by J. Daniels
“He would’ve gotten over it.” CJ’s voice is murderously low. He stands tall and pulls his arms across his chest. “Whatever problem he would’ve had with us being together, I would’ve made sure he got over it.”
Images of CJ pummeling Reed’s face to a pulp enter my mind. I blink heavily and shove them out.
“You don’t get it,” I tell him.
“I don’t get what?”
“You wouldn’t need to make sure Reed got over it. If he had a problem, I wouldn’t have a brother anymore. I’d choose you.”
CJ’s brows lift in surprise.
“I would,” I say, standing taller. “That’s how there I am with you.” I bite down on the tremble in my lip and turn away, walking over to the couch to grab my laptop. “I ignored Reed’s problems with Richard,” I continue. “I pretended they didn’t exist. It bothered me but not like this would bother me. I wouldn’t ignore it this time. I’d cut him out of my life. Out of our life.” I meet CJ’s eyes after I stuff my laptop inside my duffle. “It would make things awkward with Beth. She’s my best friend. And the baby. I’d want to see her. I’ve decided it’s a her.” I sniffle and shrug, letting my eyes fall. “I don’t know what I’d do about holidays. We always spend Christmases together with my parents. Thanksgivings. Easters. My mom likes massive get-togethers. All of the family in one place . . . she insists on it.” I lift my eyes and meet his again. “But I’d insist on everyone accepting you or I wouldn’t be a part of it. I love you. They need to love you too.”
CJ’s lips part. He looks ready to speak, and I’m almost too afraid to hear him say it.
It—I love you too, darlin’.
That would make leaving so much harder.
“I never lied to you, CJ. I always told you why I was keeping us a secret. I always talked to you, but you,” I zip up the duffle and slide the long strap up to my shoulder, “you didn’t talk to me. Even when I would ask you about your leg—you could’ve told me you were healed and you didn’t. You kept a secret between us. And we don’t keep secrets. We never have.”
Tell me a secret.
The words are all around us. I hear them and I know he does too. How many times have we said them over the past couple of months? I’ve lost count.
He had every opportunity to tell me . . .
Bile burns my throat. I don’t know what’s worse, the taste of a lie or the sound it makes.
“You wouldn’t need to choose me over your family, babe. I’d make sure of that,” CJ shares when I’m halfway to the door.
I stop and turn back to look at him.
He blinks. I blink.
It’s a standstill. He fucked up. Maybe we both did. I hated lying to my mom, and maybe I should’ve told Reed and dealt with the consequences or trusted CJ to take care of it. Maybe CJ should’ve asked me to move in after revealing his recovery, and not under the pretense of this being a business deal. I love him. I think he loves me too. We both did this. Or maybe we didn’t.
It was just him . . .
This was all my fault . . .
I open the door and step outside, thinking about our last high five in the bedroom and CJ’s adorable excitement.
I don’t share it. Our first fight broke my heart.
I KNOCK THE side of my fist against the door and step back, stuffing my hands into my pockets.
I should’ve done this sooner. I should’ve done a lot of things sooner. I never regretted anything when it came to Riley before today. Not hooking up the way we did. Not being in her business and having that shit lead to getting put through a window. I could’ve had something worse happen and still, nope. No fucking way. I’d do it again. Even agreeing to be friends with her and suffering daily just so we could be something. I didn’t have regrets. But now? Now I gotta live with the memory of Riley walking out my door with that pain in her eyes all because I didn’t man the fuck up and handle this like I should’ve, and that’s something I can regret all I fucking want but it doesn’t change a thing.
I deserve to live with it. This is on me.
Yeah, coming to Reed when Riley didn’t want me to tell him probably would’ve stirred up some shit, but like I told her before she walked out, she’d never have to choose between me and her family. I’d do anything. I’ll do anything.
I’m not leaving here until he accepts this. I’m even prepared to camp out on this fucker’s lawn. I tossed my tent in the truck before I left the house.
Whatever it takes.
My head lifts when the door swings open. Reed furrows his brow. He isn’t expecting me.
“What’s up?” He lifts his chin in greeting before glancing behind me. Probably looking to see if Riley is here too. “What are you doing here?”
“You got some time? I want to talk to you.”
Reed stares at me for a breath. His eyes are suspicious as he leans his shoulder against the frame. “About . . .”
“Your sister.”
“What about her?”
“Can you just step outside so we can talk?”
His brows lift. “Is there a reason we aren’t going to have this talk inside where I got my AC going? It’s hot as shit out.”
“There’s a reason,” I tell him. “One you’ll understand in a minute. Come on.”
I get out into the yard a few feet off the sidewalk. When I turn around, Reed is grumbling in annoyance and hopping down off the step. He stops in front of me.
“Well?” he probes. “You got me out here sweating my nuts off. What is it?” He crosses his arms over his chest.
I stuff my hands into my pockets again and think about what I want to say to Reed.
Riley and I are together. She’s not just living with me. We’ve been together for a while. I love her.
I love her.
I’ve known. I’ve known it for a while, but I never said it. Not out loud. Not to anyone. But that’s about to change. And the fact that it isn’t Riley hearing these words from me the first time I say them fucking sucks. I should’ve told her.
Another mistake I’m going to have to live with. I’m really racking them up today.
“Christ,” Reed mumbles, jarring my attention. He rubs at his mouth. “How long?”
I blink. “What?”
“How long have you been sleeping with my sister?”
My eyes narrow. His tone is cavalier. I feel a muscle in my jaw twitch. “We’re together. It’s not like that.”
“Fine. You’re together. How long?”
I breathe deep. I’m here to be honest with Reed. And that means not leaving anything out. If I do, that shit is just going to hang between him and Riley, and I don’t want that.
“A few months, but this started back at your wedding,” I share, watching disbelief widen his eyes. “Nothing else happened again until after Riley moved in with me. She was still with that asshole so we stayed friends. I didn’t push anything with her. I wouldn’t do that. We happened when she was ready.”
“Dude.” He gives me a hard look. “You hooked up with my sister at my wedding?”
“Hey, you’re the one who paired us up,” I remind him. “And don’t fucking say it like that. I was never looking at getting with Riley as a one-time thing.”
“Aren’t you a little old for her?” he asks.
I stare at him for a breath.
“What?” he probes.
“Is that really a problem for you, or are you just fishing?”
“The fact that you both thought it would be better if you lied to me about it is a problem for me,” he says, irritation flashing in his gaze. “I’m just pointing out the other thing.”
“I wanted to tell you. Riley wanted to give it some time. She didn’t want you hating on me like you did with her ex. She was worried. As for the other thing, there’s eight years between us. We’re both adults. It’s been a few years since she became one so no, I don’t think I’m a little old for her.”
He grips the back of his neck, looking exasperated.
&nbs
p; “I love her,” I tell him, watching his brows tick. “I’m in love with her, man. I’m not playing around.”
Reed drops his arm and blinks through a jerk of his head. He wasn’t expecting me to say that. I watch his chest rise with a breath. “Well, shit,” he mumbles. “It’s like that? You’re that deep?”
“I’m fucking buried.”
“And she really thought I would hate you if I found out?”
“Yeah.”
Reed thinks for a second. “If you hurt her, I will. I’ll do worse than that,” he informs me.
My mouth ticks. “Threatening a cop, Reed? Are you sure you wanna go there?”
“Fuck you. I’m threatening a good friend of mine,” he counters, wearing a smirk and standing taller. “I don’t give a damn that you’re a cop, CJ. This is my sister. I will beat your ass if you make her cry.” He looks me over, lingering on my biceps. “Or at least throw shit at you from a distance,” he mumbles.
A laugh crackles inside my chest. I lift my chin in appreciation. “So, you’re good with this then? With us being together? It doesn’t bother you?”
“You really love her?”
I smile. Just thinking about Riley, thinking about how I’ll answer this question makes my blood run warmer. I’ve never felt that shit. Not until her.
“Yeah, man. I do,” I answer. “This is it. She’s it for me.”
It—I’m asking permission to date Reed’s sister, but we both know, I’m talking about down the road and where I know this is headed.
The girl who can’t handle tequila and who looks sexiest in hoodies three sizes too big for her. She’s mine. There will never be anyone else.
Reed studies my seriousness, taking a second to do that. Then he nods his head, stepping forward and holding out his hand to me. “All right, Tully,” he says.
All right. Simple as that.
Why . . . the . . . fuck didn’t I do this sooner?
I shake his hand, laughing when he grips on tighter. I get it. I’d do the same thing.
“Right.” We separate, and I roll my neck from side to side. “You get one punch. That’s it.”
His brow furrows in confusion. “Say what?”
“Look, I get it. If my friend was keeping shit like this from me, I’d want to hit him. Even if I accepted it, I’d still want to hit him. I’m sure you’re feeling that.”
“You’re going to let me punch you?”
“Yep.”
“And . . . you’re not going to hit me back? I get a free shot?”
“As long as you don’t go fucking nuts, yeah. But if you start wailing on me, Reed, I will drop your ass.”
Reed thinks this over. He takes all of a second. “All right. Cool,” he says, shrugging. He steps closer and rolls his right shoulder, loosening up his arm. “You ready? I have hit someone before, you know. I laid out that guy Beth used to live with.”
“Good for you. Want a medal?”
Really, I don’t mean that. I’m just moving this shit along. I got more important things to get to.
Reed narrows his eyes. My plan works.
He cocks his arm back and lands a punch that whips my head to the side. Pain spreads throughout my jaw. My skin tightens. I spit out blood in the grass.
“Nice one,” I grumble, rubbing my aching chin.
“Fuck,” Reed growls. He’s shaking out his hand when I turn back. “Is your face all muscle? Asshole. You and that fucking chiseled jaw.” He flexes his fingers, glances at the blood in the grass and then at the cut in my lip. “Ah. I get why we’re out here now. You didn’t want to bleed all over my house.” A grin twists his mouth. He looks smug.
I give this one to him. I did lie to the guy.
“So Riley sent you here to take the fall for this? Why isn’t she with you?” Reed asks.
“I fucked up. I didn’t tell her my leg was better. I didn’t want her knowing.”
His face hardens.
The next punch Reed throws is done with his other hand. I leave ten minutes later with a split lip and the beginnings of a black eye.
And his parents’ address.
LAYING ON MY back in the middle of my bed, I pick at the worn, fraying cuff of my sleeve as I look around my childhood bedroom.
I haven’t lived here since before I moved in with Richard. Nothing has changed though. The walls are still painted hot pink and the ceiling is still decorated with those glow-in-the-dark stars. I stuck them up there without asking permission first. One is missing. It fell down sometime when I was in high school and took a patch of drywall with it.
My mom was thrilled. This is probably why she hasn’t bothered to remove the rest. It’ll ruin her ceiling.
I never expected to be back in this room. Once you move out of your parents’ house, you think that's it. I used to love it here. The bright color. The walk-in closet where I’d sit and talk on the phone for hours with the door closed. And where I also hid my first minis I got at a party and anything else I didn’t want my parents finding. But now, now the walls are too bright and the carpet irritates the bottoms of my feet. I miss CJ’s room. The muted tones and the cold wood floors. The freezing air pumping out of the vents.
I tug at the collar of my hoodie as tears prick at my eyes. It’s so damn stuffy in here. I hate it.
My phone rings. Rolling onto my hip, I stretch out and reach off the bed, swiping the device off one of the boxes I have yet to unpack. Beth’s name flashes across the screen.
I tried calling her after I left CJ’s house but it went straight to voicemail. I wanted to tell her what had happened. I wanted to tell someone aside from my mom, who couldn't really understand why I was so upset about moving out of a friend's house.
I didn't want to talk about it with her.
But Beth, she would understand. She’d tell me I did the right thing by leaving when I wasn’t sure. She’d tell me everything was going to be okay when I didn’t know.
“Hey,” I answer, shifting onto my back again. I sigh into the phone. “You’ll never guess where I am right now.”
“Mom and Dad’s.”
Reed’s voice startles me. I clench my stomach. “Uh . . . yeah.” How does he know? “Good guess. Why are you calling me from Beth’s phone? Is something wrong with yours?”
“I wanted you to answer,” he says. “Figured you wouldn’t if I called you from mine.”
“I wouldn’t?”
Reed breathes tensely in my ear. “Do you know why I hated that asshole, Riley?”
That asshole—Richard. I know that’s who he means. There is no other person who fits that description on the planet. Why is Reed bringing him up? God, I'd rather talk about anything else.
“Can we not talk about him?” I ask. “Please? I’m not really in the mood.”
“Yeah, he was a shit worker . . .” Reed starts, ignoring my request.
I roll my eyes.
“I was constantly having to stay on top of him. He fucked up a lot. He was late a lot. He didn’t take orders well, which is a major fucking problem if they’re coming from me. And all of that added up. But the main reason I didn’t like him was because I knew he wasn’t good enough for you. And I’m allowed to do that, Riley. I’m allowed to hate some guy if I know my sister can do better. It’d be fucked up if that didn’t bother me.”
I blink and feel my hand grip tighter to my phone. “Uh . . . okay.” I clear my throat. My eyes narrow. “So, you did hate him because he was with me.”
“Not because he was with you. You’re allowed to date, Riley. Jesus.”
“I mean, because you liked him at first, remember? And then, I don’t know, it just seemed like the second we got together, you switched, Reed. You stopped getting along.”
“I liked him when I first hired him and didn’t know any better,” he explains. “The second that piece of shit tried telling me how to do my job, I realized I was going to have problems. That just happened to coincide with the two of you getting together. But it wasn’t like I started
hating on him because of that. It wasn’t the fact that you were dating. I realized the kind of man he was, Riley, and it wasn’t someone good enough for you.”
My breaths start coming out quicker.
“How did you . . . realize it?” I ask, voice quiet.
“I don’t know. Big brother instinct? I just knew. But you seemed happy, so I tried staying out of it.”
My brow furrows. “You talked shit about him all the time in front of me, Reed,” I argue, gaining volume. “How was that staying out of it?”
“Hey, I did my best. I could’ve talked shit about him to him in front of you. But I didn’t.”
“No, you rarely said anything to him. That made get-togethers fun.” I sigh and shake my head, bending my knees up and digging my toes into the mattress.
God, why am I arguing in Richard’s defense? I don’t care about him. I hate him. What is wrong with me?
I miss CJ.
“Look,” Reed begins. “I didn’t like the guy. And I didn’t like him for a bunch of reasons, but one of those reasons wasn’t just because you were dating him, Riley. If he were a decent guy, I wouldn’t have cared. He wasn’t.”
“You wouldn’t have cared? You said you weren’t going to be shy about hating the next person I date, Reed. So it wouldn’t matter if he was a decent guy or not. You’d automatically hate him. The guy wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“I said I wouldn’t be shy about hating the next worthless piece of shit you date,” he corrects me. “He’d stand a chance, as long as he didn’t fall into that category. Decent guy’s typically don’t.”
“Oh,” I breathe, wiping my sleeve across my wet lashes.
“CJ is a decent guy, Riley.”
My hand falls heavy to the mattress. My eyes shift around my room as if Reed just spoke to me standing inside it. “Uh . . . okay. Why would you say that?”
“He’s a decent guy,” Reed repeats, saying it a little slower this time.
I feel my nose start tingling. I know he is, I think. He's the best. Amazing. Better than you, even. Or at least equal.