by Rose, Ashley
"No!" she said vehemently, jerking her wrist from his hand.
"Okay," he said quickly, holding his hand up like a stop sign. "Calm down, it was just my first offer. I really didn't think you were going to agree to it, I just thought I would put the offer out there in case you wanted to get rid of the constant reminder of what happened."
"If I did, I would have put the baby up for adoption to a rapist-free family. I have no intention of giving you my child. This is my baby, and it's the only thing that got me through all this shit! You're not taking that from me."
"Okay, I'm sorry. I like my second option much better anyway."
"You don't even want kids," she reminded him. "What are you thinking?"
"Well… maybe I've changed my mind. And besides, it's not even just about what I want at this point, Janine. I have future plans, I have to think about those now."
Rolling her eyes, she said, "Well, with such a passionate argument how could I say no?"
"Anyway, my second option is this. I want to help you with the baby. Since you insist on being with Jess, we can do it under the guise of friendship, but I want to be in the baby's life. I want to be able to send him to college. I want to be there in his life. I want to take him to baseball games, I want to buy him ice cream cones and help out with his math homework. For birthdays, I want to be there. I want to buy him presents and…you're shaking your head already."
Janine continued to shake her head. "You have lost your mind," she said in astonishment, torn between disgust and confusion. "Do you seriously think I'm going to hand my child over to you? You raped me, and you think I'm just going to give you my kid and tell you guys to have a good time?"
"Well, no," he said reasonably. "I understand you're not going to trust me right away, but I don't have to see him alone. You can come with us—do you like baseball?"
"No, but I like baseball bats, and I'm seriously thinking about hitting you with one right now."
His lips curved up in the merest hint of a smile before he squelched it. "Listen, I plan on going into politics. I can't just leave you running around out there in the world with my child, a huge scandal looming over my head for the rest of my life. If I don't deal with this now, it will be a huge mess later. I'm a little bit flexible on how to deal with this. Now that it's out in the open—"
"It is not out in the open! No one can know about this, Will."
"Well…Janine, that could be a little tricky. I mean, as long as you're willing to acknowledge all I'm doing for you and the baby, I suppose we could just go with that and call me a close friend. At least then if it ever did come out…which it shouldn't…" He squinted as he seemed to review the new version of the plan in his mind. "Yeah, we can do that. You are going to have to stop having such an aversion to me though, because no one is going to understand why all of a sudden—"
"I'm not doing it," she said, cutting him off.
"Well, if you would rather openly call me the father and completely avoid the scandal part, you and I could start dating. Even if only 'dating' by outward appearances, just so—"
"No, I mean I'm not doing any of it," she stated. "This is my kid, not yours. I don't want your help. I don't want to go to baseball games with you. I don't ever want you to see my child—ever."
Frowning, he said, "Well, that isn't one of your options."
Scoffing, she said, "Are you stupid? Rapists don't get options, Will."
"Are you forgetting that I'm no longer the rapist, since someone covered my tracks so beautifully?" he asked cuttingly.
Hating herself for her stupidity, she could only glare at him.
"Let's get one thing clear, Janine. I am flexible, but not that flexible. I'm not going to abandon you here with Jess so that in ten years when he's left you and you're a poor single mother living in Harlem with a shitty waitressing job and no leg to stand on, you can just bust back into my life—which will presumably be going quite well—and cause trouble for me. Any DNA test is going to verify that I'm the father of the baby, so if I've just abandoned you…I mean, I could try to deny knowing, but considering we know each other now I'm not going to rely on that. Anyway, I'm not going to leave that loose end out there in the world to potentially fuck up my life."
"That's not going to happen," she stated.
Rolling his eyes, he mocked, "I know, I know. You and Jess are going to live happily ever after. But when that falls through, I'm not going to take my chances. If you get a stick up your ass in ten years and decide to tell the world I'm the father so you're not stuck doing this on your own, I'm going to be able to pull out that big, happy photo album and show that I've been involved with my kid all of his life, been there for every birthday, already have a college fund set up so he can go anywhere he wants."
"And even if I were insane and agreed to this, how the hell do you think I'm going to explain this to Jess? If I tell him the truth, he won't abide having you anywhere near us, let alone in our kid's life."
Shrugging, Will said, "I don't know. We'll have to discuss the finer details. Why don't we meet for lunch or dinner—my treat, of course—and we can go over this. Right now we need to hurry up before people start to notice us both missing."
Shaking her head, she said, "I'm not meeting you anywhere. There's nothing to discuss. Yeah, a fat college fund for my kid would be great, but not at that cost. I will guarantee on my life that I will not come back later hoping for—whatever. I'm not going to cause you a scandal or anything. You don't have to worry about that ever happening."
"I'm sorry, Janine. I only trust you a little more than you trust me," he said apologetically. "We can meet for dinner."
"No," she said, turning toward the door.
"Please don't make me do this the hard way," he said, stopping her dead in her tracks.
"What do you mean?" she asked lowly.
"My mother is a Congresswoman, and my father is a high-profile attorney. If you reject my attempts, Janine, it will get ugly. And who do you think is going to lose this battle?"
Spinning on her heel, she said, "You're in the wrong, not me!"
"This is real life. That just doesn't matter," he told her, his tone approaching bored. "If you refuse to work with me and you reject all of this flexibility I'm offering you, I will fight you for custody." He paused for effect. "And I will win, and you will be the one who never sees your child."
For a split second, she thought of all the mean, hateful things she wanted to say to him. Then she realized there was no point, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes.
"I'm getting married," she whispered. "This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life."
He grabbed a notepad off the desk and jotted something down on a piece of paper. "Well, you can save the happiest time of your life for your second wedding when you've developed some judgment skills and picked a better groom."
Then Will slipped her the piece of paper he had written on. "This is my number. Call me tomorrow and we'll set up dinner so we can talk. In the meantime, while it is your choice, I suggest that you don't tell Jess about your epiphany just yet."
Her throat felt tight and air seemed to have difficulty making its way through her lungs.
How could she possibly get married in the midst of a nightmare?
Pushing the stray thought away, Janine crumpled the paper in her fist and raised her chin, opening up the door and stepping out of his bedroom.
Jess frowned as soon as he saw her and jumped up off the couch, coming toward her.
"You were gone for a while, are you okay?"
Without a word, Janine grabbed Jess, stood on her tiptoes so she could reach him better and gave him a long, needy kiss. She was vaguely aware of the surprised people around her, but as she wound her arm around his neck and pulled herself closer, she didn't care. All she cared about was feeling his arm snake around her waist and feeling like everything would be all right. When she pulled back and offered him a weak little smile as she took his hand, Will was sitting there watch
ing her, his expression pensive.
Janine glanced over at John and gave him a little wave. He seemed content to keep up his little game with Candace and Will, so she led Jess to the door, her left hand twined together with his right as she held on for dear life.
In her own right hand, she could feel Will's phone number burning against the skin of her palm.
As they walked together toward their apartment, Janine found herself terrified. She had no idea what the hell was going to happen to her life.
Chapter Eighteen
The next day was a long one.
Since she knew it couldn't be avoided, she called Will on her way to work and made plans to meet him immediately after. She still didn't know what she was going to tell Jess, so she chose the cowardly method of texting him that she had to run somewhere after work. She would be home as quick as she could, but they should go ahead and eat without her.
As she made her way from the subway to Times Square, she ignored the buzz of happy people and focused on her own misery. All day at work she had been going over possible things she could say to Will, approaches she could take, bargains she could strike. By the end of her shift, she had concluded that begging might be her best option.
When she walked in to the restaurant where Will was waiting, he smiled up at her as she approached, like they were old friends.
"Janine," he said, sounding genuinely pleased to see her.
"Can we make this as quick as possible? I didn't tell Jess why I wouldn't be right home after work and I need to get back."
Nodding, he said, "No problem. Actually, I can help you out with that."
Janine frowned as Will pulled a shopping bag from next to him in the booth and put it on the table. "I had some time to kill while I waited for you to get out of work and I saw this store…well, I picked you up just a couple of things."
Immediately shoving the bag back at him across the table, she said, "I don't want you to get me things."
"Janine, take the damn bag. I don't know anyone else who can wear a maternity shirt, and this will help you because you can tell Jess you stopped to do a little shopping on your way home."
He had a point.
Grudgingly, Janine took the bag and pulled it down, peeking inside.
"I saw the shirt in the window and it made me think of you. I didn't know if you had a big maternity wardrobe, so I just figured I'd pick it up. I guessed at the size. Medium?"
Nodding, she pulled the black blouse out of the bag, hating that she actually liked it. She set the shirt aside, and frowned as she pulled out a cute little giraffe stuffed animal.
"Oh, I just thought he was a cool little guy," Will said, smiling boyishly. "I figured it can go in the baby's crib or whatever."
Putting the giraffe in her lap, she pulled out the last item—a long package with a black Juicy Couture ribbon wrapped around it.
Looking up at him in disbelief, she said, "You did not seriously buy my baby boy designer bibs."
"I just got a kick out of it. Juicy makes bibs—who knew? If you want more maternity clothes I have no problem buying them for you. I am the reason you need them, after all, so…if you wanted to go shopping with me…"
"Thanks but no thanks," Janine said.
"I could get you a gift card if you would be more comfortable without me there. If you just stop in and take a look around, add up whatever clothes you want and let me know."
"Will, stop. I am not here to…be friends. I don't like you," she reminded him.
He just looked at her.
Sighing, she said, "Look, I want to resolve this quickly and peacefully. I am getting married. I am starting a family. What I want is for you to tell me what it's going to take to convince you that regardless of how hard my life hypothetically gets, I am not going to come running back to cause trouble in yours."
He smiled wryly, but before he could answer the waitress came over and put their drinks down on the table in front of them.
"Do you guys know what you want or do you need another minute?" she asked.
"I'm ready," Will said, glancing to Janine.
"Yeah, me too," she said, even though she hadn't looked at the menu yet.
"I'll take the parmesan-crusted chicken, please," Will told the waitress.
Nodding, the waitress glanced at Janine.
"Same thing," Janine said, closing her menu.
"Okay," the waitress said with a grin. "Can I get you any appetizers or anything while you wait?"
Will looked expectantly at Janine.
"No, thank you," Janine said, shaking her head.
With that the waitress was gone and Janine turned her attention back to Will, taking a sip of her water.
"Anyway, back to what I was saying," she said. "I want to know what it will take. If you can prepare a legal document for me to sign stating you will never ever have to worry about me coming after you for money or anything else, I'll sign it."
Shaking his head, he said, "It's not paying out that concerns me, Janine. I don't care if you go after me for child support. It's the scandal. It's my chosen profession. If I wanted to be a dentist then I would leave you alone and let you move on with your life, but I can't do that. There was no option for me leaving you alone."
"You don't get to give me the options for my own life, Will! It's bad enough you don't have to pay for what you did, but why should you get to torment me more?"
"Okay, in terms of what happened between us in the past—"
"You mean when you raped me?"
"Shhh!" he said, scowling and glancing around at the people near them.
Smirking, Janine said, "What, you don't want anyone to hear me?"
"No, and neither do you. If I raped you, why the fuck are you having dinner with me? How stupid do you think that makes you look?" he hissed.
A little bit of her smugness wore off as she realized he was right, but since she had found a button to push she felt the need to keep pushing.
"You know this is blackmail, basically. Isn't that illegal, too? You're racking up quite a record, aren't you? Your mother and father will be so proud."
His eyes flashed cold and despite herself, Janine felt a little trickle of fear run down her spine.
"Listen to me," he said, enunciating very clearly. "I don't want you getting any stupid ideas like trying to get a recording of me confessing. Therefore, the past is in the past. It no longer happened. If you bring it up—even if we're the only two people here—I will deny it. This will work out best if you are a good girl and do as I say."
Narrowing her eyes, she said, "I am not a child, Will."
"Good," he said, leaning back. "Then we can handle this like adults. Nothing you throw at me is going to work. My family knows the law inside and out. Whatever you try to get me for, I will find a way around it. Just stop fighting it and be glad this happened with someone who is more than willing to make amends financially."
"I don't care about your money or anyone else's money, Will. I am not a materialistic person and I don't care about that. The college fund is the only thing that even sounded tempting to me, but not at the cost of having you in my kid's life. If I tell Jess what really happened, he isn't going to let me near you. If I don't, he isn't going to understand why you're suddenly coming around. The only option I have is to tell Jess the truth, because secrets and lies will only hurt our relationship and I have to explain whatever agreement we come to."
"It would be easiest if he knew that I fathered the child, but I'm not very enthusiastic about him knowing the whole story."
"Well, he already knows that part of the story," Janine stated. "I'm not going to go back on that."
Shaking his head, Will said, "I doubt he would believe you if you tried now anyway."
"I'm not trying," she added stubbornly.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter," he said dismissively. "I'm not all that concerned with Jess. You and I, however, are going to need to come to an agreement. I've already discussed this at length with my mothe
r, because she's the one trying to do damage control, and she thinks that the best way to go about this is to be completely open about it. If I wait until someone discovers it then it will seem like a scandal, but if I openly acknowledge that I fathered a kid outside of a committed relationship, it will actually make me seem more real, more down-to-earth and relatable. If we play this out right, she thinks it could actually be a positive thing."
Janine could only gape at Will, trying to decide how stupid he really was. "Do you really think I care if this is a positive thing in your life? Really, you think that made my priority list? If it were up to me, I would make you pay dearly for what you did, not make it easier. And what about that—does your dear mother know the real story of the baby's conception?"
"Yes," Will said easily. "I had to tell her."
Raising her eyebrows, Janine said, "And she still thinks I'm amenable to letting you share my kid? Is she insane?"
"Actually, my mother wants to meet with you. I've told her all about you and she thinks she might have better luck than I have. According to my mother, I can be…arrogant when I shouldn't be."
Janine snorted in agreement.
"But my mom wants to talk to you woman-to-woman, you know?"
Shaking her head, Janine said, "I just can't believe she knows the truth about what happened and thinks I'm going to go along with this. What sane individual is going to do what you're suggesting, Will? Really, what are you thinking?"
Sighing, Will said, "God, you are tiresome. I thought there was a brain in your head, but I've been trying to tell you I have future plans to head into politics and both of my parents are in the law and politics field—my whole family would suffer if—well, anyway, you get what I'm saying. Plus, I do like kids. I hadn't planned on having any of my own, at least not yet, but…well, sometimes you can't plan these things. We can only make the best of it, right?"
"Yes, we can. And the best thing is if I walk out of here and never see you again as long as I live. Then we can both go back to our regularly scheduled lives—I can get married and have a happy little family with Jess, and you can become the mayor of New York or the President of the United States for all I care. Just stay out of my life."