“You don’t know that…”
“This is ridiculous. But you know what, I’m glad I see where you’re coming from. You should know that I have your daughter in my will. I love you both and I’ll always look out. She’ll never go without, but I’m the one who was on her fucking back for all these years not you. You made your choices and I made mine. You think this shit was easy. You don’t know the half of it. I’m ashamed and I’m just beginning to forgive myself for what I did to me, for what happened to my mother. My life has been torture for years. Yeah, I’ve had money and material things but absolutely no peace and surely no real happiness. Until now. Until Khalil.
“And yeah, I do have plenty of money. But if you think I’m going to give it away you’re crazy. What you can do is run this boutique that I’m about to open. I’ve had you in mind ever since the opportunity came for me to open it in Manhattan. I was planning to set you up in a nice place and have you…”
“I’m not moving to New York,” she said, cutting me off.
“You really should…”
“Hailey, forget I said anything. Forget it. You do you.”
Her voice was cold and chilling. I decided to drop it and we rode in silence the rest of the way home.
30
KHALIL
I needed to do it alone. If I was going to move on and bury my demons once and for all, this was the first stop and hopefully the last. I didn’t call before I came back here on Honey’s advice. No need to give a warning or time to prepare an excuse; I simply walked up to the door.
“Khalil,” she said, shocked to see me.
“Can I come in? I’d like to talk to you.”
Frannie took the lock off of the screen and said, “Of course.” She opened the door and when our eyes met she seemed a little misty. “I’m so glad you came back. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left.”
She led me into the living room where I took a seat and then she immediately began trying to offer me food and drink. I accepted a Sprite. I’d been craving them lately. She came back with the soda, a cup of ice, and an envelope. “Here’s the money you left here. I was going to keep it until I saw you again.”
“What made you think you’d see me again?”
“I prayed on it. I prayed really hard on it.” I nodded my head for lack of a response. “So, Khalil, what made you come today?”
“I don’t know why today. I just wanted to share something with you. There’s something that I need to say in order to move on before I get married.”
“You’re getting married?” she asked with a huge smile appearing on her face coupled with the misty eyes again. “God is good.”
“Yes. Honey and I are going to Hawaii next week to be married.”
“I’ve been once. Which island?”
“Oahu.”
“That’s going to be beautiful. Are her parents going?”
“Her mother is deceased and she doesn’t know her father.” Her face showed a quick hint of regret for asking. “She and I have a lot in common when it comes to bad parental backgrounds.”
She held her head down. “I’m sorry,” Frannie said. I looked into her eyes and saw the same woman I loved so much when I was a child. The only differences in her now were the beginnings of crow’s-feet in the corners of her eyes and the gray strands in her thick, black hair.
“Frannie, I came here today to let you know that I forgive you. I’ve been to therapy to overcome the things that happened to me when I was growing up. I blocked so many things out but it wasn’t until recently that I remembered what you did…” I cleared my throat. “I remembered what you did to me.”
She tilted her head to the side, looking puzzled. “You went to therapy?”
“Yes. And it took me a long time to get to this point, but I accept that it happened and I forgive you. I forgive you.”
“Khalil, you don’t know how long I waited to hear you say that to me. I haven’t ever forgiven myself. I don’t know why I did it.” She broke down and began to sob. “I’m soooo sorry,” she cried out as her chest began to heave.
I sat there unsure of what to say. The best I came up with was “Did you ever think about getting some help?”
“Help? What can I do about it now? I knew that I shouldn’t have left you, that I should have stayed or taken you with me. I should have protected you.”
“Say what?”
“I should have taken you with me. I shouldn’t have left you. It has haunted me all these years, the image of you and the look on your face when I took you back to the home.”
“Frannie, is that what you are apologizing for?”
“Yes, and I don’t know how to let you know how much…”
I cut her off. “That’s not what I’m talking about. Yeah, that hurt too, but I’m not talking about that when I say I forgive you.”
She stopped crying and wiped her eyes and simply stared at me. “Then what?”
“I’m talking about you…” I clenched my teeth as the anger seethed. “I’m talking about you molesting me. In my room.”
She jumped out of her seat as if her ass had been set afire. “Khalil, I did no such thing. Is that what you remember?” Her tone was so strong without being defensive. She went on. “Is that what you think I did?”
“Yes.”
She shook her head and said, “Lord Jesus, help us. Help this child. Khalil, I never did anything to harm you. I would never have done anything like that to you.”
“But…I remember…”
“No, Khalil. You don’t remember that. Think back to that night when I came home late from work and I was looking for your father, the night I walked into your room and caught him…” Now it was her turn to lose control. Her hands began to tremble. “Your father molested you. I caught him and we fought all night. He was drunk and he did that to you.”
She might as well have driven a sword into my chest as the words she spoke cut deeply into my soul. I looked into her eyes and as she gazed back at me I knew she was telling the truth. I remembered.
“Khalil, there are some things I need to tell you.”
I sat on her couch and listened for the next twenty minutes as my life unraveled right before me.
Even though it was pouring down raining, I made it from Philadelphia to the George Washington Bridge in record time. Frannie had tried to calm me as I thanked her and stormed out of her house. She knew where I was headed. I didn’t call Honey until I reached my old building.
“Baby, I love you,” I said as I cried.
“What’s wrong, Khalil?” she asked in a panic. “I knew I should have come. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Honey, I’m sorry. But I have to do this. He has to die.”
“Who has to die? What are you talking about?”
I was crying. “It wasn’t Frannie who did that to me first. It was my father, or let me say the man who I thought was my father. Kevin Graves was not my father. My father and mother were killed in a car accident. Kevin was my uncle and it was his wife that was a drug addict, not my mother. He lied to me, Honey.” I was rocking back and forth like Dustin Hoffman did in Rain Man. “I have to go.”
“Khalil…” I heard her calling my name as I hung the phone up. I stepped out of the truck into the rain. In my mind I visualized the murder. I was going to drag him from the house and toss him down the steps, or I’d strangle him. I knew that Rikers was in my near future, but as much as I loved Honey, I couldn’t control the anger that had become my entire spirit.
I banged on the door like the NYPD. Perhaps I could get a temporary insanity. I banged some more until a “Who is it?” came from the other side.
“It’s Khalil.”
“Khalil who?”
I banged again and a woman opened up. “Where is Kevin?”
The woman looked familiar but I couldn’t place her. She said, “I know you. You Kevin’s boy. I recognize you. I used to live up the hall. Daaaamn, baby. The last time I saw you, you was a little thing.
Look at you now all grown up and shit.”
My recollection became clear. It was Tenille’s lover from up the hall. I felt sick on my stomach. “I’m looking for Kevin.”
“Are you serious? You ain’t on no drugs or nothing, are you?”
“Do I look like I’m on drugs?”
“Hell no. You look fine as hell, but looks can be deceiving.”
“Well, no. I’m not on anything. I just want to see Kevin.” My tone was low and I’m sure threatening.
“Sugar, I don’t know how to say this, but you about three months too late. Kevin passed away in June. I took over this apartment and he didn’t leave much of anything.”
I backed away from the door, wanting to punch a hole in the wall, but as mad as I was, I knew that I would have broken every bone in my hand.
She began to speak but I turned and walked away. With the knowledge that I had escaped a twenty-year sentence, my rage melted as I walked slowly through the pouring rain back to my vehicle.
I drove home, listening to an oldies CD as I tried to digest everything that had happened to me during the course of the day. By the time I got off of the turnpike I’d all but figured out that my life had been cursed. I had so many questions but no strength to seek the answers.
I crossed the Delaware Memorial Bridge and cruised back into Maryland before I even decided to call Honey and let her know that I was okay. When I picked my phone up, there were thirty missed calls from her phone and Frannie’s number.
When I called her phone she answered, “Baby, please tell me you’re okay.”
“Yes, I’m okay. I’m headed home.” Then I heard a voice in the background. “Who is that?”
“Baby, I’m at Frannie’s house. She and I were headed to New York. I called her and she told me what happened. I raced up here. I was so scared you were going to do something that…”
“Well, I guess God beat me to it. Kevin died a few months ago.”
“Oh my goodness,” she cried out.
“The whole thing is like a sick joke.”
“I’m coming home. I’m going to get in the car and I’ll meet you at the house. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know if I can take much more. I just want to go bury my head under a pillow. Can we talk about it when you get home?”
“Yes, we can. I’ll see you in a little while. I love you. Drive safe.”
“I will. You too.”
I needed a drink and fast, so I slammed on the pedal in an attempt to bend time and make it home in a matter of minutes.
The last forty minutes were the longest but finally I pulled up to the gate and hit the remote. I prepared to turn into the driveway, only to be cut off by a strange vehicle. The car had come from thirty yards down the street. I wasn’t scared, only curious as to why the car pulled slowly up to me. We were adjacent to the drive, so I couldn’t pull around them and into the gate. I stood still and waited; our windows both now down as we locked eyes.
“I know we haven’t met formally, but I feel like I already know you. Khalil, there are some things that you need to know about Honey. After you hear them, trust me, brother, marriage will be the last thing you’ll want to do with her.”
31
HONEY
When I picked up the letter I almost had a heart attack. I had driven home to support Khalil. Now here I was sitting on the floor of the foyer on my knees, crying as I read the words over and over again.
Honey,
I left because I feared what I would do if I saw you. Today I was in the mood to confront my demons. Then a mood to kill one. The day ends with me finding out that I was about to marry one.
How could you do this to me? A prostitute. Never mind how much money you made or that you probably want to call yourself an escort. The word for what you do is called “whoring.” The word for what you’ve done to me is “destroyed.”
I guess you made an enemy out of the wrong person. What made you think that I wouldn’t find out?
I’ll be back next Saturday at noon to get my things. I’ll leave the key when I come. Please don’t be here as I never want to see you again. Never. As for the baby, I trust you’ll do the right thing and end the pregnancy.
Khalil
Next to the letter, his cell phone was shattered in thirty pieces. I read his words once more, emotion took control of me, and I began screaming “no, no” at the top of my lungs. As I cried on the floor it was a battle for me not to hyperventilate. My head was spinning as the temperature in the room felt like it went up to one hundred and ten degrees. Without warning I leaned forward and began to vomit. My world had unraveled just when I believed that I had put it all together so tightly that I’d never have a care. When I believed that I’d never be alone.
I barely made it up the steps to the bed as I clutched the letter in one hand. I called his phone to leave a message but I got nothing. He’d turned off his answering ser vice.
I lost track of how many times I called his phone as the thought of sleeping never even crossed my mind. When the sunlight began to burst through the windows of the bedroom I realized that I was close to losing my mind.
I don’t know when it happened but eventually I passed out from the exhaustion. When I woke up it was late in the afternoon. I tried every number that I had for Khalil’s friends. It was a short list. As I expected, no one had seen or heard from him. He had called Frannie and told her that when I called to let me know that I was not to call the police or his friends looking for him. He also sent word to please respect his wishes and not to be home when he came to get his things.
Frannie was extremely short with me. As if she was a mother protecting her child.
I sat in the kitchen all day and waited for him to change his mind. By the time the sun set, I’d driven past his house only to see the tenants coming out of the door. Another sleepless night was waiting for me as my pain began to give way to the rage and confusion. Priest had gone too far. No one else would have done it.
He would pay with everything he had. This was the last time that anyone would screw me over.
For three nights straight I tossed and turned as I teetered on the brink of a breakdown every time I breathed. “Khalil please come home to me. Please,” I begged him in my dreams. He cursed me out and called me out of name, but at least he was there. Waking up and finding out that I was alone was the real nightmare.
At seven A.M. I walked into my closet and grabbed my safe from underneath the carpet. I pulled out the portable hard-drive storage key and uploaded the contents into my computer.
Then I logged on to the computer and got the numbers to the Enquirer and the Star. What I did next, I did for free. I outed Priest Alexander and e-mailed the photos to Wendy Williams. After that I called the Miami Police Department and gave them an anonymous tip regarding information on both of the Bobbsey Twins and shared the theory of possible foul play on Priest’s part.
By noon I’d set the wheels in motion to destroy his life just as he’d destroyed mine. I didn’t leave the house, I didn’t make another phone call, nor did I bother to shower. I sat on the sofa until the sun set again, waiting for my nightmare to end. I imagined how Priest was feeling now that I’d struck back. But even the revenge didn’t do much to abate the pain that I felt without Khalil.
I had to find him. I had to make him understand why I’d done the things I had. He had to know how much I loved him.
At around eleven I climbed off of the couch, forced to the refrigerator by the hunger pains. I thought about the baby growing inside of me and how Khalil requested that I abort. There was no way I would do that. If nothing else I believed that his child might be the only way I’d keep him in my life. I had to eat to take care of the baby.
I turned on the television as I prepared an egg sandwich and out of curiosity I flipped on ESPN. I nearly dropped the frying pan as the headline story was about Priest. “Scandal Rocks the League as Priest Alexander Is Wanted in Miami for Questioning in Connection with
the Deaths of Two Women” was the opening headline.
I watched as the sportscaster burst in with “Not since Kobe’s rape charge have we seen such a wildfire brewing in professional basketball. Anonymous tips to the police, mysterious photos allegedly depicting Priest Alexander in a compromising position with a longtime friend and bodyguard surfacing on the Internet…We’re all wondering right now how all of this ties in together. But at the moment, things look awfully dim for the two-time All-Star. Awfully dim. So far Mr. Alexander has not issued a statement. We’re still waiting.”
As I watched more, I remembered Priest’s words: “Your man? Bitch, you’re a fucking whore. A high-class one, but still a whore nonetheless. Any man who’s claiming you has got to be some pussy-whipped idiot.”
I felt no remorse.
32
KHALIL
I hadn’t answered the phone in my hotel room all day, so when Cameron knocked on the door I wasn’t surprised. I’d been holed up in the Greenbelt Marriott for three days straight. She banged incessantly and I knew that she wasn’t going to give up.
I climbed out of the bed and opened the door to see her standing there looking the part of a concerned ally. “I brought you some Boston Market. Let me by.”
“I’m not hungry. I told you that and I also told you that I don’t want company.”
“Khalil, you can’t just stay up in here and shut the world off. You have to keep on moving. She’s not worth this. Nobody is.”
Hearing her speak negatively about Honey angered me. Even with all that I’d learned, I still loved her, though I wouldn’t admit it to anyone. Cameron insisted that I eat and I had to admit for the first time in days that the thought of shoving a meal down my throat didn’t make me want to throw up.
A Taste of Honey Page 21