“Jess, you okay?” I called out, knocking on the bathroom door. I heard retching and gagging coming from behind the door and was two seconds from beating the door down. The last three weeks she’d been feeling sick and couldn’t seem to shake this illness she’d picked up while we were on the road. I thought maybe the stress of traveling around so much was finally taking a toll on her and planned on forcing her to go to the doctor as soon as we stopped in the next town.
“I’m fine. Just give me a second,” she weakly called from the other side of the door. I waited impatiently for several more minutes before the door unlocked and she came stumbling out of the bathroom and collapsed onto our bed. The constant movement of the bus was obviously making her feel even worse and she curled up into a ball and moaned.
“Jesus Christ, are we in Indianapolis yet? If we don’t get to the hotel soon and off this bus I’m going to throw up again.”
“The driver said we should be pulling up in about five minutes,” I replied. I sat down next to her on the bed and started to rub her back. “Jess, baby, maybe you should try to see a doctor while we’re here.”
“No, I’ll be okay. I’m pretty sure I just have a bad flu bug. It’ll pass.”
“Jess, if you had the flu then we’d all have gotten it by now. It’s been three weeks and you’ve thrown up at least twice every single day. I am worried that you are getting dehydrated.”
“I’m downing ten bottles of Gatorade a day, Kris. There’s no way I’m dehydrated,” she replied, smiling weakly at me.
I groaned. “You know I’m not the kind of guy that forces shit, but I am this time. You’re seeing a doctor Jessie, and that’s final. As soon as we stop I am going to find where the local urgent care clinic is and we’re going. End of story,” I said firmly.
She lifted her head and looked at me pointedly. “You’re really worried, aren’t you?”
I nodded and answered, “I really am.”
“Okay, I’ll go. For you,” she replied and I nodded again.
“Thank you,” I said and pulled out my phone to search for the nearest doctor’s office. As soon as we were stopped and checked into the hotel, I filled the guys in on what was going on with Jess and immediately got her to an urgent care clinic, which fortunately was close to the venue.
When we checked in, the nurse at the front desk recognized me and immediately took us back. I should have felt bad for the people that had gotten there before us but I didn’t. Jessie was my whole world and I had to know what was wrong with her.
The nurse asked a zillion questions that thankfully Jessie was able to answer. I was so God damned nervous that I was barely able to talk. By the time the doctor finally came into the room, the nurse had already taken a urine sample and said that there might be blood work done. I was worried about what the results would say…I just wanted her to be okay.
There was a faint knock on the door and Jessie called out, “Come in.”
“Hello, I’m Dr. Stevens. You must be Jessica Monroe,” said a portly man with dark gray hair and a thick beard.
“Jessie,” she corrected as she shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. This is my boyfriend Kris Engle.”
“Yes, your presence has created quite a stir among my nursing staff,” Dr. Stevens answered cheerfully. He gave my hand a firm shake and he smiled warmly at me before taking a seat on his rolling stool.
“It’s nice to meet you both. Okay, so tell me, Jessie, what’s brought you in today?”
“Well,” Jessie began, “I have been feeling a little under the weather for the past few weeks and my boyfriend insisted I get checked out.”
“A little under the weather?” I replied a little louder than I’d intended to. “She’s been throwing up at least twice a day for the last three weeks and can barely keep any food down. She’s been living off Gatorade and saltine crackers.”
Dr. Stevens was taking notes on his tablet as I filled him in on everything Jess had been going through.
“Okay, Jessie, can you tell me when your last menstrual period was?”
After thinking for a moment, she replied, “Um, five weeks ago I think? My periods haven’t been regular for a while now.”
“How long is a while?”
“Um, th-three years.” She trailed off sadly and placed her hand on her stomach. In that moment my heart dropped as I saw the hurt in her eyes that would never truly go away.
“Is there any chance at all that you could be pregnant?” he asked.
Jessie’s lip began to tremble and answered, “No.”
“No? Why do you seem so sure? You’re obviously young and seemingly healthy. Why would you think you couldn’t be?”
“We lost a baby three years ago and ever since then her cycles have been way off. It was caused by an assault and there was some damage,” I explained with my free hand balled into a fist.
“I’ve been told I can’t have children,” Jessie spoke softly. “My doctor back home said it was almost impossible due to the damage.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Dr. Stevens replied, placing a friendly hand on Jessie’s. “I’m going to order some blood work and just as soon as we get the results that should tell me a bit more of what’s going on.”
“Okay, thank you doctor,” Jessie replied. Dr. Stevens left the exam room and while we waited for the nurse to come in and draw blood she was silent. She had her head down and her hair had fallen around her shoulders. I swept it back and leaned down to her face.
“Hey,” I said, lifting her chin with my finger, “everything’s going to be okay. You know that right?”
“I know,” she said, forcing a smile. “It’s just that…”
“Just what, baby?”
“I know that I’m probably just exhausted or picked up a nasty bug or something, but I can’t help but feel let down that I know I’m not sick because I’m pregnant.”
“Jess,” I whispered, kissing her hair.
“It’s stupid because I know that it was never a possibility, but I can’t help it. It’s just so damn unfair,” she said, letting the tears fall.
“I know it is, but we’re going to figure this all out, okay? As soon as this tour ends we’re going to see a specialist and figure out options.”
“Kris, I know that this isn’t going to happen for us so I need to start accepting it. Seeing a million doctors and being poked and prodded won’t help anything. It will just get my hopes up and I can’t do that.”
“How do you know that seeing another doctor won’t help? Did you ever get a second opinion?”
“Well…no.”
“So what harm could it do? At least then we’ll know for sure and then discuss our options.”
She looked up at me with those damn ocean-blue eyes and said, “You’re amazing, Kris Engle. Do you know that?”
“I have my moments,” I grinned. “Seriously, Jess, I just want you to be happy and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make your dreams come true.”
“I love you,” she said, and leaned her lips to mine. She kissed me tenderly and tingles shot through my body.
I groaned and said, “I hope that the doctor says you are okay because I plan on ravaging you once we get back to the bus.”
“Sounds great,” she replied, kissing me again.
When the doctor came back into the room and informed us that Jessie had food poisoning and was slightly dehydrated, I was thankful that she was okay and it wasn’t more serious. However, despite knowing she wasn’t pregnant, I could still see the disappointment in her eyes. Even though we were still young and life was definitely too crazy to even think about bringing a baby into our chaotic world, it killed me knowing I couldn’t give her the one thing she truly wanted. I was going to keep my promise I made to her and figure out a way to give her the chance to be a mother one way or another.
Two months later, the tour had finally ended and I was looking forward to a nice long break from being on the road and hopefully scheduling an appointment with a
fertility specialist. Between visiting Crystal before we left, the long and exhausting tour, and Jessie’s illness in the midst of that, I was beyond ready for some normalcy in our lives. We finally were able to break ground on the home we’d always wanted and I spared no expense making it everything she dreamed of. Seeing the house being built was a dream for me just as much as it was for her because that was what I’d worked so hard for, struggled for…to give her the life she deserved, to watch her wake up every morning in a beautiful home that was built just for her.
Everything was finally the way it should have been. Beau’s sister Sadie had graduated from her fancy private high school a year early and was already completing her first year of college. The last time we’d seen her was right after graduation and she told me then that she was going to produce music and thought attending college was a waste of her time. Beau, however, was not about to let her pass up every experience she could have and insisted on sending her to a top college in Chicago that offered an excellent music program.
Ryder was the same as he’d always been, chasing girls and living the rock star life. Thankfully he kicked his drug habit, but his insatiable appetite for women hadn’t died down. He, Jude, and Beau were bedding so many women and partying so hard night after night that it seemed like their names were always in the paper and on entertainment shows for their antics. The record label was beginning to get angry with the constant negative media attention, so the following year we were forced into the studio and recorded another album that we’d be touring for the following summer. I was frustrated but it was all part of the life. I hated that I was under the label’s thumb but that part I could handle because I had no other choice. However, now that we were being sent out again there was one thing I had been planning to do for a while and now my plans were fucked.
I wanted to propose to Jessie and didn’t want to do it while we were on the road, which meant I never had found the right time. I guess I was just going to have to get creative and find a way to do this like I’d planned while being on another fucking tour. Hopefully I would be able to do this in a romantic way, the way she’d always dreamed of, but being on a long drawn out tour traveling around the country on a bus that I sometimes shared with three other guys wasn’t exactly the proposal I’d always planned. One thing I did know for sure was that no matter what, I was going to propose to Jessie and make it perfect for her.
Chapter 14
Jessie
I was beginning to hate being on the road.
Ever since Bad Blooded Rebel had been signed with Bulldoze Records, they had barely been home and hardly lived in the houses they’d spent million buying. I knew that living on the road could be grueling, but it felt like Stanley and Rick Isaacs were going out of their way to make life harder for Kris and the guys. They seemed like they were trying to show who was really in control of their lives and it was really pissing everyone off. I was sure the guys wanted to find another label but unfortunately their hands were tied legally. They had another two years left on their contract and we’d all just have to suffer through them (and yet another tour).
As time marched on, touring around wasn’t the only thing I was growing tired of. I was beginning to take it personally that Kris still hadn’t proposed to me after all this time. At this point we’d been together for the better part of seven years and I wasn’t getting any younger. I was only twenty-five, but still…just buy the cow already, man!
The tour had taken us to New York and I was actually excited to be going back there. Not only did I love New York City, but we’d be meeting up with Jake Riggins again and despite his perverted personality I actually liked him. I’d also spoken to him on the quiet about doing my first tattoo when we got there and I hadn’t told Kris about it. I planned on sneaking away to Jake’s shop while Kris was doing interviews with Beau, Jude, and Ryder. I knew he’d be surprised and that he would love it, but I also hoped he wasn’t bummed out that I didn’t ask him to come with me. The tattoo I was getting was something that I wanted to surprise him with and something I had to do on my own.
When the guys were checked into the hotel and were giving their interviews in the conference room, I’d kissed Kris goodbye and told him I was going to go out sightseeing and slipped out of the hotel. As soon as I was out I called Jake to let him know I was on my way and he said he was all set up and ready. I was so nervous about the pain but excited to have it done.
When I reached Ink Dungeon, I walked inside to find Jake already waiting for me at the reception desk. I smiled at him as he walked toward me with his heavily tattooed arms open.
“Well if it isn’t the Rebel princess. Get into these arms and give me a hug girl,” he said and I wrapped my arms around his torso and hugged him tight.
“Jake it’s great to see you again. How’ve you been?”
“Living the dream, beautiful. How are the guys? Ryder, Jude, and Beau still pulling in pussy every night?”
I rolled my eyes and snorted out a laugh.
“Of course they are but you already know that. Last time I checked you were as big of a slut as they were and have a quite a long pussy list yourself.”
Jake cocked his head and flashed a crooked smile at me.
“Oh God, Jess, say pussy again. That almost got me hard.”
I laughed and shoved against him.
“Shut up. Are we doing this tattoo or what? I only have four hours before the interviews are supposed to be over and I promised Kris I’d be back before they were finished.”
“All right, let’s get started,” Jake replied and I followed him back to his room. “So, you want to do a lotus flower on your side with a certain date on it?”
“That’s right,” I replied, sitting in the tattoo chair.
“What does the date mean? Is it the first time you and Kris fucked or something?” he asked, grinning.
“Um, no actually. Look, this isn’t something I’ve told too many people so don’t repeat it, okay? We don’t want the press catching wind of it. It’s actually a miracle that they don’t know already.”
Jake sat in his chair next to me and his face was serious as he replied, “I won’t say a thing, Jess, you know that.”
I took a deep breath and answered, “It’s the date that I lost my baby girl six years ago.”
“Oh shit, Jess, I’m so sorry. Now I feel like a dick,” he said, hanging his head down for a moment. When he looked back up his eyes were full of compassion.
“Jake it’s okay, you didn’t know.”
“What happened?” he asked.
“My mother happened,” I answered, “and I don’t want to talk about it anymore than that. I just wanted to have something besides memories that I can carry with me to remind me that my little girl was real, you know?”
“I totally get it. I think the lotus flower fits that perfectly. I don’t mean to sound like a candy ass but I love those flowers. They represent rebirth and life always renews itself in one way or another. I bet your baby girl’s energy was too powerful to fade out and it’s found a home somewhere close to you.”
The tears started pouring down my cheeks. Jake might seem like a superficial woman chasing jerk, but damn it if he didn’t always say the right thing at the right moment.
I leaned forward in the chair and hugged him again. “Jake…that was beautiful. Thank you so much for saying that.”
“You’re welcome.” Before things got any more emotional he pulled back and said, “Okay let’s get to work. We’re on a time crunch, right?”
Wiping my eyes with my hands I replied, “Right. Let’s do this thing.”
Two and a half hours of pure torture later I had a gorgeous tattoo on my side right over my ribs. I couldn’t wait to show it to Kris and get his reaction. Jake tried to warn me that getting the tattoo on my side was going to hurt but I was insistent it had to be there. When I looked at the time on my phone, I had less than an hour before the guys would be finished and getting ready to go to the venue for the show. I th
anked Jake and paid him for the tattoo (plus a huge tip just because I loved him) and ran out onto the streets of New York.
As soon as I got to the hotel, I ran inside and through the lobby (which gathered some strange looks from some of the haughty rich people that were checking in) and into the conference room where they were wrapping up an interview. As they were answering the last question, I stood back and watched as Ryder had the female reporter hanging on every word he said and practically eating out of the palm of his tattooed hand.
“Okay, well I think that’s all the questions I have for you right now. Thanks so much for taking the time to meet with me,” the woman replied, smiling slyly and biting her lip. “I’m sure your fans will appreciate you answering their questions.”
“It’s no problem at all,” Ryder replied, winking at her. I fought back a laugh as her cheeks flushed with redness. “You’re coming to the show tonight, right?”
“Of course. I’ll be covering the live show as well for the magazine so I’ll definitely be there.”
“Awesome. It’ll be nice to see you there,” he said. Jude faintly snorted and nudged Kris’ arm and they both looked down, most likely to hide their looks of amusement from the poor unsuspecting woman. Ryder had her on his radar and I almost felt bad for the poor thing…almost. Ryder’s reputation was pretty well known in the music world so when-not if-they sleep together she hopefully will leave with her dignity still intact and not do a very public walk of shame.
“Great,” she replied, running her fingers through her long dark hair and smiling one last time before everyone stood up. “I’ll see you guys later tonight.”
“Looking forward to it, sweetheart,” Ryder added as she gave him one final flirty glance and began to walk toward the exit. I began to approach the guys and as the reporter walked past me, she smirked at me tempestuously before leaving. Okay, now I really didn’t feel bad for her. I hoped Ryder dumped her on her ass.
[Bad Blooded Rebel Series 06] - Deeper Page 20