She opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out. Her mind went blank. Her body trembled.
“Say something. Anything.”
She moved back, needing to sit down before she collapsed. “I don’t know what to say.”
He took two steps and drew her against him. “Think about it, at least. I would never abandon you or your sons. Never.”
His mouth came down upon hers, and his kiss robbed her of any rational thought and stole her breath. She felt cherished and capable of floating on a cloud high above the earth. His arms wound about her while his possession deepened to claim her. Her length meshed into his as though they were one.
When he moved back and looked at her, she thought she was dreaming, that somehow she had fallen asleep and would awaken at any moment. He cupped her face and started to kiss her again.
But Rebecca felt the coldness of his ring against her cheek and sobered to the situation. She pulled back. “Why do you want to take care of us? What does that mean?”
“I want to marry you. When I thought I might lose Josh, I went a little crazy. It made me realize I might have run out of time. Your boys need a father to love them.”
“I agree, and I need a husband to love me. Is that what you’re saying?”
“I love you, Rebecca.”
“Then why do you still have your ring on?”
“I forgot—no, that’s not quite right.” He backed away, combing his hand through his hair. “I don’t know why. I know I have deep feelings for you. I want us to be a family. That was made clear to me tonight.”
She stood straight, as though a rod had been placed down her back. “Maybe until you forgive yourself and George, you feel you need to wear that ring as a symbol of what you imagine is your sin, like in The Scarlet Letter. I don’t see us having a future until you deal with your past. My son is fine. There is no hurry.” She sank onto the chair, desperately trying to hold herself together. “Good night, Gabriel. I won’t be in to work tomorrow.”
When the quiet swish of the door indicated he had left the room, Rebecca finally showed her emotion. She felt her face crumple, her body sink in on itself. He had kissed her like a man who had believed in a future, but he still wore a part of his past like a brand. He had helped her through her problems. Why couldn’t she help him through his?
* * *
Rebecca stared at Gabriel’s house.
Only one light shone in the living room window. And somehow that one light symbolized the loneliness in her heart. Was Gabriel lonely, too?
She shouldn’t be surprised that she’d gone for a walk and ended up at his place. He’d been on her mind all day. She’d managed to avoid talking to him on the phone because she would have felt awkward after the night before when he had asked her to marry him.
But they needed to talk.
She couldn’t go on like this. While spending the day at the hospital with Josh, she’d had a great deal of time to think.
She was so tempted to accept Gabriel’s proposal and hope that he would resolve his problems concerning his wife and child’s untimely deaths. But what if that never happened? What if all he really felt for Rebecca was compassion and pity? She couldn’t—wouldn’t—base a marriage on that, no matter how much the man loved her children, and there was no doubt he loved them very much.
Squaring her shoulders, she marched up the steps and rang the bell. A few minutes later Gabriel swung the door open, his tired, grim expression dissolving when he saw her. His weak smile tilted her world while steeling her resolve. She wanted all of him—not only his breathtaking smile but his heart.
“Rebecca.”
Had she ever heard her name said so sweetly? The sound on his lips coaxed her to forget what was at stake. That would be the biggest mistake, because she would be settling for less than she wanted, deserved.
“I thought you were George McCall.”
“Why?”
“He called me at the station. He wanted to see me. I told him I was leaving to go home and didn’t want to see him.”
Her heart wrenched. George would be a constant reminder of the past to Gabriel until he dealt with the man.
“Please, come in. I just got home. It’s been a long day. I was going to come by, but I wanted to change out of my uniform first and grab something to eat. How’s Josh doing since you brought him home this afternoon?”
“Fine. The medicine is helping, and his breathing seems to be okay. I have a monitor on him when I’m not in the room. He’s sleeping right now, and Granny is listening for any signs of trouble.” Rebecca patted the pocket of her jeans. “I have my cell phone if there’s a problem. I just needed to get out and get some fresh air. I started walking and ended up here.” She listened to herself chatter a mile a minute and realized she was nervous. She had never confronted a man about loving her—not even Craig.
“Would you like something to drink or to eat?” Gabriel led the way into the kitchen. “I was just about to warm up something for dinner.”
She shook her head. “Granny had a feast for me when I came home from the hospital with Josh. She declared I probably lost at least a few pounds from not eating, so she was determined to make sure I made up for it all in one meal.”
“Did you?”
“Nope. I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Why?”
She looked him directly in the eye. “My stomach is tied up in knots.”
“Why?”
“Because all I thought about today was your proposal.”
He arched a brow. “And?”
“And nothing. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
He closed the space between them but didn’t touch her. She was glad, because that would have totally unraveled her. As it was, her composure was held together by a thin thread. His commanding presence was doing enough to her nervous system. She had never been so drawn to a man and yet so afraid to act on that attraction.
“Rebecca, I didn’t mean to make matters worse for you. I want to help.”
“Why?”
“Because I care for you.”
“That’s not enough, Gabriel. I’ll never settle for less than all of a person ever again. Can you truthfully say you can give me that?”
He fingered his ring, twisting it. Then he yanked it off. “There. Is that what you want? I should have done that a long time ago.”
Her shoulders sagged as though a great weight were pushing her down. Indeed, all she wanted to do was sink into the floor. “I want you to mean it. I can tell by the expression in your eyes you haven’t yet made peace with yourself.”
* * *
He clenched the ring. The cold metal dug into his flesh, painfully reminding him of the cold past he couldn’t forget. “What do I have to do to prove my love to you?” “I—”
The sound of the doorbell cut into tension-fraught air. Gabriel growled his frustration and went to answer the bell. Rebecca followed, intending to escape before she fell apart in front of him. His finger might be ringless, but his heart was still burdened.
Gabriel wrenched the door open and froze. George looked from Gabriel to Rebecca then back to Gabriel, determination in his eyes. Gabriel gripped the edge of the door and fought the urge to slam it in George’s face.
“I told you I didn’t want to talk,” Gabriel said, his body taut.
“I think we need to.”
“I have nothing to say.”
“But I have something to say to you. May I come in?”
“No.”
Rebecca laid a hand on his arm. “Gabriel, I think you should listen to what the man has to say.”
He glared at her, shaking off her touch. “You do?” He heard the sarcastic edge to his voice but didn’t care. He was tired of people telling him what to do where George McCall was concerned. He could wallow in self-pity if he chose to. It was no one else’s business.
“Please, Gabriel.”
The pain reflected in her gaze tore at the barrier he had built around his heart. He could see in her eyes
that he had shut her out again and that there could be no future for them until he could open his heart totally to her. One brick fell, then another. “For you.”
“No, Gabriel, for yourself,” she murmured, and left him alone with George.
With Rebecca’s every step down the stone path, Gabriel felt abandoned. Why had she left him alone with his tormentor? It was easier not to face the past, to bury it deeply and not deal with the pain. Gritting his teeth, Gabriel slowly pivoted toward George, drilling his glare into the man.
Yet in the face of Gabriel’s anger, George’s expression softened with understanding. “Believe me, I know there’s nothing I can say that will bring your family back. I’ll pay for that the rest of my life.”
“You came all the way over here to tell me that?”
“One of the things I promised myself in prison was that I would seek you out and apologize—no matter how difficult it was. I am so sorry for what I did. I replay that afternoon in my mind every day.”
“So do I,” Gabriel said, then realized that wasn’t true anymore. Ever since Rebecca had entered his life, he had thought less and less about the day of the accident.
“I hope one day you can forgive me. I’ve made my peace with God, but it’s important that I try to make my peace with you, too. All I can say is that I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for that mistake.”
“Why did you come back to Oakview?”
“This is my home. The only people I know live here. I have a problem that I’m coping with, but I need people who care around me. I’m not as strong as you.”
His statement slammed into Gabriel, humbling him. If he was as strong as George thought, he should be able to forgive the man and move on with his life, open his heart totally to another—someone who deserved only the best. The sadness he’d seen in Rebecca’s expression added salt to his open wound. It festered and bled.
“I came here today to beg you not to leave our church. I need their support, but you’re an intricate part of that congregation. Your loss would be felt by so many, and I don’t know if I could handle that on top of putting my life back together.”
“Who said I was going to leave?” Gabriel asked, surprised by the man’s plea.
George shrugged. “You know the rumor mill in our town.”
Our town. Those words made Gabriel realize he didn’t own Oakview. Nor did he have a say on who lived there. “Yes, but I never said that. I don’t know if I could give up the support of my church, either.”
“Then you understand what I’m saying.”
“Yes,” Gabriel reluctantly admitted, hating the fact he did know how George felt. That realization took him one step closer to forgiving the man.
George strode toward the front door, pausing before opening it. “Please think about what I said. I’ll try to stay out of your way as much as possible. I don’t want to make this any harder on you.”
The click of the door closing echoed through the empty house. Gabriel gripped the back of the chair until the tips of his fingers whitened. Exhaustion weaved its way down his length. In a split second three years before so many lives had been changed. Until this moment, however, he hadn’t thought of George’s life being altered. He had only thought of himself. Gabriel sank onto the wing chair, resting his head on the cushion, his eyes closed.
Thoughts swirled in his mind, making a jumbled mess. But from the chaos came the picture of Rebecca smiling at him, touching his arm, connecting with him on a level beyond friendship. She needed him; he needed her.
His eyes snapped open. She was right. If he didn’t deal with his past, there could be no real future with her and her sons. His hatred would fester until it consumed him, defining his life.
Gabriel saw his Bible on the table next to him and picked it up. Remembering what Rebecca had said to him in the church a few days before, he flipped through the pages until he came to the story about the prodigal son. He read it, absorbing each word, taking it into his mind and delving beneath the words to seek the true meaning. It was a story of forgiveness, of giving a person a second chance.
“And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.” Gabriel read the parable from St. Luke 15:31. Could he welcome George into the church and forgive him for what he had done against Gabriel?
He closed his Bible and prayed for the guidance he needed to rid his mind and soul of the anger that threatened to destroy him. As he said the Lord’s Prayer, he felt a tranquillity wash over him, cleansing him of his rage. A balance was restored.
He drew his wedding ring from his pocket, rose and went to his bedroom. He opened a keepsake box, put the piece of his past inside, then closed it. God had taken Judy from him, but in His wisdom, He had given him Rebecca. Now, all he had to do was convince Rebecca that he loved her as well as her children.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Rebecca hated calling in sick for a second day in a row, but she wanted to make sure Josh was all right before leaving him while she worked. She chuckled when she hung up from talking with Mabel. She had to convince the woman not to come over and help her with Josh. Their relationship had come a long way in the few months she had worked at the police station. Gabriel had been right about Mabel being a softie.
Gabriel had been right about a lot of things. When Josh had been in the hospital, she hadn’t turned away from God but had grown closer to Him. She felt whole again, as though a part of her wasn’t floating around unattached.
Gabriel and the people of Oakview had shown her the way back to the Lord. Why couldn’t she help Gabriel deal with his past? If they were to have a meaningful relationship, he would have to open his heart to her support.
Her heart ached when she thought about the scene at Gabriel’s house the evening before with George. Gabriel had closed off an important part of himself. Not being able to forgive George had fueled Gabriel’s anger, his ties to his past. Memories were important but not when they dominated a person’s life and kept him from truly opening himself up to another.
The sound of the doorbell startled Rebecca. She hoped Mabel hadn’t ignored what she had said and come anyway. She felt bad enough not going in to work without the whole office staff being gone. And knowing Mabel, she probably had ignored her.
As Rebecca threw open the door, she opened her mouth to tell Mabel to go back to work, but the words died in her throat. Craig, a beautiful woman dressed in a neat pair of slacks and a silk blouse, and two children stood on her front porch. My ex-husband’s new family, she thought.
Rebecca forced a smile to her lips. “I wasn’t expecting you, Craig.” Her tight hold on the doorknob made her hand ache, but she didn’t release her grip.
He tried to smile but failed. “I know I should have said something on the phone Sunday, but I wasn’t sure I would accept the job.”
“What job?” Apprehension washed over her. She wasn’t going to like what Craig had to say.
“I’m starting a new job at a bank in New York City in two weeks. We’re moving and decided not to wait once I made the decision to take the job.” Craig gestured toward his car, which was packed full.
“That’s awfully fast.” She strongly suspected it had been a fact when she had talked with him a few days before, but she didn’t have the energy to call him on it. Frankly, she found it didn’t matter except that the boys would be farther away from their father. Of course, if he didn’t want to see them five or five hundred miles wouldn’t matter.
“I thought I would stop by and say goodbye to Peter.”
“How about Josh? Peter’s at school.” Surprisingly the slight to her youngest son didn’t arouse her anger. If Craig chose not to be in his two sons’ lives, then that was his loss.
“Josh, too. When’s Peter coming home?” He peered at his watch, his face pinched into a frown.
“He should be here in an hour. Sin
ce Josh has been sick, Peter wants to make sure he’s okay and has been coming home for lunch.”
Craig looked at his new wife, and she nodded. “Then we’ll wait for him to come home. We can’t stay long since I want to make St. Louis tonight.”
His response didn’t surprise Rebecca. He had never cared to ask about Josh when they had lived together. But the fact he again showed how he really felt hurt. “That’s a long drive. Are you sure you should wait?”
“Yes,” he said on a long sigh.
“Then come in and wait in the living room.” Rebecca swung the door wide and waited until the family filed into the house before following them inside.
“I’m Rebecca Michaels,” she said to the beautiful woman with long auburn hair and a face perfectly made up to enhance her two best features, her blue eyes and high cheekbones. Rebecca noted that after several hours in the car the woman’s blouse was still tucked into her neatly pressed slacks. Looking at her jeans and T-shirt, Rebecca inwardly groaned.
“I’m Laura Michaels, and these are my two daughters, Mandy and Sara.”
Hearing the woman say Craig’s surname reminded Rebecca of her failure to keep her marriage together and shook her self-confidence, which she had worked so hard to rebuild. “It’s nice meeting you. Please have a seat.”
Rebecca greeted each of the little girls who appeared to be six and eight years old. They were perfect little replicas of their mother, with long auburn hair brushed back from their pretty faces. They wore matching dresses with few wrinkles, the soft burgundy fabric complementing their creamy, smooth complexions.
Mandy and Sara quietly sat on the couch, their backs straight, their hands folded in their laps. Rebecca thought of Peter, who couldn’t sit on a couch for more than a minute before he started to wiggle or talk. Or Josh, who until very recently couldn’t sit up by himself. Far from perfect, but they were her sons, and she loved them dearly.
“May I get you something to drink?” Rebecca started for the kitchen, needing something to do while they waited for Peter.
“No, we’re fine,” Craig said, stopping her in her tracks.
The Power of Love Page 17