She was giggling now and it made me smile. I was glad she had a good memory about him. Yeah. Would you look at me being all not jealous.
When her giggles died down, she thought for a moment then said, “Another thing I loved about him was he was a good provider. I knew that if we ever had kids,” she stopped and bit her lip for a moment and looked down at the floor. I knew she was thinking they’d never have kids together, yet he would with another woman, and I took her hand giving it a squeeze. She looked at me and smiled, squeezing my hand back before letting it go. “I knew they’d always have everything they needed.”
That was good. I was glad she’d had that too.
“The last thing I loved about him…” She twisted her mouth trying to come up with her last answer. “I loved that he was brave.” Her eyes came to mine and I could see she was struggling, not wanting to cry.
“It’s okay, baby,” I soothed.
She nodded, closing her eyes and sniffing before continuing. “When he got his diagnosis, he didn’t bat an eye. He was all about how to fix it and move on. But when he found out he was going to die, he faced it head-on too.” She wiped her fingers under her eyes to keep any tears from falling. “And those are some things I loved about him.”
I sat thinking of some things to tell her about Sonya while she retrieved a tissue from her purse then dabbed at her eyes.
“One thing I loved about Sonya was her energy,” I said. “It was what made me fall in love with her in the first place.” I looked at Birdie raising my eyebrows to make sure she knew that was all in the past. “She was so carefree at first and I loved that she loved…life.”
Birdie nodded and gave me a small smile.
“Another thing I loved was her cooking.”
Birdie frowned, no scowled, which made me frown back out of confusion.
“I’m a terrible cook, Beck,” she whispered.
I couldn’t help it. I barked out a loud laugh making the people around us look our way. “Baby, that’s fuckin’ cute,” I told her. “No man gives a shit whether his wife can cook. I mean, it’s nice and all, but not a requirement.” I winked at her which seemed to settle things.
“The last thing I loved about Sonya…” I trailed off trying to think of something else. My mind was consumed with all things Birdie now, so it took me a moment to think about Sonya, who’d now become the other woman in my eyes. “She was kind. Caring. She was a social worker and she’d come home upset about the kids she worked with. If she’d had her way, we’d have adopted ten kids in that first year she worked at the center.” I chuckled. Then my eyes landed on Birdie who was looking at me as if I was her fucking hero. “What?”
“You’re perfect, Beck, and I’m so sorry she did what she did to you. I’m so lucky to have you now.”
I felt my lips tip up at that. “Baby, you’re pretty fucking perfect too.”
Birdie and I hung out the whole weekend. Saturday night she had me over for dinner, which was spaghetti, the one thing she said she could cook and not screw up which made me laugh. Then Sunday, we met up for breakfast. By Monday night, she was a wreck since Mason’s surgery was scheduled for the next day.
“What time does he go in?” I asked when I called her that night.
“Six. He called earlier. He sounded good but I know he’s scared. I am too.”
“I know, honey.”
She sniffed. “God. I hate this. Th-this surgery, all it’s gonna really do is relieve some pressure for him. Why can’t they just cure him?”
She started crying and I felt helpless. I wanted to fix everything for her.
“Birdie? You want me to come over?”
In a shaky voice, she replied, “Will you?”
“Of course. I’ll be there in twenty. You need me to bring anything?”
“Some Half Baked would be nice,” she stated with a tearful laugh.
“I can do that, baby. I’ll see you in a bit.”
We hung up, I grabbed my coat and left.
Chapter 25—Birdie
“You’re the best,” I claimed as I dug into my ice cream. I looked up at Beck who was sitting by me on the couch, arm around me, and narrowed my eyes. “Except this isn’t quite what I asked for.”
He laughed. “Well, babe, they were out of Half Baked.” He squeezed my shoulder pulling me closer, kissed the side of my head, then turned back to watching some guy show he had on about mining gold. I’d stopped paying attention after listening to some asshole named Tony on it.
I had my legs folded under me and to the side and we just…fit. It was nice. I sighed as I took another bite, the chocolate chip cookie dough filling my mouth with its goodness. At least he’d called to ask about an alternative flavor.
The next thing I knew, I was being lifted from the couch and carried down the hall.
“Wait,” I mumbled. “Did they get the gold?”
“Shhh. Yes, baby, they did,” Beck whispered with a soft chuckle.
He lay me in my bed pulling the covers over me. I gazed up at his shadowy form the hall light made. “Beck?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you stay until I fall asleep?”
“Of course.”
He turned the hall light off then came back to my bed. I held the covers out for him to get under but he muttered, “Boots.” He sat on the bedside and took them off before getting in next to me, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “It’s gonna be okay, Birdie,” he whispered and that was the last thing I heard.
“It’s gonna be okay,” I repeated Beck’s words from the night before to Mason, looking down at him on the gurney before he went into surgery.
“Love you, Birdie,” he said. I whispered it right back to him before they took him away.
I went to the waiting room where his mom and dad had gone after talking to him, and Maci was also there. I was so glad I’d met her beforehand or it would’ve been terribly awkward. Well, more awkward than it was now because it was also the first time I’d seen Mase’s parents since he and I had split.
“Birdie, can you come with me to get some coffee?” Irene, Mason’s mom, asked.
“Sure,” I agreed and followed her out into the hall.
She stopped for a moment, looked at me, then took me by the upper arm, pulling me along with her. At the elevator, she announced, “I don’t know how you’re doing it, sweetheart. I’m so mad at him, I could wring his friggin’ neck.”
I huffed out a laugh because she was possibly the nicest person I’d ever met, and to hear her talking like that was kind of comical.
“Well, I’m taking it one day at a time, I guess,” I offered, not knowing what else to say.
We got on the elevator and I pushed the ground floor button for the cafeteria.
“I’m so very sorry, honey. You’ve been such a good daughter-in-law,” she affirmed.
“And you and Justin have been the best in-laws a girl could have,” I replied honestly.
I didn’t expect her to say anything bad about Maci because Maci was a nice girl, and I wouldn’t have wanted her to anyway. But what she did say was a stab to the frickin’ heart.
“It should’ve been you.” I looked over at her in question. She nodded with tears in her eyes. “You should be the one carrying our grandchild.”
God.
That cut me to my very soul. I’d always dreamed of what Mason and my children would look like, how our parents would dote on their only grandkids, but now I’d never know.
Cue choking gasp for air.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry,” Irene apologized as she pulled me into a hug.
“It’s okay,” I murmured.
We released our hug but she continued. “I’m sorry for what my son did to you.”
“No. It’s okay, Irene. He did what he thought he should do. We’re fine.”
She looked at me sadly, searching my eyes for the truth, and I guess she saw it because she finally nodded.
At the ground floor, we got out, walked to the cafet
eria in silence, got coffee for everyone—decaf for Maci—and headed back up. In the silence, I wondered once again if I was really being truthful with myself or if I was only covering myself about how things had gone between Mason and me.
I decided I was good.
Text Message—Tues, Nov 01, 11:54 a.m.
Beck: Checking on you
Me: I’m good. He should be out pretty soon
Beck: Good. How’re you doing?
Me: I’m good. Brought some work with me
Beck: Is Maci there?
Me: Yes. We’re fine
Beck: Okay, good. Let me know if there’s anything I can do, okay?
Me: Thanks, sweetheart xo
Beck: x
When Dr. Isaac came into the waiting room an hour later, we all stood, ready to hear what she had to say.
“He did great,” she proclaimed and there was a collective sigh of relief.
“Oh, thank God,” Irene said, clasping her hands to her chest.
“Is he awake? Can we see him?” Mason’s dad asked.
Dr. Isaac nodded. “He’s awake and being taken to ICU. Give him about thirty minutes then I’ll see if I can get you in.”
“Thank you, Dr. Isaac,” Irene stated.
“Of course. I’ll send a nurse to let you know when he’s situated,” she said before leaving us.
“You go in first, Birdie,” Irene instructed.
I was surprised by this because I hadn’t even thought about it. She nodded when I looked at her from where I was gathering my things. I glanced at Maci who also nodded. “Okay,” I whispered.
When the nurse came to the waiting room forty minutes later, I followed her down the hallway. “He’s in here, Mrs. Chapman,” she said with a smile as she held the door open for me.
I walked in and as scary as it all looked, I forced a smile. Mason’s head was bandaged with a drainage tube coming from it and an intracranial pressure monitor was attached. There was a nasogastric tube in his nose, which I’d been informed was there to keep him from being sick, because if he became ill, it would raise the pressure in his head. Of course, he had an IV, a catheter and a couple other things I wasn’t too sure about, but all in all, he looked good.
“Hey,” I whispered when I got to his bed, taking his hand then leaning down to kiss his forehead. When he tried talking, I shook my head. “No, don’t talk. Dr. Isaac said everything went well.” I squeezed his hand. “You’re very brave, Mason.” He closed his eyes hard as if what I’d said was painful. “You are. You’re gonna be fine, honey.”
When he opened his eyes, the look he gave me was so sad and I knew he was trying to tell me he was sorry for everything.
“It’s all okay, Mase. We’re good.” I bent and kissed his forehead again. “Your mom and dad want to see you as does…Maci. I’ll send them in, okay?”
He blinked slowly because I was sure his head hurt and he probably couldn’t have moved it if he wanted to.
“I’ll come back tomorrow to check on you,” I said before turning to go, but he squeezed my hand making me look at him. “I love you too,” I answered to the look in his eyes before letting his hand go and leaving his room.
“I’m coming over,” Beck insisted on the phone that evening.
I was worn out and had actually cried when I’d answered his call.
“Beck, no, it’s already seven,” I said through my sniffles.
“I’m bringing sushi. I’ll be there in an hour,” he informed me before hanging up.
Damned bossy man.
After leaving the hospital I planned to go in to work for a couple hours which had turned into five. I’d just walked in my door when my phone rang. And now in desperate need of a hot shower, that’s where I headed. Once out, I dressed in yoga pants and a sweatshirt that hung off my shoulder, no bra or panties purely for comfort reasons, then put my wet hair up in a messy bun. I figured if Beck couldn’t take me at my worst, then he didn’t deserve me at all—to totally screw up the Marilyn Monroe quote.
“Hey,” I said when I opened the door.
“Hey.” He bent and brushed his lips against mine. “I think I bought the place out but I wasn’t sure what all you liked.” He set the three bags he carried on the bar and I snorted.
“Good thing sushi keeps so well. I’ll be eating it for a week,” I deadpanned, knowing it’d go bad by the next day.
He chuckled. “Take it to work tomorrow and give it to the people you don’t like.”
“You’re so bad,” I said with a laugh, smacking him on the arm.
“You have no idea,” he muttered, then grabbed me, and smashing his lips to mine delivered a mind-blowing kiss. When his hand went up my back under my sweatshirt and he didn’t feel a bra, I felt his body go rigid and he pulled away.
“Wow,” I whispered.
“No fuckin’ bra,” he said, looking at me almost accusatorially. “I wanna fuck you so bad, I can’t stand it,” he growled.
I blinked. Then blinked again. It was weird, but since sexting him, I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I’d thought about it, but I knew we couldn’t. Actually, I knew he wouldn’t.
“Keep looking at me like that, Birdie, and I’ll fucking prove it,” he grumbled, letting me go and starting to take the food out of the bags setting it on the counter.
“That’s something we haven’t, uh, really talked about,” I declared.
His eyes darted to mine. “And we’re not going to either.”
I frowned. “Why?”
He breathed in through his nose and let it out as if I’d just asked the most annoying thing ever.
“What?” I tried again.
His eyes hit the ceiling before coming to land on mine. “You know that’s a huge part of a relationship.”
He said that as if it explained everything.
“Okay,” I drawled.
He canted his head to the side, looking at me like I was dumb. “I can’t fucking touch you, Birdie. I’m married. I’d be doing the same thing Sonya did to me and I’m not going there.”
“I know this, Beck. It’s honorable. It’s one of the things I love about you most. But—”
“There are no ‘buts.’”
My hands went to my hips. “Well, if you’d let me talk, I could tell you what I was thinking! Jeez!”
“That’s it. I’m out of here,” he said, turning and heading to the door.
“What?” I asked, shocked that he’d gotten angry. “Are you mad?”
He turned and stalked back to me, his hand coming up to grab the back of my head, his fingers digging roughly into my mess of hair and pulling a little. “Goddamn right I’m mad,” he bit off. “You and your fuckin’ sass, making it so hard for me to stay away.” His lips came crashing down on mine as he backed me into the wall.
His kiss was harsh and bruising and I loved it. My deep moan let him know it. He was so different from Mason. So much more passionate, rough. I got wetter just thinking about how he’d be in bed. Gah!
He suddenly spun me to face the wall, and putting his mouth at my ear he ground out gruffly, “I want you all the fucking time. I dream of fucking you.” He said this as his hand drifted down my belly and inside the waistband of my yoga pants. He let out a groan when he realized I wasn’t wearing panties, but his hand kept going until he cupped me then he started gliding his fingers through my slick folds. “So fucking wet, Birdie. Is this for me?”
Oh, God.
God!
“Yes, Beck,” I whispered, his fingers showing no mercy as they slid smoothly back and forth, my swollen clit between them. My breath hitched and I clawed at the wall with my fingers as he dipped a finger inside.
“I want to make you feel good, baby. Let it go,” he ordered, pressing his hard cock against my bottom.
“Oh, my God,” I exhaled.
A feral sound emanated from deep inside his chest when he put another finger inside me. “So fucking tight. Jesus,” he rasped. His other hand slipped under my sweatshirt to g
rasp my breast, where he rolled my nipple between his thumb and finger.
“Beck…”
“This is all for you, Birdie,” he said in my ear as his fingers worked me.
Good lord. I don’t know how he was doing it, but my body had spiked quickly and I was going to come faster than I ever had before. Damn.
“You gonna come for me, baby?” he said low, his voice gravelly, his thumb coming up to roll over my clit and I was there.
I cried out as I came hard, immediately falling back against him, my legs shaky, my chest heaving with my breaths.
Just…wow.
When my fogginess lifted, I realized he’d gotten quiet and upon turning to face him, I saw his demeanor which kind of scared me. “Beck?” I called quietly. If I had to describe his look just then it would’ve been anguished pissedoffedness. “Honey, are you okay?”
I watched a muscle tic in his jaw. “We can’t do that again, Birdie.”
I nodded then whispered, “Okay.”
“I’m not a fucking cheater.”
“I know you’re not.”
I watched as he adjusted himself. Then he reached over and pulling me against him, wrapped his arms around my waist, looking down at me seriously. “I can’t do this, Birdie.” When I started to protest, he interrupted. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I looked up at him, my brow wrinkled. “Promise?”
He nodded. “Promise. I’m in this for the long haul.”
I nodded back. “Me too.”
“But I’m telling you that I can’t, we can’t let this shit happen again. Not until Sonya and I end things. Okay?”
Thursdays (The Wait Book 1) Page 12