by J L Park
“Thank god. I couldn’t do any more spiders.” I laughed, a glance from Paige who nodded, a knowing look in her eyes, “But you said for now, are there more?”
He grinned, a wistful expression on his face. “Every day is a trial as a Ferox.” He winked.
I shook my head at him, and accepted a drink handed to me by Samson, who looked a little stunned that I had accepted it.
“Thanks,” I watched his face, emotions he was trying to hide crisscrossing his face, “I know it was your job, it’s okay, dude. All is forgiven. Now… forgive yourself.” I murmured quietly, “You could never have done to me what he did. I don’t even know you and I know that.”
He nodded, backing away respectfully. Maddox and Paige looked over at me, a strange expression on both of their faces, having been close enough to see and hear the exchange. I slugged back the drink, and grinned at them, walking away to join others who had waved me over.
Finally a place I fit in.
The members of Ferox loved a good party and found any old reason to celebrate. A new member outside the bigger group from Selection Day meant another party, so they welcomed me with open arms, encouraged to chat, dance, and drink with most of those who had attended. The city was large, but a lot of the older Ferox kept to themselves in the outer ring, helping to protect us from the outside world which was less of a threat now than it used to be, whilst those closest to the centre of the city were for protecting GreyBrook from itself. Ferox were called upon as security for other sections, as the young man on the train had been, or for the leaders of the sections. Sections such as Pius were unlikely to produce anyone that would fight and protect their fellow man, having been raised as passive and submissive, to help not to harm, even in self-defence. The very reason there weren’t many in Ferox who were ex-Pius.
The party continued into the wee small hours of the following morning. Good music, great company, the atmosphere was at once relaxing, as it was exciting. Certain songs would cause large groups of people to get up and dance, singing along, laughing and enjoying themselves. Even though I disliked dancing, a couple dragged me up onto the floor several times, the atmosphere in the room almost intoxicating once you were up in the middle of it. My face hurt from all the smiling and laughing. Not to mention my feet, these shoes were awesome for being out on duty but not for 12 plus hours straight!
It had been a long day, and I was fading, sitting and watching everyone enjoy themselves, watching Paige dancing, enjoying the music. Samson sat down next to me and looked at who I was watching, glancing back at me as I realised he’d noticed, and looked away from her. He laughed, causing me to shoot him with a glare.
“You can’t take your eyes off her. Ask her for a dance!” he whispered in my ear, “You know you want to.”
I looked at him, feigning shock. “What do you mean?” I was still unsure if it was safe to be me here.
He fixed me with an incredulous stare, “Reed, you can see it on your face. Ask her for a dance and see what happens.”
I lowered my head, embarrassed, and looked up through my eyelashes at him. “But…”
He put his hand up to stop me, “It’s OK. Just don’t be too obvious.” He winked, standing to leave.
I smiled after him, settling back to continue watching Paige. What Samson hadn’t realised is that I couldn’t dance. Despite the ‘dancing’ they had dragged me into, which likely looked like a monkey on drugs, I couldn’t. Hated it with a passion.
“Reed, wanna dance?” a voice asked me, breaking me out of my daze.
I looked up, finding Paige standing in front of me, a grin on her face. I laughed, “Dude, I can’t dance. Did you not see me before? I dance like a monkey who’s smoked too many drugs.”
“Ha! True, true,” she laughed, smirking at me, “Okay. We can just sit here. Or go for a walk?”
“A walk would be nice.”
She grinned as I answered, and stood up, pulling me towards the exit. We wandered in the darkness and in silence at first, warming up to an inane conversation, to eventually discussing other things more deeply. Sitting on a park bench in the dim light of a street lamp, Paige looked at me with a quizzical expression and turned her body to face mine. I stared at her, unsure what she was doing.
“Reed…” She tried to start and shook her head. “Never mind. It’s not appropriate.”
I frowned, “No, continue. You can ask anything.” I murmured, patting her hands
“Um. Christ, it's been too long since I tried this.” she muttered, rubbing her face, “Reed, I caught you looking at my arse earlier.” She grinned, as I blushed, frustrated at giving myself away.
“Shit. I’m sorry?” I stuttered, then took a deep breath deciding to go with whatever the hell fell out of my mouth this time, instead of being afraid, “But you’ve got to admit, those pants make it look fairly fucking stunning.” I chuckled as I resisted the urge to clap my hand over my mouth, tried to remember to just breathe, and maybe even trust my notoriously naughty mouth on occasion. Paige laughed, a pleasant sound, as she squeezed my hand.
“Well, that kinda answers my question,” She leaned over and brushed her hand over my cheek and jaw, pulling me towards her, as she kissed me. I smiled, kissing her back with more intensity than I had meant to. Her hand travelled up into my hair and pulled me into her as she kissed me harder. Pulling away breathless, we stared at each other, hands entangled in each other’s hair.
“That most definitely answers a question I wasn't aware I had, until just now,” I murmured, setting Paige off giggling, as I untangled my hand from her hair. We sat grinning at each other, unsure what to say until an uneasy feeling came over me. Watching my face change, Paige frowned.
“What's up? You seemed happy until just then.”
I sighed, biting my lip. “We… can’t.”
“Why not? Don’t you want to?”
“Yes, I do. But the Law? I mean, it’s hard enough on us just being female but…”
Paige smiled. “It’s OK here. As long as we aren’t too obvious, they’ll turn a blind eye.” She paused, looking at me. “Reed, you’re gay right? This isn’t a new thing for you?”
“Gay? Yeah. No, it’s not new for me to be noticing things like your perfect arse, but I am an ex-Pius. It wasn’t something I told anyone.”
She nodded, “Same here. I get it.” She pushed a stray hair behind my ear, “You’ll get more comfortable here.” Peering around, she stood up, “We should get back before anyone notices.” She leaned in for another kiss, one I didn’t want to end.
We walked back into the party and joined others. Samson winked at me as we returned, but said nothing. The party ended in the early hours of the morning, as I traipsed back to the dorm, tired but happy. Crawling into bed, I’m sure I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Given the tiring nature of the trials, those involved in them were off for a few days before I had to train for my role within Ferox. I used the time to find my way around Ferox, exploring the city by foot, trying to stay within the crowds, out of habit, trying to stay safe. The last time I was alone, Walker had abducted me. It made sense to be within a crowd, at least then someone might see it happen, even if they couldn’t stop it.
Ferox was like the other sections, with a difference that made their ‘role’ in GreyBrook stand out. Heavily security focused, some buildings were like the Confederate Circle to get into, full of digital locks and scanning systems. Not knowing what was in them, I wasn’t sure if it was overkill, or a much needed necessity to hide Ferox secrets from others. It was while walking, looking around at office blocks, I realised it was interesting a place created in the way GreyBrook was created, with the “best of the best with similar beliefs of how the world should be”, should need so much security, have so many secrets. I wondered what Ferox was hiding.
While walking, I came across two Ferox dealing with a situation. I stood back, watching from a distance, as the person they were dealing with struggled against their restraint, ranti
ng about something. Stepping closer, I could hear the person being dealt with was drunk and rambling about how she deserved it. Who she was I wasn't sure, but the man they were holding was belligerent and intoxicated. The Ferox dealing with him grimaced as he escaped them, running away after he had grabbed the female Ferox by the arse. As he ran toward me, I couldn’t think, trying to stop him without hitting him. The two Ferox caught him as he ran past me, and almost quicker than I could keep up with, the female Ferox reared her hand back and, clocked him, subduing him, leaning in and muttering something.
“Damn it, Tiarni. You understand I have to report you for that?”
“’Cause I hit him? The fucker grabbed my arse.”
The male Ferox fixed her with a glare, somewhat disappointed.
“Ah, fuck. Even as a fucking suspect, being arrested for drunken behaviour, he’s still got all the damn rights to my damn body?" The Ferox known as Tiarni muttered, slapping the cuffs on the semi-conscious suspect, scowling at her partner as they hauled the man to his feet.
“Tiarni, I’ll sort it. Your shift is over, go home. I’ll do the report. For both things.”
She scowled at him and walked away from the other officer and their charge. She almost ran into me as she stormed away.
“What the fuck would you have done, newbie?” she snapped as she stood almost toe to toe with me, “Would you have clocked him too?”
I shrugged. “Not sure. Maybe?”
“You too good for revenge? You almost fucking stepped out of his way, letting him get away. Does it make you happy, them being able to run their hands over you, without you being able to fight back?" she snarled, anger radiating from her eyes, "Oh, yeah, you’re fucking Pius. You fucking like it.” She stomped off, leaving me a little bewildered.
Heading back to the dormitory, I pondered her words as I walked, distracted. Is that what they assumed of me? Weak, submissive, trapped in the ways of Pius. But was I any different to what they assumed?
As I walked into the dorm, I could see that Tiarni had already arrived back, still fuming. It looked like a vent session with Paige, who glanced up as I came in, giving me a nod. Tiarni noticed her glance away, looking up to find it was to acknowledge me. This seemed to set her off again.
“You! Fucking Pius. You too good to smack up a rapist?” I glanced at her, confused, "Yeah, you. You think you’re better than us?”
“No.”
“Bullshit. You stood there, watching. You saw what he fucking did. And that dick, Fraser, threatening to report me for hitting him. You wouldn’t have done the same thing?”
She was toe to toe with me again, I wanted to back up but understood that it would appear I was submitting to her, and I couldn’t do that now.
“Yeah, probably.”
“So why didn’t you? Why didn’t you say anything? Too fucking chicken?”
“You seemed to have it handled.”
“Bet you’ve never had a fucking reason to punch them back. Bet you fucking enjoyed it in Pius, them running their filthy damn hands over you.”
I had formed my hands into fists, not ready to punch her but to keep me focused. I scowled at her. “You have NO idea.”
“Yeah? Enlighten me, chicken shit. Tell me how much you enjoy their hands on you, grabbing you.” She reached down, running her hands aggressively over my stomach, one hand trying to squeeze a breast, the other heading south. I unclenched my hands, reaching to grab both of hers.
“Don’t you EVER fucking touch me again, unless you want to lose the ability to use either of your hands,” I snarled, through clenched teeth.
She grinned wickedly.
“Oh… looky here, Newbie gained some balls.”
“Wanna know why I didn’t get involved? You two had it handled. You had him handled on your own. I’m not even Ferox trained yet. But mostly, you were handling yourself. I save my help for those who need it. My anger? I direct it at those who deserve it. Too good to hit a rapist? Never. I’m just saving my anger for someone who deserves it all.”
“So, it’s okay for him to fucking feel me up, cause you’ve got some righteous anger, and think we’ve got it handled.”
I frowned. That wasn’t what I meant, “You’re just fucking chicken. You stepped away when he ran towards you. How the fuck did you get in? Can’t stick up for yourself, still so fucking Pius.”
I could feel Paige trembling with rage next to me. “Tiarni, I’d stop now.” She growled as Tiarni smirked.
“Oh look, you’ve got a pit bull to protect you, fucking pussy Pius.”
“Oh… you’ve got no idea, Tiarni.” Paige raised her hands, and backed away, leaving it in my hands.
“I don’t need a pit bull. I also don't have to prove myself to you, but fuck it, while we’re here, why not? You think I’m a pussy. See this damn bruise on my throat?”
Tiarni nodded, still smirking.
“Know how I got it? No? Ever fought back when a Section Leader has you by the throat, threatening you with death if you spoke up about the section member who abducted, tortured and raped you for three months, less than a month ago? How many? Any of you? None. I thought so. What about during your fucking trial to become Ferox, you are confronted with the same damn thing, would you have fought back, or frozen?”
Paige was gaping at me, I may have given away too much. Tiarni looked uncomfortable.
“Yeah, that last trial? Maddox knows what happened, and he used it against me. Did I freeze? No. I fucking fought back, on my own. So fuck off if you think I need to prove myself to you. You had it handled.” I stepped back, and walked away, sitting down on my bed, the room silent.
“Reed?” Tiarni appeared, arms raising in a peaceful gesture, at the edge of my cubicle, “That was you?”
“What was?” I was trembling with anger, trying to cool down, annoyed with the whole charade, even though she seemed to have backed off, cooled down.
“The Non-Sel who fought back? We were aware that Stanford Beutner had been removed from the Confederation Circle cause he’d assaulted someone on official business, but not who or why.”
I nodded, noticing a few of the girls behind her. “Just about choked me out. I didn’t hit him though. I talked him into incriminating himself. He’d allowed me to masquerade as a Runaway, despite knowing full well I’d been taken, and by whom.”
“So, why did Paige step in and stop the trial, if you’re brave enough to talk smack to a Section Leader?”
Paige scowled, walking over from her cubicle, I wasn’t sure if Tiarni was cruising for another fight, or genuinely curious.
“You wanna know why, Tiarni? That exact scenario happened to Reed. Repeatedly, in the dark with casual sexual assault thrown in, for months. She said that earlier. She escaped just over a month ago. It was just fucking cruel of Maddox, trying to trigger her.”
Tiarni frowned, confused.
“You're wondering how I know? Why I forced him to stop it? Because the same sick fucker took me a year before. Except I had six months before Selection Day to get through the shit. Not just over a month. Maddox knew, he knew what he’d done, and he used it to torture her. If she doesn’t want to beat them, then so be it. Everyone gets over it in their own way.”
“I am not afraid to stand up for myself, and for others. But, I’m not beating on a guy you had handled, just ‘cause I could. That's not my way.”
Tiarni nodded, seeming to have settled.
“I’m sorry, Reed. I’m just so sick of it. He has no right touch me, yet if I discipline him for doing so, I get written up. It’s just fucking wrong.”
I nodded, patting her shoulder. “I get it. I'm hoping one day it will change.”
“I certainly hope so.” Tiarni took herself back to her cubicle.
Paige wandered around the side of my cubicle and plonked herself down on the edge of my bed, where she lay back, and insist I join her somehow. She grinned as we lay there, trying to figure out how to fit beside each other, on a single bed. Laughing as I wriggled a
s close to the wall as I could get, rolling onto my side to watch her face without taking up so much room.
“Er. Hello?” I mumbled, leaning my chin on my hand, watching her.
“Hi,” Her hands under her head, she chuckled at the confused expression on my face, I had no idea what she was doing, “I figured now is as good a time as any for us to get to know each other, without…. other stuff getting in the way!” The cheekiness in her grin gave away that it was a fantastic idea to chat whilst we were in the public dormitory, nothing further. I pretended to be shocked she had even considered such a suggestion.
.“What do you want to know?” I asked after she stopped giggling at me.
“Anything. Whatever you want to tell me. Whatever you want to ask me. Like, who’s in your family?”
“Um, the traditional mother-and-father combo is the one I got.” I gave her a look like it was a silly question, “Oh, and I have a brother, Jameson.”
“Older, younger?”
“Older, but only by a few minutes.”
“Twins?!”
I nodded.
“That would have been interesting… actually, I think I remember something about you guys. Pius right?”
“Yeah? You?”
“Yeah, but I’m a few years older than you. I remember my parents attending some celebration as twins is unusual in Pius so you two were a reason to celebrate.”
“If only my father had thought so.”
She frowned at me.
“He would have been happier if there were two boys or just Jameson.” I shrugged, “Paige, I don’t know any different, so I don’t let it bother me anymore. What about you? Siblings?”
“Yeah, a sister. We don’t speak.”
“Why not?”
“My parents didn’t cope well with several things about me and disowned me for my sister’s own… protection?” She wasn’t sure that word fitted, I could see it on her face.
“Several things? Do you mind if I ask?”
“Nah, it’s nothing new. I’ve always known I was gay, and I think they had been about to broach it with me when I was Taken. It was easier to disown me, and pretend I had died after joining Ferox than it was to acknowledge, or love, a daughter who was both gay, and in their eyes a slut for being Taken.”