Q suddenly tensed; his lips thinned. “J’ai une demande.” I have one request.
“Name it.”
He kissed me hard, melting my muscles, shattering my mind with purple stars. When he pulled back, his voice was flat and slightly cold. “You ask me to be myself. And I want to. How I fucking want to. But, Tess…I need you to promise. I’m not so fucking heartless to hurt you, make you cry and scream—because believe me I will—without a way out if you need it.”
His eyes pierced mine. “Remember the word you used the night you told me it was over?” His voice sounded bitter, miserable.
I hated I’d hurt him so badly. I had a lot to make up for. “I remember.” My hand left the water, dripping with droplets to cup his cheek. “I’ll say it if it gets too much. I promise. I won’t let you force me back into my tower.”
He nodded, tiny lines appearing around his eyes as he concentrated. “You say the word and it’s over. It ends. You say sparrow, and I stop. Tu as compris?” Understand? His gaze dropped to my lips, waiting to see my oath rather than just hear it.
Wanting to give him my vow in the language he’d been born with, I whispered, “Moineau. Je sais que c’est le mot de sécurité, mais je ne vais pas en avoir besoin.” Sparrow. I know the safe-word, but I won’t have need of it.
“Why not?” Q asked.
“Because I’m always safe with you.”
* * *
Q guided me forward, leading me through the dark.
My damp hair clung to my back while my equally damp body stayed warm, wrapped in a towel. I couldn’t stop looking at Q. Even in the gloom his muscles cast shadows, making him look not of this world. The perfect V, disappearing into the towel, made my mouth water for sinful things.
I didn’t know what lived in my system but the incessant need and sparking excitement completely overshadowed it. I was no longer high on substances—I was high on Q and what he would do to me.
Q’s fingers entwined with mine, leading me to parts unknown. He looked over his shoulder, checking to make sure I hadn’t changed my mind. I hadn’t. I wouldn’t. I wanted this.
“It makes sense. The darkness,” I whispered.
Q chuckled. “I doubt it.”
I frowned. What is his reason? Mine was a guess—but it made sense—to me at least. It made sense because of what he said before kidnapping me. I studied Q’s naked back, thrilling with the knowledge he was all mine. “You want to keep the dark as the first stage of the crescent moon. The eclipse before the dawn.”
Q slammed to a halt looking as if the symbolism knocked him on his ass. “Huh. I hadn’t thought of that. But you’re right. That does make sense.”
Curiosity filled me. “What was your reason?”
His lips twitched, but he shook his head. “We’ll go with your idea. Come.” Pulling me forward, he descended a set of stairs which appeared ominously from the gloom.
It led to nowhere—nothing but pitch black.
My heart rate picked up, spreading the haze of magic around my veins. Visions of sexual discipline and delicious reward swarmed me, instead of terror.
Wrists Bound. Mouth kissed. Q’s tongue between my legs.
I wanted to run headlong into pleasure.
Not speaking, Q tugged me down the stairs, going slower as we both lost our vision to blackness. He moved effortlessly in the dark. Despite his slower footsteps, he seemed to become one with it—absorbing it.
Slowly, my eyes adjusted from black to shadows. Outlines of wall fixtures and large islands of furniture showed a chasmal room. My bare toes sank into thick carpet; I shivered as the silky strands tickled my soles.
Q guided me toward a large shape in the centre of the room. I couldn’t make it out. Yanking his hand forward, the inertia made me trot, swinging like a pendulum on his arm. I gasped as he spun me to face away, crowding me against the hard object.
He pressed his hips against my ass, rolling himself, deliberately taunting me with everything I wanted. My heart exploded with desire; I rocked back into him with no restraint.
He groaned low in his throat, grabbing my hips with bruising fingertips, driving harder against me. Fighting my violence with his—gluing us together in a quick flash of passion.
“Recognise it, esclave?” His voice dropped several decibels, sounding more and more like a luciferian master. His hips never stopped pulsing, scrambling my brain and any hope at conversational skills.
With shaky hands, I reached forward, following the satin of polished wood, dipping my fingers along the ridge to…softness.
Felt?
“A pool table,” I whispered.
Q fisted my hair, tilting my head to the side. His mouth descended on mine, a tongue opening the seam of my lips effortlessly, despite clamping shut. The moment his tongue entered my mouth, a finger plunged into me, hard and fast.
“Oh, God.” My mouth opened wide; I trembled with the onslaught—the act of ownership. He wasn’t gentle, he wasn’t sweet.
“This is mine. Everything is…”
I knew what he wanted. The word balanced on my tongue but I swallowed. I would never say it.
“Mine,” he growled.
The flashback ended as suddenly as it began. The wetness between my legs increased remembering the power, the need, the desire we both shared. It didn’t matter I’d been sold to him. It didn’t matter I hated him—my traitorous body loved him from the second I saw him at the top of his staircase.
Q followed my train of thought, leaning over me. His naked chest stuck to my shoulders, prickling with overheated need. “You were so wet for me. So eager, even while telling me to fuck off.”
I bit my lip as the swear-word whispered across my neck.
His teeth caught the top of my ear. “You wanted me that night…just like you want me now.”
I’d been so confused. Lusting for things I hadn’t understood—loving his strength and cruelty despite despising it.
“I was so sure you’d take me.”
I moaned as Q planted his hands on the table, trapping me completely. “You had no idea how much I wanted to. After letting you go, I pulled out my cock and came, all over myself.” His hips rolled again, his mouth latching onto my neck. “Fuck, I wanted you. I wanted to string you up and make you beg. I wanted to drive so deep inside you you’d never forget me.”
My knees wobbled; everything inside liquefied.
In a possessive move, Q placed a thigh between my legs. With a kick he opened my stance, driving his thigh to connect with swollen aching hotness. I jolted the second his naked skin touched my pussy, granting something to rub against—something to tame the burning in my core.
Unashamedly I rocked, letting my head fall back. “Q…”
One hand suddenly wrapped in my hair, yanking my head sideways, leaving my jugular exposed. Q breathed hot on my brand, itching it, scorching it. “Everything I did that night is nothing compared to what I’m going to do today.” His thigh pressed harder, forcing me to grind.
My breathing stuttered loving the pressure, riding his leg like some wanton creature. Q placed both hands around my neck.
I froze, very aware of the power he had—the way he held my life in his fingers. An endless second ticked past where he didn’t move, then his hands tightened, squeezing.
“I’ve just had an epiphany, esclave.” His voice sounded far away.
I swallowed, struggling a little with his tight grip. My heart thrummed but it wasn’t panicked. I trusted him—having him dominate only made me wetter.
“You’re truly not scared of what I want to do—and in a way that strips me of the need to hurt you.” His voice ebbed and flowed, quietly sorting through his thoughts. “But at the same time, it gives me the freedom I’ve been looking for all my life.”
His hands slowly dropped, spreading from my neck to my shoulders.
I gasped as his fingertips became nails, marking me with shallow grazes. Every touch hurled me into a hotter fire than the one before.
I bucked in his hold, my eyelids growing heavy.
The cloud I existed in thickened, swirling with intense power. Q’s touch turned from pleasuring to orgasmic. Every twist and tug flamed my sensitivity, sending shockwaves erupting from my chest directly to my core. Every roll of his thumbs echoed in my clit, linking both erogenous zones like I’d never experienced.
“Ah.” I bit my lip, seeking more, chasing the promise of release. “Harder.”
His fingertips pinched my nipples. I thrust backward, spreading moisture on his thigh, rubbing against his erection.
He hissed, squeezing my breasts. “I always thought when I got you like this, I wouldn’t be able to hold on. But what happened in the hotel—it’s strengthened my control. It’s stolen some of the craziness deep inside.”
He removed his thigh from between my legs, giving me nothing to rub against.
I growled under my breath, frustration hot in my blood. “What happened in the hotel was consensual, Q. Just like now—I want you to lose control.” I arched my back, wedging his cock harder into my ass. “Lose it. Give it to me. The pill you gave me makes me crave everything about you. Sweet and safe isn’t what I want.”
He froze. “You’re saying you only want this because I drugged you?”
My eyes fluttered open, real life intruding on our sensual world. “No. I want this because I’m so horny. I want this because I miss you.”
His hand fisted in my hair, holding me still. “Do you remember me saying that—before everything that just happened? I told you I missed your fight—your spirit. Do you forgive me for making you believe? Do you forgive me for giving you substances against your will?”
His voice changed my heartbeat from slow and heavy to fast and light. “What do you want me to say? That I wasn’t terrified at swallowing something I didn’t know? Fine. I was. Petrified. I don’t know what you did to make me see Leather Jacket. I don’t know what happened between us while I was in some other dimension. I have no idea where we are. I don’t know why my entire body feels as if every touch is a tiny orgasm. I have no idea about anything.”
I stayed frozen, still held by Q’s fist. “But I don’t need to know. All I need is to trust you. And I do. Isn’t that enough?”
“No. It isn’t,” Q muttered, tugging on my hair. “You think you trust me—but I’m not so sure.” He bit the sensitive skin behind my ear. “I know what happened between us—I know what I almost did, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea to step into the dark so soon.”
My anger—that had been missing for so long—sprang into being. “Don’t. You can’t.”
“Can’t what, esclave?”
“You can’t deny me. I’m finally giving you the opportunity to bring me into your world and now you’re chickening out.” I stomped my foot, the haze in my brain tinging everything with red. “Take me. I’m not asking; I’m demanding.”
He chuckled. “Is that a threat, Tess?”
His tone shot right through my heart, granting equal measures of hot and cold. Yes. Say yes. Push him. Force him. My pussy clenched, hungry for sex. “Yes, it’s a threat. It’s about time you punished me. I’ve been bad—I deserve everything you can give.”
His heat disappeared as he took a step away, spinning me to face him. My back slammed against the table as the towel fell from my body, puddling on the floor. “Punish you? Why the fuck do I need to punish you?”
My chest fluttered, sucking in shallow breaths. The word ‘punish’ echoed in my brain.
Punish.
Punish.
I blinked. Didn’t he realize I knew he’d struggled with me hurting him? For weeks he’d shut down, dealing with whatever issues I’d put between us. I’d shut him out, made him doubt. I’d damaged him. “For that night,” I said, not needing to elaborate.
Q snarled. “You think I’m still hung up on that?” He gripped my hips, digging his fingers painfully. “You let me bring you back to life. I couldn’t be more fucking grateful. And if you knew what I’d done only an hour ago, you’d know it’s not you who needs forgiveness.”
His voice softened, something dark filling his eyes. “I told you never to lie to me, but I lied to you.”
What? My heart lodged in my throat. I frantically searched his eyes. “Why? How?”
He shook his head slowly and with such finality all my pixie dust and lustful haze disappeared, leaving me a block of ice. “Q?”
Looking deep into his gaze, I shrank away at the bleak resolution reflecting there. “It wasn’t what I said—it was what I thought. All this time, I’ve been annoyed at you for not trusting me. And now you do trust me…but I’m not sure I trust you.” Sighing, he pressed the tip of his nose against mine. “I accept everything you’re giving me. I want to let go—not fully, as I don’t have the power to come completely undone—but enough to show you what I need. I want to hurt you. I want to make you cry—I want to punish you, Tess, but I don’t trust you’re doing it for the right reasons. I think you’re doing this entirely for me and not for us.”
Was that true? Am I giving him my pain, with no limitations, purely for his pleasure?
No, I didn’t believe that. I’d been so wary of everything Q had to offer up till now. I’d wanted it but skated around it at the same time. This time…I truly wanted to fling myself head first into his world. And his refusal frustrated the hell out of me.
With gentle fingers, I hooked them into his towel, fumbling to undo it. His eyes darkened as the damp fabric fell away from his hips, leaving him naked, crowding me against the table.
“No more thinking. Put our demons to rest right here, right now. Let me prove you can trust me. I’m done being scared, Q. I’m done being weak. I’m going to love everything you give me. I’m going to scream and come and cry. And then I’m going to fall in love with you even more and demand you marry me the moment the sun rises tomorrow.”
Q shuddered, looking as if he wanted to strike and consume all at once.
I froze, waiting to see if he would kiss me.
He didn’t.
“Do you know what hurt the most?” he muttered.
“No.” I worried he’d slipped into insecurity, talking himself out of whatever was about to happen.
“It was your willingness to hand over your sanity and happiness. And now you’re doing it again and it’s fucking with my head—”
“I’m not doing it again. I really—”
He bared his teeth. “I haven’t finished. Don’t interrupt.”
I dropped my eyes, flushing with heat.
“You’re fucking with my head, but this time…I believe you. I believe you’re doing this for you, too. I believe you do want me to make you scream, and I’m going to fucking love it.” He gave me a half smile looking like the true devil in the darkness. “Does that scare you?”
There was no lie. No half-truth. “No.”
His body shifted; the air filled with promise. In one swift move, Q spun me around, imprisoning me against his front and the table. The edge of the wood dug into my hips as he folded over me, pressing his chest on my back until my breasts squashed against the felt.
With nothing between us, his skin burned mine, intoxicatingly delicious.
“Good answer. This time— Je te crois.” I believe you.
My heart sprouted feathery wings, tickling my chest in hope. “You’re going to give in?”
“I’m going to give in, but not let go.”
Okay, that would have to do for now. “You’re going to trust that I want this as much as you?”
His hands trailed over my sides. “I’m going to trust you, esclave.”
“You’re going to punish me?”
“I’m going to punish you.”
“How?” I whispered.
Q paused. “How?”
“How are you going to punish me? I want to hear you say it.” Locking eyes with his over my shoulder, I squirmed against the table, dropping my hand to my front, touching the wet heat between my legs.
Q’s nostrils flared, his gaze riveted on my disappeared hand. “Tess—fuck.”
I’d missed this—taunting, provoking. He may be in control, but I had all the power. I moaned as I stroked downward, loving how slick he’d made me.
Harsh fingers latched around my wrist, yanking my hand away. Anger decorated his face, along with sharp-edged desire. “That’s not yours to play with. That’s mine. And I’ll tell you how I’m going to fucking punish you. I’m going to taste every inch of you. I’m going to steal all your inhibitions. You’re going to come on my fingers, tongue, and cock. You’re going to unravel, Tess, and I’m going to lick up every drop.”
His hand twisted my neck, tilting me sideways to kiss me. His mouth crashed against mine, swallowing my moan, locking his arms around me. I couldn’t do anything but accept his brutal assault. I skipped from reality the moment he caught my tongue, sucking as if every inch of my mouth belonged to him.
I knew what I was letting myself in for. I knew Q wouldn’t take it easy on me. I also knew I never wanted anything more in my life.
Kicking my ankle, Q spread my legs, positioning his cock right in the centre of my ass. Breaking the kiss, he growled, “Time for talking has ended, esclave. Now’s the time for fucking.”
He’d said something similar just before whipping me on the cross. A thrill shot through my blood; I melted.
A hand landed on my ass, bringing with it flames and thunder. I jolted in his arms, biting my lip against the pain. “I’m going to own every inch of you tonight. Including your mind.”
I couldn’t breathe. Even the purple clouds floating in my blood couldn’t stop one question blaring in my head.
Do I still want this?
Did I still want pain or had that been false bravado—making me believe my own lies.
Q’s hand came down again, striking me in the same place, igniting a bonfire. My eyes prickled with tears even as the fire from my skin slowly migrated into my blood, heating me, dissolving every inch of my past.
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