by TJWEST
“Said, not ready, found my answers. Gonna go.”
Right when my hand grasped the door handle, my ma whispers, “I don’t blame you anymore.” I lost my fuckin’ breath with those words, I couldn’t move. The grip on the handle made my knuckles turn white, stiff. I couldn’t turn around and look at her anymore; takin’ deep breath, I opened the door and walked out.
As if nothing happened, I went back to Reds and buried myself in paperwork. I didn’t come out of the cramped quarters until after the lunch rush. I don’t think I did much work, considering my mind kept swaying back to my Mother - I pushed her back as far as possible and made it through the grueling hours.
I noticed the time; Joey was gettin’ out of school soon. I gathered my things and made the way to my bike when I realized I hadn’t spoken to Sandy all day - I started to feel pretty shitty about how I had left things with her; the scarred expression on her face when I bitterly stated: “Can’t look at you” - Fuck me, what an asshole!
I immediately hopped on my bike, revved up the engine and sped my way home.
Chapter 29
Sandy
I couldn’t cry anymore; my body was exhausted, fatigued, incapable of anymore tears. I sucked up my emotions by going on with my day even though every thought came back to how cruel Quinn was to me. Yes, I expected the worst, but the darkness in his eyes showed me just how much he loathed me in that moment. What we had, had disappeared in a blink of an eye.
Once I cleaned my tear stained face, I found Peta getting herself ready to leave. I never told her about what had happened, but just giving her a hug, before she left, was a huge comfort. She still seemed pretty sad, but knew she had to go on living - I guess I’ll have to do the same.
Distraction was what I needed; I cleaned the entire house and agreed that it truly needed to be repainted. The drabby gray of every wall was depressing and ugly. A good bright paint would, indeed, brighten things up a bit. Shit, here I am thinking about painting while my relationship with Quinn is over!
After cleaning, I fixed myself some lunch and watched a couple episodes of “The Walking Dead” on Netflix - not a good thing to watch while eating, but at least it was another good distraction. Before I knew it, it was time to pick Joey up from school.
I decided to keep Joey in his regular school, even though it was more of a drive, but moving him to another one would not have been the best decision. I sometimes miss my old neighborhood, but being in a house has been so nice. All the while, driving to school, I thought about where Joey and I would go next; there is no way we can afford living in a big house like Quinn’s. I guess that is something I need to do this weekend - go apartment hunting.
Joey was all smiles when I arrived at school; he mentioned that the school was participating in a poem night on Friday night, and was hoping we could all go so he could present his poem - seeing him so excited made my day. With or without Quinn, we would be attending the poem night.
While Joey was doing homework, I went out into the backyard, relaxed on one of the lounge chairs, and tried to enjoy the late spring day. I loved this backyard. Red did an amazing job landscaping it; part of the patio ground was covered with different colored slate (brown, gray, copper), with a built-in fire pit, which made it the focal point of the area. There was a small grassy area outlining the slate, and a variety of succulents planted, surrounding all angles of the backyard. It was beautiful. Peaceful.
“Shorty.” Quinn’s husky voice startled me by breaking me out of the serene mood and bringing me back to reality.
When I hadn’t responded I felt his presence moving closer to the back of my chair. His hands settled on my shoulders, making me flinch. I still didn’t respond when he repeated, “Shorty.” There was nothing left inside me to fight; the pain in my heart was numb.
Quinn sighed, walked toward another chair, and pulled it next to mine. I glanced at him briefly and said, “We’re exhausting.”
“What do you mean by that?” He asked.
I finally made full eye contact with Quinn and explained. “Us. You. Me. We are exhausting ourselves to the point where we can’t move forward anymore.”
“Babe….”
I shook my head and put my hand up. “ I saw how you looked at me this morning, the way you treated me; it was very clear that I was nothing but a stranger to you, especially when you called me by my name.” I whisper, “I did that. I’m the one who put that look in your eyes. I don’t blame you, Quinn….I don’t. To other people this may look like a tiny flaw in our relationship, but I know it’s not. It’s bigger than that. I ripped your heart out, your trust. It’s not something I’m taking lightly.” My voice trailed off.
He scooted closer toward me, bringing his large hand on the side of my head. I closed my eyes just as a tear slid down my cheek. Quinn lightly brushed it away. From his tender touch I wanted to break down and sob but I did my best not to. “What happened this morning was fucked up. Just the way it is, babe, but I’ve had time to think things over and I understand why you did what you did. I may not agree with your rash decision, but I’ll be damned if I let you go on thinkin’ I saw you as a stranger, cuz that, babe, is not true.” I choked on his words, letting the tears, once again, spill. He grabbed me by the waist and placed me on his lap, forcing me to wrap my arms around his middle. I wanted to struggle, but I didn’t have the strength. “Fuckin’, hell yeah, we exhaust each other, but that don’t mean we can’t move forward. My heart, and my trust -” he places my hand on his chest. “- you still got it. Always will. That ain’t somethin’ to be thrown away no matter how exhausting we get. It’s just a fact, Shorty.” By this time I was sobbing again. “What I said to you was also fucked up. That won’t ever happen again….Promise. What you have inside your head, thinkin’ we are done, needs to get out...now. We are never done, babe. Not by a long shot. Not as long as I’m here, breathin’ and holdin’ you in my arms, we are never done. Get that through your fucked up head. Understand?”
“Oh, Quinn.” I sobbed.
“Fuckin’ love ya babe.” He professed, holding me tightly against his chest.
We sat together for awhile without speaking. There was nothing else I needed except what we gave each other right now, in this moment. He was my everything.
“Saw my mother.”
I popped my head from his shoulder and gasp, “You did? What happened?” I was eager to hear what he had to say. He gave me the details about his reunion; his anger toward her but the hidden relief that she loved him and was proud of him.
“Never thought I’d hear her say those words.” He whispered. “Just not sure what to expect - where to go with her.”
My tears dried up and was finally ready to be strong for Quinn. I took his face into my hands and said, “You can’t expect anything right now, honey. Give it time and let yourself process. From what you told me sounds like she wants to be a part of your life again.” I give him a light kiss on the lips and repeat, “Give it time.”
“Fuck, you are too good for me, but too selfish to let you go.” Quinn admitted.
“Ditto to that, big guy.” I agree with a smile.
EPILOGUE
The rest of the week went on as if nothing had happened, thank God! Quinn decided to give his mom another chance, and talked with her a couple more times. They decided to work their way back into each others lives, but with extreme caution of course. Quinn couldn’t trust her and I couldn’t blame him for that. I was just glad to see that he was making the effort. He mentioned to me that Rachael wanted to apologize to me for being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Of course, for Quinn’s sake, I happily forgave her. There was no reason to hold any grudges - it was time to move forward and start over.
Friday night was Joey’s big poem debut at his school - he was so excited to read it to everyone. I was so blown away when I read his poem for the first time, that I called my mother to let her in on how brilliant and special he was. I didn’t expect any big praises, but she did say how beautiful
it was, and that she wanted me to email her a copy. To me, that was a start of something. Our relationship was hard and a lot of work, but if Quinn could give his mother a second chance, why not me? Everyone has to start somewhere, so I guess letting my mother and father back in, little by little, may or may not help matters, but at least it was helping me. I do know that I need to talk with my mother about Blaine, I can’t let that go, but as of right now, Joey is my main focus and I want her to be a part of his life.
As for Blaine he will also be a part of Joey’s life. He’s made it clear that he wants what’s best for our son and will do what he can to build a relationship with him. It was the right thing to do and Quinn knew that as well. It will take time for all of us to get used to the idea of Joey having two dads and a bigger family; the changes in our lives this past year have been challenging, but it has all been worth it.
I couldn’t have been more proud of Joey. He stood tall and proud as he positioned himself on that stage, in front of the microphone. He looked across the crowd, smiled and announced his poem, “My poem is called Purple Rain, by Joey Brooks.” Listening to my boy brought tears to my eyes. Quinn put his arm around my waist, and held me close. He smiled with pride and joy, while watching and videotaping our son. It was truly one of the most heartfelt moments we experienced together as a family. I couldn’t wait to marry this man and begin a lifetime of sharing more amazing experiences like this one.
Joey begins,
“Rain.
When it falls, sunlight passes through.
Rain.
When it occurs a rainbow can be seen.
You can see the colors red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and even though it’s hard to notice, PURPLE.
Why can’t we be noticed like all of the other colors?
Well, you know what? We aren’t going to stay at the bottom of that rainbow.
We are going to fall on top of you, along with the rain, until we can be heard, we can be seen, we can be noticed.
Noticed,
as the Purple Rain.”
*****
Sandy and Quinn will be getting married in two weeks, and what better way to end this story than for me, the Author, sitting down to do an interview with them?
Their restaurant, Reds, is located in Del Mar, California and has been getting a popular buzz from tourists and locals. I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know them throughout their story and was very interested in getting to know them a bit more. Sandy and Quinn allowed me to visit them at Reds, along with their son, Joey, and gave me a tour of their place.
Before we started, we sat down together at one of the red leathered booths and ordered a few sodas. Quinn seemed hesitant at first but he was a good sport throughout the interview and gave it his all.
TJWest - Thanks so much for doing this interview with me, you guys, it means a lot.
Sandy - No problem. Thank you for your interest.
Quinn - Yeah, what my woman said. (he mumbled)
TJWest - First off, I wanted to ask how the wedding planning is going? What does your dress look like, Sandy? Any hints? And who is your Maid of Honor?
Sandy - Oh boy. (she giggles) It’s been a crazy ride in the last seven months. My good friend Vivian has been helping me plan. She and her daughter, Beth, moved back down here a couple months ago (smiling) and helped me get started. We’re pretty much done with the planning so it’s just the waiting that’s killing me. (she laughs) As for my dress, hmmmm, not sure I want to give that away just yet. But it is beautiful! Lastly, my partner in crime, Peta, is my Maid of Honor.
TJWest - Quinn, any comments to add?
Quinn - Nope. Shorty has handled everything. Just waitin’ to meet her down the aisle…
Sandy - Awwww. (she kisses Quinn on the cheek)
TJWest - What about you Joey? Are you excited for your mom to marry Quinn?
Joey - Yep! Can’t wait! I’m going to be Quinn’s Best Man!
TJWest - That’s truly amazing, Joey. How exciting! Sandy, how about your parents? Will they be at your wedding?
Sandy - (She nods her head) Yes. We’re still on a rough patch, my mom and I, but I know she’s trying to be a better parent and grandparent and wants to be here for me.
TJWest - I’m so glad to hear that. How do they get along with Joey? Have they ever spent holidays with you guys? Send birthday gifts to Joey?
Sandy - You want to answer that son?
Joey - Yep, they send awesome gifts. Last year, at Christmas, they gave me some Poke’mon stuff and a gift card to Gamestop. I love Gamestop!
TJWest - Very cool. So you’ve met your grandparents?
Joey - Just a few times. They live far away.
TJWest - I see. So, how do you feel about that Sandy, being so far away from your parents?
Sandy - It’s difficult. (she whispers in Joey’s ear. Joey gets up and moves to another table and plays with his 3DS) Sorry, I don’t want Joey around, hearing me talk about my parents.
TJWest - Sure, of course.
Sandy - I moved away from my parents because we had such a bad relationship. I couldn’t be near them, and I believe I made the best decision for me and Joey. Being far away there comes a price, yet when you love someone you should always make the effort no matter how close or far. My parents never really made the effort, until recently of course. I could have made the effort myself to go visit them, but again, our relationship was torn. It does hurt and I feel bad for Joey, but keeping him happy was my main focus. My parents, especially my mom, was not a happy woman and not someone I wanted my son to be around.
TJWest - I totally understand. Thank you for being so candid. Onto a lighter question. What are your hobbies? I notice you go out with Peta a lot but what do you do in your spare time?
Sandy - Yeah, I do go out a lot don’t I? (laughing) But, yeah, I love to read, bake -
Quinn - Fuckin’ brilliant with bakin’, babe.
Sandy - He loves my brownies (giggling) . He and Joey can eat the entire pan in a few minutes (laughing) Such pigs.
TJWest - I love brownies too. Sounds so good right now. Anything else you love to do?
Sandy - Yeah, I keep up the garden at home that Red started. Our backyard is filled with succulents, and soon I want to plant an avocado tree. Also, as a family, we love going to the beach, going on road trips up north, going camping, hiking. Joey and I have always gone to Balboa Park to the science center and History museum. You should see him and Quinn together when they are exploring, (giggling) they are too cute.
TJWest - You must love spending time with Joey (asking Quinn) ?
Quinn - He’s pretty amazing. Smart as hell. Plan on takin’ him on a camping trip, once it warms up.
TJWest - Just a boys weekend?
Quinn - Yep.
TJWest - This might be a touchy subject, but what about Blaine? Is he in the picture?
Quinn - Hell (he whispers)
Sandy - Blaine’s still around. He actually just moved here in the summer. He and Joey have spent more time together. It was a tough decision, but Quinn and I are letting him stay the night every other weekend. So far so good.
Quinn - Ain’t easy, but we’re doin’ what’s best for Joey.
TJWest - Those things do take time and I wish you the best of luck.
Sandy - Thanks.
TJWest - So Quinn, when you lived in Nevada you worked on motorcycles. What kinds of bikes did you fix up? How did you learn to fix bikes, and are you going to start up a new business?
Quinn - Crazy as this sounds, but learned this shit in middle school. Back then we had metal shop. Loved it all the way up into high school and kept taking these types of electives. I always had some kind of hand me down bike at home fixin’ up on my own. Pops knew about fixin’ up old bikes and taught me a little. I just kept it up once I moved away. Made a great business fixin’ all types of bikes; Harley’s mostly. As for another business, that one is still in the works. Maybe sometime next year.
TJWest - Do you want Joey
to ride someday?
Sandy - Uh, no. (laughs)
Quinn - Hell yeah.
TJWest - (laughing) I guess you two need to talk about that some more. So, do you two keep in touch with old friends from high school?
Sandy - I do, yes. Facebook of course, but visiting wise I haven’t, unfortunately. The family that I stayed with, when Joey was just born, I do call them occasionally and invited them to our wedding. I haven’t seen them in so long. I’m excited to see Pam. She was my closest friend during my pregnancy and convinced her family to help me out. I owe her so much. Other than that, not too many other friends I keep in touch with.
Quinn - Nope. Was a bit of a loner, rebel in my days. My brother, Jake, was the star of the school. While he played football, I got my hands dirty in the metal shop class. He and I were best buds, but you know how that turned out.
(Sandy grabs onto Quinn’s hand)
TJWest - Sandy, how did the kids in school react to you being pregnant? How did you handle it?
Sandy - To be honest, I didn’t tell anyone except Pam. She kept my secret for me. I was already humiliated enough to tell anyone and plus school was almost out, so I wasn’t showing when we had graduated. Of course Blaine didn’t say a word, which is a good thing, but it still hurt that he dismissed me the way he did.