by Jordan Marie
“It might surprise you, Jessie. It’s all right if I call you Jessie, isn’t it?”
I shrug, because I’m pretty sure she’s going to call me that regardless.
“It might surprise you,” she continues, “but Allen doesn’t do one-night stands.”
“That probably would surprise me—if I believed you.”
“Why would I possibly lie about that?” she asks and I frown.
“Okay, fine. He doesn’t and I was just so horrible that I turned into one. Thanks, but that doesn’t make me feel much better.”
“Why on earth would you think you were horrible? A man doesn’t send flowers to a woman he thinks is horrible, let alone spend three days with them when he was supposed to be on a family vacation.”
“I meant horrible… Oh, never mind. It’s not important.”
“You meant horrible…?” she prompts.
“In bed, okay?” I huff when it becomes clear she’s not letting it drop.
“Oh, but well, surely you know better. Besides, men are men. I don’t think it’s possible to be horrible at that for a man, as long as… well, you move a little at least,” she laughs.
My mouth opens at her reply and then I can’t stop myself from laughing. I don’t want to like Allen’s sister, but I find I can’t stop myself.
“I moved,” I laugh. “Maybe I was just too inexperienced to make it good for him.”
“Too inexperienced?” she asks and I really should stop the conversation, but I want to talk to her for some reason. She’s easy to talk to. It’s almost as if we’re old friends, so I decide to just tell her like it is.
“Yeah. Maybe I didn’t satisfy him. Who knows? But it doesn’t matter. I mean, he didn’t give me any promises we were more. I was just hoping… I was stupid. I thought maybe afterwards he would see how special it was, that he had the same kind of feelings I was having… See? Stupid.” I sigh, disgusted with myself.
“Oh my, Jessie. How inexperienced were you?”
“Very,” I grumble.
“As in…” she asks, treading carefully.
“Very.” I can’t bring myself to say the word ‘virgin’ out loud, but I see the exact moment Ana understands and I struggle not to blush. Why on earth I thought it was a good idea to talk about this with a stranger I don’t know—except the fact that I don’t really have friends and I needed to talk about this—but still…
“Jessie, what if I told you my brother is crazy about you?”
“Considering I just got some flowers from him and a goodbye note, I wouldn’t believe you.”
“Do you care for my brother?”
I start to lie to her. I probably should, but something in her face makes me not want to.
“I care for him a lot.”
She seems to be making up her mind about something and then she sighs and that sound is almost… sad.
“Jessie, Allen is a good man. He’s one of the best men I know. I personally think any woman around would be lucky to have him.”
“Listen, Ana, you don’t have to sell me on how great your brother is. I get it. I obviously thought that from the beginning, or I wouldn’t have slept with him.”
“He wasn’t always a good man though, Jessie.”
“I—”
“He was so bad that my husband was going to kill him.”
My breath comes out in a rush that feels like something is pressing down on my chest. My body quakes as her words wash over me.
“I don’t…”
“I can’t tell you everything. It’s not my story to tell. But I can tell you that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my brother didn’t tell you goodbye because he didn’t care about you. He did it because he felt you deserved better.”
“I don’t understand…”
“Allen might have put his past behind him, but that doesn’t change the things he did in his past. Things that give him nightmares…”
“Ana, I don’t get it. You’re going to have to give me more than this if you want me to believe you.”
“Allen’s a recovering addict, Jessie,” she says softly, so soft that I have to strain to hear her. But when I do it feels like she’s stabbed me right through the heart and the blow is painful enough to bring me to my knees. I wobble a little as it is, and I’m sitting down. If I had been standing, I would have fallen.
“He’s a drug addict?” I murmur, wondering how I could have missed that. Trying to reconcile the Allen I know with the Allen…
“Recovering, Jessie, and when I say that I mean he’s been clean for years. Years, Jessie, and he’s not stumbled once, sweetheart, not once.”
“But… he could.”
Ana puts her hand over mine. “He hasn’t. He’s been clean for years,” she says again, like that changes things, and maybe it should…maybe it does… I don’t know. All I know right now is I’m physically sick.
“But, he could,” I repeat, stronger this time.
“You can’t live your life based on what could happen, Jessie,” she says and the look on her face tells me that she’s disappointed in me. “Allen works here at my husband’s club. If you care for him and want a chance with him, it’s you who is going to have to come to him.” She leaves the card and walks away. I don’t respond. My mind is going in a million different directions and none of them are good. When Ana gets to the door she turns to look at me. “He is worth it, Jessie. I hope you make the right decision, I really do,” she says quietly and she leaves.
I’m left staring at the trash can full of blue flowers…
21
Allen
Three Weeks Later
I come outside to get some air, leaving Bruno on duty. I don’t normally take breaks, but tonight I had to. I was starting to feel suffocated in the club. It was literally getting hard to breathe. I haven’t felt that trapped since the early days of sobriety. This time it wasn’t about the drugs, however. This time it was all about Jessie. I thought maybe once I sent her the flowers I would close that door and move on, putting her and the dreams of more out of my head. The thing is, just because I know in my heart that Jessie deserves better—that I have to let her go…It doesn’t make it any easier.
I miss her. I miss her so much the world has taken on a dreary haze. I push through each day because I have no choice, but the days seem to drag on forever. I thought kicking drugs was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever be able to get Jessie out of my system.
“Hi.” I hear a voice from behind me and my body goes completely stiff. I bring my head up and turn around in what feels like slow motion.
Jessie.
At first I think I’m dreaming—that she’s a figment of my imagination that I’ve somehow conjured up. But she keeps walking toward me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask when she stops about ten feet away from me.
“Your sister told me this is where you work,” she says with a shrug.
“You’ve been talking to Ana?” I ask her, shocked, and she just shrugs again. “You really shouldn’t be here,” I tell her, but it doesn’t stop me from closing the distance between us.
“I wanted to see you,” she says simply, those beautiful blue eyes looking at me so deeply it feels like she can see all the way inside of me.
“I’m bad for you, Jessie,” I tell her, but I’m standing right in front of her now and my hands are closed into fists as I fight the urge to take her in my arms, lift her up and kiss her.
“Maybe I like bad,” she answers. Her voice is whisper soft and it snaps my control.
I’m done.
Before I can stop myself, I pull her into me. I lift her up my body and capture her lips. I feel her legs wrap around me, her fingers bite into my skin as we kiss. Somehow, she tastes even sweeter than I remembered.
I shouldn’t kiss her. One taste and I know I’ll never be strong enough to let her go again, but I can’t stop myself. I have to. I need her.
I need her s
o fucking much.
When we break apart, I keep her in my arms and she rests her head against me. I pull back just enough to raise her face up to me.
“I’ve missed you, Mouse,” I tell her, thinking that those words don’t even begin to sum up how I’ve felt without Jessie.
“I’ve missed you too, Allen.”
“How long are you here for?” I ask, desperate to spend more time with her.
“For as long as you want me.”
Her words wrap themselves around my heart and it feels like I can’t breathe for a minute.
“That could be a problem, Jessie. I don’t know if I can let you go again.”
“Then don’t, Allen.”
“There’s things we need to talk about. Things you should know,” I hedge, not wanting to bring up my past, but knowing she deserves to know.
“And we will, but tonight can I just have you?”
She asks the question so earnestly. There’s no way she can miss how much I want her or need her. I don’t know how she could even think for one moment I wouldn’t want tonight with her, but I definitely want to make sure she knows exactly what I’m feeling right now.
“You have me, Jessie. You’ve always had me,” I tell her and then I proceed to claim her mouth again, leaving no room for doubt that I belong to her.
I think I always have.
22
Jessie
“I hope I’m not dreaming,” I whisper, stretching against Allen’s warm body.
It has to be about three in the morning, and it’s easily one of the best nights of my life. Allen took me inside of the club and introduced me to a guy named Bruno. I recognized him as the same guy that was with Ana that day in my shop. Then he took me into his brother-in-law’s office and asked for the rest of the night off. Roman and Ana were in there and I might have felt a little guilt over Ana’s intense stare. I was afraid she’d lay into me over taking so long to make my mind up, but she didn’t. She hugged me and whispered in my ear where no one else could hear that she was glad I worked through everything. Then she said the nicest thing…
“Welcome to the family.”
I think she might be jumping the gun, but the way I feel about Allen means I’m in for the long haul and after the conversations we’ve had tonight, I’m sure he feels the same. It sounds crazy, but from the moment I first saw Allen I knew he was the one for me. There was just something about him that called to me in a way nothing and no one else ever has. I don’t care that it happened fast and I don’t even care about his past.
His past is horrible. I couldn’t imagine going through what he did as a child, and I have no idea how you can deal with something like that. Allen turned to drugs, and while I wish he hadn’t, while I wish I could go back in time and be there for him and try and help him, I can’t. When Ana first told me, I was so scared. I didn’t want someone in my life who was that destructive, who could take their life and throw it away for a high. But his past isn’t the Allen I met. His past isn’t the man he is today. I may not have known him long, but I know in my heart that his past and the man I fell in love with are completely different. Allen is not his past… He’s who he is because he overcame his past and talking to him, having him open up his soul and tell me everything that happened to him and about his drug use… That just made me love him more.
“I think that’s what I should be saying, Mouse,” he whispers.
His thumb brushes against my lip as our foreheads rest against each other and he stares into my eyes. My fingers flex against his sides, and my leg is draped over one of his, nothing but the sheet over our bodies. I thought making love with him before was good, but tonight was so much better—maybe because after our talk I feel closer to him, as if nothing is in our way now. There are no walls to hide behind and no future date where I won’t see Allen again.
This is it… we’re… real…
“Totally mine. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I can’t believe you’re still here, especially after I laid everything on you. I shouldn’t have, I guess. I just… I needed you to know about my past, Jessie. I needed you to know so you could leave if you wanted to.”
I swallow down the emotion I feel, because I hear the pain in his voice. I kiss his lips briefly. It’s not a kiss of passion, it’s one of emotion because I don’t want to cause him pain. I’m not going to tell him about Ana coming to see me. He doesn’t need to know I knew about his drug use before tonight. I don’t want him to feel like his sister betrayed him by sharing. Trust is a big thing for Allen and he gave that to me tonight.
“I’m not leaving, Allen.”
“We’ll make this work, Jessie. I swear. I’ll commute to St. Augustine for a bit and once things are settled here and Roman has someone he trusts to take my place, I can always mov—”
I put my fingers against his lips, stopping him from talking.
“You have family here. Family who care about you and a job you enjoy. If once we’ve dated for a bit, and you’re sure you want me with you, I can move here.”
“You’d be willing to move here?”
“I don’t have anything in St. Augustine to hold me there, Allen. I have my shop, but it’s not exactly catching on well there. Miami is a busy area. I can see if I can find a place here for my store.”
“Jessie—”
“I mean, I’m not pressuring you. I know we’re barely seeing each other. This thing between us happened fast, but eventually, I mean… you know, not right away,” I rattle on, feeling my face heat with embarrassment.
“How long do you think you need?” Allen asks.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“I mean how long do you think you need before you know if I’m the one for you?”
“I don’t need time, Allen. I knew that from the first moment, but I mean men are different and—”
“I knew it too, Jessie,” he says, interrupting me.
“You don’t have to say that, Allen. I know I’m—”
“One look in your eyes and it felt like the world exploded around me. You are it for me, Jessie. I love you, and no amount of time will change that. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you.”
“That sounds crazy,” I whisper, tears gathering in my eyes. Happiness spreads through my body in a way that makes me know it will always be a part of me now. “Completely crazy, but I feel the exact same way.”
“Then I guess that just leaves one question.”
“What’s that?”
“How soon will you marry me?”
“Marry you?” I ask, shock spreading through me.
“Oh yeah, Mouse. I can’t wait to have you legally mine. Plus…”
“Plus what?” I ask, laughing as he buries his head in my neck and kisses me.
“Plus that means we get to have a honeymoon.”
“We could start the honeymoon now…”
“Oh we will, but I want you in a bikini on the beach in Cabo, making love to you in the warm air, and the smell of the crystal blue ocean on the breeze.”
“What if I wanted to honeymoon in Alaska?”
“Then I’ll make love to you in six feet of snow and risk freezing my balls off. It doesn’t matter, Jessie, as long as I get to make love to you and as long as you’re my wife.”
“Allen, stop talking. I need you,” I whisper, my hand wrapping around his cock.
He groans and pulls me up until he’s lined up at my entrance. We stare at each other, and I use my leg that’s wrapped behind him to pull my body into him. He slides inside of me.
We make love slowly, our gazes locked on one another and it’s perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
Epilogue
Jessie
One Week Later
“Allen! Put me down!” I laugh. We’re walking back to the resort from the beach and he’s carrying me every step of the way. “I can walk, you know.”
“I know. I just like having you in my arms,” he says and he bends down to k
iss me briefly.
“See, Babe? Told you.”
Allen and I look up to see a man with dark hair and a broad, golden-tanned body. In his arms is a woman with dark curly hair that’s swept up into a messy bun. She’s as beautiful as he is good looking. They look like they belong on a movie set, although I don’t really recognize them.
“Asher, you’re not as young as he is. Put me down.”
“I’m going to smack that ass for that later,” the man growls playfully in the woman’s ear, but he puts her down. Thankfully, Allen does me too, because I was feeling kind of strange.
“We’ve been married for years, raised kids, and have grandbabies and he still insists on carrying me around,” the woman says with a laugh and I grin back.
“You have grandchildren?” I say and I blush, because I feel stupid. “I’m sorry. It’s just… you look younger than I do,” I add, hoping I didn’t offend her.
“Aren’t you a sweetheart! You remind me of my daughter July.”
“July, that’s an unusual name. I like it,” Allen answers, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I notice the woman’s husband is doing the same, as if it’s like a universal signal to show This is my woman. Whatever it is, I won’t deny I like it and I lean deeper into my man.
“We wanted to keep up a tradition,” she answers, taking her sunglasses off. “I’m November, and this sexy caveman next to me is my husband, Asher.”
“Nice to meet you,” Asher says, holding out his hand to Allen. Once they shake he does the same to me.
“I envy you,” I tell her.
“Why’s that?” November asks.
“I’ve always wanted an unusual name. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone named November.”
“It’s okay. My wife is an original,” the man says with a wink. That’s when I realize we haven’t given our names. I don’t know what it is about this couple; they just have this connection that even I, as an outsider, can feel and you just kind of get caught up in it.