon as Anna could go to town and get Mugs to wire money for their train fare, what harm would come of letting Olivia name the kittens?
Below, the barn door slid open, squealing its protest. Jakob appeared first, weariness in every step.
She was surprised when Reinhold didn’t follow closely on Jakob’s heels into the barn. Was he off running another errand? This time sending a telegram, telling her sisters to arrive as rapidly as possible so she wouldn’t have time to escape?
Just as quickly as the bitter thought came, she released it. She couldn’t blame Reinhold for her current predicament. She should have known he was too honorable to withhold her whereabouts from her sisters forever. If Elise and Marianne were as wealthy as Reinhold claimed, then no wonder he believed he was doing the right thing for her.
Was it possible her sisters could help her get Nicholas back?
Sophie shook away the prospect. She’d gotten by this far without them. She and Anna would figure out a way to get Nicholas without their help. With Anna’s conniving, surely this time they could come up with a better plan for taking Nicholas away from the Ramseys.
At Olivia’s antics with the kittens, Jakob stopped and peered up at them, probably not expecting to see them in the barn at this hour.
Sophie rose. “Hi, Jakob. I was just showing Olivia the kittens.”
He nodded and offered Olivia a smile.
The girl didn’t smile in return, but instead cowered against Sophie’s leg.
“Don’t worry,” Sophie continued. “Supper is simmering on
the back burner. It’s ready whenever you are.”
Jakob glanced toward the door as though making sure they were still alone. “Reinhold told me you’re leaving, going back to New York with your sisters.”
Sophie was tempted to lie and pretend to go along with Reinhold’s plans. But she’d already decided she would say good-bye to Reinhold whenever she and Anna were ready to leave. She might as well be honest with Jakob too. “I’m going back, but not with my sisters.”
Jakob was silent, his face pale, his eyes sad.
She shuffled toward the ladder.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” he blurted. The moment the words were out, he cast his eyes down to his worn boots.
“I wish so too, Jakob,” she said softly.
At her admission, he lifted his eyes, his expression confused. “Then why are you going?”
Before Sophie could answer, Reinhold burst into the barn, his face a mask of wild fear. “She’s gone! Help me saddle Daisy.”
Was he referring to Anna? Or her?
Neither Jakob nor Sophie moved, even as Reinhold rushed to the stall, grabbed the saddle from its perch on the rail, and threw it over the mare.
Jakob looked from Sophie to Reinhold, then back, understanding dawning in his eyes.
“What are you waiting for?” Reinhold tossed the terse question at Jakob. When Jakob shifted to glance to the loft, where Sophie stood stooped over with Olivia burrowed into her skirt, Reinhold followed his gaze.
At the sight of Sophie, Reinhold let go of Daisy and sagged against the stall wall. “Sophie,” he said, his voice echoing with relief. “When I saw that the house was dark, and then when you weren’t inside, I thought you’d left . . .”
“I’m still here.”
“Praise Gott,” he muttered.
“You’re the one who told her to leave, aren’t you?” Jakob said, his voice tight with accusation.
Reinhold pressed a hand against his chest as if to still his heartbeat. “That’s not your concern, Jakob.”
“It wasn’t Sophie’s idea.”
Ignoring Jakob, Reinhold straightened and slipped the saddle off the horse.
“She wouldn’t be thinking about going if not for you,” Jakob continued.