by C. A. Harms
I started throwing my things into a bag as fast as I could just the main things I needed which were kind of easy considering I really did not have much. My last gift from anyone besides Casey was on my 11th birthday a month before my mother left. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I opened my window and leaned out placing the bag outside on the ground just below I may need to make a fast get away and I would have to hide the bag. Then I closed my window again as I heard the truck and shortly after the front door. I began to shake wondering if he was going to come back to my room and start again. I listened closely for a few minutes realizing that I heard more than just John’s voice and found he was not alone. That gave me a little more comfort at least maybe he would stay busy and leave me alone.
I sat on the floor against the wall on the other side of my bed and prayed silently that he stayed busy with his company. It was beginning to get dark out and I was waiting for silence so then it would be safe to get the phone. I could call Casey to meet me somewhere and help me get out of here. Time seemed to drag on forever. They were getting really loud I couldn’t determine how many people were actually there. I opened the door just barely to peek and see what the chances were for me to snatch the phone unnoticed. Panicking after seeing a man walk passed my door quickly making eye contact with me. I shut the door again deciding to wait it out. Time ticked by slowly I looked at the clock and realized it was now 11:31 pm, wondering just how long drunks could last. I must have dosed off sitting there waiting because I woke again looking at the clock it was 4:18 am. Listening I heard complete silence. They had giving out apparently or left. There was no way I could wake Casey up this early I thought to myself I will wait and give her time to sleep. I climbed up into my bed without bothering to cover up. I curled over on my side and I fell back to sleep.
The weight on my chest was horrible, my legs felt so heavy. I felt as if no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t move. The smell, it was an extreme horrible strong aroma of Liquor so close...it was that moment in the darkness I realized I was not alone. He was there and on top of me pinning me to the bed.
Chapter Five
I began to struggle against the weight of him. I tried to move, tried to free myself from this trap. The more I struggled the harder he pushed my arms and legs into the mattress. "Lay Still Sweetheart, I promise I'll be gentle. You’re gonna love this almost as much as me." The words came out it a slurred mess but I then realized this was not John it was some stranger. The guy from the hallway earlier some random guy John brought back to get drunk with. He was so heavy I couldn’t get free from his hold, I began to panic. His mouth was on my neck and he was running his hand up and down my body as he held my wrists with the other above my head. I began to cry pleading that he stop. "Shh," He whispered, "Just lay still you sweet thing and I promise I will make you feel...mmm so good. You have such a sweet little body." I felt the vomit raise in my throat, the constricting feeling in my chest as the panicking started to get worse. What was I going to do, how could I stop this full grown man from attacking me. "You smell so sweet…damn your making my mouth water," he started running his tongue down my neck breathing hard in my ear. Every time he spoke or touched me I felt like I was going to vomit. He slid his hand up my waist pausing to squeeze my hip then slowly sliding his hand up under the bottom of my shirt. I cried out, "Please stop...don’t do this please." Hoping that somewhere within himself he could find the wrong in this and just let me go. He kept going until his hand was over my breast he lightly squeezed and at the same time, whispered in my ear, "now those are some sweet little titties...” Before I knew it he was jumping up off me and hollering, "What the heck...ahh," I had thrown up all over him. I took it as the opportunity to run. Once I hit the front door I didn’t stop I ran until I reached an old shed along the road and hid there next to it quietly listening for any movement. Any sign that he had followed or that John had woken up to also come after me.
Time had passed I wasn't sure how much when I thought it was safe to move. I kept an eye out for any movement behind me a car following.... anything. It was silent I made it a point to stay near the ditch in case I needed to hide fast. I walked until in the distance I seen a light on at an old Farm house down the road a little further. I decided it had to be close to 6 am maybe. Hoping that I could find help I turned in the direction of the home and began running. Barefoot and exhausted I pushed forward. I finally was within reach and I heard some music coming from the barn…I cried out, "Help Me." Once I saw an older man come into view of the opened Barn door and a small woman directly behind him I knew I was safe and I collapsed on the driveway.
When I had woken up I found myself in the old farmhouse the sun was up and I was wrapped in a blanket. I heard talking in the room to my right and then as I focused my eyes I seen an officer walking in my direction. He knelt next to me placing his hand on my shoulder. I began shaking uncontrollably and he quickly removed his hand and asked in a gentle voice, "Can you tell me your name, is there someone I can call? Can you tell me what happened?" All I said was two words "Karen Andrews!" I sat up wrapping the blanket tighter around me and stared at three people looking back at me. Slowly the officer walked back into the kitchen followed by the man from the barn earlier. I could hear them talking but I was unable to understand them clearly. A kind voice from my right whispered, “Honey can I get you anything, maybe some water?" I turned to her and her eyes were so caring, "yes please," I whispered as I pulled the blanket in around my chest. She left the room bringing back with her a small glass of water placing it in my hands before exiting the room and back into the kitchen.
"Payton, Oh my god what happened," Karen's voice came out of nowhere and I hadn't noticed but my mind must have wondered off in the time it took for them to call her and for her to drive here. She sat down next to me on the couch and then I saw him. Dylan was here with her. He knelt in front of me on the floor without touching me just looking into my eyes he said, "It was John all along wasn't it?" Tears began to fall and they fell so hard I couldn't stop them. I just shook my head when I had finally caved, crashed and let it spill over. I would no longer continue to protect him. If I ended up in foster care or on the streets it had to be better than the hell of my past 6 years, the hell that my mother had left me to live through. Dylan took me into his arms and I didn’t hesitate…as Karen held onto my hand. I am not sure how long he held me but I had never felt more safe then I had at that very moment.
The police took my statements regarding everything that had been going on from John hitting me and then with what happened today. Karen walked out she couldn’t listen any longer. She hurt worse with every word knowing that for years this was going on and she had no idea. Dylan never left my side he sat next to me on the couch holding me close. He tensed as I gave the details and at one point he rested his chin in the crook of my neck taking a deep steady breath. It all came out so easily. I really had no idea what was going to happen to me or where I would be this time tomorrow but being free from John and the abuse was an amazing feeling. Dylan helped me from the couch and led me out to Karen’s car climbing into the backseat next to me. He wrapped me tightly into his side with his arm securely around me he placed his lips to my forehead and I felt a tear drip onto my cheek. I turned to look up at him and seen that he too was crying. "I am so sorry you’ve been hurt Payton. I’m sorry I should have pushed Casey harder for answers." He placed his hand onto my cheek as he looked me directly in the eyes, "I'll never let him hurt you again".
They arrested John and the drunken stranger who attacked me immediately following my statement. I spent the remaining part of that day sleeping and having Casey watch me like a hawk. Every single movement I made she was checking on me. I was fine I was just exhausted. I woke up on and off throughout the day and night. About midnight I got up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink and I saw Karen sitting at the kitchen table in the darkness. It startled me at first. She turned when she heard me gasp, "Payton it is okay I just couldn't
sleep." She rubbed her hands together nervously and then placed them back in front of her next to her glass of water. "Come sit with me," she waved me over. I had grabbed a bottle of water and went over sitting in the chair next to her. For the next few minutes we sat in silence. Karen lifted her hand out and touched mine, "Why didn’t you ask for help? I would have helped you. We could have gone to the police together. Has this been going on since your mom left?" Tears filling hers eyes before spilling over. I was so unbelievably grateful to this woman for everything she has done. She has welcomed me into her home not just tonight but anytime and every time over the last six years. I owed her an explanation. I lifted my gaze from table and look directly at her and told her just why, "Karen it wasn’t always this bad, I mean he was never really nice but just over a last couple years it became more frequent. I was scared to say anything. If I told anyone I didn’t know what would happen to me. I wasn’t sure where I would end up. I didn’t want people to look at me differently, to look at me as a victim. That poor girl abused and almost raped. I hate the idea of the unwanted attention. I was scared." After it all sunk in Karen replied, "Payton, honey you always have had a place to run to. You have always been and will always be welcomed here. You are part of our family. We all love you dearly and I never want you to feel alone again. I am here for you!"
After Karen and I had talked for a while I found my way back to Casey’s room. I crawled under the covers and turned toward the window. The glow from the street light was giving off just enough light. I tried to push away the demons from that day. I was just lying there trying to calm the heartbeat that was racing within my chest. I was beginning to realize that tomorrow people will start talking and whispering as I walked by. All the fears I had about people showing their pity will begin, now comes the next hurdle in my life. I had to face all my peers at school, face the public. It will get out and everyone will look at me differently. I refused to stay home from school even though Karen told me I should for a day or two. I thought 'why should I hide' I had done nothing wrong.
Chapter Six
Casey’s alarm went off at 6 am. "Ahh No Case seriously," I groaned pulling the pillow over my head. I was so not ready to get up. I knew there was no way I was going back to sleep though. She yanked the pillow from my hands, laughing out, "Morning 'my little sunshine' it’s time to get moving or the boys would steal the shower and all the hot water, then you'll have to go to school stinky." As much as I hated her at that moment she was so right. Dylan and Carter both are worse than girls they take entirely too much prepping time. They are both naturally adorable so I am not sure what takes them so long anyway. Casey showered first with me immediately following. I finished quickly and was on my way back to Casey’s room when I turned the corner colliding directly with Dylan. My hands immediately came up to protect my towel from falling we both just stood there for a second looking at each other before he spoke first, "Sorry, how you feeling today?" He seriously looked concerned and I know I lightly blushed with the thought that here I was standing in the hallway in just a towel with Dylan. He had one of his hands lightly resting on my waist. I was wondering if he even thought about this situation or if it was in fact nothing to him but a brother figure showing concern for a sister. Getting out of that zone with him has been an inner battle of mine. This guy made my heart skip a beat every time he spoke directly to me. How was I ever going to stay here daily and make him realize I want more, and if I did tell him would he even care that I did?. I must have trailed off in thought once again because he was still looking at me waiting for a response but now seemed more concerned than before. He leaned in a little closer bringing his other hand up to my cheek, "Maybe you should just stay home today and rest." Responding quickly in return, "I'm fine really I just want to move on from it. He's taken enough away from me over the years. Now it's time to face the gossip right?" I shrugged and moved down the hall toward Casey’s room.
I wasn't able to get any clothes from the house but Karen and Casey both have opened their closets to me so between the two I was pretty sure I would be okay both of them have a serious shopping addiction and have more than enough to choose from. Casey just seems to cover herself a little less. "Go for it babe...Be who you want no reason to hide anymore. You got it flaunt it," winking from the doorway she entered wearing a tiny little mini skirt and tight fitting shirt not leaving much to the imagination. After looking through the closet a second time I decided on a pair of jean shorts faded and patched with an Abercrombie red slightly form fitted shirt. I found a cute pair of sandals with a small heel. I felt good about myself. After doing a look over one last time in the mirror I grab a rubber band off Casey’s dresser for my hair later and went off to meet her in the kitchen. Grabbing a quick breakfast and out the door we went.
Pulling into the parking lot she parked her car and I took a Deep Breath before opening the door and climbing out. Seth was right there to meet Casey and I could already feel the eyes on me. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it, "Don’t worry about them Payton, just ignore it." I went through the day shielding questions and looks. Some people actually showed real concern and others well others just wanted something to whisper about. I heard one girl actually say, Can you believe she slept with her own dad. Wow where did she get her information. I tried to ignore it as much as possible but by third period I had heard enough for one day. I asked Mr. Hansen my chemistry teacher if I could go to the nurse. I claimed a migraine and they tried to call Karen but she wasn't home she worked a double and would not be home until after 7pm. Dylan was just walking in the door when he noticed the answering machine blinking and after listening to the messages he called his mother at the hospital. He told her to call the school and let them know that he was on his way to pick me up. About 15 minutes later I walked out the front doors of the school and climbed into his truck. We drove back to his house only speaking a few words along the way, "Thanks for coming to get me," him responded with, "No problem."
I could feel the shift in Dylan one moment he was being so sweet and caring and then the next he was so distant and cold. I grabbed a book off the shelf in the family room a James Patterson mystery and headed outside to lounge by the pool. I had been reading for a while when I heard the slider come open off the kitchen and Dylan appearing next to me. He handed me a Pepsi and said, "I thought maybe you were thirsty," taking it from him I smiled. He took a seat next to me on my lounger. He was only a short distance away and he just looked at me for a few seconds and then he shocked me with his next statement. “Payton you are so beautiful. I just want you to know that. You’ve been hiding behind those baggy clothes and behind John’s anger for too long. You just seem different like you are a new you. You have always had a certain glow about you that even John couldn’t dim but you are shining so much brighter now and I just needed to tell you that." After that he leaned in and lightly kissed my cheek. I know I must have had one of the most surprised, shocked looks on my face. I sat there in complete shock for some time. I looked down at my watch it was now 2:30 and I knew Casey would be home soon. I got up gathering my things and I went inside to maybe watch some TV while waiting for Casey to get home. I started for the hallway when Dylan came out of his room and down the steps. He was shirtless and for a moment I thought I had forgotten how to breath he looked over at me and without saying anything he gave that sexy melting smile. He turned toward me and slowly approached. He got within inches of me and I could hear him breathing, my heart was beginning to race. He towered over me and I lifted my gaze to his. Our breathing had picked up a bit and he lifted his hand placing it just under my right cheek onto my neck. He leaned in further I could feel his breath, "Payton, you’re so pretty," before I knew it his lips were lightly pressing against mine. Gently he pulled me into him by placing his other arm around my waist resting his hand on my lower back. He pulled back just barely enough to make eye contact and to get reassurance that this was okay. He had no idea that I had dreamt about this moment for so long and that there was absolute
ly no reason I was going to resist. He placed his lips to mine again and moved so slowly. He lightly brushed his tongue across my lower lip. I parted my lips slightly and our tongues met for a brief moment as if we were testing the waters. I raised my hand up and placed it on the back of his neck and ran my fingers up into his hair. Placing my other hand on his Bicep I pulled him in tighter. He dropped his hand from my cheek and slid it around to the base of my neck tilting my head back just a little more. Granting him better access to my lips still parted and devouring his sweet gentle kiss. I got lost in the moment and a small moan escaped only causing Dylan to moan in approval. His ran his tongue along mine and continued to devour my mouth. He tasted amazing and felt even more perfect. His kiss was even sweeter than I could have ever imagined. And as quickly as it started it was over. I began to question the abrupt ending when I heard Casey coming inside with Carter right on her heels. Dylan turned quickly toward the refrigerator making it look as if he was getting something which left me standing there still dazed from his mind blowing seduction.