“Is this Josh?” Clara asked.
Nodding, Rebecca prepared herself for the questions that usually followed.
“He’s adorable. As I told you earlier, you should join us for the young mom’s group on Saturday and bring him to play with the others. We don’t leave our children at home. They’re a part of the group, too.”
Rebecca started to say no, but the word wouldn’t come out.
“That would be perfect, Rebecca.”
Rebecca shot Bess a bewildered look. Perfect? “Josh doesn’t play much,” she finally said to the woman in front of her.
“We have all ages ranging from a few months to four-and five-year-olds. Alicia can tell you all about it.” The woman patted Josh’s cap-covered head, then made her way to her husband who was sitting a few rows back and to the left.
“You know, I think she’s right. The young mom’s group would be great for you. It would give you a chance to get involved with the church. They do all kinds of projects, from sponsoring a huge garage sale every spring to a carnival in the fall to raise money for the Sunday school.”
“I’ll have to think about it. I need to start Josh in some more therapy in Tulsa, and Saturday may be my only day to do it.”
As the game progressed, Rebecca reflected on her changing role as a working mother. She would like to join the group, but she didn’t know if she had the time to do that, take care of Josh’s therapy, be a mother to Peter and hold down a full-time job. She was finding there was only so much time in a day.
When Peter stepped up to bat two innings later, Rebecca felt the tension in her neck. She’d seen Gabriel whisper something to her eldest, pat him on the back and send him out. Again Peter swung at the first pitch and missed. He looked at Gabriel, who gave him a thumbs-up sign.
A light, cool breeze ruffled her hair. Sweat was rolling down her face, stinging her eyes and leaving salty tracks. Rebecca breathed deeply to ease the pounding of her heart and watched as Peter tapped his bat against home plate then positioned himself.
Peter hit the ball, and it went sailing into the outfield. He ran toward first. Pumping his legs as hard as he could, he rounded first and headed for second, then on to third, sliding into the base as the ball was caught by the third baseman.
“Safe,” the ump called, and Rebecca jumped to her feet, screaming and clapping.
When she sat again, she noticed all the spectators’ eyes were on her and she flushed, then shrugged and said, “That’s my son.”
Everyone applauded her and smiled.
She was tempted to bow but didn’t. She sat, feeling the heat on her cheeks. She caught Gabriel staring at her, and her blush deepened. His grin widened and he winked, giving her a thumbs-up.
“Okay, restraint isn’t one of my virtues.”
“I like it,” Alicia said. “I personally like an excuse to act like a maniac every once in a while. Very therapeutic, if you ask me. Just wait until David comes to bat.”
When the game was over, Rebecca asked Bess to watch Josh for a moment while she headed for the group of boys. She wanted to comfort Peter. The Cougars had lost, and she was worried he would blame himself. She paused a few feet away and listened as Gabriel congratulated the team on playing a good game. Then he had them bow their heads while he said a prayer of thanks to God.
“Practice next Monday after school. See you all at Pizza To Go in a few minutes,” Gabriel announced to the team, then clasped Peter by the shoulder while the rest of the boys filed away. “I’m pleased by your first performance. Four times at bat. One triple and another single.”
“But I struck out twice.”
“Remember, focus on the positive. No one—professional ball players included—has a hit every time at bat. You’re an asset to the team, Peter. No doubt about it.”
Rebecca listened to Gabriel target what Peter had done that was right, not wrong. Peter beamed under Gabriel’s attention and words. His small chest puffed out, and he walked with his head held high toward her when Gabriel was through. If Rebecca hadn’t seen the game, she would have thought the Cougars had won. No berating and yelling about the mistakes made.
“Did you see my triple, Mom?”
“Yes, I did. Quite a play.”
Peter looked around Rebecca toward Bess. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He raced to the older lady and sat next to her.
Rebecca watched her eldest for a few seconds, then faced Gabriel. “Between Granny and Bess, that guy has all his bases covered as far as grandparents go.”
“Speaking of Rose, how is she?”
“Better. She wanted to come tonight, but I’m making her stay home and rest.”
“I didn’t think anyone could make Rose do anything she didn’t want to.”
“I promised her I would come by and get her for the pizza. She agreed to the compromise, which tells you she wasn’t feeling well at all today. Even Josh is a little fussier these past few days. I hope his ear infection isn’t returning. I’m so glad tomorrow is Saturday, and I don’t have to work.”
“I think I should be upset. After all, I am your boss.” Gabriel walked toward home plate to retrieve a bat left by the last player.
Rebecca followed. “Who has work to do when he’s at the station. You shouldn’t have to spend your day giving Josh physical therapy.”
“But I wanted to. There was no emergency I had to go to. Besides, it was only thirty minutes.”
“But it’s not part of your job description.”
“Coming to townspeople’s rescue is part of my job.”
“I didn’t need rescuing.”
Gabriel stopped in the middle of the baseball diamond. “Are you so sure about that?”
Rebecca put her hands on her hips. “Gabriel Stone, I am not a fragile woman who needs a man to rescue her.”
He laid his hand on her arm. “From where I stand you’ve lost your way and you’re trying to find the path back to God. Am I wrong?”
A tightness in her throat burned and made it difficult to answer him. Finally she said, “Is that the way you see our relationship?” Suddenly she didn’t want to hear his response. She pivoted and strode toward her family. She needed to get away before she broke down in front of everyone.
Gabriel grasped her and spun her toward him. “I want to help you not only find God again but find what you want in your life. Until you do, how can there be anything lasting between us? I want to be your friend and—” he sucked in a deep breath “—and more, but your life, and I’m finding my life, aren’t settled. We both have issues that make it difficult for us to commit to another.”
She shook his hand off her arm and continued toward her family, desperately wanting to deny his words but knowing he spoke the truth, as usual. Until they got their own separate houses in order, they couldn’t become one family.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Child, what do you think about us working on a quilt for the carnival in the fall?” Granny stopped in front of Rebecca, leaning on her cane.
Rebecca inspected her grandmother’s features, glad to see some color in her cheeks after the week she’d spent fighting off her allergies. “You and Bess?” she asked, turning to the older woman.
“And you,” Bess added. “I think a quilt with different scenes from the Bible would be perfect for the auction. We could start with Adam and Eve and tell the story of the Old Testament.”
“I like that.”
“If we start now, we should be through in six months.” Granny looked around for a chair, found one and eased into it. “I do declare these old bones creak at times.”
Bess took the chair next to Rose. “At least you have a sharp mind. I keep forgetting things I know I shouldn’t.”
Rebecca left the two ladies talking and went in search of Gabriel, who had taken off with Josh the second she had arrived at the church social. In less than two minutes she found him in the midst of the children on the playground. The stroller was in a corner by the church building. He held Josh in the croo
k of his arm so her son could see everything that was going on. Gabriel pointed to a group of children playing on the jungle gym, one little boy hanging upside down.
When she walked up to Gabriel, he smiled and said, “We should plan Josh’s birthday. Rose told me it was coming up soon.”
We? That pronoun more than anything made her heart lurch and her hope soar. She liked the sound of it on his lips, but she had to remind herself not to get too excited. He still wore his wedding ring, which in her mind represented a high wall around his heart and indicated he was not ready to commit to anyone.
“I just thought we would have a quiet family get-together.”
“Nonsense. I think we should invite the kids from the church nursery and have a gala event. It’s not every day a child has his second birthday.”
“Well—”
“Let me plan everything. I thought I did a pretty good job with Peter’s.”
“Yes, but—” Again her words lodged in her throat.
“Okay?”
“Yes,” she finally said, taking her son into her arms and hugging him close. “It’s time for his afternoon nap. He’s been sleeping more than usual lately. I think he might be trying to catch something. Did you say Mabel was going to be in the nursery?”
“Yep.”
“It’s probably better if Josh lies down rather than catnapping in his stroller. I’ll be right back.”
Gabriel watched Rebecca enter the church building, a feeling of emptiness engulfing him as she moved away. When she disappeared from sight, he stared at his left hand and the wedding ring he still wore. What was holding him back from removing it? He cared a great deal for Rebecca and her family. He touched his wedding ring and slid it almost all the way off his finger.
A child’s laughter penetrated his thoughts, and he slid the ring back on. What if she was right about him only wanting a family? What if his feelings for her weren’t the real thing but just a knee-jerk reaction to not having what he wanted most with Judy? He had to be one hundred percent sure before he made any commitment to her. He would not be responsible for hurting her. Rebecca deserved the very best. He wasn’t sure he was able to give his best.
Gabriel strode toward the barbecues that were lined up ready to cook hamburgers and hot dogs. Dashing by, Peter waved hello and continued after David and another boy on the Cougar team. Gabriel realized he did love Rebecca’s two sons and would hate not being a part of their lives. How did he separate his feelings for her two sons from the feelings he had for their mother? They were a package deal.
“Hey, Gabriel, come settle a little disagreement for us. We need to know how you arrange your charcoal to get the best fire going,” the reverend called, gesturing him to a group of men in front of one barbecue.
Gabriel started for them, but a motion out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned toward the movement and froze. George McCall shut his car door, then walked toward the table where the food was set out. He carried a plastic bowl. Gabriel fisted his hands at his sides.
After George placed his bowl of food on the table, he scanned the crowd, avoiding eye contact. Hesitantly George approached two people not far from the table and started talking to them.
Gabriel opened and closed his hands, trying to control his emotions. But he couldn’t. Everything faded but George, alive and well, calmly carrying on a conversation as though nothing had happened three years before to destroy Gabriel’s life.
He took a step toward George.
Reverend Carson blocked his path. “Think before you do anything you’ll regret.”
“Did you know he was going to be here today?” Gabriel heard the seething tone of his voice and didn’t care. Anger consumed him, with a touch of guilt thrown in.
“Yes, Gabriel, I did. He’s a member of this church, too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you wouldn’t have come to the social.”
“You’re right about that.”
“George intends to be an active member of our church again. He needs us. He’s changed, Gabriel. He hasn’t had a drink since the day of the accident.”
Gabriel flexed his hands. His emotions boiled beneath the surface, ready to erupt. “I don’t know if I can attend the same church as that man.”
“Forgiveness is important in God’s scheme of things. I can’t choose between two parishioners. Don’t ask me to.”
Gabriel looked at George. The man glanced at him, a cautious expression on his face. “You should have told me he was going to be here, Samuel. I had a right to know. I feel like I’ve been hit by a semi.”
Throwing one last glare at George, Gabriel stalked toward the church. He needed a quiet place where he could think, could get a grip on his emotions, which were rampaging out of control. He was afraid of what he might do if he didn’t get that control. With a hard shove, he pushed open one of the double doors and nearly collided with Rebecca.
“I’m sorry it took—”
“Excuse me, Rebecca.” He hurried past her before she demanded answers he didn’t have.
* * *
Stunned by Gabriel’s abruptness, Rebecca watched him storm away from her. What had happened in the short time she was in the nursery? She thought about following him into the sanctuary but discarded the idea immediately. The cold look on Gabriel’s face completely shut her out. He wanted her to share her emotions, but he had a hard time doing the same. Earlier she had felt hope about the direction their relationship was going. Now she wasn’t so sure.
When she went outside, she knew what had sent Gabriel into the church. George McCall. She knew his face from a photograph in his file at the police station. She shouldn’t have looked up the information, but her curiosity had gotten the better of her.
Rose motioned for her to come over. Rebecca covered the distance quickly, aware of a buzz of gossip.
“Did you see Gabriel?” her grandmother asked.
“Yes, briefly.”
“Did he say anything? Is he going inside to clean out his locker in the choir room?”
“Clean out his locker? What do you mean?”
“Well, Bess heard him tell Samuel he couldn’t remain at a church where George was.”
“He went into the sanctuary. I don’t know anything beyond that.”
“You two are close. Go talk to him. We can’t lose him.”
“I got the distinct impression he wanted to be left alone.” Remembering the look on his face, Rebecca shivered in the warmth of the sun.
“Nonsense. He’s been left alone too long. Go to him. Be there for him. He needs someone even if he doesn’t know it. You said so yourself.”
But was she the person he needed? Rebecca asked herself, not for the first time.
“Shoo, child.” Granny waved her toward the church.
Rebecca reluctantly headed to the church. Cautiously she inched open the door to the sanctuary and peeked in. The only light was what streamed through the stained glass windows, ribboning the hardwood floor and pews with multicolored lines as though in celebration of the Lord.
She saw Gabriel sitting in the first row with his head bent and his shoulders hunched. Her heart twisted at the sight of him, and all she wanted to do was hold him close. Her love for him propelled her into the sanctuary, the quiet click of the door echoing through the silence.
He raised his head, stiffened but didn’t look around.
She proceeded toward him, her heart pounding, her pulse thundering in her ears, her loafers clacking against the floor. Slipping into the pew next to him, she waited until he spoke. His glance was sharp as it skimmed over her, leaving her in no doubt that he wasn’t happy she was there. She felt the barrier between them as though it were an impregnable wall.
She gripped her hands together so tightly that her knuckles whitened. The faint aroma of lemon-scented furniture polish lingered in the air. Strips of color danced across the floor, reminding Rebecca of a kaleidoscope. And the silence ate away at her compos
ure. But still she waited.
“You saw him?” Gabriel finally asked, his voice husky, almost a whisper.
“Yes.”
“He destroyed my family and he’s standing out there enjoying himself as though nothing happened while…”
The strong slope of his jaw attested to his anger. “Do you really believe that, Gabriel? Do you think he wasn’t changed by what he did?”
Gabriel buried his face in his hands. Rebecca’s heart wrenched. More than anything she wished she could make him whole again.
“Let it go, Gabriel. Give over your anger and guilt to God. It is destroying you—and your chance at happiness.” His faith had sustained him through so much. It could help him through this trial.
“If only I had stopped the man earlier that day, my family would be alive today.”
“But you didn’t. You had no reason to. We all have great hindsight.”
“But he intends to come back to this church, to be a constant reminder of my loss if I attend.”
“You know the story of the prodigal son. This reminds me of that story Jesus told. George was lost and now he is found. Isn’t that what everything is about—forgiveness and acceptance of all God’s children?”
“I don’t know if I can do what the Lord wants. I feel I’ve let Him down.”
Rebecca laid her hand on Gabriel’s shoulder. “Read the story in the Bible and pray for guidance. The Lord was there for you through Judy and your son’s deaths. He will be there for you now. Don’t do what I did.”
Slanting his head to look at her, he asked, “Do you mean what you just said?”
“Of course.”
“Then you have accepted God again?”
Rebecca blinked, nonplussed. “Yes,” she whispered, then in a stronger voice, “yes, I have. When I look at what He has done for you, I know He was there for me. I just closed my heart to Him and wasn’t listening when He spoke. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”
Rebecca rose. Gabriel needed time to come to terms with his feelings. He needed time with God to work out his anger and guilt. She quietly walked away, feeling lighthearted at the prospect of the Lord being in her life again. She turned at the door and looked toward the altar. Her heart flooded with love and acceptance, feelings she hadn’t experienced in a long time.
The Power of Love Page 15