by Rose, Ashley
"I don't see how you could be fine," Janet said.
"Well, I am, and I don't want to talk about it," Janine stated.
"Don't you know anything about him? I think you should file a report."
"It's too late to file a report, Mom, and I already told you I don't even know what he looks like. He could probably wave at me and I would never even know it was him. I would just look like a moron filing a report. Besides, I believe we all know that sex crimes are no big deal in the law."
"That's not true!"
"So what? I press charges, go through all the court crap, and he gets sentenced to some community service? Six months in jail? Short of castrating, I really don't think it would matter. How many times have you heard a girl say it was just like being raped all over again? No, thank you." She shook her head.
"You can't think like that. What if he does it again?"
"Mom, it would be different if I had some idea of what he even looked like, but short of some guy turning himself in I wouldn't know who did it. I honestly don't know what he looked like. We talked briefly, but the lighting sucked, the music was loud so I could hardly hear him half the time. I could never identify him. If I knew what he looked like, it would be a different story. But I don't, and it's over. I don't want to open this back up. I don't want to deal with this. I don't know who he was, and honestly I'd like to keep it that way."
"I just can't stand doing nothing," Janet said.
"Then help me pick out baby names," Janine said with a slight smile.
"Maybe John could—"
"No," Janine said, standing up. She sighed, telling herself not to get irritated with her mom. "Look, I just want it to go away. You're good at ignoring things and making them go away, remember?" Janine blurted bitterly before she could stop herself.
Janet's face fell, and Janine inwardly cursed, turning on her heel and grabbing her coat. She wouldn't apologize, but she hadn't meant to bring that up.
"I prosecuted my brother for you, Janine."
"I know," Janine said, searching her pockets for her keys.
"You know I would never choose someone else over you," Janet said, standing up.
Janine managed not to scoff as she turned to put her purse on the counter and go looking for her keys. "I know, Mom," she said to pacify her.
"Well, Janine, when you say things like that....I asked you if you wanted me to leave. I didn't ignore it, Janine."
"No, Mom, you didn't ignore it when it first happened. You just chose to ignore it as time went by." She flipped around to face her mom. "I've never pulled that card before, but I'm pulling it now. If you can ignore things and expect them to go away, so can I. You ignored what your husband did. I choose to ignore this rape. So do it, Mom. Forget about it. You can't pester me about this. You cannot make a big deal out of what happened to me when I was little and what happened to me now and ignore what happened in between without being a hypocrite, so do me a favor and act like it didn't happen."
"You know I would have left him, Janine..."
"I know, Mom," Janine said, rolling her eyes. Finally locating her keys, she stuck them in her pocket and zipped up her purse. "I'm going out."
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know. Away. I need to clear my head. Just think about what I said, okay. Because when you make a big deal over this it's really just rubbing salt in the wound, and the more you do it the more I'm going to think about this and the less agreeable I'm going to be. So just stop," she said, shrugging. "It's easy. Just ignore it and it will stop being an issue." With that, Janine walked out, shutting the door behind her.
***
Things were tense between Janine and her mom for a couple days. She spent most of her time hanging out with Larry. Janine didn't tell Larry what happened, but she let on that there were family issues, so he was her sympathetic ear.
On Saturday, she had Larry over. She had been looking through a magazine and when she looked up he was giving her the funniest look. He immediately wiped it away when he caught her gaze, and she could have sworn she saw him blush. It reminded her of her thought that Jess complimented her with looks instead of words, and she had the awful thought that maybe that was Larry's look. But she shoved that away, too. Larry only thought of her as a friend, she told herself. He was completely fine with them not dating.
Larry had offered to give Janine a ride to the doctor's that afternoon.
Janine privately found it a bit strange. It made her vaguely uncomfortable, but she didn't want to go with her mom, much to her mother's disappointment. She didn't really want to go alone, so she'd agreed.
Larry was still at her house when she heard the door slam downstairs and voices rising.
Janine frowned. "What's that?"
"John probably got here," Larry replied, changing the CD.
"No, I saw John pull in a few minutes ago," she said, walking over to the window to look out. She frowned. "Do I know anyone who drives a silver...what car is that?" she asked, pointing.
Larry walked over to the window and peered out. "Grand Am."
"Do I know anyone who drives a Grand Am?"
He smiled. "Why are you asking me?"
She went to the door, opening it and stepping outside, walking closer to the stairs without going down, so she wouldn't have to visit if she didn't like the person.
"This isn't—Steve!" Janet called.
"You need to calm down," her stepfather said. "You don't need to go up there right now."
"Fuck off, pervert," the voice said.
Janine's heart fell out of her chest, and she leaned back against the wall, too shocked to move.
She heard footsteps on the stairs, but she couldn't seem to make her heart start beating again, so she certainly wasn't able to tell her legs to move.
"What's wrong?" Larry asked with a frown, walking over to her.
Right at that time, Jess made it to the top of the stairs and looked directly at her. Her face broke out into a helpless grin and she said, "Hi."
Larry scowled, looking at Jess. "Who's this?"
"You Larry?" Jess asked, looking him up and down.
"Yeah," Larry responded.
Jess smirked. "Oh, good. Move."
Larry stepped closer to Janine, glaring at Jess. "No."
"How old are you?" Jess asked.
"How old are you?" Larry shot back.
Jess rolled his eyes. "Let me put it this way. If I kick your ass, am I going to have to pay a fine?"
"Jess, what are you doing here?" Janine asked, still unable to stop smiling.
Jess looked back at Janine and he seemed to decide to ignore Larry since he wouldn't go away. Jess walked over to Janine with a sigh. "John told me you never got my messages."
"I got your message," she said, nodding. "I called back, but Todd said you weren't there."
Jess absently tucked Janine's hair behind her ear. "I called you before that. I've called you since then. You haven't kept your phone with you all the time. John told me they've been deleting my calls from your phone. He also told me that he told you I was seeing someone."
Her smile drooped. "Lisa."
He nodded. "I'm not. We went for drinks one night, and I left before I even finished the first one. It was nothing. I never saw her again and I will never see her again, and I'm pissed as hell that John even bothered to tell you about it, because it was nothing."
She smiled. "Nothing?"
"Less than nothing. She likes Taylor Swift," he said with a grimace.
Janine grinned. "Some people do. So...what are you doing here?" she asked again.
"Apparently phone calls don't get to you, and I couldn't stand knowing that you thought I didn't care enough to call you."
She nodded, feeling a bit disappointed. "I told you you were a good guy, despite your best efforts not to be."
He half smiled. "Anyway, I needed more than a phone call. I can't stand how things are. I can't stand waiting and wondering and...and you're going to see if you're h
aving a boy or girl today, and..." He trailed off.
She nodded. "You're here for closure."
His frown deepened. "No."
She looked up, raising her eyebrows in surprise. "No?"
"No." He sighed. "I'm here to make an ass of myself one last time."
"How?"
"Well, not by storming out, that's for sure." He looked at her again, this time letting his gaze fall over all of her. He half smiled as his gaze fell on her stomach, then he looked back into her eyes and nodded. "You look good," he said softly.
She blushed, smiled and looked him over. "You don't look so bad yourself." Then she frowned. "Have you lost weight?"
He shook his head and ruffled her hair. "You're such a mother, Janie."
"I can't help it! You look thinner. You need to eat."
"I do eat."
"Food?"
"No, low-fat flowers," he responded. "Gotta keep my girlish figure, you know."
She smiled and tried to take in the moment, save it, keep it for later. "It's so good to see you."
He smiled. "I was hoping you'd feel that way."
She heard footsteps coming up the stairs and Jess glanced toward them. "I think I'm about to get kicked out. Listen, Janie. I know I was a complete jerk and..."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I never should have left like that. I'm an idiot."
"You're not an idiot, I'm an idiot."
"No, I am."
He raised an eyebrow. "Are we seriously having this conversation?"
She blushed. "Sorry. But I am."
"Okay, well, we're together in our idiocy. The point is, I'm sorry, and I've wanted to call you and tell you that."
She nodded. "I appreciate that."
"Janie, I miss you," he said, taking her hand.
"I miss you, too," she said quietly.
He looked at her for a moment, ignoring the arrival of John, Janet, and Steve. "Come back with me."
Her eyes widened. "What?"
"Janine isn't going anywhere," Janet said with a scowl.
Jess ignored Janet and looked imploringly at Janine. "Come with me. We can go to the doctor's today and then you can pack some things. You can come back to the city with me. I told Todd we might have to move if I could convince you to come back, and he's fine with it, so he'll be sharing the rent. You can get another job or not get a job and stay with the baby, go back to school, whatever you want. But I want you with me, Janine. I don't care if the baby isn't mine, I've already told you it wasn't an act of chivalry. I want you, I want the baby, and I want you to come home with me."
"I told you she isn't going," Janet said angrily. "Now get out of my house."
Janine squeezed Jess's hand and glanced at her mother, then back to him. "You do?"
"Yes."
"Even though I suck?"
He let out a startled chuckle. "You can even bring your One Direction poster."
She shot him a look, but ruined it by grinning. "I don't have one, and you know it."
He pulled her into his arms and looked at her. "Will you?"
"I want to," she said cautiously.
"Then come with me," he said.
Her mother was objecting, and Janine tried to look, but Jess held her face and stopped her, not allowing her head to turn. "No," he said.
She frowned at him.
"Make the decision on your own, Janie."
"I want to, Jess..."
"Then do it."
She looked away and back at him. "Jess..."
"I'm not leaving without you," he said. "If I have to drag you back to the city with me I will, don't think I won't."
She cracked a smile. "Careful, I might start thinking you like me."
He cupped her face. "I more than like you, Janie," he said seriously, his thumb softly caressing her jaw. "I love you."
Her heart swelled until it was bursting with happiness, and she hugged him, kissing him. "Oh, Jess, do you have any idea how long I've wanted to hear that?"
"That wasn't your line," he stage whispered.
She giggled. "I love you, too."
He smiled and pulled her even closer. "Then say you'll come with me."
She nodded. "I'll come with you," she told him.
He sighed. "Thank God. I think Todd might actually murder me if I mope around the apartment another day."
"Excuse me," John said.
"No," Jess said over his shoulder to John, taking Janine's hand. "When do you have to leave to go to the doctor?" he asked her.
"Whenever you want. We could leave now and go out to eat," she suggested.
"Janine, you are not going back with him," Janet said.
Janine sighed and looked at her mother. "Mom, I'm going with Jess. Whether you want to cut me out of your life or not is up to you, but I need to do this. I never should have left him when you called, but I didn't know what to do."
"You're not going," Janet said, crossing her arms.
Janine folded her own arms in annoyance. "I am going. I don't want to lose you, Mom. But can we just talk about this later? Right now I want to—oh, Larry, I'm sorry," Janine said, remembering he was there. "I really appreciate your offer to take me and everything, but it would be more...fitting if Jess took me, you know," she said.
He folded his arms and nodded shortly.
"I'm sorry. It really was nice of you—"
"Yeah, whatever," he said, walking toward the stairs. "I'm gonna go."
"Oh, okay. Well, thank you."
Larry disappeared down the stairs and Jess smirked, shaking his head. "He was so not your type."
"Be nice. Larry has been a good friend."
"He didn't even try to keep you. If some guy came barging in and tried to take you from me you better believe I wouldn't just sit back and watch him do it."
She smiled and teasingly pinched his cheeks. "Now there's the territorial man I know and love."
He smiled and caught her hand, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. "You ready to get out of here?"
She nodded. "I'm starved."
"Can't keep a pregnant woman hungry, now can we?"
"Janine..." Janet said.
"Mom, we'll talk later." Janine let go of Jess's hand just long enough to run in her room and get her purse, then she came back out and smiled at him. "I'm ready to go."
He gestured for her to go down the stairs first. She grinned at him and started down the stairs, Jess right behind her.
***
Janine sat on the exam table, swinging her legs. "Is he ever coming?"
Jess was standing next to the table. He placed a hand on her knee to steady her leg. "Nervous?"
"No." She smiled. "Just really excited, and it's taking forever for him to get in here. The baby should actually kind of look like a baby now."
"What did it look like before?"
"A bean."
He chuckled. "I'll be sure to tell him that when he's born."
She grinned. "But a very beautiful bean."
"Handsome. A handsome bean."
"Okay, let's compromise and say adorable."
He nodded. "Works for me."
She nodded and started swinging her legs again. "Can I ask you something?" she asked.
"Of course."
"Why did you come back for me?" She looked up and saw that he looked surprised, so she went on. "I mean, you could have just started dating someone else, someone who wasn't pregnant, someone better than me, and forget I was ever even there. Why didn't you?"
"At the risk of sounding mushy, there is no one better than you. Not for me, at least. And I already told you why I came back."
"Because my family didn't give me your messages?"
"Because I love you."
She smiled. "I know, I just wanted to hear you say it again."
He smiled and leaned in to kiss her.
The doctor walked in and Jess straightened, backing up a step while Janine blushed.
The doctor smiled. "I see Daddy came with you today." The
doctor walked over to shake Jess's hand. "Hello, I'm Dr. Benson."
"Jess," he replied with a nod.
"Nice to finally meet you," Dr. Benson said.
"You, too," Jess replied.
"Hello, Janine. How are you feeling today?" Dr. Benson asked.
"I feel great," Janine told him.
"Good. And the baby?"
"The baby was kicking while we were at dinner. I think he was hungry," she said with a smile.
Dr. Benson nodded and glanced down at his computer screen. "Why don't you lie down? I'm going to measure your belly, then we'll get to the fun part."
"I can't wait."
"I take it you want to know the baby's sex?"
"Oh, definitely," she assured him.
He continued to smile as he unfolded his measuring tape. "Do you have a preference?"
"No, not really. I keep saying it's going to be a girl and Jess keeps saying it's going to be a boy. I mostly just say it to bicker with him though. I don't care which one it is."
The doctor smiled as he looked at the number and then pulled it away, typing the number into her record. "Do you have any names picked out yet?"
She shook her head. "We can't agree on any."
"Any family names that need to be carried down?"
She gasped. "Jess, we'll name her after your mom."
"My mom?"
"Yes. Oh my gosh, we have to go see her. I love Betty."
"I'm not calling my daughter Betty," Jess stated.
"Well, we won't. We can name her Elizabeth and give her our own nickname. Or maybe keep Elizabeth. It's a very pretty name."
"Why don't we see what it is first," Jess suggested.
"All right, but if it's a girl you have to promise to consider the name."
"I promise to consider it," he agreed.
Dr. Benson made some more notes in Janine's file.
"I'm going to go get the ultrasound machine," he said, turning back to face them.
"Oh good," Janine said.
She turned her head. "When are we going to see your mom?"
"I guess we can go while I'm already here," he said with a sigh.
"Don't sound so excited," she said wryly.
The doctor came in, rolling the ultrasound machine in. "Are you ready?" he asked with a smile.
"Oh, yes," she said with an eager nod.
He uncovered Janine's belly and she held her shirt up. "Remember, this is going to be cold."