“On what, Gage?”
I wanted to spare her the details, but she deserved a glimpse into how serious it was. “I walked in on him, Dr. Sorensen, and Dr. Bishop doing drugs and having sex with these three random women.” Her face turned red and I wasn’t sure if it was from anger at her husband, embarrassment as the situation, or humiliation at discussing such a thing with her son. “It…it was bad.”
Her words were clipped, and I just prayed it wasn’t me she was pissed at. “That’s why you had such anxiety issues whenever I left town, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “I knew…how he was going to use his free time.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Gage. But why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“I’m sorry, Mom.” And I really was. “I was young enough to believe him when he manipulated me into thinking that if I told you, it would ruin your happiness. He told me that he needed those other women because he loved and respected you too much to do to you what he did to those women.”
She let out barely-there whimper. “What did he do to those women?”
I shook my head. “You don’t need the details, Mom. Just know that it wasn’t…he wasn’t kind. Those weekends were…violent and ugly.”
Her face paled and her eyes watered. “Oh, Gage…”
“You had no idea and you were always so happy, I bought into his lies and manipulations. I…I didn’t want to be the one who ruined your life. I didn’t want to ruin your happiness,” I continued to confess.
“Oh, Gage, honey,” she cried. “My happiness wasn’t your responsibility, son. You never should have carried that burned. You never should have had to choose between my happiness and yours.”
“Mom, I love you,” I stressed. “I absolutely adore you. Your happiness wasn’t a burden to carry.” I shrugged a should. “Yeah, I’m fucked in the head a bit and…and I don’t have a healthy view of sex, but I’ll always choose you over me.”
Her face softened. “Then why tell me now?”
“Because, while I’ll always choose your happiness over my own, I’ll never choose your happiness over Mystic’s,” I admitted, feeling torn between the only two women in the world that I have ever loved. “I love you, Mom. You’re my mother, for fuck’s sake. But I love Mystic beyond all reason, Mom. You saw what losing her ten years ago did to me. I’m not sure I could survive it a second time.”
Her smile shown through her tears as she said, “And you won’t.”
The rest of the day was spent purging years of resentment and disappointment. I wasn’t sure where her marriage was headed, but, being the great mother that she was, we worked on getting Mystic back once her tears were dried.
Chapter 39
Mystic~
In the end, I’d gone back home.
Rowan had ended up taking me to a little park that led into a hiking trail. We hadn’t gone hiking, but we had stayed in the Lakeside visitor center, where we had eaten, drank, and enjoyed the quiet. It had been like going to a cozy ski cottage without the snow, the skis, or the cottage.
I had told her everything, and I do mean everything. Even though she already knew I had dated Gage in high school, and that I had been heartbroken about it, she hadn’t known the details. So, after a couple of drinks and a recap of how he had barged in on me and David, to give her a clearer picture of just why I was so confused and screwed-up in the head, I told her everything from the day Gage and I had met at our lockers.
She had been shocked, but she hadn’t turned judgmental. She hadn’t told me to leave him. She hadn’t told me to get help for my intimacy issues. She hadn’t told me I was wrong. Rowan hadn’t said much of anything. She had mostly listened and ordered the drinks when needed.
In the end, she had asked me if his sin of mimicking my parents was bad enough to go the rest of my life without him. She also admitted that she didn’t feel as if I’d ever find another Gage, and not only would I be spending the rest of my life nursing a broken heart if I walked away, but I’ll also never be truly sexually satisfied. And while good sex wasn’t everything, it was still rather important. She hadn’t shied away from the uncomfortable topic of mine and Gage’s sex life, either. She had admitted to not understanding the allure, but she also got turned off if a man’s eyebrows weren’t just so. Rowan chocked it up to different strokes for different folks. As long as I was safe, she didn’t care.
She also pointed out that, while Gage behaved like a jealous prick, I might have overreacted. Old wounds and all. Once I calmed down, I could admit she might have had a point. Yes, Gage was wrong. But wrong enough that forgiveness wasn’t an option? I wasn’t too sure anymore.
One thing was true, though. I was certain I’d never find another Gage Evans. And, yeah, I survived these past ten years without him, but that’s all it had been; surviving. With the exception of Rowan, I hadn’t formed any real connections in all that time. My life was a shell of existence that had all ended with Gage coming back into it. Could I go back to that again? Do I want to? The knock on my door told me my time was up, and I knew, without even having to open the door, that it was Gage.
After I had turned my phone back on, I had deleted all his voicemails and text messages, knowing they didn’t matter. I knew he was going to show up eventually, and so, whatever we had to say could be said face-to-face, not in text messages.
I took a deep breath as I walked over to the door. I still wasn’t entirely sure what I was going to do, but I wasn’t going to ‘vanish’ on Gage again. We both deserved a clean break this time around. No doubt. No ‘what ifs’. Just a clear understanding of forever or the end.
I pulled the door open, and, yep, there he stood, looking just as delicious as always. It really was unfair. How was a girl expected to keep her head rational when all of that was staring her in the face?
He barged past me, but what did I expect? This was Gage we were talking about and the man took; he didn’t ask permission.
I shut the door when he turned to face me, very much like the first time he had come over. “Where in the fuck have you been?”
See?
You’d think he’d be treading lightly or at least pretending to feel some remorse over his behavior earlier, but no. Not Gage.
“I was with Rowan.”
He stalked towards me until he was towering over me. “I didn’t ask who you were with. I asked where you were at,” he snapped.
“Rowan took me to the Lakeside visitor center,” I answered. “I needed space, Gage.”
“Look, I get that I was an asshole earlier, I do. I get that. However, if you ever disappear on me like that again, I will hunt you down and you will regret it when I find you,” he threatened.
I ignored his threat because it foolishly made me feel giddy. I was hurt, humiliated, and confused, but I couldn’t deny that my feminine ego basked in the knowledge that Gage wanted me uncontrollably. I mean, wasn’t that what all women wanted? I man who wanted them above anything and anyone else?
Or, maybe, I was just stupid.
I got right to the point. “That shit was not okay, Gage,” I said, knowing he would know exactly what I was referring to.
He ignored my comment and got back to the topic that was most important to him. “I said, you will never disappear on me ever fucking again, Mystic,” he seethed.
“This is bullshit, Gage!” I yelled. “You do not get to come into my house and start yelling at me like I’m in the wrong here!”
“You are in the wrong!” he yelled back.
My eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
“Why won’t you marry me?!”
Oh, Sweet Jesus.
“Are you kidding me right now?” I didn’t let him answer. Instead, I advanced on him and poked my finger straight into his chest. “Are you telling me today is my fault because I didn’t agree to marry you last week?”
Gage grabbed my offending finger and pulled me to him, his arm coming around me, holding me captive. “Marry me, Mystic,” he commanded, thr
owing me into further confusion.
I tried to pull away, but his hold was too strong. “Are you seriously asking me to marry you, so you can win this argument?!”
“Yes,” he deadpanned. He finally relented and took a step back. Running his fingers through his hair, he said, “Of course, not, Mystic.”
Christ.
We’d become this ridiculous.
“Gage, today was-”
“Today was bullshit,” he interrupted. “I can admit that. I owe you and David an apology. I can own that, Mystic. But…” He let out soft, sad laugh. “You have no idea what you do to me, Mystic.”
He was wrong.
I knew exactly what I did to him because he did the same thing to me.
We drove each other crazy.
“I’m not going to let you ‘sorry’ this away, Gage.” I shook my head. “You accused me of cheating on you,” I reminded him. “Forget everything and everyone else for a moment. Forget your anger at me not agreeing to marry you. Forget Reagan’s instigating. Forget David.” I stepped towards him until I was looking up into his heartbreakingly beautiful face. “Knowing the things about me that you know, how could you ever think, even for a split second, that I would lay down for another man when you’re the only man who has ever fulfilled those deep, dark needs inside me? No man, and I do mean no man, has ever ignited a fraction of the desire you inspire in me with just being in the same room with you,” I told him.
“Mystic-”
“It is impossible for another man to turn my head,” I went on. “They couldn’t do it when we weren’t together, and you’re out of your mind if you think they can do it while we are.” I searched his eyes, and asked, “So, what the hell was that today?”
Gage blew out a deep breath. “Panic,” he answered. “Pure, unadulterated panic.”
“Oh, Gage…”
He grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch. Gage sat me down, and then took a seat next to me. His brows drew down as he said, “Here’s the thing, Mystic. You think we might be moving too fast because it’s been ten years since we’ve been together, and you think we need to get to know each other again. But, to me, I think we’re moving too slow.”
“Too slow?” The corner of his lip lifted in a smirk that almost made me lose my train of thought.
Almost.
“Mystic, had your parents never interfered, there’s no way we would have gone off to college without getting married first,” he replied, completely flooring me. I mean, I knew we had been tied together in a way that was crucial, but it never occurred to me that Gage would have wanted to get married at such a young age.
“Wh…what?”
“Come on, Mystic,” he chided. “You had to have known that’s where we were headed.”
“Well, sure,” I conceded. “Someday.”
His hands reached out and hauled me onto his lap. Brushing random stray hairs back from my face, he said, “Okay, let me ask you this. Had we stayed together, do you think we’d be married now? Have a kid or two?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I suppose so, I guess. Once college was finished and our careers were established.”
“If we had stayed together, it’s a safe bet to say you’d probably be pregnant right now with at least our first child, Mystic,” he insisted.
“Okay. Maybe.” He gave me a soft smile and, once again, I was almost rendered stupid. Gage had never been a big smiler when we were younger, and it always made me feel special when he had gifted me with one.
“That’s why I think we’re behind on this thing between us, Mystic,” he said. “I lost ten years with you. I have no desire to waste another second of not having you.”
“But David-”
“It wasn’t about David,” he said, stopping me. “It was about me. It was about me not being able to deal with real life because I hadn’t been dealing with real life.”
“What do you mean?”
Gage let out another deep breath. “I finally told my mom about my dad,” he said, shocking me.
“What? When?”
“Earlier,” he replied. “She was in town and I promised her we’d do lunch. But then that shitstorm happened at CI and she made me come clean about our fight. Or, rather, my acting an ass. I couldn’t explain, though, without telling her why I reacted the way I had. Years of pent up frustration, and years of harboring my father’s lies, led to my outburst.” Gage leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Baby, I know you’d never cheat on me. I know that. I swear, I do. The panic stemmed from founding you again after losing you in one of the most brutal ways. But my issues always stemmed from watching my Mom being blindingly happy in a marriage she had no idea she was in.”
“Oh, Gage,” I whispered. “How did she take it? How is she?”
“She took it hard,” he answered. “She took it extremely hard. But then she pulled herself together and did what she always did. She put herself on the backburner and was my mom first. She listened, and then we talked about how to get you back.”
“What did she say?”
He let out a soft chuckle. “She said to go after you. And she told me not to stop until I had you.”
My heart warmed. “She said that?”
He nodded. “When I pointed out that her advice bordered on criminal stalking, she told me it probably did, but if fear was enough to stop me from going after you, then I really didn’t want you.”
“And do you want me that badly?” I whispered.
“What do you think?”
“I think you might,” I answered honestly.
Gage’s chuckled was dark. “Oh, baby, you don’t know the half of it.”
“That half of what?”
His hands cradled my face, and his blue eyes bore into mine as he said, “Of just how much I love you.”
And just like that, the world stopped spinning.
Chapter 40
Gage~
Her big brown eyes immediately filled with tears and they escaped beautifully down her perfect face. “Gage…” she mouthed, surprise rendering her speechless.
It’s the first time I’ve ever told her I loved her. It wasn’t a phrase we’d ever used before. But that was because it felt pale in comparison for what I felt for this woman in my arms. I didn’t just love Mystic, my soul was connected to hers.
“It’s true,” I told her. “I love you. I more than love you, but I don’t know what that is. I just know that ten years dimmed nothing. I love you just as much now as I did when I first saw you by your locker. I knew I loved you then. I knew that whatever piece of my soul was missing, it found that piece in you. I’ve always loved you, Mystic. I always will.”
“Always?” she asked through her tears.
“Always,” I confirmed. “I never had a choice. I didn’t have one back then and I don’t have one now.”
“Even after ten year?”
“Baby, the name of my company is Stymic Financial Holdings,” I replied. “Stymic Financial Holdings, Mystic. S-T-Y-M-I-C.”
I watched patiently until realization covered her entire face. “Stymic,” she whispered. “Oh, God, Gage. Mystic.”
“Even through the rage, heartbreak, and resentment, my love for you shined through it all.” The tears came hard now, and Mystic dropped into my chest, her face tucked into my neck, and her shoulders wracking with sobs. “I remember it like it was yesterday,” I told her. “Everything had been drawn up, loans secured, plans in place, the vision was becoming real. The night before we broke ground on our first property, me and Lorcan were drinking, celebrating really, and he asked me if I had decided on a name for my company.” Mystic’s sobs quieted and I knew she didn’t want to miss a word. My arms tightened around her, and she burrowed deeper into my embrace. “I told him I wasn’t sure yet, and then he told me not to think too hard on it. That it should be simple. He said think about what you would call the most important thing in your life. What would you call the one thing that you’ve pour your entire he
art and soul into? What would you call the one thing that’s bound to consume you for the rest of your life?”
“Gage…”
“The only thing that came to my mind for every one of his questions was you. Your name was the only thing that popped into my head. If I thought I could get away with it, I would have named my company Mystic Financial Holdings, but instead I rearranged the letters of your name.” I sat her up, so I could look into her tearstained face. “There has never been anything or anyone more important in my life than you, baby. It’s always been just you.”
“I love you,” she breathed out and the force of her words felt like a slug to the chest. I’d always thought them pointless because we more than loved each other, but hearing her say the words, I knew I’d been wrong. While they couldn’t accurately convey the true depths of our emotions, they weren’t pointless. “I’ve always loved you, Gage. I live to love you.”
“Good,” I replied. “That’s good. Because, baby, I can’t live without you. I did it once, there’s no way in hell I’d survive it a second time. I’ll never let you go, Mystic. Ever. You need to know that. You need to know that marriage, kids, none of that matters. None of that ties us together. Your soul is tied to mine and that’s why I’ll never let you go. My soul only exists if it’s tied to yours.”
The tears began again. “I know,” she whispered. “I know. I’ve known it since I was fourteen-years-old.”
“Marry me, Mystic.” It wasn’t a question. There weren’t any choices left. We didn’t have choices, Mystic and I. “Marry me. Marry me and get off those goddamn birth control pills.”
She let out a small laugh. “All of it right now, huh?”
“All of it and more,” I answered her honestly. “I won’t be satisfied until there’s nothing left for you to give me. But, even then, I’ll still try to take everything you have.”
“What about work?”
“That’s up to you,” I told her. “You can continue to work for CI, or you can quit. You can be a career mom or a stay-at-home Mom or both. I don’t care, baby. As long as you’re happy and it’s me you’re coming home to every night.”
Our Broken Pieces (The Pieces Series Book 1) Page 18