I smiled back and nodded, placing my hand in his as he led me to the dance floor. He was a very smooth mover, and it felt nice to be with someone I felt I might be interested in romantically.
I hadn’t slept with anyone since Alfie. To be honest, I was scared to get involved with anyone again because of how hurt I was by everything. I was as scared about that part. Up until now, any guy that tried to take it a little further than second base with me was gone within days.
Always finding flaws in their personalities, or I tried to compare them to how I felt when Alfie touched me. Zack, a lovely guy I’d met at one of Louie’s clubs, was the only one who got a little closer, but even with his laid back attitude, I just wasn’t feeling it with him.
Now I was in the arms of a hot, beautiful, Latin man who had piqued my interest. Although, I wasn’t sure yet whether he was someone I wanted to pursue.
Luca was very attentive toward me and seemed attuned to my every need. He was considerate and affectionate, without excessively touching me just for the sake of it. He had laid hands on me at times, demonstrating his protective side. Other than that, he was respectful of my space.
When we arrived, he had placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me to where we were seated. He opened doors for me and checked if I was okay at regular intervals. His timing was just right, and it didn’t feel forced or overbearing.
As we danced, his hands were placed on my body with perfection. One splayed across my back, the other resting on my hip. He didn’t take liberties, and I really liked his consideration for me.
I was wearing a halter neck dress, and where Luca had placed his hand, it was mainly over the material of my dress. Only his thumb was touching the exposed flesh on my upper back.
As we got lost in the music, I leaned into him, resting my head on his chest. His thumb began to form a lazy arc, back and forth across my skin.
It gave me a tingling feeling. Not a feeling as intense as what I felt with Alfie but a warm feeling that I was enjoying.
Luca took a sharp intake of breath and bent his lips to my ear. “You have beautiful skin, Lily, it feels like satin and smells like paradise,” he murmured.
I smiled and tilted my head back to meet his gaze. “Paradise has a smell?” I rolled my eyes, and he smirked.
“Sure, it smells just like you,” he teased.
He tilted his head. “May I?” His eyes flicked to my lips. As they did, my tongue coated my dry lips in anticipation of what he wanted to do. I smiled and nodded, telling myself I was ready for this.
He closed the space between our lips and pressed a gentle, soft kiss on my mouth. He drew back and smiled affectionately into my eyes.
“Mmm… I think I may need another.” Both of Luca’s hands moved up to cup my face. His long fingers burrowed into my hair as he pulled me toward him.
His hot, moist lips parted mine as his tongue probed my mouth, begging for entry. I obliged, parting my lips, kissing him back. My tongue tangled with his. For the first time since Alfie, a kiss was turning me on.
Luca’s hands slipped to my hips. His fingertips grasped the material of my dress, pressing into my flesh through the material. Then he pulled my body flush against his.
I heard the effect our kiss had on him as he softly groaned against my mouth, before clearing his throat, when his lips left mine. We were both a little breathless when our eyes met.
Sensing he was holding himself back, I was thankful for his self- control. I could see he wanted more with me, but I wasn’t ready for more.
Luca flashed his sexy smile and led me back toward the seating area. Holly had been people watching and was pointing out a girl that was obviously very extrovert.
She was dancing wildly in the center of the dance floor alone. Luca grinned and crouched in front of me. “Bathroom break for me. I’ll be right back.”
It was getting late, and the music had taken on a slower tempo. I slumped back in my chair, suddenly tired. A ballad by One Republic began to play, ‘Stop and Stare’, and I thought their band’s music played nearly as much as Crakt Soundzz did these days.
The heavy black drapes, separating us from the next VIP section, moved, and my eyes were drawn to the small chink of light, which opened more until there was about a foot gap in the otherwise black wall of fabric.
What I saw caused a sudden jolt of electricity to strike me in the center of my chest, a metallic taste forming in my mouth from its effect. I’ve had it once before, right before I passed out.
Alfie was sitting about twenty feet away from me in the next VIP area. My first instinct was to look away, but I couldn’t. One Republic’s track was blaring around me. Ryan Tedder‘s voice filled the room with words of a song which was so full of meaning for the both of us.
As always, it hurt to look at him and not be able to touch him. My body and soul were screaming to be in his arms again. Just once. The girl I had seen him with in magazines and on the internet appeared beside him, and I wanted to die.
He turned and looked up at her. A slow smile spread on his lips, but he didn’t touch her. He didn’t reach out for her. He couldn’t be near me and not touch me.
She climbed on his lap and straddled him, and he leaned back against soft white seating, his hands still resting by his sides on the chair.
I wanted to scream. To climb over the half partition and pull her off of him. He was still smiling at her though. Then, his hands moved slowly from their resting place, to rest on her hips.
I was choked, a wave of nausea attacking me. It should have been me over there with him. Struggling to swallow past the dry lump in my throat, I watched as one of Alfie’s hands moved around to her back. He stroked it gently, affectionately, back and forth. His hips arched a little. He was talking to her. The only thought I could muster was it should have been me.
I could hear her faint giggling as his other hand began to run up and down her ribs. Alfie was teasing her. I knew exactly what his hands felt like when he did what he was doing to her. He used to do that to me.
He seemed very relaxed and content over there, while I was feeling incensed, because she was making him smile. I knew I had no right to think like that, but I did anyway. I was angry with him as well. How could he act like that with her and declare his feelings for me again only a week ago?
Alfie was slouched low on the seating. His legs were parted, and I could see his girl wiggling her crotch against him. She was probably making him hard.
The whole scene just made me so desperately sad. I wanted to run away, but I didn’t. Instead, I continued to watch, like some sick, crazy person. Like I wanted to punish myself for what might have been between us.
It became clear to me that his girlfriend was drunk. She flopped over his chest and rested her head on his shoulder. Then she didn’t move.
Alfie closed his eyes, as she lay against him. I studied his face. Alfie used to be great at hiding how he felt. He couldn’t do that anymore. I had learned to spot his ‘tells’, especially when he was angry or struggling to contain his emotions.
From what I was seeing, there was so much more going on in his head. Closing his eyes couldn’t shut everything out. Alfie was thinking. I could see it. From the way he was chewing the inside of his cheek near his mouth. I think I would have given just about anything to know what was going on in there, and if he was thinking about me.
Sitting there staring at him, my rational side told me that it wasn’t fair for me to think that way. I knew, now, exactly how Alfie felt about me. He’d told me in the dressing room. I only wished things could have been different.
Even after everything we’d been through, I still thought he was the most perfect man I’d ever seen. I was mesmerized by him. I only had to see him, and I was captivated. I just sat there staring at his stunning features. To be honest I’ve never been able to describe him adequately.
Feelings of anger were eating away at me at the same time. It was sick, like I wanted to torture myself. I had to do this. Watch him. How could I not? I was still in love with him.
My eyes briefly fluttered closed, trying to imagine the smell of his scent. When I opened them again, he had tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling.
Alfie’s hand swept through his hair. This was another one of his ‘tells’. Something was bothering him. Moving his head forward, he glanced down at his sleeping girl. Slowly, he moved her off of him. She rolled onto the seat beside him, curling up, and placing her hands under the side of her face, in a prayer gesture.
Alfie edged away from her and slid down the seating more, his face completely passive. He stared straight ahead of him. He obviously didn’t see me. If he had, I knew he would have reacted.
Des came into view and leaned in, asking him something. Alfie shook his head slowly and put a hand up, with his palm toward Des, who was holding hands with someone. I couldn’t see her at first, until he strode past Alfie and out of sight again taking her with him.
I had a clear view of Alfie, from head to toe, by then. Looking at him, he still had the same effect on me as he always had. My whole body screamed with feelings of lust, love and want, hate and despair. It was like Alfie had never been gone.
I yearned to be near him. To touch him. To run my fingers through his hair. Hell, I wanted to be the one straddling him and laying across his chest, kissing him. He should be teasing me. Touching me. I hated the girl lying next to him, and I’d never even met her.
Chapter 7 – Trying to make it
Holly turned her head and smiled at me. When her eyes connected with mine, her expression changed rapidly. Frowning, she rushed to my side. Her eyes narrowing, trying to read me.
“Jesus, Lily, what’s wrong with you?” I shook my head, and when my eyes went back to the curtain, she followed my gaze. “Oh. Shit. Restroom. Now! Suck it up, honey.” Holly tugged me to my feet, and I kept my head down.
When we reached the restroom, she swept me inside. Elle was standing right in front of us, refreshing her make up in the mirror. “Lily, what the hell are you doing here?”
Holly sneered at her. “What the hell are you doing here? Is that any way to greet your friend, Elle?” Elle threw her a dirty look and swept past her, wrapping her arms around me. She pulled me into her in a tight hug.
“Sorry, honey. I was just so surprised to see you in here.” She swallowed hard. “Lily…” Holly cut her off.
“She knows. We’re sitting in the next fucking area to y’all.” Elle’s eyes glanced at mine, and I hated the look of sympathy there was in them. “How do you know that?”
Tears rolled down my face as I stared back at her. “I’ve just been treated to an affectionate display between Alfie and his girl, that’s why. Someone disturbed the drapes and I was faced with the truth, that’s all.” I bobbed my head at her and Holly as a tear ran down my cheek.
“It’s okay. Really. It was just a shock to be faced with the PDA of him with his girl. Although, it wasn’t really in public. I was the one that shouldn’t have been looking.”
Elle sounded angry. “I hate that you saw that. We never go to the clubs in Miami. We were all in agreement. You shouldn’t find yourself in this situation. I just never expected to see you here. I’ll get us out of here.”
I smiled at her. “It’s life, Elle. My choice. I can’t expect everyone to keep hiding and worrying about me. I hate that everyone’s doing that. I just need to get on with it. Go have fun, I’m not running, we came for a night out and Luca has gone to a lot of trouble to give me a good time.”
She hugged me tight again. “You’re here with a guy? Are you sure? Do you want me to come over and stay with you?”
Squeezing her hand, “I’m a big girl, Elle. Holly’s with me, please go back to Drew.”
Elle gave me a concerned look. “I don’t want to leave you.”
I was insistent and pushed her away softly. “I’m okay, really I am, go.”
Elle left the restroom, and Holly and I headed back to Luca and Brett. I really didn’t want to be there anymore. We arrived back just in time to see Elle arrive and draw the drapes together.
Luca watched me approach him. “I thought maybe I’d scared you off, Lily.” He smiled and gestured for me to sit next to him. “No more than I’d scare myself off, Luca.” I smiled as I dropped down beside him, resting my head on his shoulder.
The rest of the time in the club was difficult. I tried hard to look as if I was enjoying myself, but I couldn’t ignore what I knew was happening on the other side of the curtain.
Luca tried really hard to get to know me better, and to be fair, I did try hard to push away my feelings. The memories of my time with Alfie were swamping me and preventing me from getting involved with someone new.
He was the nearest I’d ever come to moving on with my life beyond Alfie, and it was only fair I gave him a chance. We danced for about an hour after my talk with Elle before we headed home.
Luca casually draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close to him, when we were making our way downstairs to the exit. Alfie was standing right by the glass partition at the bottom of the stairs. I almost fell over when I saw him standing there.
His girl was standing flush against him with her hands in his back pockets. He has one hand on her hip and was holding his cell phone, scrolling down the lighted screen with his thumb.
Turning my head in Luca’s direction to hide it from Alfie and looked up at him. He smiled down at me and bent his head to plant a soft, chaste kiss on my lips.
I smiled at him and when I began to focus on where I was walking, Alfie’s eyes met mine and widened. He stood rigid, staring at me, and his jaw muscle ticked. Call me crazy, but I felt like I was cheating on him. Another man’s arms were around me. Alfie’s face was scowling so badly, and his jaw ticked. He was mad.
Eye to eye, our gaze connected. I could see how hurt he was about our situation. Then he surprised me by giving me a soft, slow smile. It broke my heart.
No words passed between us. We just stood, suspended in time. Our eyes locked on one another, having an unspoken moment. I looked away not able to hold his gaze any longer. When I looked back, he had turned his back to me. Walking past him felt wrong somehow, and although I had asked for this, his snub in public again almost crucified me.
I struggled not to cry as we left the building, and I could swear I could feel his eyes boring into my back as I left.
Luca didn’t talk to me in the car, which was fine. I was going over what I saw in my head again, feeling first a numbness, and when my feelings caught up with me I was heartbroken all over again. He was still the man who had my heart, and now we were acting like strangers.
I didn’t ask Luca upstairs, agreeing to see him the next day. We arranged to meet at Eject, where I was playing. He hadn’t been able to catch XrAid the night at the club. We had almost been finished with the last song by the time he arrived.
Not surprisingly, I never slept at all. Alfie was on my mind all night long. Feeling like the living dead, I dragged myself over to Lennon’s for a band meeting the following morning. He had sent me a text last night, asking for us to be at his place by eleven.
I was the last to arrive, and the guys were sitting by the pool chilling out. “Finally!” Lennon exclaimed. “Get yourself something to drink out of the cooler and come over here.”
Pulling a peach-flavored ice tea out of the cooler, I wiped it down with a napkin and climbed onto the hammock beside him. We both bounced around a little until we got our balance, then I laid back and waited for him to speak.
“Okay guys, we have a decision to make today.”
Cody’s eyebrows were bunched. “We do?”
Lennon nodded. “Here’s the deal. You remember the demo tape Lily gave to Barney?”
Shawn nodded. “For fuck’s sake Lennon, spit it out.”
Lennon scowled at Shawn. “I’m trying, but you fuckers keep interrupting,” he huffed, looking exasperated. “Anyway, Barney thinks that we’re ready to record. Thing is Sly Record label also thinks we’re ready. Barney’s deal would offer us state-wide exposure. They can guarantee us venues and promotion all over Florida.”
Shawn got up and ran his hands over his head. “They’re going to give us a fucking deal?”
Cody’s beer came out his nose. “Cody, you really shouldn’t drink beer if you can’t keep it in the hole you put it in,” I teased.
Digs shook his head. “Too funny, Lily.” He smirked.
Lennon scowled at the digression. “Can you all stop fucking about? I’m trying to impart some serious shit here.” He exhaled loudly.
I giggled but stopped when I saw how ticked he was getting. “Sorry Lennon,” I mumbled, feeling ungrateful.
Lennon rubbed my knee absentmindedly, and I could see he was nervous.
“Go, on Lennon,” I said, encouraging him to spit it out.
“The feedback from the festival was that Sly Record label wants to do a deal with us. It wouldn’t be rocket science to know that we’d be traveling a lot with them. With Barney we’d be headliners, but in State, with Sly, we’d be a supporting band. Maybe we’d only be a supporting band for a long time at that. However, it would get us right out there. Bigger gigs, bigger exposure. If we gamble, we may get international recognition.”
We all sat numb, staring at each other, digesting Lennon’s information and what it would mean for us as a band.
Cody was the first to speak. “Sly. I want Sly. None of us have any long term ties or responsibilities here. Sure, we have families, but we don’t have sweethearts or kids. If we’re doing this, we should take the gamble for the biggest return.”
Digs smirked. “I’d miss my family, but hell, I don’t see why they wouldn’t make time to come see me if I couldn’t get home. Besides if we were doing the state thing, it would all be by bus, and we’d be out on the road for most of the time anyway.”
Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... Page 6