by Nia Arthurs
I knew he was being nosy so I decided to be vague. “I had a great time on the island, but I was bound to leave eventually. School’s starting next month and I need to prepare.”
“I guess so.” He nodded. “How’s your dad? Paulina told me he was getting chemo.”
“Dad’s great. We talk everyday. He’s coming back to Belize tomorrow.”
“Did the radiation treatment…?”
“Yeah, so far we’re optimistic. We’re waiting a couple weeks to make sure they got all the cancer cells.” It was the only good news I’d heard in a long time and I was clinging to it like a shipwrecked sailor to a life raft.
“That’s great.”
“Yeah.” It turned awkward so I stepped back. “Well, it was nice seeing you.”
“What about that guy?” Humphries asked.
I froze.
He stared at me. “Did you two break up?”
“We were never together. It’s… complicated.”
“He showed his true colors, didn’t he? What? Is he a perv? Cheater? Abuser? I told you something was wrong with that man. I told you you’d get hurt. Did he—?”
“I should go, Humphries.”
His jowls trembled. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”
“It’s okay.” I forced a smile. “See you.”
He waved.
I jogged to the car and sat in the heat for five minutes without moving. Fisting my fingers, I stabbed my chest. There was, what I now called, a Deacon-sized ache in there. It was like heartburn but worse. Much worse.
Forcing myself to move, I drove to work and tried to lose myself in the kids at the center and in the demanding pace of the diner.
When I got home, I called Mom to discuss the details of her flight to Belize. She sounded tired but happy and I really couldn’t wait to see them tomorrow.
“I love you, Mom,” I said. “Tell Dad I’ll see him tomorrow.”
“I will.”
We hung up and I shuffled to my bedroom to change. After, I brushed my teeth and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face looked gaunt. Dark circles hung below my eyes and I looked way older than a woman in her twenties.
I spit out the toothpaste suds and cupped my cheeks. I’d need to put on a ton of makeup to hide what was going on here. The last thing my parents needed was to worry about me.
I washed my face and slumped back to my bedroom, slipping into the cold bed. Deacon visited me in my dreams again, but this time I didn’t fight it.
“I miss you,” I whispered.
Dream Deacon took me into his arms and hugged me. I melted in his embrace and cried tears of joy.
When sunshine tiptoed into my bedroom and woke me up the next day I found my pillow was damp and tear tracks had dried on my cheeks.
Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but what was the alternative if it didn’t? My heart kept tugging me back to Deacon, while my head screamed that trusting such a dangerous man would be akin to signing my own death certificate.
Who could say that Deacon didn’t have more enemies lined up to kill him? Put him in danger? Put me in danger?
Beyond that, he was a worldly man who’d experienced beautiful women in exotic places, and I was a simple woman who loved my little country and tried to live a quiet life.
If I risked it all, would the pain in my chest go away or would Deacon destroy me completely?
39
Deacon
I’d lost my mind. Completely. An Angel had visited me for a sweet and short moment. She broke me, claimed me and then she left.
I took another sip of my beer and tried to calm my wailing thoughts. The whicker chair creaked as I shifted. A harsh breeze yanked the leaves of the coconut trees like an angry wife tearing out the hair of her husband’s mistress. Moonlight sliced past the clouds, sharp enough to cut the sand.
My gaze drifted to the projector hanging from a hook on the rafters. The footage gleaming on the screen was silent, but the insects crackling a joyful sound behind it added its own kind of music.
I let the neck of my beer bottle slip to the crook of two fingers. The woman on the screen smiled and raised her hands for a high-five. Another pair of tiny hands slapped her palms.
My heart cracked and ached like an old house moaning in the night. I’d never felt this level of pain and nothing could sate it.
Except this.
Watching the old security footage of Angel moving around in the house, I could almost pretend that she hadn’t left. That she was still here. Or that she was coming back soon.
If I closed my eyes, I could feel the whisper-soft touch of her fingers on my chest, her breath on my neck, her scent on the wind. Then I’d open my eyes, see she wasn’t here, and get an insane urge to punch something.
Like I said.
I’d completely lost my mind.
Solitude.
It used to mean more than money to me, more than diamonds. Reid was all I’d needed. I’d been satisfied with the life we’d built here on this fortress of an island.
Women? I had no need for them and their games. Like Angel pointed out, there was always a willing body, always a woman eager to have a good time without any commitment.
I could prep the boat, sail to San Pedro and satisfy my wildest desires without having to spend a red cent on any level of seduction.
But, right now, I’d give all the money in the bank, liquefy my stocks, put my cigar shop on the market and sell my island if I could just have Angel back.
Had my love become an obsession? Or was this the underside of an emotion I’d never felt before?
It took restraint to stay here, on this island. Away from her. I did it, not because I wanted to, but because she’d made it clear that she didn’t want me.
And even in the midst of my insanity, if Angel asked for anything I’d move mountains and the sea to give it to her.
I tugged the beer bottle back up, but before I could drown my misery in liquor, I heard a cry from the monitor. Exchanging the beer for the screen, I studied the footage.
Reid lay on his side, his face squashed in a pained cry. I scrambled up and sprinted into the bedroom.
“Reid?” I scooped him into my arms.
He was hot to the touch.
Panic clawed its way to prominence, but I pushed it back.
Reid needed me. I didn’t have time to unravel.
“Is somewhere hurt, buddy?” I asked. Moving to the First Aid kit, I pulled out the thermometer and pressed the button. Reid’s cries had simpered down now that I held him, but his temperature was an abominable number.
The hospital.
I had to get my son professional care.
It was moments like these that I cursed this island. Reid needed help, but I’d driven us so far from civilization that it would take twenty minutes to get to the mainland and even more than that to find the hospital.
With no other choice before me, I grabbed his baby bag and threw his necessities into the depths. Stopping long enough to type a short text to Miguel, I ran with Reid to the pier and held him in one arm while I tried to wrangle the rope tying the vessel to the dock.
Footsteps clattered over the wooden panels. I glanced up and saw Miguel flying toward us, his eyebrows creasing in distress.
“Get on,” he signed. “I’ll do this.”
“Thank you.”
He ignored me and focused on releasing the rope.
I climbed on and set Reid in his life vest before strapping him into his baby seat. He started crying again and I could feel my nerves snapping tight as a whip.
I looked out at the dark and silent sea. Dangerous. Deadly calm. If I made one bad move, we could get lost out here and it would be too late to take Reid to the hospital. Or worse, we could capsize.
I squeezed my eyes shut and forced the ‘father’ side of my brain to turn off. When on a mission, there were so many things that could go wrong. I’d learned to focus on what I could control and piss off from the rest.
R
eid needed that side of me tonight.
Forcing my hands to the wheel, I tore out of the dock and set my gaze on the pitch-black horizon.
We would get to San Pedro without incident.
Reid would see a doctor.
Everything would be okay.
There was no other option.
40
Angel
My dad was okay. I heard his laughter before I’d even stepped into the hospital room. It sounded hearty and full of life.
I pushed the door aside. “Dad?”
The moment I saw him, I got walloped with a truckload of emotions. Tears trickled from eyes I thought would be too tired to release another drop given how much I’d wept over Deacon lately.
“Honey,” Mom moaned, “if you start crying, I’ll cry.”
“Please. No more crying.” Dad smiled from his hospital cot.
“Daddy!” I hugged him again, inhaling his cologne and ignoring how bony he felt.
“I’m fine, baby.” He patted my shoulder. His head was shiny and bald thanks to the chemo and radiation treatments, but he’d never looked happier.
“Don’t ever scare me like that again.” I wagged my finger. “You need to live long enough to meet your grandbabies.”
“You have to get married first,” Dad teased.
I cleared my throat and straightened. “How long will the doctors keep you in the hospital? Shouldn’t you be able to go home?”
“They want to do some more tests to make sure there are no diseases in this old body.”
Mom sat regally in the chair and folded her legs together. “The doctors in Merida were so kind and attentive. I’m glad we got our treatment there.”
“Tell me everything,” I said.
Mom and Dad took turns filling me in and I listened, rapt on every word. I was glad to see them smiling and laughing. The worry lines tainting the brown skin around Mom’s beautiful eyes had faded. She looked years younger now that we were given a new lease on life.
“Oh, Angel?” Mom smiled at me. “Do you think you could ask the doctor for the address of that American foundation?”
I stiffened. “Huh? What foundation?”
“Thanks to them, your father could receive his treatment. We owe them everything.”
“I tried to ask the doctor about it, but he said that information was confidential,” Dad explained.
“I’ll see what I can do.” I stood, trying to hide my guilty expression with a cheery smile. “Anybody hungry? Thirsty?”
“We ate before we came,” Mom said.
“I skipped breakfast because I was so excited. I’ll head to the cafeteria real quick and be right back.”
Mom nodded and shooed me away.
I closed the door gently behind me and walked outside. My heartbeat quickened. Thank God Dad’s doctor had come through with pushing Mom and Dad off the scent.
That was a close one.
My steps were light as I strode down the corridor in search of the hospital cafeteria.
When I neared the nurses’ station, I saw a cluster of women in uniforms whispering to each other.
“He’s so hot.”
“Did you see his arms? They’re, like, twice the size of my head.”
“His arms? Did you see his eyes? Girl, talk about dreamy.”
I passed them by and dipped my head. Most of the nurses were familiar to me since my family had been in and out of this hospital since Dad’s diagnosis.
“Hey, Angel!” One of the nurses broke away from the crowd and stepped toward me. “Don’t you know that guy?”
“What guy?”
“The white guy with green eyes and a cute little boy? I saw him in your parents’ room before your dad left for treatment.”
My eyes bugged. Was she talking about Deacon?
Wait… why was Deacon in the hospital?
As if the nurse could read my thoughts, she explained, “His little kid is sick. The San Pedro branch transferred him here early this morning.”
“What room is he in?” I yelled.
All the nurses stopped and stared at me like I’d grown two extra ears.
“Uh, he’s at the end of the hall.”
I whirled around without another word and tore down the corridor. Just as I skidded to a stop in front of the right room, the door opened and a doctor stepped out with another nurse.
I moved out of their way and then caught the door before it locked completely, slipping inside. The shade over the window was up, allowing sunlight to blast through the room. The air conditioning unit buzzed, the sound covering my footsteps.
I eased into the hospital room and spotted Deacon hovering over Reid’s bed. He had a wet cloth in his grip and was gently running it over his son’s tiny body.
I watched Reid, so small and helpless in that bed. It felt like someone had taken an axe to my chest and wedged it in deep.
“Reid,” I whispered.
Deacon’s head twisted around. Green eyes widened when he saw me. I ignored his shocked expression and stalked to the side of the bed.
“Reid,” I whimpered. Turning to face Deacon, I demanded, “What’s wrong? Why is he here?”
“He has an infection. They’re keeping him here for observation while we wait for the tests results.”
“Poor baby.” I touched Reid’s palm. His fingers closed over mine in sleep. I could feel Deacon staring at me, but I was too distraught at the sight of Reid to care.
“He’ll be okay. We got to the hospital in time.”
“Thank God.”
“How are you parents?” Deacon asked quietly.
“They’re good.” I stared at Reid’s pale cheek. “They’re happy and healthy.”
“That’s great.”
“Thanks.” I glanced at him, feeling the awkwardness steal into the room. “Did you get my payments?”
“Yes.” He paused. “You don’t have to work so hard. I don’t need—”
I cut him off with a decisive nod. “I’m paying you back. That’s the right thing to do.”
“Okay.” He backed off, but I could sense his gaze lingering on my face.
I turned to him but Deacon, as brazen as ever, didn’t even bother trying to hide his perusal. Playing with my fingers, I straightened. Looked away. Looked back.
He was still staring.
Familiar feelings sparked in my chest. The past three weeks apart from him should have made me stronger, made me immune to that intensity of his, but—right now—I only wanted to curl into his lap and watch over Reid with him until the baby was better.
“I should go,” I muttered, stepping back before I gave in to that desire to stay.
“Don’t.” Deacon’s tortured voice made me freeze.
I turned around and saw him staring at the ground.
“Please don’t go.”
“Deacon…”
“We don’t have to talk about anything, but being here with you… like this… it’s all I’ve wanted for the past three weeks. Stay, Angel.”
My soul stirred. Yearned. Leapt. There were so many things we needed to talk about before I entered Deacon’s world again and got pulled under the current of my feelings.
Things like his opinion about the value of human life, his faith, his insistence on living on that beautiful but isolated island away from the world and his irritating habit of commanding me around like a soldier.
But those issues didn’t matter to me right now.
“Okay,” I said. Putting my purse on the edge of the sofa, I sat primly. To my surprise, Deacon stood and approached the sofa. His shadow loomed over me, his presence as magnetic as ever.
He sat beside me, his warmth shuttling over my skin and raising goosebumps. My heart slammed against my ribs like a jackhammer.
Silently, slowly, he set his head on my shoulder.
My jaw dropped.
Such raw vulnerability coming from a man as domineering as Deacon shocked me. Deacon was anchoring himself in me, in my presence, and it was su
ch a huge honor I wanted to cry.
The silence washed over us, tying our hearts together in a tangled web that couldn’t be undone.
Deacon wasn’t doing anything but leaning on me, but it was more intimate than the night we’d spent licking each other down in the hammock or the night we’d made love in the guest room.
Back then, we’d been naked and inside each other but the secrets had kept us from truly baring all. Now, there was no wall between us, no lies, no shadows. Just truth and love.
We stayed that way until my phone chimed.
It was Mom asking where I was.
Deacon straightened and I groaned, struggling to move my shoulder. His head, handsome as it was, weighed as much as a boulder.
He chuckled. “Sorry. I forgot you’re a delicate little thing.”
“It’s okay.” I made a face and tried to rotate the joints. “My parents are looking for me.”
He rasped his rough fingers gently over my chin, brought my face forward and dropped a kiss on my forehead, much like he’d done the night I left. “You should go.”
My heart bubbled up, filled to the brim with affection. “I will.”
He sat back and stared softly at me.
Neither of us moved.
Acting on impulse, I grabbed his jaw, brought his head down and kissed his lips. Deacon’s eyelashes fluttered in shock.
I smiled. “I’ll be back.”
He nodded, dumbfounded.
I jumped up from the couch and ran from the room.
41
Deacon
Angel left and I sank into the chair with a growing smile on my face. My Angel was no longer a dream that dissipated with the raging light of dawn.
She was real.
I could touch her.
She could touch me.
I chuckled. She’d branded me again, claiming me as her own with that sweet little kiss. I, her willing servant, rejoiced. I’d waited so long for her to come back to me.
A knock sounded at the door.
Excited, I stood and waited expectantly for my beautiful Angel to appear. Reid’s doctor stepped in instead.
I sighed in disappointment but greeted him politely. “Doctor.”