I can't pinpoint when it all changed. I guess it was gradually over time until I just woke up and realized that I no longer knew the person lying next to me. Though we had practically grown up together, we were no more than strangers. I wish I had the courage to walk away a long time ago. I would have saved myself a lot of regret. But for whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept holding out hope that the person he used to be would come back to me.
Now I see how very wrong I was. The Grayson I knew, the Grayson I loved is nothing more than a memory. That Grayson no longer exists. I lost him and that breaks my heart more than anything else he has ever done to me. What if I am responsible for turning him into the person he is today? I know he shaped who I became in a lot of ways. If I had the same effect on him then what does that say about me?
I find myself wondering the streets of Las Vegas. Lost in memories of the past, of who I used to be and how very different my life is today. I stop somewhere mid thought quickly realizing that I have walked a lot further than I realized. I scan the street and the first thing that I see is the blazing sign to Bella Vita.
Is this some type of sign? I walk mindlessly through the city only to end up directly in front of the one place I told myself I couldn't go. The one place that I know I shouldn't be.
As much as my mind is telling me to keep walking, my body takes over and before I know it I am surrounded by hundreds of people and the ringing of slot machines. I continue on downstairs until I have reached the entrance to Serendipity. The line that is usually formed outside is gone. No doubt they are probably getting ready to close. I take two steps off the escalator before my brain actually starts to work again. As soon as I decide that I'm going in, I change my mind and decide not to. I stand there for a good five minutes just looking at the entrance.
The bouncer at the door pays no attention to me what so ever. He's a large man, bald, with sleeve tattoos and arms as big around as my head. They sure know how to pick the most intimidating men to be their bouncers.
My feet are moving towards the entrance before my mind is completely made up. The bouncer barely looks in my direction as I pass by him and enter the bar. The scene is very different than what I had experienced prior. The bar is brightly lit and the only music is a slow mournful tune playing from the speakers at the foot of the stage where the D.J. Is usually set up.
I make my way to the main bar on the right wall and slide into one of the stools. There are only a handful of people left in the club, stragglers that aren't ready to call it a night. And to my disappointment I don't see Liam anywhere. The clock behind the bar reads two thirty and I know I must have missed him. I'm not even sure that I came here with any expectation of seeing him. I just know I wanted to be here.
“What time do you close?” I ask a female bartender who has yet to acknowledge me from behind the bar. She's young, maybe mid-twenties, with coal black spiky hair and a large tribal tattoo on her right forearm. She glances up and gives me the once over.
“Three.” She answers on an exhausted sigh. “We stop serving alcohol at two thirty so you're a little late.”
“I would just like a water please.” She nods and grabs a bottle of water from the cooler behind her, placing it on the bar in front of me. “Thank you.” I say, sliding a five dollar bill across the bar to her.
I swivel in my stool to take in my surroundings. The bar looks so much different lit up. The two times I have been here it has been extremely dark, only colored and strobe lights offering any type of lighting.
There is so much that I never noticed before. The vintage band posters that line the walls are something I can't believe I missed. I stand and walk the length of the right wall. There's a little bit of everything here. From The Doors and Janis Joplin all the way to Michael Jackson, and what's more is that they all appear to be autographed.
When I reach the end of the wall just a few feet from the stage I turn to walk to the other side but then immediately falter when I see Liam leaning up against the stage, arms crossed in front of his chest, watching me. For a moment I lose my breath and then proceed to kick myself in the ass for coming here.
He gives me a sweet smile and pushes off the stage making his way towards me. I know I should meet him half way but I can't seem to make myself move. I knew coming here that I might see him but I was so preoccupied I almost forgot where I was.
“Sorry I know you're about to close. I don't know how I got here. I mean I know how I got here, I just don't know why I'm here. I really should go, it's late.” I stammer out quickly the moment he reaches me.
“Slow down there killer.” He says on a laugh. “I'm glad you're here.” He reaches up to tuck my hair behind my ear, his hand lingering just long enough on my cheek to know that the contact is intentional. A chill runs down my spine causing me to involuntarily shiver.
I chance a look into his eyes and regret it immediately. He is even more perfect than I remembered. Is that even possible? I scan my brain for something to say, anything. I just need to talk but then nothing comes out. He has officially rendered me speechless.
“You want a drink?” He asks taking my hand and leading me back towards the bar. I close my eyes and soak in the feeling of my hand in his. Such an innocent act and yet it stirs a desire in me so deep I feel like I might explode.
“I thought the bar was closed.” I manage to get out without stumbling over my words. An accomplishment for me, it's hard to keep myself straight in his presence.
“To the public, yes.” He says giving me a wink before turning his attention to the woman behind the bar. “We're good Cassie, go ahead and head out. Will you let Tony and Joe know that they are good to go as well? Have Tony lock up on his way out.”
“Will do.” She replies tossing her dish rag back into the sink where she was washing glasses. I don't miss the vicious look she throws my way before she walks away. What was that all about?
Liam walks behind the bar and makes himself busy making us drinks. He doesn't ask me what I want but if I had to guess I would say he already knows. He has his back to me and I take the opportunity to let my eyes travel up and down his back side. His black t-shirt clings to his muscles in all the right ways and I find myself fantasizing about what he looks like without the shirt or the jeans for that matter.
He turns around and instantly I can feel the heat rise in my face. His dark hair is a little messier then usual and only makes him that much more mouthwatering. I can only imagine how many women throw themselves at him on a daily basis and if I had to guess it's not just the customers but the staff as well.
“Cotton candy Martini.” He says sitting the pink drink down in front of me before making his way back around the bar to take a seat in the stool next to me. He swivels his stool to the right and I mirror his actions so that we are now facing one another.
He takes a gulp of his beer, a small smile playing on his lips. “What?” I blurt out a little more forceful than I had intended.
“I'm just really happy to see you.” He says not losing his smile. I drain the entire contents of my glass in one long gulp. I need something, anything to distract me. I look from the empty glass back to Liam.
It takes the matter of two seconds before he has pulled me clean off my stool and engulfed my body with his. His lips crush down on mine in a heavy need, his hands gripping my ass tightly and pulling me into him. I let him. For once I don't fight it. I kiss him back with everything that I have. He pushes his tongue deep into my mouth giving me no chance to protest, not that I even could if I wanted to. He roughly shoves my stool out of the way and backs me against the bar, trapping my body between his in the counter, his erection digging hard into my stomach. The ache in my belly quickly spreads, taking over my entire body until there is nothing left but want. I want this man and tonight I'm going to have him.
Chapter Fourteen
The world around me grows hazy as his kisses become more intense, more passionate. His hands are everywhere, my hair, my breasts, my h
ips. I am only vaguely aware of the music quietly ringing through the brightly lit bar. It's a slow seductive beat that I recognize almost immediately. “Sail” by Awolnation. The music beats in rhythm of our bodies grinding into one another, our hands exploring each others bodies through our clothes.
I struggle to keep control, to keep some of my power in tact but I am putty in his hands. My body instinctively reacting to every touch, every kiss, like it was built to do just that, respond to his every need, to his every demand. I don't stand a chance against this man and I have no doubt that he knows this as well.
His hands trace down my sides, his mouth not leaving mine. His kisses are electric, his mouth skilled. He tugs at the hem of my shirt and then lifts upwards, my arms immediately lifting to allow him to peel my top away from by body easily.
His lips break away from mine leaving a burning sensation in their absence. He leans back to gaze at my bare torso, a low growl escaping his throat. “You are so incredible.” He breathes out cupping both of my breasts in his hands, gently massaging through the thin fabric of my black lace bra.
I let my head fall back and arch my body into his touch. I have never felt the way that I do right now. My entire body on fire, every ounce of flesh begging to be touched, to be devoured by his mouth. He releases his hold on my chest just long enough to reach around me to unsnap my bra.
That's when I hear it, the obvious sound of a pissed off woman clearing her throat. I snap from my haze instantly, instinctively covering myself. “Fuck.” Liam breathes out turning his head to look at our guest, careful not to expose me in the process.
“What the fuck do you want Jill?” He barks out making me jump. Reality slowly creeps back in and for the first time since leaving my apartment I am thinking with a clear head. I quickly reach for my shirt that had been discarded on the bar.
“I need to talk to you.” The woman snaps clearly hurt by the events taking place in front of her very eyes. “Alone.”
Liam turns back to me. “I'm so sorry about this. Please don't leave.” He whispers taking my shirt from my hands and helping me slip it back on. I nod not really sure what else to do. He steps towards the woman and for the first time I get a look at her.
She's beautiful and not just your average beautiful. She's tall and thin with long blonde hair that has the perfect amount of wave to it. Instantly jealously knocks the wind right out of me. How can he be here with me when he could be with someone like her and clearly based on her body language that is exactly what she wants?
“Let's go to the office.” He instructs her, his voice radiating aggravation. He gives me one last pleading look before turning back to her. I watch them walk the distance of the bar, her red dress clinging to every perfect curve as she walks. They disappear around a corner at the far left side of the stage and I'm alone.
I inhale deeply trying to regulate my breathing. How stupid am I? I came to the one place I knew I shouldn't and look where it got me. Alone in a closed bar while “Say Something” by A Great Big World vibrates through my ears. I expect to feel anger over him choosing to speak to her over being here with me but I don't. In this moment all I feel is sadness, disappointment. The very reason I have avoided him to begin with.
We barely know each other and already he's hurting me, whether intentional or not it's there. I want to stay but I know I should leave. And then the lyrics of the song seal the deal for me. “And I will swallow my pride, you're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye.”
The tears are streaming down my face before I even make it to the door and are full blown hysterics by the time I exit into the casino. Several late night gamblers glance my way but say nothing as I pick up the pace, quickly making my way outside.
I don't remember walking to my car. I don't remember the drive home either. All I know now is that I am sitting in my car, windows up, radio blaring the saddest song I could find while I cry my eyes out with everything that I have.
As much as it hurts, it feels good to cry. It feels good to just let it all out, to let myself feel the pain. The pain reminds me that I'm alive. That this is real. No matter how much it hurts, at least it's something.
Even still, I don't know how I will ever be able to just let him go. I barely know him and yet he's all I can think about. He's all I dream about. In the few short weeks since our first encounter he has completely consumed my life. How can I walk away from the one thing that actually makes me feel something?
For years I have walked through life numb, just simply going through the motions. But not with Liam. He lights a fire inside of me, he makes me feel alive. “Pull yourself together Addison.” I say through my sobs, trying desperately to calm the hurricane raging deep inside me.
No matter how much I want to be with him, it doesn't change who he is. Hell, the only time we have ever been completely alone and look what happens. A jealous woman with runway looks barges in demanding to speak to him, and what does he do? He chooses her. Bottom line, he had a choice. He could have told her to leave. He could have pulled me into his arms and refused to let me go. What was so important that he couldn't make her wait?
Only he did let me go. He walked away from me like I was nothing. Hell I am nothing. How can I expect so much out of someone who knows nothing about me? The attraction is there, I can feel it to my core, and I know he feels it too. But that's all it is, an attraction, good chemistry, whatever you want to call it. It doesn't mean that he feels something for me, that he craves my touch the way I crave his. No, he wants one thing. To fuck me and be rid of me. And I almost gave him that.
I know what would have happened had we not been interrupted. I stood no chance of resisting the urge to be with him, to feel his body on me, to feel him in me. It's all I wanted. It's all I want.
“No.” I say aloud hitting my steering wheel with my palms. I can't do this to myself. As much as I will myself to just wipe my hands clean of him, I can't shake the way it felt to be in his arms. To feel his hands on my body, his mouth on mine. He made me feel in the matter of two minutes what Grayson had not managed to be able to do in eight years. I craved him, I craved to have him inside me. I have never felt anything like it before.
Having been with the same person since high school, my experience was limited to only one lover. I convinced myself that sex with Grayson was good, that I was satisfied. But in one kiss Liam changed all that. In one kiss he showed me just how exciting and passionate it can be to give yourself to another person. Only I didn't give myself to him. Instead I came in second place. I can't help but feel like I will always come in second place.
I finally calm myself down enough to climb out of my car and walk numbly into my apartment. The minute I turn the knob I regret my decision to come inside. Kristina is sitting on top of the small island in the middle of the kitchen, a bowl of popcorn in her hands. This is usually a sure tell sign that she had a bad night only her face contradicts her actions. In fact, she looks extremely happy.
At least she did until she catches sight of me. “Addison! Oh my god girl are you okay?” She streams out, sitting down her bowl and jumping off the counter. She's standing in front of me in the matter of seconds, her hands resting gently on my shoulders. “What happened?”
“Liam happened.” I sob out. She pulls me into her arms in a comforting embrace, but it's short lived.
She pushes herself back to look at me again. “Did he hurt you? I swear to god if he hurt you I will fucking kill him.”
“He didn't hurt me, well not intentionally anyways. At least I don't think it was intentional.”
She gives me a sympathetic look and then leads me to the couch. I sit, pulling my legs up to hug my knees to my chest, while Kristina grabs a container of ice cream from the freezer along with two spoons. She takes a seat next to me, handing me a spoon.
I mindlessly take a bite. I have no appetite at all but for whatever reason the ice cream instantly makes me feel just the tiniest bit better. I go in for another bite. “Ben and Jerry’s alwa
ys does the trick.” Kristina jokes, helping herself to a spoonful before pushing for more information.
I don't hold back on her. Usually I keep things bottled up. Dana is the only person I have really opened up to but I'm not really sure why I have never done it with Kristina. She listens to every word. Not one word of judgment comes from her lips. By the time I have spilled my heart out to her, I realize that the reason I never told her anything was because I feared she would think less of me. I can see now how I wrong I was.
“Maybe she's his sister.” Kristina offers trying to help.
“He's an only child.” I mutter out, taking another bite of ice cream. I have never been much for rocky road ice cream but I must say it's growing on me.
“Well damn.” She breathes out, running her hands through her short bob.
“It could have been nothing, I don't know. I didn't stick around for an explanation.” I shrug, sinking into the back of the couch.
“Do you regret leaving?” She asks me, sitting the empty ice cream container on the coffee table in front of us.
“Honestly, I don't know.” I say truthfully. “Yes and no. I mean I'm glad I left because of the situation but in a way I wish I would have just given him the opportunity to explain. I guess it doesn't matter much now.” I get out on a yawn.
My phone begins ringing from my purse that I left by the front door. I make no attempt to get it. I know who it is. I know it's petty but if he's going to do stupid shit like leave me in the middle of us devouring one another to see another woman, then I'm going to not answer and let him stew on it.
“You gonna get that?” Kristina asks when my phone quits ringing and then starts again immediately.
“No, I'm going to go to bed.” I say standing. My eyes feel extremely heavy from all the crying and all I want to do right now is curl up in my bed and forget this day ever happened. Well parts of it anyways.
Consumed (The Breathless Series, #1) Page 9