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From: Sim [[email protected]]
To: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
Subject: everything
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this is the letter deepspace left for me this morning.
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Dear Sim
I know that you are upset with me, but please let me tell you my side of this.
I have been where Lauren has been. I know what it is like to be a teenager stuck in a girls’ home, labelled at a very young age. I know what it is like when you get caught up in the criminal justice system. I would do anything to stop a teenager in my care becoming involved in it. Which is why Raj and I decided to allow Lauren to stay on in our home. I brought in a psychologist for her to have sessions with and to work through her issues in regard to theft, some of which she has begun to deal with.
In retrospect, perhaps we should have told you as soon as we knew that Lauren was responsible for this but we wanted to protect you as best we could. Things were very good in the house prior to her arrival and we wanted to maintain some semblance of that while we were working through this.
Ultimately the police became involved, but if I had the chance again I would still have attempted to protect Lauren and work with her issues in a holistic and healthy way rather than through the justice system. The next few months may be rocky while we go through this in court, but please try to understand that we had your best interests in mind when we made the decision not to get you involved.
Let’s talk? Cup of chai?
Fi
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lauren’s been taken back 2 the detention place. cops finally worked out it was her. that’s why all the cars and weird stuff over the past few days. department of community services and all that.
sorry i sent that bullshit story 2 u about the kidnapping. i just didn’t want u 2 be all ‘i knew it all along’ on my ass. lauren did something pretty bad but i wonder if it’s any worse than u beating the crap out of donny? or what yr dad did 2 yr mum? or yr bro annihilating himself smokin pot n selling nude snaps of his own sister. or me witholding evidence. or raj n deepspace not telling me about lauren when they’ve known ever since it happened!!!!
i can’t believe i almost did it with her. my first time with a chick who could’ve hacked it off (or ‘stolen it’ as deepspace would say) when we were done. she still might.
u know what sangeeta, the psych chick who came 2 c us, said? lauren’s a kleptomaniac. know what that is? it’s someone who steals stuff, but not cos they need the stuff they’re stealing. apparently the 2 sides of the brain are at war or something. 1 part wants to steal but the other part knows the consequences.
so this sangeeta woman reckons lauren steals stuff but she actually wants 2 get caught! she was the 1 who led the dumpsta-dive that nite. led us right 2 it.
deepspace reckons lauren’s always stolen things (like raj’s beads that she flogged and some cash from deepspace). that’s why she got put away in the first place. stealing off her mum.
but this time she stole fingers. do u remember me telling u about the night she snuggled in2 me watching wolf creek? she’d been at the hospital visiting an ex-boyfriend who was in for something. it was late + apparently before she left she went into a treatment room for small operations and took a bag out of the bin. guess what was inside?
sangeeta asked if we’d ever heard her vomiting. apparently kleptos r often bulimic. and i used 2 hear her vomit every day! and she said something about them dominating and using people for their own gain. making sure the world revolves around them. they have major control issues.
anyway she’s gone. dunno what they’ll charge her with. i’m a bit f’d up. why wld raj n deepspace know about it 4 that long + not say anything 2 me? deepspace knew lauren’s past + they had a massive fight about it when they got home from the dumpsta-dive that night. lauren admitted it 2 deepspace way back then. deepspace wanted 2 keep it on the downlow. save lauren’s ass. but what about my ass? i’ve probly got an ulcer worrying about this thing. and why would they let someone like that stay in the house with us? what if she decided 2 steal a few of my body parts in the night?
i’m so angry i think i’m gonna leave. i don’t know where i’ll go. maybe sydney? maybe i’ll ask about other foster homes. i want 2 forgive them but i don’t know if i can. don’t you think that’s wrong?
please don’t hand our e’s in. just tell em what they want 2 hear – kangaroos on the main st. my pet platypus. stupid racist people who only care about prawns + beer + the easy life. croc wrestling on friday nights @ the pub.
it’s easier that way.
s.
ps i hate u for seeing straight thru me. why couldn’t u just leave it with the kidnap thing?
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From: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
To: Sim [[email protected]]
Subject: sickos
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Whoa. Thanks for filling me in. I know you didn’t have to so it means a lot to me. I can’t believe it. I mean, I can, not like your bullshit journo story, this is obviously true, but I just can’t believe people like Lauren exist. Well, I guess, like you said, there’s my dad and me beating up DANNY (you keep calling him Donny. It’s Danny, OK?), and the bro doing sketchy stuff so yeah, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. But still I am.
It sounds like you are too. Thank God you’re all right. Whoa. I’ve never heard of girls doing stuff like that before.
Look, I know you’re freaked out, but look at all the good stuff that came out of it? You realized Raj and Deepspace are OK and you’re safe with all your digits and reproductive organs. AND you didn’t do it with her. Thank God. Not that I believe in God – but if I did, big thanks to him.
Now that she’s gone, why would you want to leave? Like, I get it that you’re mad at them for not telling you the truth, but it kinda sounds like they were trying to do the right thing. I don’t know. I do get it. I don’t want to live at home either ’cause I’m mad at my parents. But it seemed like you really liked Raj. Maybe talk some more about it before you make a big decision?
Anyway, you and I maybe have freak magnets in us. We totally attract weirdo freaks. Well, except each other. We attracted each other and I think you and I are pretty cool. If I do say so myself.
Hey, I’m worried about you. Are you OK? Do you have anyone there you can talk to about this stuff? I know you can talk to me but sometimes cyberspace just isn’t good enough, you know? Is there a counsellor you can talk to?
Dad goes to the anger management thingy tomorrow. He’s gotta go all day. I wish I could go with him and see what he has to do. See how he reacts. Dad isn’t very good at being told what to do. Those people are really going to be earning their money, that’s for sure.
Umm, I kind of don’t wanna stop typing but I guess I have to.
I hope you are OK. I feel like you disappeared on me. Where is the real Sim?
Look, I know, search on YouTube for ‘otters holding hands’. That always cheers me up.
E me back once you’ve watched it.
Milla!!
PS Make sure you watch till the end; that’s the best bit.
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From: Sim [[email protected]]
To: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
Subject: got it
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hey m.
thanks 4 yr advice. i swear if u weren’t there thru all this d’know what i’d do. and guess what? i got yr package. where do u even get a life-size dr phil cutout? u really do have connections. it’s the new best thing i own. but how do i move house with it? i’m gonna have 2 hire a truck. u should’ve seen the looks on the office ladies @ school when they gave it 2 me. classic.
i’ve been soul-searching. wondering about being a freegan. it’s so extreme. maybe extremism of any kind just doesn’t work? maybe i’ll go the middle way of the buddha and b a frugan? my new word.
like, frugal but not having 2 search thru piles of dismembered body parts 2 find my dinner?
been wondering about trust and deepspace and raj, too. i just kind of want 2 get out of here. i’m gonna start a fund. a milla gainsberg ‘show me america’ fund. get away from all the psychos in australia. there r no weirdos in america, right?
raj told me today that the fingers came from some guy on a farm. the guy brought em in 2 the hospital but 2 late to be sewn back on. so the nurse just bagged em + binned them. i’d never even thought of that before. had u? body part no good: bin it.
but if that’s not bad enough why wld someone steal something like this? i was LIVING with her. she nearly busted my cherry. so 2 speak. we cld have had kids. little finger-chopping psycho babies.
i shouldn’t have written that. i feel sorry 4 her. she’s clearly disturbed. the shrink reckoned it’s all about chemical imbalances in the brain. (maybe that’s what you’ve been experiencing?) i might even go visit her. i feel more angry @ the other guys than her. they’re sposed 2 be sane.
handing in my final report on this e-assignment 2morrow. got 2 write it up when i get home.
lemme know how yr dad goes at anger management. does he feel like adam sandler?
i didn’t know u didn’t believe in god. i thought all americans did. what do u believe?
s.
ps say we were gonna hand in all our emails … what do u reckon we’d have 2 cut out? there’s a fair bit of weird s#*t in there. rex, my teacher, might have a hearty.
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From: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
To: Sim [[email protected]]
Subject: nothing’s changed
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Hey. Dad came home in a really bad mood. Anger management just seemed to make him angrier. I’m such a moron. Here I was thinking that everything was going to be fixed, but guess what? Nothing is ever easy.
We had to learn some dumb quote today at school by someone I totally can’t remember: ‘There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.’ Uh, yeah, thanks for that. I’m slowly beginning to figure that out.
God. Hmmm. Yeah, don’t believe in him. But don’t know what I believe. Do I have to believe anything? I kind of like the Aboriginals’ idea. That we are all part of the earth and no-one is above Mother Nature. For some reason, that makes me happy. Do you believe in God? (Can freegans believe in God?)
Anyway, look, I know this is a long shot, but our school has an exchange program. I’m going to go for it. For Australia. I’m going to try to get a school somewhere near you. If it happens, it won’t happen for, like, six months. But I need to see you. I know this sounds cheesy and like a total after-school special, but you’re my best friend. Whether you wanna be or not.
Would that be cool with you if I came? I talked to Mom about it and she said I should definitely do it. Give me a chance to get out of L.A. and all the Hollywood bullshit. (And secretly, I think she wants me to get away from Dad just in case he goes postal on me instead of her one day.)
But, wait. You probably think I’m a total freak, right? You’re not going to want me to come over there. Bet you feel like puking about it, right? And don’t get any ideas ’cause I’m in no way a hot smoking bitch like Lauren (although I don’t steal fingers, so that’s a plus). And I still haven’t kissed anyone and I don’t plan on kissing anyone so just stop thinking about that. I’d maybe do the otters thing, but that’s it.
Look, OK, here it is. Here’s my photo. If you hate it, never email me back again and I’ll get it. If you don’t vomit more than three times, email me back and let me know what you think of my idea.
And as for editing our emails for the assignment? I’m not editing anything. They gave us an assignment and we did it. Case closed.
It’s about time the teachers knew what was really going on. I feel like all I’ve ever done my whole life is edit. Edit what was going on with Dad, edit what’s going on with bro, edit how I feel about what I look like, edit helping Mom.
I don’t want to edit anymore. You can if you want, I get it, but I just can’t anymore. I’m handing it in tomorrow. Wish me luck. Might mean I come to Australia sooner ’cause I’ll be expelled and will have lots of spare time on my hands.
So … here it is. Yeah, that’s right, I DO NOT look like a girl from a teen movie with perfect hair and teeth and a hot bod … sorry to crush your illusions of American chicks. Some of us just look regular.
If I don’t hear from you ever again, it’s cool, just know you were definitely the best friend I ever had.
Milla
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From: Sim [[email protected]]
To: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
Subject: just wait + see
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hey m
i only vomited twice so i thought i’d e back.
i really like yr shot. u look kinda more natural than i thought. like even after all you’ve said i still pictured u looking like an escapee from american pie 10 but u look kind of normal. hot-normal but like someone i’d actually want 2 hang out with.
i really want u 2 come here. + that’s cool u say i’m the best friend u ever had but do u mean that? or r u just getting sentimental cos this gig’s comin 2 an end? i def feel like i haven’t met someone like u in a long time.
and i haven’t even met u.
hardly any of the girls in my year abuse me like u do or threaten 2 pull the plug on the relationship every 3 days. almost none of them beat up intruders. and i can usually spin em any ol’ crap from one of my stories and they don’t call me on it. but u can smell it from the other side of the world. what is it with u?
i like that thing u said about there being no shortcuts 2 any place worth going. but where r we going? does there have 2 be a path? + is me being angry helping or making it worse? i’m kind of settling down a bit. raj said 2day that deepspace will get investigated but that she’ll probably just get a rap on the knuckles + be able 2 continue foster caring. it’s been a pretty full-on time 4 everyone. raj seems ok. but he’s always ok. deepspace is trying 2 talk 2 me. maybe i will in a few days’ time.
raj has this thing he always says – ‘just wait + see’. like if a girl dumps me + i’m spewing about it + i say ‘this is the end of my life’ he says ‘just wait + see’. then something really good happens and i say ‘isn’t this awesome? my life is so good’ and he says ‘just wait + see’. cos things always go wrong again not long after. i guess he’s saying that nothing, good or bad, lasts forever. u’ve just got to not get 2 attached 2 anything. so maybe we’ll both make it thru all this craziness after all. have 2 wait + see i guess.
do u really think we’ll keep in touch? without the assignment what if we just go ‘whatever’ + don’t bother? get exchanged soon so we can cement this thing. i’d kinda like 2 ditch this dinosaur technology now the assignment is over and use something more immediate. but what if we hate each other on msn or facebook or something?
i l–
i lo–
i lov–
i can’t say it.
come c me. or i’ll come c u.
peace in the middle.
sim
ps screw it. i’m gonna hand it all in 2. can u send me all our e’s? i’ve been deleting since the whole finger thing.
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From: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
To: Sim [[email protected]]
Subject: you do not
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OK
So the ‘I love you’ thing is lame. You totally do not. You haven’t even met me, and you can’t really tell if you love someone till you’ve smelled them. (I read it in Mom’s Oprah magazine … apparently it’s the smell that links you with someone.)
So until I’m in Oz, lay off the mushy stuff ’cause I know it’s just bullshit to try and suck me in.
Yeah, let’s keep in touch. You on Skype? That way we can see each other
too. Or we can Facebook, IM, etc. And we are going to keep in touch. As if we wouldn’t.
I’m definitely coming, I put in my forms today and Dad’s going to try to fast-track it. There’s another writer’s strike here so my dad wants to shoot a whole lot of stuff in Canada and Australia. So the family might come as well. Uh-oh, that might be bad … oh well, what am I going to do? Watch out, here come the fucked-up Gainsbergs …
See you on IM soon!
Milla
PS Gotta surprise for you. It’s one of the shots my bro took of me …
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
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From: Sim [[email protected]]
To: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
Subject: raunchy
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hey m
is that the best yr bro could do? u sure u can’t send me some of the others?
check this from my teacher! 2 funny.
e u 2morrow.
s.
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Sim
Very interesting. I must say that I have never read a student assignment quite like this one. If I were to appraise it purely as a piece of fiction, I would have to conclude that it was rather compelling. But, as you invented a teacher, created a falsified email account on the school’s system, used inappropriate language and, between yourself and your efriend, revealed a list of objectionable acts, I have read the piece in a rather different light.
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