“And I love you, Jess, because you’re you. You’re beautiful, smart, driven, warm, compassionate, a great kisser,” I said, and she huffed out a laugh, “and an amazing friend. You’ve been there for me like no one ever has. You’re my best friend in the world and I could always talk to you about anything.”
“You still can,” she answered.
“Can you really not see how much I love you? You and me, Jess, that’s all I want. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Kris,” Jessie whispered, placing her hand over mine.
“I’m not letting you go ever again, baby. I need you to breathe,” I told her and more tears formed in her eyes.
“How did I get so lucky to have you?”
“Oh my beautiful Jess…I’m the lucky one.”
I pulled her lips to mine and kissed them again gently. She lifted her hips and my semi-hard cock started to swell and lengthen inside her again. She started moaning and panting as I slowly made love to her for the second time that.
I’d been without her for more than a year and we had so much to catch up on; kissing, fighting, talking, and especially making love. Now that Jessie was finally back in my arms, I never planned on letting her go again.
“I wish I didn’t have to go back. This sucks so bad,” I grumbled as I slid into my tee shirt.
“Don’t worry, Kris. This time you know that when you come back home, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms,” Jessie replied as she wrapped her arms around my waist.
The last two days had been amazing. We’d never left Jessie’s apartment and most of the time we’d barely been clothed. We’d made love like we never had before. Sometimes it was wild and unrestrained, and others it was sweet and romantic, but every single time it was phenomenal because it was with her. I loved her more than anything in the world and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this happy.
It was now time for our tour bus to roll onto the next stop and that meant our time alone was at an end. I was sad to leave her but I knew that Jessie was right. This time when I left, I knew she would be here waiting for me, still as in love with me as I was with her. It didn’t make it any less shitty though.
“I hope so, baby,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her.
“Count on it. So, where you are guys headed next?”
“Cleveland, and then we’re heading to Detroit after that. We just have a few more weeks on the tour and then I’ll be coming back home.”
“We will have plenty to celebrate that week because I should be done with my finals around that time.”
“I still can’t believe you’re in college. I’m so proud of you, Jess.”
Her face lit up and she smiled so brightly. “Thank you, Kris. After I wrap up this semester I just have one more year and I’ll be graduating. I know it’s just an associate’s degree, but-”
“Jess, the fact that you’re even in college is more than me or the guys have ever done. You should be proud of everything you’ve accomplished. It’s a big deal.”
“Thank you,” she answered sincerely, snuggling into me.
“Listen, why don’t we all make plans to celebrate when we get back? We can all go out to dinner or something and toast to your first year of college and the end of our first headlining tour. What do you say?” I suggested.
“I say that it’s a date. I’ll let Rose and Alan know. I bet they will want to be there too.”
“I’m sure they will.” I looked at the clock on the wall and groaned. “Damn it, you think I’d be used to this by now, saying goodbye to you.”
“Kris, this time it isn’t goodbye. I’ll see you again in just a few weeks.”
“I know, but…”
“But what?”
“Just don’t change your mind before I get back, okay?”
“Don’t you change yours,” Jessie replied, kissing me quickly. “I know it’s going to take a while to get back to where we were, especially after everything that’s happened, but I can promise you my feelings for you won’t change. They never did.”
“That’s great to hear,” I said, and I pulled her closer to me and kissed her deeply. “I still can’t believe I’ve got you back. This doesn’t feel real.”
“I know. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up any second.”
“You want me to pinch you and make sure?” I joked.
Jessie playfully nudged me. “If you pinch me I’ll knee you in the balls.” Sighing, she let go of me and said, “Come on, you’re going to be late getting to the bus. I love you and I’ll be right here waiting when the tour’s over, I promise.”
I grabbed her face and kissed her until she was breathless.
“Love you too, baby. I’ll call you as soon as we get to our next stop.”
“Be careful,” she whispered as I backed away from her and left her tiny apartment. It hurt that I had to leave her, but this time I knew she would be waiting for me and it made walking away just a tiny bit easier.
Three Weeks Later
As soon as I walked into the backstage lounge after finishing our final show, I found the nearest couch and collapsed onto it. I was exhausted and covered in sweat after our performance tonight and couldn’t wait to get back home to my girl. I had so many plans for us and I couldn’t wait to share them with her.
Ryder, Beau, and Jude followed me into the lounge looking just as worse for the wear as I was, but I could tell that they wanted to have some fun on our last night of the tour. I leaned my head back and smiled as they talked about the different girls they had seen and planned on going after.
As they were talking about which groupies they wanted for the night, I was so thankful that I had Jessie in my life again in every way that I wanted. I know I was still young but I felt incredibly lucky to have found the love of my life already. Most people search a lifetime and never find them, and I’d found mine at the age of twenty-two. As I thought of all of the things I wanted us to do together when I got back, I smiled and felt like the richest man in the world.
I was about to call Jessie and let her know how the last show went but as I took my phone out of my pocket, it started ringing. I looked at the display and saw her name flashing across the screen. Smiling, I clicked the button to answer it and held it to my ear.
“Hey baby, I was just about to call you,” I answered.
“Kris?” she asked, her voice cracking. “Is…is Ryder close by? I’ve been trying to call his cell phone but he’s not picking up.”
Her tone made me sit up straight…she’d obviously been crying.
“Jess, is everything okay?” My eyes shot to Ryder’s and he stared back with a puzzled look on his face.
She sniffed and replied, “N-no. Can you put him on the phone please? It’s an emergency.”
“Sure,” I answered, and held the phone to Ryder. “It’s Jess, she says she’s been trying to call you.”
“Me?” he asked, his forehead wrinkling in worry. “Why would she be calling me? You’re her boyfriend, man, not me.”
“I don’t know, man, but she says it’s an emergency.”
He walked to me and took the phone from my hand. “Hello? Jess? It’s Ryder. What’s going on?” he asked. We all watched with bated breath as every trace of color was drained from Ryder’s face and the light left his eyes.
“No,” he answered quietly, shaking his head in denial. “You’re wrong, Jess. Dad’s fine, we just saw him three weeks ago. He said he thought he had pneumonia.” The room was quiet as Beau, Jude, and I all exchanged worried glances. “O-okay, tell him I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thanks for calling,” he said in a monotone voice. He gave me back the phone and abruptly ran out of the room.
“What the hell was that about?” Jude asked to no one in particular as I held the phone up to my ear.
“Jess? It’s me, what’s going on?” I asked her.
“It’s Alan,” she cried. “He’s in the hospital.”
My stomach dropped and I remembered how skel
etal he looked the last time I saw him.
“Why? What’s wrong with him?”
“He…he has lung cancer.”
“What?” I shouted. I looked up at Jude and Beau and they were looking at me with concern. “Alan’s in the hospital. Apparently he has lung cancer,” I repeated back to them.
“I was stunned when Rose called me today. She begged me not to tell Ryder until after his show was over tonight. I guess Alan’s known he was sick for a long time and he’s in stage four.”
“Oh fuck,” I exclaimed, rubbing a hand through my hair. “So, he’s…”
“Terminal. He wants you guys to come home so he can say…” she trailed off, sobbing into the phone. “Rose is a mess. She just seems like she’s not understanding all of this and I’m scared.”
“We’re on our way. We can be in Cincinnati by morning,” I answered, quickly standing as Beau was instructing our backstage crew what was going on.
“Okay, thanks. Please hurry,” she cried. “I need you.”
“I’m coming, baby, just hold on,” I answered.
As soon as I hung up, we all ran out of the room toward our bus, stopping to help a practically catatonic Ryder find his way on board. We told the bus driver to take us to the closest airport as Steve was booking our flights. I really hoped for all our sakes, especially Ryder’s, that we made it home in time to say goodbye to the one man in our lives that had never let us down.
Chapter 12
Jessie
This wasn’t real. Alan Matthews wasn’t dying. It was impossible. He’d always been our rock, our one constant in an ever-changing world. He’d been like a father to us all and I didn’t know what we were going to do without him.
I was scared not to just lose the only man to ever love me like a daughter, but I was scared for my friend. Ryder and Alan were incredibly close and my chest ached at how much this was going to crush him.
I was sitting next to Rose in Alan’s room, holding her hand and reminding her that Ryder would be here soon. Thankfully Alan was asleep and hopefully wasn’t in any pain. It was heartbreaking to see him coughing and fighting for breath. He looked so close to death…I hoped and prayed that Ryder made it on time.
I sat in that chair and held Rose’s hand for what felt like hours watching nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room. I was starting to worry that Kris and the guys weren’t going to make it in time and I was about to get out my phone and call. Before I could, there was a light knock on the door and then the door opened. Ryder came sprinting into the room followed by Beau, Jude, and Kris and when his eyes landed on Alan lying on the bed, he looked faint.
“Dad?” Ryder said quietly, closing the distance between them and collapsing into a chair at his bedside. “Dad, I’m here.”
Rose looked at Ryder and seemed to snap out of her catatonic state. Her eyes roamed back and forth between her son and her husband and she broke down crying. I let go of her hand so she could be with her family and I stood up from the chair. Kris was leaning against the wall and had his head down. He looked as lost and confused as Jude and Beau did. He looked up at me as I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held onto me as I sobbed into his chest.
“Thank God you’re here,” I cried, and he rubbed my back as soothingly as he could. I could feel something warm hit the top of my head and I instantly knew it was his tears.
“I can’t believe this,” Jude whispered next to us. “He seemed okay when we saw him a few weeks ago. Maybe a little skinny, but I never would have thought he was battling cancer.”
“No one could have thought this could happen, Jude,” Beau answered, rubbing his hand over his jaw.
I turned my head toward them and felt my heart clench even harder when I looked at Jude. He had his head back on the wall and his eyes were closed tightly. “What are we going to do without him?”
No one knew how to answer him because there was no way to answer that question. We would all be lost without Alan in our lives. It was apparent by the way the hospital staff was looking and talking that he didn’t have much longer and Alan knew that, so he wanted to take turns telling us goodbye individually.
We all stepped out while he had the chance to talk to each one of the guys. He talked to Beau first, then had his time with Jude and then Kris. Jude had his arm around my shoulders and was trying to comfort me when Kris came out into the hallway, looking heartbroken with Ryder following behind him. I moved away from Jude and hugged Kris tightly for a few moments. Ryder collapsed against the wall and Beau came and stood next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“He’s asking for you, Jess,” Kris whispered brokenly.
I swallowed my fear and nodded. Letting go of him, I felt my heart pounding out of my chest as I entered Alan’s room. Even though I’d been at his bedside since he’d been brought in, I was so nervous in that moment to be by his side. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him but like everything horrible in my life, I was powerless to stop it.
“Hey there sweetheart,” Alan said to me as I slowly walked to his bedside. Holding out a weak hand, he motioned me closer. “Come here, I want to tell you something.”
Tears were pouring down my cheeks as I placed my hand in his clammy one.
“What is it?” I asked him quietly.
“Well, I just wanted to tell you that you are a truly beautiful girl, Jessie, inside and out and I feel blessed that I got to watch you grow into the wonderful young woman you’ve become.”
My chest hurt even worse…this was so hard.
“Alan, I…”
“You are a truly remarkable person and I am proud of how far you have come in life, especially considering everything that life’s thrown at you. I am just so sorry that I wasn’t able to help you get away from Crystal.”
“Hey, that’s not your fault. You were one of the few people that cared about me, and that means more to me than anything.”
“I still feel like Rose and I could’ve done more. Can you forgive me?”
I collapsed at his side and cried a river of tears as I held onto his hand for dear life.
“Forgive you? Are you serious? There’s nothing to forgive at all. You always made your home a safe place for me and the guys to come to when we had nowhere else to go. After what happened last year,” I choked out, pausing to collect myself, “you took me into your home without a second thought and not only helped me get on my feet, but taught me to fly. You’re not only the father I never had, but the father that none of us had and you are an amazing human being. Thank you for loving us, for loving me, even when I didn’t love myself.”
“It’s impossible not to love you, honey. I’m proud of the woman you’ve become and know you will go on to do more. I love you, Jessie.”
“Oh Alan, I love you too,” I croaked out.
His breathing was getting more labored and I knew time was running out. I didn’t want his last moments to be spent without Ryder and Rose so I kissed his hand and was going to leave. As I stood up, he squeezed my hand.
“I’m happy to see you and Kris together again. That man loves you so much, Jessie, and a love like that is very rare and hard to find so you hold onto it with both hands.”
“I-I will, Alan. I love him too and I’m never letting him go again. I promise.” He squeezed my hand and smiled at me weakly. “I’m going to send Ryder in now, okay?”
“Okay. Goodbye, sweet girl,” he whispered before starting to cough again.
“Goodbye,” I answered back, and leaned in to kiss his thin cheek one last time before I left the room.
As soon as I was out in the hall again, the pain in my chest was making it difficult to breathe. When my eyes landed on Ryder, my pain intensified as he stood against the wall, stone-faced and seemingly in shock. I walked to him and placed my hand on his arm. “Ryder, go see your dad,” I said. He nodded at me and, like a robot, he walked back into Alan’s room.
“This is so fucked up,” Jude stated, angrily wiping tears from
his cheeks. “I mean, seriously. Why did this have to happen to Alan? Why couldn’t it be my mother, or Kris’ dad, or Beau’s mom or Jessie’s? Why the fuck is this happening to the one man that gave a shit about any of us?”
“I don’t know, man,” Beau answered, his head hanging down. “I don’t fucking know.”
I walked to Kris and fell into his arms. No one else spoke as we all cried for the man that thought of us as his own children and helped us as much as he could.
I’d lost track of time as we all waited for the outcome none of us were prepared for. We’d decided to give Ryder, Rose, and Alan as much privacy as we could so we all took up a temporary residence in the waiting room. I sat next to Kris on a tiny couch and we held each other, unsure of what else we could do to numb our pain.
I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep until I was being shaken awake. My eyes snapped open and when I looked up to see Ryder standing in front of us, looking utterly broken, I knew it was over. I flew up out of my seat and wrapped my arms around Ryder and tried my best to comfort him. Beau, Jude, and Kris had joined us in a group hug and we held onto to each other and cried.
“I’m so sorry, Ryder,” I cried into his shirt.
“He was the greatest man I’ve ever known,” said Jude.
“I had to get out of there,” Ryder answered, letting go of me and swiping at his eyes with his hand. “Mom’s still in the room with him but the moment he was gone, I just couldn’t stay.”
“I understand,” I replied.
“How’s Rose?” Kris asked.
“They had to sedate her when he, um, you know,” he said, his voice low and thick with heartache. “She was fucking hysterical, man. She’s sleeping right now but I still don’t know what to do when it’s time to take her back home. She can’t be alone.”
“I will make sure she’s taken care of, Ryder. Is there anything else you need me to do?” I asked, sniffing.
[Bad Blooded Rebel Series 06] - Deeper Page 17