He relaxed, suddenly quiet. When Gabriel pulled into her grandmother’s driveway, Peter scrambled from the Jeep and hurried toward the house.
Rebecca laughed. “I have a feeling before long he’s going to hate leaving Mrs. Wiggles, especially for school.”
“Then there’s practice after school,” Gabriel said, turning the engine off and twisting so he faced her.
“Such dilemmas for him.”
The mellow atmosphere in the car shifted. Rebecca was acutely aware that she was alone with Gabriel—if a person could call being in a car in broad daylight on a fairly busy street alone. His particular scent wafted to her and swirled about her, drawing her into his sphere of influence.
“In the past few days I’ve seen some of the old Peter coming through. Thank you for your help.” Rebecca flattened herself against the passenger side door and rested her left arm along the back of the seat.
“It was nothing.”
“Nothing? Gabriel Stone, you have a way with people. You genuinely like them, and they in turn like and respect you—even my son. That is nothing? You’re supposed to say you’re welcome and accept the praise graciously.”
He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “I suppose that’s one of my downfalls. I get uncomfortable when someone says something nice about me.” His grin widened. “But you’re welcome, Rebecca. I appreciate your kind words.”
“See. That wasn’t so bad. You didn’t choke or anything.” She looked at her hand loosely curled in her lap then into his warm gaze. “I would like to return the favor. I want to help you.” She was finding the word want was too mild for what she was feeling. Need was more like it.
“I don’t need any help. Everything’s fine.”
“Is it? For the past two days we have avoided talking about Friday night at the pizza place.”
A cloud moved into his eyes—dark, ominous. “There’s nothing to talk about. We ate. We went home.”
“And we talked about George McCall.”
Gabriel stiffened, all casualness gone from his expression. His brows slashed downward. His eyes narrowed. “What do you want me to say? That I’m afraid of what I’ll do when I see the man? That my thoughts are anything but Christian?” He gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles ghostly white.
Rebecca waited for a long moment before she answered. “I want you to talk to me. Let me help you through this pain you’re feeling. If not me, then at least talk to someone else. It’s eating you up inside, this anger you’re feeling.”
“It’s not anger, Rebecca. It’s guilt.”
“Guilt?”
“Yes. I saw George driving earlier in the day. I didn’t pull him over or anything. If I had, my wife and child would be alive. Do you know what that does to a man?” Gabriel yanked open his door and bolted from the Jeep.
Rebecca sat with her mouth slightly open and watched him storm down the street. The anger in his body wasn’t directed at George, but at himself. She realized mixed up in that anger was a deep, soul-wrenching pain that was tearing him up inside. She hurriedly climbed out of the vehicle and ran after him.
Rebecca grabbed his arm to halt his escape. “Gabriel Stone, how dare you drop a bomb like that then go stalking off down the street.”
He rounded on her, a war of emotions playing across his face. “I have nothing else to say. You wanted to know what was going on. Now you know.” A neutral expression finally settled in place as though nothing of importance had happened a few minutes before.
She released her grip on his arm and stabbed her thumb toward his vehicle. “And what do I do about your Jeep in my driveway? I may have plans for later today. I don’t particularly relish trenching my grandmother’s front lawn in order to get my car out.”
He glanced toward the vehicle in question. “Oh.”
“Oh, is right.”
He strode toward the Jeep. Rebecca hurried to keep up. At the driver’s side she threw her body between Gabriel and the door.
“We need to talk about this.”
“Why do women always want to talk?”
“Why do men always want to ignore what they’re feeling?”
He glared at her, his arms rigid at his sides. “Because talking doesn’t always help.”
“Then listen,” Rebecca said, trying to breathe normally. His nearness made her heart beat way too fast. She had no one to blame but herself. She’d placed herself in this position, so close her hands itched to touch him.
He arched a brow. “Listen?”
“Yeah. Hindsight is always one hundred percent. How could you know what George was going to do later in the day? Was he driving recklessly at the time you saw him?”
His scowl darkened. “I thought you only wanted me to listen.”
“Was he?”
“No, but I knew about George’s drinking problem.”
“The accident wasn’t your fault. Period.”
“Easy to say. Hard to believe.”
“I can’t make you believe that, but you’re beating yourself up over something you had no control over.”
“Kinda like you?”
She pulled herself up straight. “What do you mean?”
“Did you have any control over your husband leaving you?”
“No.”
“Did you want him to leave?”
“No.”
“Then why are you beating yourself up over something you couldn’t control? We can’t control everything around us. And hiding from life won’t give us any more control over it.”
Gabriel stepped so close she could feel his breath on her face. She sucked in a deep swallow of air that did nothing to relieve the tightness in her chest. She pushed him away and slid from between him and the Jeep. “You have a way of turning things around. You’re good at avoiding discussions about yourself.”
“Boring subject.”
“Only to you,” she said, without thinking through what she was admitting.
“You think I’m interesting?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you implied it.” He grinned. “Admit it, Rebecca Michaels.”
She glared at him. “Yes, I think you’re interesting.”
His grin broadened.
“But then I think all my friends are interesting or they wouldn’t be my friends.”
“Right. Friends.”
She wanted to scream. “What do you want me to say? We are friends. I’m not ready for more, and you certainly aren’t either.”
Leaning against the Jeep, he folded his arms across his chest. “Why do you say that?”
She wasn’t sure what drove her to touch him, but she did. She took his left hand and held it in front of his face. “This. A man who wears his wedding ring isn’t ready to move on.”
He stared at his ring finger then at her, surprise flittering across his face, as though what she had said was news to him. “You’re right,” he admitted slowly.
“And all of my energy has to be directed at holding my family together and getting back on my feet.”
“Then I guess it’s friends.” He thrust his hand toward her to shake.
She took it in hers and felt a jolt streak up her arm. “Yes,” she declared in a strong voice, while inside she felt as if she were lying to herself—and him.
* * *
Wednesday night Rebecca sat in the front pew, listening to the choir sing. Their voices rang loud and clear in the church, filling it with beautiful music. She was glad he won the fishing challenge and wanted her to come to choir practice.
When the song was over, Gabriel said, “We’ll take a ten-minute break, then finish practicing for the Sunday service.”
He strode to Rebecca. “Well, what do you think? Care to join us?”
She shook her head. “I don’t sing for other people anymore.”
“Then who do you sing for?”
“Myself. Sometimes Josh.”
He eyed her. “Are you shy, Rebecca Michaels? If so, there’s nothing to be shy abo
ut. You’ll be one of many. I promise I won’t have you do a solo unless you want to.” He held up his hand as though he was swearing in court.
“I don’t think—”
Alicia sat next to her on the pew. “Oh, come on, Rebecca. We can always use another voice. Besides, we have the best seats in the house.”
“But I’ll have Josh with me during the church service.”
“I know Rose wouldn’t mind taking care of Josh during the service.” Alicia patted her hand as though everything was settled, then called to another choir member and hurried over to her.
“Gabriel, I can’t ask Granny to take care of Josh on Sunday. She does during the week.”
“Then there’s the nursery. Mabel is in charge of it, and she does a great job.”
“Mabel!” Rebecca could picture the nursery, all the babies lined up as though they were in the military.
“Now, Rebecca, Mabel’s wonderful with the children. There’s a side of her you haven’t seen.”
“I think I’ll pass.”
“All I ask of you is to try it one time. If it doesn’t work out, not another word.”
“Is that a promise?”
“Yes.”
“One time and then you won’t say another word?”
“Yes.”
She smiled sweetly at him, intending to suffer through one half of a practice and one service. Then that would be it.
Gabriel took her hand and pulled her to her feet. “Come on up and join us. We’re gonna practice ‘Oh How I Love Jesus.’”
By the time the choir practice was over thirty minutes later, the group had made Rebecca feel welcome. She stood by Alicia, who talked to her between songs and introduced her to everyone. When Gabriel wanted to put Rebecca in the front row, Alicia insisted Rebecca would be better off in the back. He hadn’t argued.
“Good night, Rebecca,” Alicia said and waved goodbye to her.
Once all the members had left, the sudden quiet in the church seemed disconcerting after all the noise. Rebecca watched as Gabriel turned out the lights. The only illumination that streamed into the sanctuary came from the large door she held open. He approached her. She plastered herself against the paneled door to keep it open. She suddenly realized they were alone. Everyone else had cleared out fast, wanting to get home to their families.
She licked her lips and forgot to breathe as he waited for her to walk out of the church. He fell into step beside her, taking her hand.
“I’m glad you didn’t mind walking tonight, Rebecca. I just couldn’t pass up such a beautiful night.”
She relished the strong feel of his hand holding hers. Staring at the dark sky with stars beginning to glitter in the blackness, she had to agree. “Walking’s nice. I wish I had more time to exercise. I used to a lot before—” Her words trailed off.
“Before what?”
“It’s not important. I just decided I need to stop thinking about my life in terms of before my divorce and after my divorce.”
“Explain.”
The softly spoken command mingled with the sound of the insects chirping, compelling her to open up to Gabriel. She felt the comfort of her hand nestled in his. She smelled the scent of a spring night, laced with honeysuckle growing nearby.
“I’m not sure I can.”
He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and drew her in front of him. He took her other hand. “Try, please.”
“Before Craig walked out on us, my life revolved around trying to please him, trying to be the perfect wife and mother. I would spend hours keeping the house clean and making sure the meals were just what he wanted. I forgot who I was in the process. After he left, I was forced to discover the person I am. I’m still working on that.” She attempted a smile, which wavered. “Being a single parent is hard. It’s doubly hard when deep down you’re not sure who you are.”
“Rebecca, that’s where the Lord can help. Turn to Him. Seek answers from Him.”
“I’m not sure it’s that simple.”
He shook his head. “I never said it was simple. Really become a part of the church and you’ll see the way.”
A car passed, and the driver honked. Rebecca used the distraction to step away from Gabriel. He waved to the driver, then turned his attention on her again.
She wished the moon wasn’t so bright. She could read the question in his eyes and didn’t have any answers for him. She was still trying to figure out who she was. How could she commit herself to God when she was floundering so much?
“Come on. It’s getting late, and I know we both have to be at work early.”
“And I can’t be late. After being on the job for two weeks, I finally got Mabel to smile at me today. I almost brought out the confetti but was afraid of her reaction when I started throwing it.”
“See? I told you she was a pussycat,” he said with a chuckle and began to walk again.
“More like a tiger.”
“Ah, I have faith in you. You’ll learn to handle her in no time.”
A warmth suffused her at his words. I have faith in you. If she could only restore her faith in herself. Maybe then she could believe in the power of God again.
* * *
Rebecca held Josh, not wanting to turn him over to Mabel. Maybe she should forget singing in the choir today. Or maybe she could hold Josh while she sang. That shouldn’t be too difficult. He only weighed a little over twenty pounds.
“Mrs. Michaels, are you going to leave your son?” Mabel asked, waiting at the door to the church nursery.
“Please call me Rebecca, at least at church,” she said, delaying. Her mind frantically came up with one excuse after another not to leave Josh.
“There are other parents behind you.” Mabel’s voice softened.
Rebecca glanced over her shoulder and offered the two couples behind her a smile. “Sorry. First-time jitters.”
She stepped to the side and let the other parents drop off their children. She noticed they had no qualms about giving their babies to Mabel. Rebecca knew that the church would be careful to whom they entrusted their children, but she hadn’t left Josh with a stranger—not that Mabel was really a stranger, but to Josh she was.
After the other parents walked away, Rebecca faced Mabel again and thrust Josh at her before she talked herself out of it. Mabel took Josh in her arms, cradling him in such a tender way that Rebecca was speechless. She tried to form words, but she couldn’t. She watched the Dragon Lady coo at Josh and grin like any grandmother. The smile that graced Mabel’s mouth transformed her face into a countenance Rebecca wouldn’t have believed if she hadn’t seen it with her own two eyes. The Dragon Lady was a different person when she smiled.
Mabel peered at Rebecca, a softness in her expression. “Do you have his bag?”
Rebecca blinked, breaking the trance. “Yes. Here.” She handed the tote to Mabel, who placed it on the floor next to the door.
“Are there any instructions…Rebecca?”
Hearing her name on the woman’s lips for the first time surprised Rebecca. Yes, she realized she had asked Mabel to call her by her given name, but she had honestly thought Mabel would ignore the request. “He likes to watch people. He just needs to be propped up with pillows, in case he loses his balance while sitting, or you can put him on a pallet on the floor or in a crib. Whichever works for you. I’ll be back immediately after the service.”
“You aren’t going to the adult class after the service?”
“Yes, but I’ll take Josh with me.”
“Why? He’ll be fine here with me and the other children.”
Rebecca wasn’t sure how to answer the woman. She had been forced to leave Josh with her grandmother five days a week to go to work. She felt bad enough about that. Josh required so much care, and she hated others having to do it. She never wanted her son to feel she had abandoned him.
Someone touched her on her shoulder. She pivoted to find Gabriel standing behind her. Her heart raced at the sight of him. She smiled.
“Church is going to start soon,” he said, returning her smile. “Ready for your debut?”
“You make it sound like I’m going to sing a solo.” She slanted him a look. “I’m not, am I?”
“Of course not.” He began walking toward the sanctuary. “I’m glad to see you here, dressed in your choir robes. I wasn’t sure you would join us.”
“I said I would.” She thought about her moment of faltering at the nursery door and decided not to tell him how close she had come to backing out.
“Josh will be fine with Mabel.”
“I know in my head that I need to share my care of Josh with others. That’s a fact that has come home quite a lot lately. It’s just hard to convince my heart. I have protected him from the day he was born. He has always known I was there for him no matter what.”
Gabriel paused at the door to the sanctuary. “Who have you had to protect him from?”
“Some people find it hard to accept a child with special needs.”
“Who?” He looked deep into her eyes. “Your ex-husband?”
Rebecca laid her hand on his arm. “Craig never tried to harm Josh. He just wouldn’t have anything to do with him. He completely ignored Josh, as though he didn’t exist from the day he was born. It broke my heart to see it.”
“I’m sorry, Rebecca. Not all men—people are like that.”
“I’ve just learned to be protective when it comes to Josh. As he gets older and he’s more aware of people’s reactions to him, it will hurt him.”
“He’s one of God’s children. It won’t happen here.” He covered her hand and squeezed gently. “Not if I’m around.”
Basking in his words, Rebecca connected with Gabriel on a level that startled her, her gaze trapped by the fervent appeal in his. He made her feel special, important. If only that were true, she thought, and slipped her hand from his arm. He had been pulled into her family because of her children. He was drawn to her two sons. She was thankful for that, but she realized she wanted more.
Rebecca followed Gabriel to the front of the church where the choir sang. She passed her grandmother, Peter and Bess, who had come with them. Bess waved at her. Rebecca waved back, responding to the woman’s joy at coming to the service with Rebecca’s family. Peter whispered something to Bess, and the older woman smiled, patting his leg. Rebecca wished she had thought about inviting Bess to the church, but it had been Peter’s idea. Her son felt a bond with the woman. Their pets were sisters, he’d told her this morning.
The Power of Love Page 11