by Lindsey Hart
Asha glanced at Aaron, who shot her a look that spoke volumes. Obviously, he wasn’t going to be the one to push Colt’s shoulder back in. He didn’t want to end up with a black eye for his efforts.
She placed a hand gently on Colt’s good shoulder. His skin was clammy, even through his cotton t-shirt. “Let me take you to the hospital.”
“Nope. No hospital. No doctors. Just push it back in for me.”
God, can he be any more stubborn? Or annoying? She shook her head, reaching over him to feel his injured shoulder. His sudden intake of breath let her know just how painful it was. Colt wasn’t the kind of man who let his pain be known easily. He was tough as nails so it must be bad.
“If I push this in, you have to promise me you’ll take the rest of the day off to take care of yourself. The breakdown can wait.” She didn’t even want to know how the injury had occurred in the first place. Why am I even considering doing this?
Colt just nodded, his dark eyes fearless. She’d seen this done before. It wasn’t the first time someone had put their shoulder out. Asha’s hands roved the injury, feeling for the right angle, gauging the correct alignment. It really wasn’t that far from where it should be. She shifted, bracing herself against Colt.
“Do it,” he ground out.
Asha closed her eyes, took a breath and pushed. Hard. There was a crunching sound then a pop as the shoulder slid back to where it should have been all along.
Colt actually screamed. It was the first time Asha had ever heard him so much as utter more than a hiss of pain. She jumped away, shocked. Colt just sat there. Sweat poured down his face. It was a minute before he took a shaky breath, leaned to the side and retched painfully.
She stood there helplessly. She knew Colt wouldn’t appreciate her interference. Even her being there, witnessing his pain, was bad enough. He straightened, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and waited a minute before he tested his injured shoulder. He winced but was able to move it.
“Thanks,” he muttered. “You did a fine job.” Colt was even paler than before. He stood shakily, obviously ready to resume whatever he’d been doing.
“Oh, no,” Asha protested. “We had a deal. You’re coming back to my house. Where I can keep an eye on you.” Her offer shocked them both.
“No,” he finally muttered. He reached up and swiped the sweat off his forehead. “I’m good here.”
You stubborn ass. “A deal’s a deal,” Asha said firmly. “If you don’t come with me now, I’ll pop that shoulder back out of place and leave you like you were before.”
Colt grinned. “You wouldn’t. You couldn’t hurt a fly, Asha Roseland.”
She softened. “Come on, Colt. Take the morning off at least. I haven’t had breakfast yet. You were the one telling me you’d never been asked to a meal, so there you go.” She glanced sidelong at Aaron, aware that she’d said too much. He made a big production of studying the ground, pretending he hadn’t heard anything at all. “Can you drive me home, Aaron? And Colt too?”
The kid’s head snapped up. “Yah. Sure. Does this mean I have the day off?”
“I suppose so,” Colt ground out. He shot Asha an irritated look. “I guess the lady means business.”
Aaron barely restrained himself from doing a heel click as he jumped into his truck. He fired the old thing up and waited.
Asha extended her hand. Colt eventually took a step forward. His calloused palm closed around hers. She pointedly ignored the buzz of electricity that shot up her arm. It was like touching him for the first time.
She turned and guided him towards Aaron’s truck. She opened the door for him and watched him climb into the back seat before she slid in beside him.
The ride back to Roseland was strange. Silent. She was all too aware of how this looked. Do I really care? It was just that they’d been sharing a bed for years, yet neither of them had ever said a word aloud about how they felt about each other.
What do I truly feel? Asha couldn’t even begin to define the strange ache that settled with her and remained there. The prickling under her skin, the heaviness in her limbs and stomach. She felt… tender. Softer. She just wanted to be sure Colt was alright. He’d done a hell of a lot for her. The least she could do was give him a hot meal and make sure he didn’t kill himself working on farm equipment.
Aaron dropped them off by her house and Colt followed her in. He’d been in the house before, but this was different. She always came to him. His presence seemed to fill up the entire place.
She didn’t want to be disturbed. She turned the lock behind them as soon as Colt stepped through the door.
Asha studied Colt, who stood in the hall. He was dirty, sweaty and had vomit on his jeans. If it was possible, her heart softened a little more. She’d never felt so tender towards another person in her life. Colt grew up with loving parents, but at the moment it seemed like not a single person had looked after him his entire life. And in that moment, she wanted to.
“I’ll run a bath for you,” she said. “With Epson salt for your shoulder.”
Colt started to protest but Asha shook her head. “Look at yourself. You’re a mess. Just do as I say for once.”
A slow smile spread over his face. “I always do as you ask.”
She didn’t have a ready response for a statement that was entirely too true so she retreated down the hall, to the small bathroom. She readied the bath. She was just about to lay out a towel when she heard heavy footsteps in the hall. Colt paused in the doorway, eyes filled up with some deep emotion that she wasn’t prepared to deal with no matter how soft she felt.
“There,” she whispered, her voice a little hoarse. “Just throw your clothes out and I can wash them for you.”
His eyes lowered to his hands. She was painfully aware that what they were doing was far too intimate even though neither of them were naked.
She made her second hasty retreat in less than five minutes, brushing past Colt and shutting the door firmly behind her.
Asha didn’t stop walking until she was in the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, her lungs strangely deflated. She had no reason to be out of breath. She shouldn’t feel like this. She’d seen Colt naked a hundred times. This… this was so different. It was new, undiscovered, unchartered territory. Him being in her house like this felt a little like him invading that secret part of herself that she kept walled off to protect herself.
“Fuck,” Asha whispered under her breath. She didn’t make a habit of using bad language, but there seemed to be nothing better to say. She didn’t want to think about whatever it was that was truly between them, whatever had grown, unnoticed, like a seed in her heart, sprouting and flowering in the center of her soul.
She shoved the thoughts aside and busied herself preparing the breakfast she’d promised. She whipped up oatmeal and cut a few slices off the freshly baked bread Ginny had given her the evening before. Asha was laying out the jams on the table when Colt appeared, the white terrycloth towel tucked firmly around his hips.
Asha’s mouth went completely dry. Dry like the time she’d fallen off Cinnamon and eaten a mouthful of dirt. She’d seen Colt a thousand times in the daylight, working without a shirt but him standing there, in her kitchen, utterly vulnerable, was a different story.
“You were right. I was filthy. The bath definitely helped my shoulder.” He flexed the injury in question and breathed in deeply.
“I’m glad,” Asha mumbled. She indicated the table. “Eat something if you can. I can either wash your clothes or go to your house and get you some clean ones.”
He sat heavily. “It’s fine. Don’t worry. Not the first time I put on dirty clothes.”
She realized that he didn’t want to be a bother. To put her out. Good lord, the man worked from dawn until dusk, often on her own land and never charged her a cent. He never asked a damn thing of her. Just gave and gave and gave…
“Do you want milk? All I have is almond though.” Asha turned quickly, blinking back
sudden tears. She didn’t wait for a response. She grabbed the carton and a glass and set them both down in front of Colt.
He stared at her for a second before he lowered his eyes to the glass. “Thanks,” he said quietly.
She sat across from him and they ate in silence. She had to force her food down past her constricted throat. Why on earth do I feel like bawling like a baby?
Colt finished his food in record time and leaned back. “That was really good. Thank you.”
Asha felt her cheeks heat up. Were they really doing this for the first time ever? Sitting down and having breakfast? She didn’t miss the softness in Colt’s own eyes, couldn’t miss what this truly meant to him. Her tongue tied itself in knots. She should apologize, she realized, but how exactly did one say sorry for being so completely inadequate for so very long?
“Do you want to lay down? I have a couch… or- uh- there’s a spare room.”
“It’s fine. Just drive me home.”
“You said you would take the morning off.”
Colt’s lips turned up in a half smile that was far too sad. “I know. I will.”
She understood then, that he was trying to give her an out. He knew this was hard for her, that he was invading a part of her world that she wasn’t quite ready to share, even after years. God, she’d known him since she was in kindergarten. He’d been two years ahead of her. They’d grown up together. Played together. He’d worked for her dad when he was older, in addition to helping his parents with their own farm.
What could she say? Asha studied Colt’s face. He didn’t look away. She realized then, what her true fear was.
That one day he’ll get tired of me and go away and leave me for good.
She didn’t know what was worse. The fact that she realized, after years of denying it, that there was a huge part of herself that wanted Colt, wanted more than just stolen interludes in the middle of the night. She didn’t know what love was, but there was an emptiness in her heart that she’d always been too carefully busy to notice. She felt frozen in place, caught between her fear of letting Colt go to find someone he truly deserved and her inability to truly love someone.
“Okay,” Asha relented because she didn’t know what else to do. She’d never felt so uncomfortable in her own skin. “Get your clothes then.”
Colt did. He went and put his dirty clothes on because she asked him to. If she’d asked him to stay, to stay and take her into his arms and hold her, she knew he would have done it without hesitation.
He was silent as she drove him home. He didn’t say a word as he climbed out of the truck, just nodded and disappeared inside his house.
She sat for a minute after, staring at that weather blistered, sun faded front door. There was a huge part of her that wanted to go after him. To take him into her arms and hold him and beg him to forgive her for being so far from what she should have been. She wanted to tell him she was proud of him. That he was a good man. That she didn’t know what love meant, but if she did, she would love him.
Instead she turned her truck around and drove slowly back to her own farm. She was good at a few things in life. Working was one of them. She loved her staff, she was passionate about what she did. She was loyal to her friends. She could wake at dawn and work until well past midnight most days. She could pour her blood, sweat and tears into her land. Why then, couldn’t she do the same for Colt?
CHAPTER 15
Asha
It had been two days Since Colton injured his shoulder. Asha had meant to drive over and check on him but she had been so busy working with the newest animals on the farm that she didn’t have time. Colton was also busy out in the fields. He likely wouldn’t be at home anyway. Asha knew she could find him in the night, if she wanted to. And part of her did. But part of her resisted, trying to firm her resolve to find the courage to do what was right.
Ginny Roberts was one of Asha’s closest friends. The woman had lived on Asha’s farm for years and years. Her two sons used to farm for Asha’s father but they had long since found wives and moved away to have their own families. Ginny had stayed on, living in a small house, little more than a cabin, on Asha’s land. She was too old to help care for the animals or do the manual labour on the farm but she was a huge help to Asha in the garden. The woman could make anything grow.
It was Ginny’s preserves and canning that were a huge hit at Roseland General. She also supplied the store with baking and treats to die for as well as crocheted tea towels, dish cloths, slippers, baby blankets and little animals.
Ginny was like the grandmother Asha never had. Her mother’s parents had passed away before she was born as well as her paternal grandmother. Her dad’s dad died when she was four and she didn’t have many memories. It was Ginny who had been there for Asha after her parents died and when she had been faced with the prospect of raising and caring for her little sister.
Ginny’s door was always open. Asha had come to count on the welcoming cup of tea. She’d never heard the woman utter an unkind word about anyone.
Asha felt guilty about not having had time to visit Ginny these last couple of days. She desperately needed some of the older woman’s wise advice.
As always, Asha was welcome inside and offered a cup of tea though the day promised to be another scorcher. She waited for Ginny to have a seat before she got right down to what was truly bothering her.
“You don’t have to say anything dear.” Ginny smiled, revealing nearly toothless gums. Her white hair stood out on end. It was cut short and the humidity of the day made it unruly. It only leant to the overall cuteness that Ginny always had. It was strange, how really old people sometimes looked almost young. “I know you’re worried about Colton.”
Asha started. “What?”
Ginny grinned. “Don’t look so shocked. I know about the two of you.”
“How?”
The older woman’s dark eyes shone with amusement. Her smile turned her face into a mass of wrinkles. Asha loved that smile. She loved everything about Ginny. It was true, that saying that stated good things came in small packages. Ginny wasn’t taller than five feet but she contained all the love in the world. “Does it matter how I know?”
“I guess not,” Asha admitted. She took a sip of peppermint tea.
“It’s the way you talk about him. I can see how your eyes light up. You get this far away look and then the shutters come in place. I know that you’re fighting what you feel. I know how hard this world has been for you. Losing your parents, raising your sister, looking after everything and everyone here. It’s a lot of responsibility for one so young.”
“I don’t feel young anymore.”
Ginny’s head bobbed in agreement. “My point exactly. You’ve had so much to deal with for so long that it’s not a wonder you can’t take time to just feel. Or that you don’t want to.”
Asha sighed. There wasn’t any point in trying to explain everything to Ginny. She just got it. She somehow managed to put into words what Asha had been struggling for so long to explain to herself.
“I just don’t know what to do about Colt anymore,” Asha whispered. “I feel like I should let him move on and be with someone else, or that I should try and be what he wants.”
“Which is?” Ginny raised a white brow, waiting.
“A wife,” Asha breathed. The word hung between them for a minute. “I just want things to stay the same,” Asha said morosely, realizing she sounded like a lost child.
“And does Colton?”
“No. He would never say so but I can tell. He’s lonely. He deserves better than what I’m giving him. I’m afraid… I’m afraid of what will happen if I allow myself to try and be what he needs. I don’t even know what love means. I’m afraid of getting hurt, but I’m also afraid of letting him go, which I know is so selfish. He’s a good friend and his help with the farm has been beyond value. He’s always stuck by me… I don’t even know what life would look like without him in it.”
“I think Co
lton would be fine. He’s a big boy. If he understood what your reasons were behind ending it, I think he would forgive you.”
Asha wasn’t so sure. “I don’t want to hurt him, but I realize now that’s what I’m doing every single time I’m with him.”
“You have to do what you think is best,” Ginny said softly.
“I have no idea what is best,” Asha moaned. “I’m so confused.” She crossed her hands in her lap and studied them intently. When she finally looked up, Ginny’s eyes were trained on her face. They were full of love and compassion.
“Some things aren’t easy, Asha. Some things are very difficult and require a lot of thought.”
“I know.” She finished her cup of tea and pushed back from the table with a forced smile. “Thanks for this, Ginny. I needed to talk to someone.”
Ginny’s smile was as sad as her own. “I’m not sure I helped at all.”
“It helps that you’re here. I love you,” Asha whispered. She didn’t think she’d ever said those words before to anyone other than her parents and to Katelyn. She didn’t say them enough. That’s the real problem.
Ginny’s eyes misted up. Asha pulled the elderly woman in for a tight hug. Surprisingly the words hadn’t hurt her. They hadn’t caused part of her to shatter. She hadn’t lost anything by saying them. No, if anything, she’d gained the entire world.
Asha left, promising to visit again soon. Her thoughts were even more jumbled than ever. She didn’t like the pain in her heart, the bleeding out that she couldn’t seem to stem. She hadn’t felt this way since her parents died. She’d been so careful not to and now, all her walls were crumbling. She couldn’t even say what it was. She just knew that she had to do something. It seemed whatever direction she turned someone was going to get hurt. Herself or Colton. Probably both. She didn’t relish the prospect of more grief. That was the whole problem. Ginny was right. She’d already lived with more grief than she’d been able to handle.