“Are you stupid?"
"No, I—"
"Why the hell are you taking a chance like that?” Her expression was mixed with shock and anger. She'd assumed I was having sex and being careless.
“I, um . . . you know, I mean, I haven't . . .”
“Oh no!” Her mouth was open as she slapped her cheek lightly to mock me. “You’ve never had sex?”
“No, and it seems like both of them want to have it with me right now,” I confided. “I don’t know how much longer I can put them off.”
“Why the hell would you want to do that?” She tilted her head, obviously questioning my abstinence.
“I’m afraid,” I confessed. I knew by her reaction I was missing out on something wonderful.
“Afraid of what?”
“Well, how uh, you know, I don't understand . . . what I mean is, how does it feel when their thing is inside you?” The real issue is . . . how do you let someone get that close?
She cracked up, launching into hysterics.
“Shut up."
"I'm sorry." She continued laughing.
"Okay, okay, I’m a dork. I know women deliver babies after all, but they also dilate and their bodies prepare for something big to come through. I just don’t get it. How does it wedge in? You obviously enjoy it and lots of women do, too, but how?”
“Yeah, women enjoy it,” she laughed. “Billions and billions. How big are your two fellas?”
“I’ve only felt them against me, but oh my God, Ryan’s . . .”
“When did you feel his cock?” My sister's eyes widened and her entire face lit with curiosity.
“That night after I sung the anthem, when we walked out to the front porch. He pulled my body close to him when he kissed me. Also when he spent the night. I put my leg right on it! I was afraid I hurt him but he said—"
"He said fuck no, keep moving on it and make me come!" She burst with enthusiasm.
"Jenise! Wow!"
"What about Jerry?"
"When I slept over his house the other night, his you know, was against me, too, and . . .”
“What are you doing, measuring them by having them press their bodies against you?” She was in hysterics once again.
“No.” I hit her with a pillow.
“Their penises fit great.” She calmed to a giggle. “As long as they give you a chance to get into it and your vagina is lubricated. When you’re wet, you expand down there. I assume Jerry doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, but when Ryan starts to tickle your furry bush, does he take his time with foreplay?”
“Kissing?”
“Sensual kissing, playing with your breasts, sucking your nipples and nuzzling into your neck, licking or fingering your vagina . . . Have you done any of that with him?”
“We’ve kissed a lot and I feel all juicy when his tongue goes in my mouth. Oh, I . . ." I could see his chest in front of me as I began to tell her about it. "Whenever I see his chest, my belly aches. And his arms . . . he's got these tattoos . . . one is of a big Phoenix."
She grabbed the pillow I'd thrown at her and hugged it, thoroughly entertained as I shared my thoughts and story.
“He's built, no denying that. I don't know how you can resist him, but since you obviously have some reservations, don’t rush it,” she sliced the air with her hand. “If something feels off, pay attention to what your gut tells you, it's just . . ."
"What? Tell me what you're thinking!" I wanted to reach inside her and pull out the words.
"If you do want to be with Ryan, how long do you think he'll wait for you? I mean, being an athlete and all . . .”
“That's exactly what I'm afraid of. He has so many options. You should see the women trying to get his attention. Still, I do fantasize about having his fingers crawl on my body while his hands and mouth are all over me—actually I think about Jerry that way, too. Then I have them close to me and I chicken out.”
“Crawl on your body, huh? That’s a damn fine idea.”
"I have my sexy thoughts, too," I grinned. "Even if I don't know what to do with them.”
“It doesn’t take much to get your body going in the beginning." Jenise's Sex Ed class had begun. “You’re wet all the time. Just hearing their voice, a look they give you, thinking about them on your body . . . pretty much anything.”
"Jenise, I get these waves of awareness. It's like they're charged with light and they take off from my chest and ooze slowly down my body."
“Oh, I know how those are. Even the narrowing of their eyes turns you on in the beginning. A random thought during the day and it's like feathers are in your stomach, teasing the ache inside you . . . doesn’t your tummy get yummy just thinking about it?" She tickled my belly. "Or should I say, about him? You get a little pang in your chest and it flows down between your legs, your clitoris aches so deliciously, doesn't it?”
“Ooh yeah!” I covered my stomach with both of my hands. “It’s like a liquid rush and I want to relieve myself right on the spot. You know what I mean?"
"Hell yeah, I know what you mean!" She pushed her index finger through a hole she'd made with her thumb and middle finger, mocking the movement of intercourse.
"My chest gets tight and my legs . . . they get so weak; I feel like tumbling to the ground. You know, when Ryan and I were going into Sammy’s and he kissed me with this long, lingering kiss? I had to ask him to wait a minute so I could lean on him. My legs started shaking! How embarrassing, huh?”
“You wish he’d make your legs shake with an orgasm like there was no tomorrow, don’t you?” She was so into our discussion, I couldn't help but smile. "He knows he's got you."
"No he doesn't," I challenged. " I haven't committed to him. We even talked about it. He's waiting for an answer."
"You're only kidding yourself. He knows."
"That's—"
“That's the end of this discussion, because I'm telling you . . . he knows. Anyway, you’ll find out by experimenting what feels good for each of you," she interrupted. "Now listen to me and listen to me good. Whichever boy you choose, don’t be bashful about guiding either of them when it comes to sex. Men can be pretty dumb when it comes to pleasuring a woman.
"It’s all about the vagina for them, 'cause they don't know any better. They think we're in heaven if they stick their dick inside our pussy. As you know—at least I hope to God you do—that's not bringin' us the magic of orgasm. He needs to stimulate our clit."
"Have you ever climaxed from just penetration?" I smoothed her bedspread with my left hand.
"Oh shit, yeah, but he has to know how to move in there, and I need plenty of warm up. Some women come from playing with their nipples,” she continued. “I’ve never been one of them, unfortunately."
"Why unfortunately?"
"Because guys love to play with them," she giggled. "They can play all night long with our girls and our little kitten's noses."
"Kitten's noses?"
"Nipples. They love sucking and fingering our nipples, Nick. Promise me you'll insist they move your body so it sings. Pleasure with sex is about the both of you. Men don’t know any better if you don’t speak up. Mom never did.”
“What do you mean?” I was shocked she knew anything about sex between our parents.
“I heard Mom talking with Auntie Barbara one day. She didn’t think I heard, but I did. She said Dad is a ‘two-minute’ man.”
“What’s that?” I asked. “Stick it in and he’s done?”
“Yep. No orgasm for Mom—with Dad, anyway.” She reached for the bottle of water on her nightstand. “No wonder she’s sad.”
“Poor mom. Well, screw that noise.” My eyebrows knotted. “I’ll be in control when I decide.”
“Yeah, yeah. You go on thinking that way. I admire your determination, but control over sex? When you’re taken away, you just go. That’s why you need birth control, so you’ll have some protection when your passion won't let you do anything except open your body.”
�
�I've already controlled it," I maintained. "A few times, in fact, and I'll keep doing it going forward."
"Yeah, we're talking about Ryan here, not Jerry. He's not going to roll over and let you dictate when and where. Go get your damn pills or shot or whatever," she continued pushing.
"I’ve already bookmarked a bunch of websites to research. So what do you do for birth control?”
“I get a monthly shot at the clinic near Stonestown. If you go, they’ll talk to you about all the alternatives so you can decide which one is the right option for you.”
“Ryan said when he gets back, we can do other things—you know, besides intercourse. I told him I didn’t want that yet. Well, I didn’t exactly say it like that, but . . .”
“For God sakes." Jenise took a swig of water and put the cap back on the bottle. "You drive a person crazy when you go on and on. He’s saying until your pussy is ready for his big stiffy, you can have oral sex, sensual massage, masturbation, or anal if you’re ready for that.”
God, she’s calm talking about this.
“You have fingered yourself, haven’t you, sissy?”
I pulled my blouse out of my slacks to get more comfortable.
“The blush in your cheeks tells me you know what an orgasm is?” she smirked.
“Yes, Jenise. I’ve had them many times. My friends are having sex, you know.”
“Thank God for that. They sure haven’t shared much with you from the questions you’re asking me. What’s the matter? Are you afraid to bring it up with them? Or do they think you've already had sex?”
“They know I haven't, but I don't trust they know what they're doing. I trust you,” I emphasized the "you," hoping she'd believe she was the one I wanted as my confidant. “What can an eighteen-year-old know about sex? On prom night, do you know what advice my friends gave me?"
"No idea." She shrugged her shoulders.
"Smoke a joint so I could enjoy my first time. I mean, if sex is so great, why do I need pot?”
“You don’t.” Her response was harsh. "I hate that so many women put up with sex rather than ask for what they want. No wonder men think they just put it in and we're enthralled. I can't say it any other way. I have to be blunt. If you understand your body, sex is an experience you'll enjoy forever.
"Knowing your sensual responses comes from touching yourself and daring to let another touch you," she continued. "You have to play with your breasts, examine the way they color when you're excited, examine the fluid and the amount when you have an orgasm, the way your lips swell, if you're more sensitive on the left or right of your clitoris, all of those things. Hold a mirror to your cleft and explore everywhere."
“I'm glad we're talking like this. I don't know who else . . . I got confused the last few years, Jenise. You know you've always been my hero. I never said that to you, but you were . . . are."
“Thanks for saying that." Her face softened. She put her hand on my arm. "You’ll be okay. Don’t let either of those boys rush you. Even if they threaten to leave or play on your sympathy by saying they're suffering or in pain because you won't spread your legs, let them go.”
“Don't worry, I won't put up with that nonsense. Hey, what about condoms?”
"What about them?" She reached into her nightstand and pulled out several different types.
"Oh, my God! You keep them in your bedroom?"
"Why not?" She tried handing one to me. "Here."
"Ew!" I threw it back at her. We playfully tossed it back and forth. "Why are there so many varieties?"
"Some people have allergies to latex so there's polyurethane, there's animal membrane—but that only protects from pregnancy—different sizes, thickness, taste, some have ridges for better stimulation . . . WebMD has a condom wizard that goes over a lot of this. Check it out."
“Do you continue using them after . . . well . . . how long do you keep using them?” I tossed the foil packet on her lap.
“Until you’re sure that both of you are STD free. Make sure he’s tested, Nicky. Do not take his word for it. And when you look at the test results pay attention to the date. If it’s before you started seeing him, ask him to get tested again. That goes for Jerry, too. Although if you do go with that one, I’ll knock you on your head.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re going to take Jerry over Ryan?” She shook her head in disgust. "And by the way, you can get STDs with oral sex, so don’t gobble and swallow thinking you’re safe just because he didn’t stick it in. And don’t let their mouth on your pussy without a dental dam or put your mouth on their helmet—even with Jerry. You can get and give herpes that way.”
“What’s a dental dam?”
“It’s a thin piece of latex that protects partners from mouth to skin transmissions.” She reached in her nightstand again and showed me what it looked like. “It’s thin enough so each person gets pleasure but strong enough so our tongues and teeth won't pop through. You can use plastic wrap, too, the kind that’s non-microwavable. Sean and I used it for anal rimming, cunnilingus, and fellatio until we got tested together.”
"Your nightstand is a treasure trove of mystery!" I turned sixty hues of red as I listened to my smart sister calmly explain how she practiced safe sex. "Can I look in there?"
“Are you uncomfortable talking about this?” she summarized.
“Yes and no. Keep going. I need to hear it.” I gave her permission to continue and took the dental dam from her fingers to examine it.
“I have some books for you." She nodded to the shelves above her desk, which were home to a dozen choices. "Be my guest if you want to take a look. The photos are pretty graphic . . . as they should be.”
“Okay, yeah, I’ll borrow a few. Give me two that you think would be a good start for me.” I handed her back the dental dam and we both got off the bed and walked over to her desk.
“I know of a couple of positions that are especially good for first times.” Jenise pulled two books from her collection and handed them to me. "They guarantee orgasm for a woman even if the guy’s a dork in bed, or if he squirts too quickly.”
“God, you're descriptive!”
“Fast ejaculation can be a problem when the guy enters you for the first time. He’s so excited to have your pussy that he wants to come immediately. There you are, panting and still hot, saying to yourself, 'what the hell just happened?' ”
I was enjoying my education and watching her expressive eyes.
“Yeah, well, I doubt Ryan’s a dork in bed." I thumbed through one of the books absentmindedly.
“He could surprise you,” she challenged. “Maybe he doesn’t understand what really turns a woman on because so many told him whatever he wanted to hear.”
“Why would they do that?”
“To say Ryan Tilton had his cock inside their slit, bragging rights to the competition—a leg up so to speak.” She cracked up.
“Yuck.”
“Well, you’re not with an innocent boy, Sis.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“That’s in his past now, right?"
"Right." I'm not certain about that.
"I think it’s cool that with all his experience Ryan is going slow with you. It tells me he wants more than a fling."
“Maybe.”
“Look, apparently you have a golden opportunity with two great guys—Ryan and Jerry—and hopefully your golden pussy will be a happy girl.” Once again, she threw a party, enjoying her own joke.
“You’re real funny, Sis."
“Yes, I am." She agreed and then settled down again. "So, Mom and Dad are pissed because Ryan stayed here the other night?”
“I don’t know if it was that or if they don't know what to do with it. Guess I’ll go over to his place from now on,” I said defiantly.
“What do you think you feel for that man? Pretty awesome someone like him is interested in you. You know your eyes light up and your body kind of pushes out when you talk about him."
“What do you mean ‘pushes out?’” I wonder how I look doing that? I leaned over so I could see myself in the mirror.
“You expand and get big." She held my shoulders. "It’s like you’re so happy you can’t keep it inside.”
“I more than like him,” I admitted. “Actually, I'm really proud to know him. Did you know—" Don't tell her about what Ryan could do for her. We're not together that way, yet. No sense getting her excited. Those promises haven't worked for us in the past. "—Um, that he's generous with multiple charities?"
"I've heard about something he started at school," she admitted.
"Honestly? I’d love to be his girlfriend. If you could hear the things he says to me . . . I just let the invisible drool run out of my mouth. I feel like he's seducing me without even touching me.”
“That’s because you’ve fallen for him,” she said with a giggle. “And it sounds like you've hit pretty hard. Yep, you’re in the beginning of lusty love. It's great to be there. I'm still there with my boyfriend, Sean.”
"How come you didn't bring him to watch me sing? I don't mean I was great or anything, but to the dinner party? Jerry came and Mom invited Ryan, so it wasn't only family."
"Yeah, well um . . . he was busy and couldn't make it, but I'll introduce you pretty soon." She was nervous and I sensed she was covering up something. "So what are you looking for? Sex? Dating? A long relationship?"
“I’m pretty sure I’d like to date. Not sure about sex, but then another side of me thinks . . . yeah, a lot of sex, but not a long relationship. I want to be free of everyone here when I go to college, except for you. Anyway, I guess that’s another reason I’m stalling. I’m afraid when I give in to him I’ll want to go deep and that’ll be it for me.”
“I hear ya. I can’t wait to graduate and then live on my own— with Sean, of course. But tell you what, Sis. Ryan sure is a cutie. If he’s the sweet boy you say he is, I’d think carefully about him.”
“I am, but . . .”
“You don’t have to choose between a career and a relationship, Nick. If he's any kind of man he’ll support you. By the way, how come you didn't go right to Stanford? I would've.”
“Thirty grand just to take General Ed courses? That's a waste of money. Mom and Dad agreed they'd support me if I wanted to go for my masters."
Fire Heart (Broken Bottle Series Book 2) Page 7