It was too early in the morning to suffer an inquisition.
Four days had passed since Tess appeared on my doorstep and gave me no choice but to accept her. Accept her fire, spirit, and sharp tenacity. I may be a controlling bastard, but the moment Tess stalked into my life I lost my balls to her.
I hoped she didn’t know just how much she affected me, because I was shit terrified of what the future meant for us.
The promises she made of being strong enough for me; the blood oath that linked us together for as long as that blood pumped in our veins.
Four days since my life changed forever and I’d been in constant, excruciating pain ever since.
“Leave it alone,” I grumbled. This woman was an icy glacier to my unmovable mountain of a vow. My solemn vow that I’d never accept the fucking darkness or be a sadistic asshole like my father. The same vow that stopped me from stringing up helpless women like he did. But the glacier was winning—millimetre by millimetre, centimetre by centimetre. Her ice slithered between the hairline fractures of my will, making them larger, making the cracks harder to ignore.
For four days, I’d successfully ignored her advances for sex. Memories of taking her over the bar in the gaming room were still too raw. Tess couldn’t sit without wincing. I knew she hurt—not that she ever complained. I watched her every movement like a vulture studying the weakness of his prey. She thought she’d convinced me that she was fine, that the bruises didn’t affect her. Me. A man who smelled pain and fear as if it were a heady perfume— I knew the truth.
She said I hadn’t hurt her with my belt. She lied. I drew blood, for fuck’s sake. And I lived in a constant battleground, fighting the delicious satisfaction at her pain against my morality and horror at hurting her.
I never knew where the black urges came from. They were as much a part of me as my genetic code.
Tess didn’t deserve to be hurt—no woman did. But she was willing to sacrifice her screams for me. For the promise of something I wasn’t sure I could give.
I fucking shouldn’t want to beat the ever-living daylights out of her, but I did. Oh, shit how I did.
“Q. You can’t keep all your thoughts locked up now you’ve let me into your life. I see the torment in your eyes. You promised you’d talk and let me in.” Her voice bled pain while her tiny fists clutched the sheets in annoyance.
We’d both made promises, and so far, neither of us had lived up to them. Not that it mattered—I had every intention of breaking my end of the bargain. She wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t strong enough.
Ce sont les premiers jours, idiot. Détends toi. Early days, idiot. Just relax.
But I couldn’t relax. I wasn’t strong enough to fight the urge to be such a manic bastard if I didn’t keep a tight rein at all times. Look what I did when Tess first arrived as my slave. I had no choice but to hunt her, hurt her, devour her.
If I had been a better man, I would’ve walked back up the stairs and ordered Franco to remove her immediately. Now I stood on the precipice of a dream come true—a woman who saw the real me, accepted me, and wanted a future with me—and all I could do was drown in nightmares of killing her.
“I’m exhausted,” I murmured. Did she hear the ulterior confession? That it hadn’t even been a week of accepting this relationship, and I was already fucking frayed. I needn’t have asked—of course Tess saw the truth. She saw too damn much.
“Stop fighting then. You haven’t touched me since I came back to you. We may share a bed, but you hardly look at me apart from when I flinch if I sit on a sore spot on my ass. You’re more remote than when I was sold to you.”
I growled deep in my chest at the sold remark. I hated the cunts who’d stolen and sold her. Every time I thought about what might’ve happened to Tess if she’d been given to another, I wanted to turn feral—to strip the falseness of businessman and paint my walls with their blood. Screw having civilized business meetings with criminals. I was done with that shit.
Images of Tess bound and beaten, raped and ruined, constantly assaulted me. The ironic thing was—now I was the bastard responsible. But by letting me use her, I found myself wanting to offer everything I had in return for her gasps of fear and whimpers of pain. I didn’t feel worthy and didn’t think I’d ever repay the debt of her gift.
My hands curled, and I trembled with pent-up rage. Anger directed at myself.
I’m fucking insane.
I sighed deeply, sucking in courage to give Tess a little of what she needed—a tiny insight into my rotten core of a mind.
“I can’t be tender with you. And I hate that I got carried away with hitting you.” There? Was she fucking satisfied? I opened up to her about things I wished I could vomit out of me. Hurl this darkness from deep inside; purge my heart so I could be sweet and kind and the perfect man for her. Not the savage, sex-hungry beast.
Her breath caught, and a soft finger trailed along my forearm. “Thank you. You don’t know what a relief it is for you to talk to me. Can you tell me about your nightmare now?”
I glared at her and sat upright. Pushy woman. She’d successfully freaked me out and pissed me off with her questions.
Rolling to the side of the huge bed, I perched on the edge with my head in my hands. I didn’t want to be a coward and run, but this was all too new. My tower room with its massive fireplace and ocean-sized white carpet still looked the same, nothing outward had changed, but Tess wreaked havoc on my soul. I didn’t know if I’d survive allowing her to dig deeper into my world.
The nightmare roared back to full colour. All that blood, so bright with a coppery tang, almost sweet.
No. I couldn’t do this. I wasn’t strong enough. Somehow the evilness of my father would make me do the one thing I’d run from my entire life. I lived my life with rules, shackles. I wasn’t prepared to let a delicate, fragile little bird taunt me to untwine myself and chase her.
I’d win.
And I’d lose when I killed her.
On dirait une fille, putain, mercer! You sound like a fucking girl, Mercer.
I flinched as Tess scampered across the bedspread and draped herself over my naked back. Her soft fingertips traced my tattoo of fluttering sparrows and barbwire. I clenched my jaw as her touch whispered lower and lower, down my abs, heading to my cock.
I meant to stop her. I really did, but she grasped me hard through my boxer-briefs; I groaned. One touch was all I needed to make me achingly hard and drowning in dark desire.
Tess coaxed me to rigidness, all the while nibbling on my ear. “If you’re frightened of hurting me, Q…you won’t. I trust you not to go too far.”
I bit out, “I don’t trust you yet. I don’t want to break you.” I don’t trust myself to stop.
She stopped stroking and pulled back. Her warmth left me with a shiver. “I gave you my word to fight you. I’ve slept in your bed for four nights, and the most you’ve done is peck my cheek good night. You haven’t used your belt or chains or any of those toys I glimpsed in that mirrored chest of yours.”
Her eyes flittered to the end of the bed where the chest lay. Locked. No way did I want her going in there.
I groaned, gripping my head with stabbing fingers. What monster wanted to capture the blood of the woman he’d given his life to? What animal wanted to ensnare her screams to repeat over and over again like a perfect chorus?
I was right to keep myself so aloof, so obsessed with work. By staying overworked, I had no time for other needs.
I hadn’t been to work in four days. A new emotion kept me at home, never far from Tess’s side. The terror that she’d wake up one morning and realize she made a huge mistake kept me anxious and snappy. The thought of coming home from work to find her gone—well, both the man and the beast hated the very idea. But it was a mistake to think I could give up my way of life and not suffer consequences.
I had to find a way to cure myself. I had to stop this before Tess successfully goaded me into doing something I regretted.
Goddammit, she said I scarred her soul…would she let me scar her skin?
Tess stood before me. Her toned legs splayed, hands on her hips. So proud and regal in her own body. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. The beast inside prowled and hurled itself against the cage, trying so hard to get at her. To rip her. Ravage her.
I chained the monster back up, pulling myself together.
Tess folded to her knees between my legs and pressed her lips against my boxer-clad cock.
I jolted, gasping. The heat of her breath, the delicateness of her lips, drove me insane.
“If you won’t tell me your concerns, I’ll just taunt you until you can’t help it. You have me. I’m your slave while we’re in the bedroom, and I want to be used. I crave it. Why don’t you get that yet?”
She wanted to taunt me? Fine. I lashed out and grabbed a thick handful of messy blonde curls. Leaning down to her eye level, I stared right into the depths of her being, allowing her to see the turmoil in mine. The need, the anguish, the fine line of hatred and love for her for forcing me to accept this part of myself.
Tess sucked in a breath, shrinking beneath the weight of my stare. I shook her, loving the small blaze of pain in her eyes. Shit, would I ever become repulsed by hurting her rather than turned on?
“I understand you want me to show you what my fantasies are, but you have to give me time, esclave.” My heart raced at the word. For four days, I’d refused to call her anything but Tess. She wasn’t my slave. She wasn’t my possession. Never had been and never would be. I hated how even though I knew she was there on her own accord, I still wanted ultimate ownership. I wanted her chained and completely dependent on me. I wanted to feed her and bathe her. I wanted to be the very reason she stayed alive.
Fuck, I should get a pet.
Tess isn’t a pet, you bastard. She’s your equal. She’s Tess. Elle est à toi. She’s yours.
Her eyelids slammed closed and she swayed into me, her lips parting. “Say it again, maître. Remind me of my place.”
Shit, this fucking woman. She wasn’t curing me, she made it worse. How could I expect to avoid my nightmares when she forced me down this path?
Something unlocked inside, some darkness billowed, blocking out the light I’d been fighting so hard to keep bright.
Tess noticed. Her body tensed, her fingers digging into my thighs.
I bent closer, glowering. My heart beat thickly as black excitement unfurled. “You’re disobeying me, esclave. I think I may have to punish you.” The word punish set my muscles on edge and I gripped her harder.
She shuddered under my touch, eyes flaring wide with a sexy glint. The same glint that told me she was about to rebel and cause me to snap. Shit, I didn’t have the strength to stop myself again. My energy was depleted. The gates unlocked, and the monster was in full control.
Tess stroked my thigh once. “You aren’t allowed to punish me. I’ll run. I’ll leave you.”
My hands clenched into fists, digging into her flesh. Her threat was too close to my true fears, and I shuddered with rage. Even though I knew she did it deliberately it still riled me up. “You wouldn’t fucking dare. You returned to me. This isn’t a vacation, esclave. You don’t get to come and go as you please. You belong to me and I can do what I want to you.”
Her mouth parted, and she sucked in a shaky breath, but her eyes blazed with grey fire. “Don’t you dare touch me; I’ll ruin you.”
Ah shit, I was a goner. I was completely and mind-bendingly falling for this woman.
I swallowed back the thick taste of lust and murmured, “Too fucking late, esclave. I’m ruined beyond redemption.” In the last moment of gentleness, I pressed my forehead against hers and breathed deep. “I’m lost.” Then the gentleness left, abandoning me to the hard-edged need to hurt.
In one swoop, I hauled her upright. Her hands flew to mine clutched in her silky curls. Her gaze smouldered to smoke, and her perfect pink lips trembled.
“You really shouldn’t push me. I asked for time.” I shook her hard, furious for making me lose control. Control was my one weakness—take that away from me and the consequences were disastrous. “I’m done fighting. You happy now?”
Her chest rose sharply as she sucked in another unsteady breath. A flicker of indecision filled her eyes before being swallowed by heavy, heated lust. “Yes. Extremely. There’s the man I returned to. The one I want to fuck me.”
My cock lurched forward in the prison of boxer-briefs, aching with the need to plunge deep inside her. I pulled her forward, licking my lips. I’d take her hard. I didn’t want docile; I wanted savage.
Her eyes closed as I crushed my mouth against hers.
She sighed as I licked her lower lip with an angry tongue. Her body yielded into my touch, surrendering her false fight, showing me just how much she needed this—this violence.
I pulled away, releasing her hair to capture her wrist. The same tattooed wrist with barcode bars and fluttering sparrow. A mockery of her slave status and a talisman of her freedom. “You should know by now I don’t do things you want me to do, esclave. Your permission isn’t what gets me off.”
She frowned as I dragged her across the thick white carpet and forced her to kneel in front of the mirrored chest. Breathing hard, I stalked to where I left my trousers on the floor last night and withdrew the key.
“Open it.” I passed the key to her, my hand steady, but heart beating wildly.
She glared, hesitating for a moment. Her body language stiffened at the command. I thought she’d disobey again, but she nodded and slipped the key obediently into the lock.
My back turned rigid, every muscle throbbing on high alert. Tess thought I had a soul, a heart. What I stored in the chest would prove all her stupid sweet fantasies were false.
There was no doubt I wanted Tess. There was no question she made me feel something I’d never felt before…but there was also no doubt that it wasn’t enough. I was too damaged from too young an age to be able to change.
Tess took a deep breath, cracking open the lid. I expected a squeal, a gasp…something to indicate awareness of what she tempted, but deathly silence filled the room.
I gritted my teeth, looking over her shoulder. The first lot of apparatus was tame. Any sex shop or adventurous couple would have a few sneaky purchases.
Three whips; four floggers of different thickness; two paddles; three sets of nipples clamps; butt plugs and cuffs of every description. In fact, they were so tame, they turned me off at the thought of using them on Tess.
Tess ran delicate fingers along the items, a slight frown on her face. Why the hell was she frowning?
“Speak. Are you disappointed? Expect to find a rape kit in there? A shovel to get rid of your body, perhaps?”
She flinched at the word rape and I cursed myself to hell for using it. Once again my rage and hatred toward Lefebvre rose; I wanted to hack his corpse into worm food. Fucking bastard for hurting what was mine to protect.
Tess looked up, craning her swan-white neck. “It’s just… I expected—” She swallowed and didn’t continue. Instead, she shook her head slightly and returned to the chest.
Picking up a black rubber dildo, she murmured, “I don’t want dildos when I can have your cock. I knew you had the whips and floggers, but I don’t know…” Her voice dwindled off, and damn it to hell, she made me feel like I lacked. That I wasn’t hard-core enough for her.
I would only be completely satisfied when she was red with blood and whimpering in my arms. Tha
t’s the sort of sick fuck I was. For Tess to think I was tame. Shit, it made me want to prove just how dark I wanted. Just what sort of depraved thoughts lived in my skull.
I ran a hand over my head, cursing her silently. You’re competing with yourself. Do you see how fucked up this is?
Merde. “It’s a shelf. Look harder.” My voice didn’t sound right. Too dark, too coarse.
Her eyes flashed to mine, and something sparked between us. The chemistry and need that always simmered roared into an out-of-control fire. My heart raced, and my already rock-hard cock throbbed with need. All I could think about was the taste of Tess on my tongue and the memory of whipping her in my mind.
Inching higher on her knees, Tess found the small latch on the shelf and pulled it away.
“Oh,” she whispered.
Yes, oh. The sickness and blackness was there for her to see. I hadn’t used any of the toys—not that they could be called toys. More like torture equipment. I didn’t know why I owned them. I never planned to use them. Until now.
Tess lifted out the Japanese silk rope. It was said to tie into a knot so strong, not even blade or teeth could get it undone. It burned the skin when the captive wiggled, and the glowing crimson of the threads looked so like blood my mouth watered.
Tess stroked the rope once, before draping it over her naked thighs and reaching for the next item. I didn’t want to tear my eyes away from the rope on her skin, but my stomach twisted at the next item.
A harness.
The same type my sick, perverted father used to string women up with their heads between their legs hanging from the ceiling. Arms bound, legs bound, head bound…there would be nowhere Tess could run. No place I wouldn’t be able to touch.
I shuddered as a band of need squeezed my balls. The thought of Tess strung up so helpless filled me with restless urges. I stepped forward, compelled to pounce and truss her up. To make her scream, needing my cock.
Her eyes flashed to mine as I took another step, nudging her knee with my foot. She gazed from beneath her thick lashes, eyes swirling with complexities that I couldn’t figure out. Her chest rose as courage, sharp and brittle, etched her face.
Monsters in the Dark Page 34