by C. J. Wells
“He betrayed me when he made a pass at you, Aby. That alone is betrayal enough. Besides, I don’t fucking care who she was with,” he states with vehemence. “You know what,” he continues, standing to pull his sweat pants on, “…no more talk of Julia and Ben. Done. Over.” His gaze softens on a breath of composure, “I’m sorry I let my past show itself in my present. My jealousy has no bearing on my trust in you, Aby. I promise, it won’t happen again.”
Standing motionless before me, his sincere smile effectively halts my need to talk more, to mull over the possibility that perhaps she was telling the truth. Clearly, he not only doesn’t care, but also refuses to give it any credence whatsoever. That’s fine. At least I’ve told him what I know, whether it’s the truth or not. No more secrets.
The shrill ring of the phone breaks our silence, and I stand to get dressed as Alex reaches to grab it.
“Hello? Yes…What do you mean?”
Tugging my tank top into place over my yoga pants, I still at the shift in Alex’s tone, his previous smile replaced with an expression of worry. Walking towards him, I sit at the edge of the bed, sliding my hand into his as he leans against the nightstand, clutching the phone to his ear.
“What about Ben?” his gaze darts to mine as the question falls from his lips.
What are the chances given the chat we just had?
“He’s WHAT?” his eyes bulge in alarm, a flash of pain radiating from his pose, “…an overdose? I’m on my way,” he finishes, abruptly returning the receiver to its casing. Turning to face me, I note the trepidation in his gaze, and my heart starts an erratic beat in my chest. “It’s Ben. He’s in the hospital.”
“JESUS, HOW DID this happen?” Alex questions, pacing the hospital corridor, running his hands through his hair. He isn’t asking anyone in particular. Nor does it appear he’s looking for an answer. He’s merely repeating the same question he’s been consistently speculating aloud since we heard the news about Ben.
Finally stopping his incessant pacing, he leans his back against the wall, his fingers still in place in his unkempt curls, once again falling victim to the unresponsive silence.
I hate seeing him this way, his beautiful face baffled and etched with pain and concern. He’s been like this since we received the call less than eighteen hours ago. Having not eaten a single thing during the twelve-hour flight to London from L.A., it’s beginning to show, the lack of his usually healthy glow in his unshaven face darkening his boyish good looks.
Seated in the uncomfortable chairs along the wall, I feel helpless staring up at him. I want so badly to provide comfort, to hold him in my arms, but my previous attempts were all but dismissed. He doesn’t need anything I have to offer him right now.
Julia is leaning against the wall opposite Alex, staring down at the floor, her arms folded. Not that I’m complaining - my disdain for her rearing its ugly head as I purposely avoid offering her a seat beside me. No, she can stand where she is - far away from me.
I haven’t seen her since that fateful day she came to my flat; her incessant meanderings that I wasn’t fit to live in Alex’s world, wasn’t good enough for him, rushing back like a second slap to the face. I wonder how she feels now, given my active presence in his life ever since, her words having held no weight whatsoever. Or maybe she’s not thinking about me at all.
It’s obvious she’s trying hard to maintain her icy veneer, standing expressionless, slightly vacant eyes honed towards the tile floor. But it’s clearer to me now that she’s not just Ben’s publicist, as well as Alex’s, she’s also a friend. Though even in this unfortunate circumstance, she’s getting no empathy from me. As far as I’m concerned, she’s still just a bitch. A cheating, lying bitch.
Of course, I now know that she wasn’t lying about one thing - when she accidentally let it slip that Ben was ‘dabbling’ in drugs. Dabbling? Was that what she really thought? Was she really blind to the enormity of his habit? Or did she not give a shit? To look at her now, I would assume she really had no idea how bad it was. But, then again, it’s Julia-fucking-Cox. I don’t think it’s safe to ever assume anything when it comes to this woman.
“Alex, it’s so good to see you, darling,” a well-dressed, older woman approaches. Though she’s clearly been crying, her tear-stained cheeks and red eyes don’t take from her attractive features. Her blonde hair is perfectly groomed in place, curled under at her shoulders, her attire screaming wealth and stature.
“Catherine,” Alex leaves his place at the wall to embrace her. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for Ben…” he trails off as she hugs him, rubbing his back in comfort.
“Shhh, Alex, don’t blame yourself. My son is a big boy,” she reaches up to take his face in her hands, looking into his eyes. “He will get through this. We were lucky,” she says, her aristocratic British accent befitting her wealthy station.
“I-I just didn’t know…” Alex stumbles on his words, trying to contain his emotion, his bewilderment seeping through.
“I know, darling, I know,” she pulls him down to kiss his cheek before releasing him. “Have you been to see him yet?”
“No, we arrived not too long ago. The nurse said he’s resting.”
“Yes, he is, I just checked in on him. I know he will want to see you when he wakes, Alex. He’s been asking for you.”
Alex winces slightly at her words and my own guilt builds to a lump in my throat. He hasn’t spoken to Ben since that night at the club, since their horrible fight. My God, the last contact they had was with their fists. And all because of me.
Closing my eyes, I cringe with remorse momentarily before defensive anger spikes its way through my veins. No! It is not my fault that Ben hit on me. I had to tell Alex. I can’t keep harboring guilt for his actions.
Looking up, I catch a glimpse of Julia, still staring at the floor. Instantly my fury shoots towards her and her part in all of this. Though I feel a little better having been honest with Alex about her questionable claim that it wasn’t Ben that she cheated with, I can’t help but regret not mentioning her slip of the tongue about Ben using drugs. Particularly now, when that was clearly not one of her lies. Damn her. She’s like a spider in a web of deceit, and I’m now a fly caught in her trap. Along with Alex. And Ben.
But it’s Alex she has hurt the most. It’s obvious that his feelings for her were, at one time, very strong. They must have been for him to keep her in his life after what she did. There’s a friendship there that runs deep. And though I don’t understand it, I can’t help but feel for how her questionable behavior has affected him.
Flashing back to the look on his face when I told him that she’d denied it was Ben…He was so torn, so confused. How could I possibly question his refusal to discuss it further? But I should have pushed the issue. I also should have shared her comment about Ben using drugs. I clung so very easily to Alex’s dismissal and refusal to talk about it - grabbed so very eagerly to the vine he inadvertently offered away from the ugly shade of truth. Not dealing with it didn’t help anything, though. It merely added more regrets. And, clearly, things are just getting worse.
Looking towards him now, a boyish, sad demeanor as he stands with his best friend’s mother, I take a deep breath and swallow back my venom. I’m not doing any good for Alex by giving in to my fury for Julia Cox.
“Is Harrold with you?” Alex questions Catherine.
“Oh,” she seems to snap back from a hushed moment of escape, looking up to meet his gaze. “Yes, of course. He is gone in search of something edible, darling. I will join him after I let the nurse know where we will be.” With a slow, gentle smile, she turns to walk towards the nurse’s station, the fog of silence refilling the void of her momentary departure. “Would you like me to get you something, Alex?” she stops to inquire as she passes.
“No, thank you, Catherine,” he smiles, though it seems as much as he can force. Brushing his cheek with her dainty, well-groomed fingers, she smiles back at him before continuing on down th
e corridor.
Alex remains standing in the middle of the hallway, gazing towards her long retreated form.
Pushing up from my seat, I walk to his side, taking his hand in mine, rubbing it gently as I take in his ashen face. For a moment he doesn’t acknowledge my presence, despite my touch.
Finally looking towards me, he offers a pained, forced grin, “I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce you. That was Catherine Arnold. Ben’s mum.”
“It’s okay, I assumed,” I smile. “Alex, if you won’t eat anything, at least let me get you some coffee…something?” I wait for his answer, but he just takes a deep breath, looking down. I won’t force the issue. Not yet. Though, it’s killing me to see him like this.
The shifting of Julia’s position against the other wall breaks the silence. Alex’s gaze darts to her, his face contorted in frustration. Angered frustration. “Did you have any idea?” he asks her.
Though she finally looks up from the floor to meet his gaze, she says nothing, her blank expression still in tact.
“I asked you a question, Julia. A simple yes or no answer will suffice,” he throws in annoyance.
“Alex, this is not the time, nor the place, to get into an argument,” her tone is as bitchy as I remember.
“Who’s looking for an argument? I asked you a simple question. Did you, or did you not, have any knowledge that Ben was using drugs?”
I can feel the tension racing through Alex’s veins through my hold of his hand. This is not going to be good.
Julia straightens, taking a breath with a sniff as though preparing for war. Oh shit. Alex is not going to like her answer. Provided she answers truthfully, of course.
She opens her mouth to speak, but pauses momentarily to look towards me, a flash of something in her gaze that makes my heart stammer. Pulling her eyes back to Alex, she finally replies, “As I told Abigail last month, yes, I knew he was using,” she pauses, flicking another glance my way.
You fucking bitch! My silent scream crashes through me, giving way to a sudden shaking dread. My heart lodges in my throat as Alex’s hand flinches in mine enough to shake my light hold of it. Oh God.
“But I had no idea, that it was this serious,” she finishes, her tone clear and firm, completely unrepentant of the shit storm she’s potentially caused me with her admission.
“As you told Aby?” Alex asks, his brows twisted in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
The tension radiating off of him is suddenly heightened, and I can feel the penetrating shock waves towards me at his side. Standing motionless, I’m at a loss for what to say, what to do, shaken silent in avid denial that this is even happening.
“Abigail and I talked before she left for Canada,” Julia continues, not skipping a beat. “It was after your fight with Ben.” She sustains eye contact with Alex as I continue to stare shell-shocked towards her. “I was trying to clear the air, and I inadvertently let it slip. I’m sorry, Alex, I should have told you. I just didn’t realize it was this serious.” She catches my crazed gaze before continuing, “I’m actually a little surprised. I thought Abigail would have told you herself.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I blurt at her audacity, finally finding my voice, my breaths barely contained in my chest. I can’t believe this is happening. How does she always manage to fuck me?
The look of evil triumph in her eyes as she glares back at me pushes me over the edge.
I make a step toward her before Alex grabs my arm, turning me swiftly to face him. “You knew?” he shakes his head in question.
I can’t speak. I just stare at him, frozen in panic. All of my previous thoughts run through my head - the inner diatribes about what to do with the information the bitch had given me. I thought she was lying. I thought she could have been lying. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out.
“Aby, answer me! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Alex, I…”
“Excuse me, Mr. Tate, Mr. Arnold is awake and is asking for you,” the nurse’s interruption doesn’t shake his lock of my gaze.
His face is contorted in question, his eyes boring into mine.
“Mr. Tate?”
I stare up into his beautiful, pained baby-blue eyes, my lips still parted in their disrupted position.
He shakes his head slightly, finally turning to acknowledge the nurse, releasing my arms as he composes himself. “Yes, my apologies,” he turns, leaving me standing in place to follow the woman down the corridor.
I watch in shocked awe as he disappears around a corner at the end of the hall. Frozen in place. In panic. Until I suddenly remember her. “You bitch!” I scream, locking her in my sights.
Her smug smile is my undoing and I bridge the gap between us as though distance has no measure in time. I’ve never been in another woman’s face filled with such venom and hatred. Yet she stands in place, arms folded, her arrogant smirk signaling she’s ready for whatever I have to give. Damn her and her composure. It takes me aback, though it’s probably for the best - in my momentary surge of rage I may have clawed her eyes out.
“What have I ever done to you? Why are you so intent on ruining my relationship with Alex?”
“I don’t give a shit about your relationship with Alex,” she retaliates, unflinching.
“Oh, so you just enjoy throwing me under the bus because…you hate me? Or just because you’re a bitch?” Her eyes twinkle with amusement, forcing me to take a deep breath before continuing. “You asked me not to say anything about Ben using drugs, remember? Although I can’t really say that I kept that secret for you. Let’s be honest, I couldn’t really be sure you weren’t lying…it’s hard to tell with bitches like you. One minute your agreeing to having slept with Ben, the next you’re telling me you didn’t. So many clichés come to mind…Liar, liar, pants on fire…The bitch that cried wolf.”
“I lied about Ben to protect Alex. Why was it you lied to him?” she tilts her head mockingly to the side, “Oh, yes, to protect yourself,” she smirks and I feel my nostrils flare with heightened breaths behind my tight-lipped stance. “I don’t have to throw you under the bus, Abigail, you made your own bed and have to sleep in it. I feel awful for Alex, having to sleep in those cheap sheets with you.”
“You really are something, aren’t you? Cheating on Alex was the best thing you ever did for him, so that he could throw your ass out of his bed.” I move in closer to add, “Oh, and I didn’t lie to Alex about you and Ben. I told him all about your messed up and very questionable denial.”
“Yes, of course you did,” she laughs, pushing me out of her way. “You silly. Stupid. Selfish girl.” Walking away from me, I grab her arm.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I ask bravely, holding her tall, piercing gaze.
She looks amusingly at my hold of her, “I have a feeling this is going to be a very interesting evening, Miss Ryan, and I, for one, need a little caffeine, if not a drink, before I witness you ruin Alex’s career to protect yourself.” Snatching her arm from my grip, she moves to continue on.
“The only one that lie was protecting is you!”
Turning swiftly on her heels, she leans in, her face aligned with mine, her lips grimaced in a stern line. “No, naïve, little girl. My lie was protecting Alex, remember, sweetie? What he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him. But hurting him seems to be something you are very good at,” she adds, silencing me before making her way down the hall and out of sight.
I’VE LOOKED AT my watch every five minutes for the past hour since Julia walked away. Alex is still visiting with Ben. I can only hope that it’s going well for them. If he comes out smiling at least that will be a wonderful sign. If Julia was telling the truth about not sleeping with Ben, maybe they can begin to repair the damage, if only slightly, since it doesn’t negate what he tried with me.
“Oh goodie, I didn’t miss the show,” Julia saunters up the hallway, resuming her position against the wall.
“Can the circus really st
art without the dancing bear?” I reply with sarcastic hatred.
“Oh, sweetie, you mean the elephant, don’t you? And the elephant in the room is you, dear, Aby. I do enjoy seeing Alex torn to bits every time you cut his heart to pieces,” she rolls her eyes, busying herself with her phone.
“I would never intentionally hurt Alex,” I retort, despite the pang from the memory of running away from him. She snickers, but says nothing. “The question is, Julia, what are you planning on doing tonight to hurt him? Are you finally going to grab those balls you hide under your skirt and be honest with him? Because if that’s the case, I think that would be a good thing, he deserves the truth for once.”
“Well, look at you throwing stones from your little glass shack. You’re going to learn a lesson tonight, princess. A lesson at the expense of Alex’s pain.” She hasn’t even glanced up towards me; ignoring me, despite her words, as she flips through the phone in her hand. “I warned you. You don’t have a clue what it takes to live in his world.”
His world? Whore. “Right, of course…” Ugh, I spin away from her in frustration. I’m starting to realize that Julia-sucks-Cox is more fitting in a role as the Riddler than a porn star fluff. Or maybe both. Oh, yes…She could pull off a show. ‘Tittle me this’.
Shit. Pull yourself together, Aby. Sleep deprivation. Guilt. Fear. I’m a lethal combination of shit storms. I need to snap out of it, for Alex. He’s going to need me when he comes out of that room. At least I pray that’s what he’s going to need…or want. Either way, continuing an excruciating bitch-banter with the Queen “B” is not going to help me get through this.
Taking a seat, I take a deep breath at the thought of what I’m about to witness, or aide in, as I notice Alex making his way up the hall towards us. He looks more than pissed. Either it didn’t go well with Ben, or he’s about to continue his questioning of me where he left off. Shit.
To my surprise, he walks directly to Julia. “You are one fucked up bitch. Why would you let me think it was Ben? Why the hell would you play out that charade?”