“You’ve never been the brightest star in the sky though, have you?”
“Go to hell!”
“I’ve been. Weather’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
“You must be so bored.”
“Often.” She yawned. “Anyway, I’ll leave you be, Willie.” “Don’t do me any favours.”
“And here I thought I had.”
I almost told her to go to hell and realized I had already said it. Again, like she knew my thoughts, the awful bitch laughed at me as she vanished into the night.
CHAPTER 20
Lights, Music, Reflection, a Party
You’d be surprised how much you can still take from a person who has nothing. The strobe lights started to flash intermittently and the people moved in unison to the thud of the bass line on the dance floor. I watched them switch from their Forms and back again, melding together in a combination of lights, sound, and sweat.
I sat and watched and drank. Unfortunately, there were no fights that night, as Arnie was away on business. He had gone alone, which meant he was into something big. I could have used the money I would have inevitably received, but my body needed to heal much more.
The flash of the strobe light shone directly into my face, momentarily blinding me. I lost sight of the dance floor and my thoughts traveled to another place and time. I thought of Prowler. When I was a boy, I had a terrier dog whose name was Prowl, although everyone called him Prowler. He was born the runt of the litter. Among his many ailments, he suffered from chronic ear infections that bothered him so much that he’d scratch his ears until they bled. The vet put him on steroids to help him recover, which over time caused Prowler to develop cataracts, a known side-effect of the drug.
Prowler’s life became even more basic than the typical dog’s life. His body and mind resorted to necessary coping mechanisms to deal with the physical pain and his loss of sight. He survived on food and my love for him. He would wait all day with his nose at the door waiting to catch my scent. His nose was the only thing left on him that worked the way it was supposed to. I hated seeing him like that and we eventually decided to have him put down.
I can still remember the look in his eyes as the needle went into his leg. He didn’t want to die; although he had been in so much pain, he had lived with it so long that the pain had become all he knew. Hurting was as much a part of his life as I was, and he still had the will to live. I knew better though and said nothing as the vet pushed the plunger down the syringe and the translucent liquid flowed into Prowler’s warm blood. I watched his eyes look right into mine and beg me to stop it from happening but I didn’t. I loved him too much. As he slipped from this earth, I held his still body and cried into his matted fur.
“You thinking about the past?”
I blinked from a flash of bright lights and when my eyes opened again, Danika was standing in front of me.
“You shouldn’t do that, you know.”
“What’s that?” I asked, smiling at her.
“Think about the past.”
“I wasn’t thinking of anything. Nothing but barbiturates floating around in here tonight kiddo.” I tapped the side of my noggin with a knuckle.
She rolled her eyes at me in a childlike way.
“An old friend maybe, someone you can’t talk to anymore?” she asked pryingly.
“I don’t have any friends, Danika, you know that. Just irritations.”
“Maybe a woman?”
“You’re too smart for your own good.” I put the tip of my forefinger between her eyebrows. “It’s gonna get you in trouble one of these days.”
“Come dance with me?”
“No.”
“Please, one dance won’t kill you.”
“It might be the death of you.” I said, although my joke didn’t sway her determination. She only turned up the intensity in her eyes and I caved beneath them.
“Fine, one dance. You better not pull this crap when Arnie is around, kid.”
She stopped walking and turned around to face me. I wondered if I might finally see her Form. Nothing happened though. She stood very still and said nothing at all. The coloured lights caught her young face, illuminating it.
“Don’t call me kid. I gave up all childish things in this place long ago.”
“If you could be somewhere right now, anywhere at all, where would you go? Where would you be?”
She was about to speak, her lips parted only slightly and then her eyes went vacant and I could feel her leave the room for a moment.
“Where would you go?” she asked.
“Wherever it is you just went to.”
“One day maybe we will meet there, we’ll be done with all of this.” Her face was creased with sincerity.
“How would I find my way? I don’t know where I’m going.”
She laughed a little. “You’d feel your way, like a blind man or a child in the dark. The destination would speak to you like a song you’ve never heard before in reality but in your dreams it has played thousands of times.” She trailed off and went silent again, in reflection.
“We would all be there and wait for the others to come and join us.”
I watched as her cheeks flushed a little. I mistook the reaction for embarrassment about her moment of honest exposure, when in fact it was an incontrovertible belief in her own words.
She had such vulnerability and perfect raw humanity. I felt a terrible guilt for being a simple man, a fighter, a man of blood, and a creature of violence. She taught me something I would never forget; I’m not as tough as I thought I was.
We both didn’t say much after that. In fact I don’t remember us saying anything more at all. We just kept dancing and then drank ourselves into a coma. When we came out of it, I was getting punched in the tender flesh beneath my jaw and choking on my own blood, and Danika was being violently raped by Arnie.
CHAPTER 21
Giving in
I wasn’t sure why I was at her door. Actually, that’s a lie. I knew exactly why I was at her door. What I didn’t understand was why I couldn’t overcome the urge to be there. I had overcome everything else set in front of me, so why not this. I cursed as I knocked.
She smiled at me as she opened the door and then the smile turned to shock.
“Will, you’re bleeding!”
I touched a scab beneath my eye. It was moist and the wound was oozing a little.
“It’s nothing, really.”
“Come in.”
I did just that. I slipped off my shoes. Karen had run off towards the bathroom and returned with some tissue, bandages and peroxide.
“You really don’t have to do this,” I said.
I squinted as she dabbed the bandage wet with peroxide against the wound. I could hear it foam and fizz as the liquid did its job.
“This looks bad.”
She remained in the same spot but leaned back a little to assess the wound after she had cleaned it.
“It looks worse than it is, believe me.”
She did not. “Don’t try to be tough with me. It looks like it is so painful.”
“I never said it didn’t hurt.” I smiled at her and she softened up a little.
“What happened?”
“I got in a fight.”
The words weren’t a lie. Only their connotation was.
“You’re impossible.”
“You might be right.”
She lowered her head. This wasn’t going as I had hoped. She returned her eyes to mine. “What are you doing here?”
I wasn’t expecting such a direct question. It caught me off guard. I ended up giving her more than I wanted to.
“I wanted to see you.”
“Oh?”
She looked into my eyes and I realized it was much more than that.
“I needed to see you.”
“Oh.” She smiled softly at me.
“I should have called first.”
She didn’t say anything. She stood up,
collected the first aid supplies and walked away. This had turned out to be a terrible idea. Then she yelled out from the bathroom.
“Care for a drink?”
“Yes!” Something else I needed.
I sat at her kitchen table and she took two glasses from the hutch.
“All I have is vodka.”
“That’ll do.”
She set the bottle on the table and poured a shot in each glass. We chinked glasses and put back our shots simultaneously. I wiped my mouth and she grimaced in pain.
“I haven’t had a straight shot since college and now I remember why.”
I chuckled. “It gets easier by the third one.”
She looked at me speculatively. “Does it?”
“Uh huh.”
“Shall we have another then?”
I nodded and she poured.
“Here goes.”
She raised her glass and again we sent back our shots. She winced again and I laughed.
“You’re enjoying my plight?”
“I am.” I realized I wasn’t the one who was in control of the situation. I wanted her and I was sure she knew it.
“Third time’s a charm, is it?”
I poured this time and I could feel her eyes all over me. “Have you had enough of this game?”
“Only if you have,” I replied.
She didn’t say anything. She got up from her chair and came over to me, putting
both hands on my chest, and leaned in and kissed me. It was a warm kiss that quickly became hot and powerful. I moved my hands to the small of her back and her long dark hair fell all around my face like swathes of silk. She threw her arms around my neck. “Take me to the bedroom.”
I stood up with her in my arms and her legs wrapped around me.
“Which way?”
She was kissing my neck softly and pointed towards the stairs. We made it is as far as the middle of the hallway.
CHAPTER 22
Fire on the Water
I rolled over and landed in a beautiful mess of hair. It smelled wonderful and I breathed deeply. Karen’s breathing was heavy and even; she was still deep asleep and I watched her, which brought me such comfort. I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling for a while, I don’t remember how long. I sat up and looked out the window. The moon was low and had cast dashes of silver ink on to the indigo of the lake’s surface. The view was spectacular from Karen’s condo.
“You shouldn’t have done what you did, Willie.”
“I know.”
I turned and Lamia was standing in the doorway. She entered the room and took a seat on the chair in the far corner.
“You were right to leave her be years ago. The life you had then was complicated and now, today, things are even more difficult for you. Do you care for this woman?”
“I do.”
“You can’t have it both ways. You’ll have to choose which is more important, the life you have or this woman. If you try for both, well you know what will happen.”
“Do I?”
She looked at me with that smile, her exposed skin almost glowing in the darkness of the room.
“You do what you want then. Break noses and sleep with whores, then come over here for a taste of normalcy.”
“Fuck you!”
“And your vocabulary, most impressive. She must love your sophistication, Willie.”
I didn’t respond to her jab. After all, she was right. I stood up and walked closer to the window. There was something burning on the water’s surface. I squinted, trying to make out the tiny illumination. What was once very small suddenly burst into a large green flame on the water’s surface. The flames stood out vibrantly against the water’s dark surface. The fire looked controlled and contained in size.
“It’s a Will-o’-the-wisp.”
I turned and Lamia was gone. Maneki was sitting on the end of the bed. It was beginning to feel like Christmas Eve all of sudden. All I needed was a Shrikun in the room, some chains and a pair of slippers.
“Stupid name.”
“I didn’t name it.” His tale was wagging and curling playfully behind him. “It signifies a death or more often, a death to come.”
“Mine?”
“You’d think you’d have learned by now.” The tabby shook its head with sincere disappointment. “Once you ask I can’t tell you. Rules…”
“Are rules,” I said, finishing the tabby’s sentence. “Make an exception this time.”
Maneki lowered his head for a moment. “I can’t even if I wanted to. Once you ask, the information disappears, like it didn’t even exist for me in the first place. I can’t get it back.”
I looked at Karen, who was still sleeping.
“Could it be her?”
“Maybe, I really don’t know anymore.”
I wrung my hands out in front of me in frustration. It was my own damn fault. My lack of patience had cost me the most vital of information. The cat stared at me for a moment, then leapt from the bed and started towards the door.
“Where are you going?”
It turned its head back towards me. Its eyes were heavy with what seemed to be sadness.
“I have nothing more to offer here at this time.” Maneki continued through the door and was gone. I turned back to the window and looked out at the still-burning green flame on the water’s surface. Then it suddenly vanished; there was not a trace that remained of its existence, no smoke, nothing. I found my pants and shirt and put them on.
“What are you doing?”
I turned around and Karen was sitting up in bed. Her chest was exposed and one arm hung languidly across her breasts. She looked warm and relaxed.
“I have to go.”
Her expression changed and she subconsciously pulled the covers up over her exposed body.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“I wish you’d stay until the morning. I’ll make breakfast.”
“I can’t.”
She looked at me with speculation.
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both.”
“I missed something here. I didn’t think this was just about you getting me into bed.”
I realized there was no easy way out here, so I told her the truth.
“I’m not a good person, Karen. I’m part of something. The bruises and cuts, my knuckles… I fight men for money. I’ve killed men for money. I can’t be with you. I thought maybe I could, but it would just be a lie.”
“I don’t believe you. That’s not the person I’ve seen in you.”
“I’m a master manipulator and you’ve been suckered. I wanted to see what it would be like to be with someone like you and now that I have, it’s not worth it.”
She didn’t make a sound but tears fell freely from her eyes. I collected the rest of my things as she stared at me, almost stoically. I on the other hand was a coward. I looked away from her and left the room, leaving her behind with the pain that I had caused her. I was even enough of a bastard to think I had done her a favour.
CHAPTER 23
Her Story
I smelled coconut. I was on a lot of pills because almost everything on my body hurt. I took a pummeling but despite the pain, which there was a lot of, it’s the parts that didn’t hurt that worried me the most. The pain I understood, but it’s a different story when something goes numb. I took the pills Arnie had at the afterparty. I didn’t know what they were but after a while I didn’t feel much anymore, anywhere. I didn’t even feel the Latina broad on top of me who somehow managed to give me an erection, which told me I must have found her attractive before my vision transformed into striations of blurred colour and my ears filled with the bass of the nearby party. Her skin smelled of coconut lotion.
I fought two fights that night and was still undefeated, however, it is safe to say the last fight was a draw. I knocked him down, but he hit me harder and better. I was able to find a brief moment of weakness and I made good on it. It was obviou
s though that he was another trained fighter. It would appear that Arnie was finding a better crop of competitors. This one tried to mask his technique with that of a street thrower, but once a man gets tired he loses his control, and his real training shines through, or at least I figured that’s almost always the case.
This guy fought with a calculating style and his footwork was too good. Street fighters have bad footwork but they make up for it with ferocity. I analyzed the fighter carefully. I visualized the ring and how he moved. The fighter came towards me and let loose a massive roundhouse that streaked towards my face. It was unstoppable.
I opened my eyes and at the foot of my bed, Maneki was sitting upright, looking at me. It was morning and the Latina was nowhere to be found. Had she ever really been there?
“How did you sleep?”
I frowned at him and said nothing.
“Don’t be like that. I’m just here to check on you.”
“I doubt that.”
“Sadly, you’re correct.”
“Figured.”
“Something’s happening. There’s a change and I’ve noticed Shrikun…”
“I’m not in the mood for any of this right now.”
“I see. Well, William, you can’t always get what you want.”
The tabby tilted his head slightly to the left and I looked in the same direction. Danika was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. She had a queer look on her face.
“Do you always talk to the cat like that?”
“What?” My mouth remained wide open.
“Talk like that, to the orange tabby cat.”
“What cat?”
She sighed. “You don’t fool me. The orange tabby that just strolled out of the room; do you always chit chat with him like you just did?”
I took a moment to collect myself. I was finding it hard to contain the impact of what she was saying. She continued on without an answer from me.
“He’s my friend, too. Sometimes he sees me to sleep at night.”
Suddenly the boat shook powerfully and we started to move. I looked back at Danika, who was stroking her hair in a childlike manner.
“Tell me something, Danika.”
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