by Shyla Colt
My father is many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. He eases back into the crowd leaving me with an upset stomach and more questions.
I sway, and Bolton grabs me around the waist. “Whoa, Auntie?”
I clutch my stomach.
“Shit, Mom!”
I’m hustled to a chair in the shade where I place my head between my legs.
“Breath Ruthie.”
“The fuck?”
The sound of Skull’s voice is a soothing balm to my frazzled nerves.
“Ruthie? Mama, look at me.” His hands touch my thighs and I look up. “You with me?”
I nod.
“Come on, let’s get her out of the heat,” Shadow says.
I close my eyes and focus on keeping down my lunch as my family moves in around me. I clutch Skull’s cut and bury my face in his neck. “My father. He showed up.”
“Don’t worry about that. Let’s just get you calm and cooled off. All this drama isn’t good for our bean.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t apologize to me. You did nothing wrong, Mama.”
The newly acquired nickname makes me cry. His hold on me tightens and the storm gate inside me breaks. My shoulders shake and I’m choking on disappointment, anger, and betrayal. How could she call him? Did Rochelle know? What secret is she hiding? Do I even care?
“Don’t fall apart on me, girl. We’re in this together, remember? Me and you against this fucked up world. I’ll hand you this motherfucker’s heart still beating if that’s what you need.”
I shake my head no. I don’t want to see harm come to my own father because of me. I just want him to go back into the wind. Skull is my refuge, strong, unyielding, and pouring every ounce of caring he has into me. I latch onto that offering like a leech and use it to pick myself up. We step inside the air conditioned church and he carries me into the sanctuary then takes a seat in the last pew. I blink to adjust to the dimness. The cool air revives me. I take in deep breaths and focus on his dark eyes.
He places a hand over my belly. “How’s my baby?”
“I think she’s good.”
“She, huh?” He bends down and nuzzles my nose. This is the man who made love to me with a slow sweetness that felt like our wedding night in his childhood home.
“I think so.”
“Nah, we need a boy first to protect his baby sister one day.”
“We’ve moved on to multiples?”
“Never liked being an only child,” he whispers. “You feeling better?”
“Yes. I just think I was overwhelmed.”
“Understandable. You have to step back and slow down. Let me and the boys do the heavy lifting. You’re a tough little bitch when you need to be. We all know that. Now isn’t the time to stand alone. I didn’t realize how much I wanted this baby until I saw you damn near do a header behind that booth.” His voice wavers, and his eyes dilate. “I’m not going through that again.”
“You want her?”
“I want that life we talked about. You won. I’m yielding to you. I’m all in.”
I blink. Just like that? “Why?”
“Cause seeing you like that was a wake-up call.”
Maybe something good came out of this cluster fuck after all.
“She all right?” Stone asks from the doorway.
“Think so,” Skull says.
“Head home and take care of your woman, brother. We’ll handle the situation and keep you in the loop.”
“Alright, thanks Pres.”
His easy acceptance stuns me. He hates being left out of shit.
“Come on, let’s go home.”
“I can walk.”
“But you don’t have to. I got you now.”
I bite my lower lip. We’ve done this before. I place my trust in him and then he flips his script.
“Hey. Stop thinking and listen to your old man.”
I don’t want to set back our progress. I swallow my doubt and trust the process.
***
Skull
I see the familiar off white walls. My heart jumps into my throat. Sweat coats my forehead and my palms. I wipe them on my jeans.
“You’re worthless! I’m tired of this bullshit relationship. I’m leaving you, Tommy. For good this time.”
I close my eyes and cover my ears with my hands as I rock back and forth. I’m back in my five-year-old body. Powerless and unable to get myself out of the situation, I back into the corner.
“You’re not going anywhere,” my father yells.
My mother rushes forward, clawing at his face.
A streak of red appears on his left cheek. He grabs her wrists and shakes her. Her brown spirals fly around her face. “Calm down, Kim.” His nostrils flare and he shoves her away.
She stumbles and slams into the wall. “You crazy bastard!” She rushes him again.
My stomach clenches. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to see.
He shoves her again and she falls, arms flailing as she tried to keep her balance. She lands with a sickening crunch as her head meets the corner of the table.
“K-Kimmy?” My father gets to his knees.
I can’t speak or move, only watch the sick scene play itself out for the millionth time in my mind. The broken sobs that spill from my father’s lips. He cups her head and lifts her to him. “Please wake up? Please.” He rocks back and forth. Blood stains his hands.
My stomach rolls.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” he babbles to himself for a while before he goes still. He lays her body down and stands then walks out of the room to get the .45 in his bedroom.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
He returns with the gun in his hand. His eyes are glazed over and unfocused. He lowers himself to the floor and pulls my mom into his arms. He lifts his right hand puts the muzzle to his head and pulls the trigger.
“No!” I jerk awake in bed and roll over, falling to the floor.
“Skull, what’s wrong?”
I suck air in my lungs. The dreams are back. “Bad dream,” I croak. I place my hand over my heart. They usually flare up when I dig back into the past. No one knows for sure what happened in that home. But over the years, my mind filled in the blanks. I coped the last time with women and booze. I can’t do that now. Ruthie needs me.
“About what?”
“My parents.”
Her head appears over the side of the bed. “Skull.”
“I’ll be okay, just…give me a minute.”
She reaches her hand down and I take it allowing her soft skin to ground me.
“Babe. You need to talk to someone. When something scares us, we have to learn as much about it as possible, so it doesn’t control us. What do you know about Schizophrenia other than the fact that it’s hereditary and runs in your family?”
“Isn’t that enough?” I ask.
“No, ignorance isn’t bliss. It’s another form of denial. You can’t afford that anymore. I’m going to make you an appointment with someone, and I’m hoping you’ll show up for it.”
“Who?”
“The same woman who helped me. Dr. Reichsight. She’s an older woman with a hippy vibe about her, all sandals and long skirts. But she’s real, caring, and I think you’ll hit it off. I go to her every now and then for some fine tuning to keep my crazy under control. Mental health is a lifelong battle. One we should all be open and honest about. There are so many more pressures out there. It’s okay to take a step back, take a deep breath, and recalibrate.”
“She tell you that?”
“Yes, and it’s what kept me together during high school when I was still trying to live up to my mother’s lofty expectations and finding they didn’t jive with who I was as a person. It was a dark time. When you realize y
ou and your one active parent will always be at odds, it hurts.”
“I’m sorry, Ruthie.”
“It’s life. I’m not happy about it, but I’ve accepted it. That’s what she helped me do.”
“And you think she could do that for me?” I ask, letting her words sink in.
“I really do.”
I chew the inside of my lip. The fear of the unknown is what has held me back. I can’t afford to be off my game right now. Not with her father lurking in the background, working with the bride of Satan that’s her mother. “Make the appointment and I’ll go.”
“You will?”
The excitement in her voice tells me I’m doing the right thing. “Yeah, Mama.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’ll need some information from you.”
“Whatever you need, it’s yours.” This is my Old Lady who’s having my kid. I have to put all my trust in her until she gives me a reason not to. We resurrected these old ghosts and now, I’ve got to put them to bed properly.
“Come back to bed?”
“Yeah.” I push off from the floor and climb beneath the covers pulling her warm, pliant body against mine. She’s given me a soft place to land.
***
I peel back my eyelids and fumble for my phone. “Hello,” I croak, struggling to fully wake. The broken sleep has me off my game.
“Brother, we got a problem.”
“Pres?”
“Yeah, get the lead out, and check your email. There’s a link to the problem that just popped up.”
“Alright, I’m up.” I push into a sitting position and rest my head against the wall.
“Good, call me back once you’ve looked at it.”
The dial tone hums in my ear.
“What’s wrong?” Ruthie slurs.
“Not sure yet.” I pull up my email and open the link. “Holy shit.” A newspaper article fills the small screen. Following in my footsteps by Gunner Gruppe. Her old man wrote about Ruthie and her involvement with us. Son of a bitch!
I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Some I’m not too proud of. I put my career and wants in front of my family. I never thought about how it affected them until I learned my daughter is following in my footsteps.
I continue to scan the document. He never mentions names, but the information he gave is enough to figure things out. Shit. All Ruthie wanted was to separate herself from this bastard. This could stir shit up and bring out people trying to get the latest scoop. I want to slit his throat and watch him bleed out. For the second time, he’s turning her life upside down. She can’t afford the stress. Blue took me aside and explained how bad worry was for a pregnant woman in her first trimester.
The thought of her losing the child I hadn’t been sure I wanted, scared me. Things have taken an unexpected change. What I thought would be my downfall is bringing the dead parts of me to life. “Ruthie, you’re going to want to see this,” I say.
She rolls onto her side, facing me and props her head up with her arm. “Tell me.”
“Your father decided to write another article.”
“Jesus, what about?”
“You and your involvement with the KOC.”
The blood leaves her face and she covers her belly with her hand. “Did he literally say that?”
“No, he hinted, but it wouldn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”
“Stone’s pissed isn’t he?”
“Yeah, I need to call him back and see what he wants to do with this.”
“God, why is he doing this?”
“Maybe he thinks he’s helping you.”
“No, if he really gave a shit about that, he would’ve come around a long time ago and tried to make shit right. This is about resurrecting his dead ass career. I don’t care what he told Mom.”
“You think they’re in it together?” I ask.
“Yes. I need to find out what their actual agreement was.”
“I don’t want you going to see your mother and getting worked up.”
“I’m already worked up. God. I thought I was out and living on my own terms, but this shit is still following me around.” She spears her fingers through her wild hair.
“Hey, you know I’m going to take care of this,” I say rubbing her thigh.
“No. You shouldn’t have to. This is my mess to clean up.”
“You’re my Old Lady that means this shit is mine to handle. You want to talk to your mother, fine, as long as you go with someone else. Maybe your sister?”
“I don’t know if I can trust her. Before she left, she was talking about Dad. God, do you think she knew?”
I remain quiet. I have no clue, but if she did, she’s going to be on a need to know basis. “You know we need to know who we can and can’t trust, right?”
“Yeah. I’ll find out, okay?” Her voice wavers.
“After work?”
“Think I’m going to call in sick today. I can’t operate with this weighing on my mind. If this goes public and people find out who I am—it’s going to get really messy and public.”
“What do you mean?”
“The last time, it was bedlam. Reporters in our face day and night, camped out on our lawns, showing up at my mother’s work and our school. By outing us, he’s opened a can of worms. I’m wondering how hard it would be to observe the KOC and pick me out.”
The picture she paints has me on edge. “Fuuuck.”
She sighs and moves from the bed.” Let’s get moving. You go see your brothers and I’ll shake down my family and see what inside information I can get out of them.”
“I feel like I need to send someone with you.”
“No, that’ll just make her clam up,” Ruthie counters.
I frown. I could care less about her bitch of a mother. I want her to be scared and uncomfortable. “This time, I’ll let you go solo. If you see your father, you high tail it out of there. I don’t want you anywhere near that asshole.”
“Understood.”
“Come on, let’s conserve water,” I slip from the bed and wrap my arm around her waist.
“Is that what we’re calling it now?”
“I don’t know, did it work?”
“Why don’t you get me wet and find out.”
“You know I love it when you talk dirty to me,” I say nibbling her neck. She giggles, and I know my job is done. I’ve distracted her from the cluster fuck we’re both getting ready to walk into.
An hour later, I’m apprehensive as she drives away. Pulling my beanie lower I focus on getting to the clubhouse for the mandatory meeting Stone put into effect after I called him back. The wind and sunshine clear my head. Stone is sharp as hell and viscous when it comes to protecting one of his own. I know he’ll do right by my Old Lady. My Old Lady. I never understood why brothers took one on. Now, the pride swelling in my chest and the emotion behind it adds to my strength and determination. The right one helps build you up.
The lot is crowded as I pull in and more brothers are coming in behind me. I park, kill the engine and climb off not sure what to expect. If this goes to vote, it could one of two ways, unwavering support, or the request for peace. We’ve been through a lot, brothers are weary. The fact that Hells’ Dominion is involved doesn’t help things. The group her old man exposed are hardcore outlaws to the core. They sell drugs, pussy, and anything else that’ll stack their bank accounts. Women are property to be used as they see fit, and loyalty is tentative. It’s the type of M.C. you have to watch your back in.
I walk in and spot Echo, Shadow, and Charm at the bar. I still can’t get over the changes the months have brought the younger brother. I walk over and rap the bar. “Hair of the dog?” I ask taking in the whiskey they have lined up in front of them.
“Shit, wake up call,” Shadow says. He scoots the bottle tow
ard me. “Figure you need it more than all of us.”
I take a long pull off the amber liquid enjoying the burn that slides down my throat.
“How’s Ruthie?” Echo asks.
“Going to grill her mother and her sister. This shit is stressing her out. Last thing she needs.”
“You need to keep her calm, brother. She wasn’t looking too good at the festival,” Shadow says.
“Trust me I know. Been doing my best. Things are bit frenzied right now. Hard to keep it copasetic. Especially with Ruthie. Girl’s smart.”
“It’s why she’s such a good Old Lady,” Shadow says.
“Doubled edged sword, that is,” Echo says.
“Yeah, I’m good living the single life,” Charm speaks up.
We all chuckle.
I turn to Charm. “How you been, man? I haven’t had a chance to catch up.”
“Good. Saw a lot of shit on the road. New faces, new shit to do. It was a nice change of pace,” Charm answers with a shrug.
“And a lot of gym too, huh?” I nudge his muscular arms.
“Hey man, when you’re rolling with guys who are stacked and bad ass you have to step up. I got sick of being called the runt.”
“For sure they ain’t saying that now,” Echo drawls.
“Now you got a big little brother,” Shadow taunts.
“Fuck y’all.” Echo flips us off.
We all snicker.
“Alright, it looks like everyone is here. I want us all in Church,” Stone barks.
We all travel to the room like a herd of cattle. Its standing room only, which tells me he called in our local members.
“We know that one of our Old Ladies has an unfortunate lineage. But we never held it against her. Now this parasite is trying to come back and exploit her again. She and her family left him, and everything they knew behind over twenty years ago to start a new life. So, seeing him expose them so callously don’t’ sit right with me. Normally, I’d say we go in there and remind him of why it’s a bad idea to run his mouth about us. But in this case, there are toes I don’t want to step on. So while the right to handle this motherfucker should go to you…Skull. I’m going to have to ask you to forfeit.”
“The hell, Pres?”