by Cari Quinn
Pathetic, Shawcross.
“It’s beautiful tonight,” she called over the wind and waves as she crawled back to him, her boots all sandy and her face glowing even in the darkness. “Look what I found.” She held up her treasures—a few pieces of sea glass, some driftwood, a couple of polished rocks. “I wish I’d brought a jar.”
“Oh, yeah, you should’ve totally thought of that before the show. Since, you know, we had all the plans to come to the beach.” Hearing himself, he poked the blanket in his lap. “We’ll wrap ‘em in this when we’re done.”
She let out a long sigh. “I always liked Milky Ways best.”
“Come again?”
“Chocolate outside, soft gooey caramel middle.” She shot him a grin as she stacked her finds beside them on the sand. She wasted no time in settling between his outstretched legs, then tipped back her head with a pointed expression when he didn’t drape the blanket around them fast enough.
It made him laugh. “My caramel gets crusty.”
“Still tastes like the best I’ve ever had.” She sighed again as he wrapped the blanket tighter around them, gripping the ends under her chin. “Wish we could do a bonfire.”
“Not safe. Also, this area isn’t sanctioned for—”
“How do you look so badass yet have the heart of a school principal? It’s the most interesting dichotomy.”
“Shut up and look at the water.”
Her giggle was even more musical than the relentless lap of the water on the shore.
The froth spilled over their feet before receding and climbing a little higher the next time. Ricki wiggled her toes and he set his chin on her shoulder, wondering how he could possibly have so many questions inside him, but also, the patience to wait her out until she was ready to speak.
That was love. More than presents or candy or fucking until neither of them could walk. It was giving each other that space, because nothing mattered more than making sure the person you loved was safe. Boundaries were a huge part of that.
“It all seems so small out here.”
“What does?”
“Life. Problems. Worries. None of that matters. Will it be important in ten years? No. What is important is holding who you love close.” He thought he heard her swallow hard. “And who loves you back.”
Because he was pretty sure she didn’t mean him, he didn’t speak.
“I thought I saw my mother tonight.”
“What? Where?”
“At the show.”
“Jesus, and you didn’t tell—” He stopped, tilting back his head. “I haven’t gotten to that chapter in Women are from Saturn and Men are from Uranus yet.”
She snorted. “Hello, mangled book title. But it’s a good question. Why didn’t I tell you? Because I couldn’t.” She exhaled and picked up one of her sandy finds from the pile beside her. “I was playing with Nicky, totally caught up, and something about the woman’s expression was familiar. Her hair, her eyes. She had on pink. Pink was her favorite.” She leaned back against him. “I ran through the crowd looking for her. Like a maniac.”
“Is that how you lost your shirt?”
“Noticed that, huh?”
“Your tits are works of art. The day I don’t notice them barely held in by a pair of flimsy lace cups is the day you can check my pulse and call for the morgue.”
She craned her neck to nip his chin. “You say the sweetest things.” But she reached up and undid the cloth contraption around her head, then smoothed out the wrinkles in her shirt as her glorious long blond hair whipped his cheeks. He grabbed a couple handfuls of it and buried his face in the thick strands while she laughed at him.
They both knew he was in love with her hair. He didn’t even bother hiding it anymore.
Just one more weakness of his in her direction she’d uncovered way back when.
“I’m a little chilly, but I won’t ruin your ability to ogle.”
He tucked her newly folded shirt underneath his hip on the sand. “Damn straight. Bet your nipples are nice and hard too out here.”
She shifted toward him and tugged her cami down just enough he could see the firm brown outline of them against the thin material. He swallowed deeply and searched for the thread of their conversation. “You couldn’t find her.”
“Either the spark is leaving our relationship or you love me more than I ever guessed if you’d rather talk about my long-missing mother than suck on my nipples.”
“I didn’t realize sucking was on the table.” Speaking of tables, his dick was now as hard as one. “But it’s gonna have to wait.”
She shifted against him, taking the measure of his no-fail barometer, and gave him a satisfied smile. “Oh, yeah, all thrusters operational. So you do love me more than my nipples.”
“Let’s not get hasty.” He laughed as she slugged him, but he caught her fist and brought it to his mouth. “I love you more than I thought I could love anything or anyone. Including my own life.”
And he wasn’t sweating at saying those words to her. Much.
Her eyes misted over a second before she closed them and snuggled closer. “How’d I find you? How’d I deserve you?”
“I probably shouldn’t bring up your BJ skills right now, huh?”
“Well, they are considerable. I don’t think it was her. I think I imagined her. Just straight up made her materialize out of a stranger.” She reached up to rub her cheek, and knowing she was wiping away tears nearly killed him. “I still miss her so much. It’s been twenty years. Instead of going away, it just keeps getting stronger. I want her to be there when I get married. When we have babies. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”
“She was good to you when you were a kid. Makes sense you’d want her back.”
“But you didn’t have that. Your parents were utter crap to you and yet they’re still here and mine is gone. By her own doing, which proves she definitely wasn’t as awesome as I thought. But still. And oh God, how could I just say that?” Eyes dark and huge, she eased back and cupped his cheeks. “I didn’t mean I thought they should be gone instead—”
“No, but it’s not fair. But unless there was some circumstance we don’t know about, your mother chose to walk away.”
She nodded, her cheeks glistening in the faint moonlight. “I know that. I know.”
“She could’ve had her own demons though. No one really knows what someone else’s going through.”
“You mean like maybe she was using?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. Who knows? Maybe she had a lover. Maybe she just decided she couldn’t cut it as a parent.”
“But she was so good at it.” Ricki shook her head. “Just ignore me. I don’t know what happened, have no clue, so it’s absolutely stupid to sit here and quarterback. But I probably didn’t see her. It doesn’t make sense. Why would she come out to see me play?”
“To see you and Nick play together. A big moment for you both. Your first time back after you could’ve been critically injured or—” He couldn’t say it, so he didn’t. “It’s not so crazy. Just like seeing Snake wasn’t crazy.”
She was quiet for a couple of minutes as she gazed up at the sky, the wind stirring her hair and slapping thick chunks of it against his mouth. But he didn’t mind. After the long night apart, he was greedy for every bit of contact he could get.
“Right after it happened, when I ran to the parking lot and couldn’t find her, I was so crushed I couldn’t breathe. But now…now I’m afraid what if it was her? I wouldn’t know how to have a mother in my life again. Or even if she’d want to be there. Maybe it was just a drive-by thing even if it really happened. Like ‘hey, those are my kids, both look semi-normal, good enough, back to my life, bye.’ And I have to deal with that.”
“Maybe.” He rubbed his hand over her chilly arm, just outside the blanket. “Did she ever keep a diary?”
“Huh?”
“You know, like a journal. One of those women’s scribbly things.”
“
Yes, us women and our weird preoccupations,” she said drily. “I don’t know. I’m not sure. I have a box or two of her stuff from my dad’s place. I never went through it. Wasn’t sure I was ready.”
“Yeah.”
“But maybe I’m getting closer to ready.” She took a shuddering breath as she shifted to look at him more fully. “Maybe you’d help me go through it?”
His throat clenched in time with his gut. “Don’t even gotta ask.”
She nodded, smiling faintly, and reached up to run her hand over his head. He couldn’t stop the tremor that went through him, and it sure as fuck wasn’t from the chill. Her eyes glazed over and she angled closer, dipping her forehead to his. “There was a guy in the parking lot when I was looking for my mom. He tried to pick me up.”
“Did you kick him in the nuts?”
“Actually, I did, but not because of that. He offered me that baggie of blow I was picked up with. I didn’t buy it. I definitely didn’t want it. Not really. But I kneed him in the balls and I—I stole it. Then I ran.”
“You ball-dropped a drug dealer and stole his coke?” He stared at her in the darkness. “You’re a brave motherfucker.”
“And stupid. You don’t have to add that part. Because he’s probably gonna want his investment back. He’s gotta be pissed. Last thing I need is some crazy asshole after me.”
“Good luck on him making it through me.” He cracked his knuckles. “Though I’d love to see him try.”
“The feminist inside me is saying I should protest mightily. But the woman who’s super proud her man is huge and buff and has a dick of steel is all like hell yeah. Lucky me.”
It was his turn to snort. “Let’s hope he doesn’t see my dick.”
“Right? He’d choke. I do nightly.”
He tugged on her hair. “Flattery will only get you so far. Like another minute before I ask why you stole his stuff.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Reflex? Habit? Maybe I was testing myself. I never intended to get high. Not really. But I just couldn’t go back inside and talk to you or Nicky when that woman I’d seen was still in my head. I was bleeding, just not outside my clothes. So I ran to the Fluff, an old place Nicky and his band used to practice. I know it was breaking and entering and technically trespassing, but Simon’s like family. He is family. I knew he wouldn’t be mad. Lila, on the other hand…” She shivered. “She can be scary, but not tonight. Tonight, she saved me big time.”
“Hot felon,” he said lightly.
She looked up at him with eyes heavy with tears. Despite the lack of light, they reflected like twin pools and made his chest twist. “Next time, I’ll come to you. I promise.”
“Yeah. Even if we don’t talk at first. Because tonight was…” He rubbed the side of his face and hoped like hell that wobble in his voice was only in his head. “Rough.”
“I’m sorry I made you worry.” She grabbed his hand and kissed every one of his fingertips, stopping on his thumb. That she gave a little suck full of promise. “I’m still learning how to be engaged. I pretty much suck at it.”
“You don’t suck at anything.”
She drew on him harder, making him smile.
“I’ll call you first the next time I’m put in the slammer too.”
“Um, no. That will not be occurring again, Crandall.”
Ignoring him, she shifted to take off her boots, then moved back into place and lowered his hand to her breast. “I took the coward’s way out tonight.” She shifted onto her knees between his outstretched legs and reached for the hem of her top. “Let me make it up to you.”
Seven
He couldn’t believe he stilled her hand with his own. This might be the beginning of the end.
Tonight, he’d bypassed nipples and now a full reveal to talk about emotions and shit.
God help him.
“Sex isn’t the answer to everything.”
“No, but I want to be close to you. I want you inside me.” She dragged her nails along his palm, making his balls throb. “I want to make love on the beach and have another memory to file away of this night, an even better one.”
“And I want you to live with me. For real.” He hadn’t meant to say it, especially not then. But now that it was out in the open and she was frowning down at him, he was glad he had.
“I’m there all the time. I spend the night, my stuff is all there…”
“Not all of it. You’re still leasing that shithole. You just re-upped, for fuck’s sake. We’ll be married before it comes due again.” He blew out a breath. “I know we aren’t exactly hurting for cash, but I don’t get why you need to keep it. Unless it’s some kind of escape hatch.”
“That would be ridiculous.”
He cocked a brow and waited.
“I’ve had a long night, you know. Is it so wrong of me to want a quickie to even myself out?”
“Nope. I’ll give you the longest quickie of your life, but not without putting that out there. You aren’t the only one who sucks at this shit. But I know I shouldn’t let it…” He had no words. They were just gone, sucked away by a pair of wounded blue eyes and that little hint of midriff he saw above the waistband of her miniskirt. “Fester,” he said finally.
“It was festering?”
He jerked a shoulder. “Maybe.”
“You should’ve just said something.” She plunked down on his thigh. “Your leg is as thick as that piece of wood over there.” She pointed down the beach.
“Thanks. I think.”
“You seem so big and capable, but you really are caramel underneath. I forget that sometimes.”
“I could still have you on your belly with sand fleas in your pussy and you’d still be begging for more.”
“There’s an image.” She rubbed her thumb over his cheek. “I’ll see if I can break the lease.”
Relief surged inside him until a harsh dose of reality squelched it. “No. Not yet. I’m not asking you to do it because you feel guilty. I’m just saying maybe you should ask yourself why you still need it. If you decide you don’t, fine. But don’t do it because I brought it up.”
Her lips twitched. “School principal, covered in caramel. That’s your heart in a nutshell.”
He flipped her on her back, making her squeal. Through the magic of quick reflexes, he had the blanket underneath her ass before it touched the sand. Well, twenty second rule anyway. Close enough.
“You’re gonna pay for that one, Crandall.” His mouth was a heartbeat from hers when she lifted her finger to it.
“Wait.” She exhaled. “I’m not afraid we’ll break up. That’s not why.”
He lifted his brows.
“It isn’t,” she insisted. “I guess it’s like the dirty, shameful part I hide away. All the parts of me I’m afraid to show. They’re in that apartment.”
“Like your kickass guitar collection?”
“No. Like those boxes of my mom’s stuff I can’t go through and haven’t been able to get rid of. Like my old bongs. Other shit I shouldn’t have and kept as a reminder. I’m not going back—I won’t,” she said fiercely. “But Christ, my life is in that apartment. Finally cleaning it out means I’m really moving forward.” She shut her eyes. “That’s scarier than getting married.”
“We have time.” He cleared the grit out of his throat. “All the time in the damn world.”
“And because you’d give it to me, I don’t need it. This is right.” She opened her eyes and leaned up to take his mouth, her kiss hard and hungry. “But if I get sand fleas in my hoohaa, I’m gonna self-sterilize you.”
“Doubtful.” He yanked down her cami and freed her tits. Fucking gorgeous.
He kissed her greedily, slanting his head to suck her tongue into his mouth. He squeezed her breast and slid his hand up her thigh at the same time. Too impatient to wait. Her nipple was like a hot little bead in his hand as he twisted and teased first one, then the other. She squirmed beneath him, her nails lightly scraping up his back to dr
ive him wild. She knew exactly what to do, the vixen.
Hell, she could make him come just from that and her endless writhing beneath him. As it was, they were dry humping like teenagers.
He shoved up her skirt, glad she’d already shed her boots so he could drag her panties down easily without breaking the kiss. Then he tugged her legs up, lifting her ass straight off the blanket. He didn’t hesitate, didn’t check to see if she was sufficiently warmed up. By now, he knew her well enough to know she’d probably been on a steady hum since the show.
As had he.
Without a word, he pulled down his own zipper, freed his cock, and plunged deep. And savored her scream like the fucking battle cry that it was.
There were all kinds of ways to claim a victory, and this was theirs. They’d made it through the show. The night. This life so far.
Alive and whole and together.
So goddamn together that when he drew back, he glistened from root to tip from her. Even in the darkness, he could see it. Could smell her need mixed with the ocean slamming into the shore at his back. As eternal as they were.
He hauled her legs around his waist and hoisted her up into his arms, balancing her on his thighs so she could ride him the way he knew she needed. His girl loved being on top even more than she liked being held down.
Her wild blond hair streamed out in the breeze while she raised and lifted herself with her nails dug deep into his shoulders, leaving behind welts he’d cherish like tattoos. Still kissing her, he banded his arm around her waist as he helped her climb and then sink back down, so hard and fast that the world spun just outside his field of vision.
She was all he could see. Outside her existed only chaos.
Madness.
And then the madness was inside him, building to a furor he couldn’t hold off. She squeezed his cock like a vise, her pussy soaked and hot, and her lips bruised his with every brutal kiss. He tasted blood and didn’t know whose it was. She panted into his mouth, her nails slicing through cotton to skin, and all he could think was she had to come before he fucking died.
As if she’d heard him, she dropped back her head and exposed her neck. A sure tell she was almost there. Her breasts bounced as she rode him and he drew on her pulse, surely leaving a mark behind.