“Years!” Mattie cut in. “Is that what you said?”
“Jah.” Mervin didn’t look at her.
“This cannot be,” she wailed. “Marry me tomorrow, Mervin. If this must happen, give me a few months as your frau. I could by then be carrying your—” She stopped. What plain speaking this trouble had driven them to.
Thankfully, Mervin didn’t look strangely at her. His face had fallen into sadness. “Didn’t you hear what I said, Mattie? The war may come, and your reasons don’t help. A child is yet another point why we shouldn’t wed. I cannot leave you behind with kinner while I am gone for many years. Who would support you? There will be enough of those situations already with the young couples who married last year. We need not add to the burden the community must carry. That is tempting the Lord.”
“Tempting the Lord!” Mattie cried. “Forbidding our marriage is tempting the Lord. That’s the truth. Leaving me with kinner on my hands is the exact problem our faith believes the Lord can handle. I will have a small farm here. I can grow a garden, perhaps a big one. We will have potatoes and carrots and vegetables. Daed will give me seeds if things come to that. We will not starve, Mervin.”
Sadness still filled his face. “You will not have the farm, Mattie. My daed will have to take care of things, and there will be hardly enough money to pay for his time and the mortgage. He will have to rent out the place. Our marriage cannot be, Mattie. That’s why I have been avoiding the subject. I’m sorry.”
“But you must wed me, Mervin!” The wail hung in the air.
This was what she was down to, the cry of her heart.
“I love you, Mattie.” Mervin reached for her hand. “Our love will still be alive when I return.”
“Maybe there will be no war,” Mattie whispered. She had to control herself. “I read the newspaper this morning, and—”
“Maybe,” Mervin allowed. “But let us speak no more about this today. I have work on the farm, and I’m sure you have work at home.”
Mattie stood, but her legs trembled. Once more her wedding had been postponed, and she was helpless to change the situation.
Chapter 3
Early Wednesday morning, Mervin spread the last of the straw over the floor of the horse stall. A dozen feet away, his driving horse, Windy, neighed at him from the open barn door.
“Jah, it’s about done,” Mervin told him. “But you should stay outside for a while yet.”
Windy shook his head as if he understood. Mervin set his fork against the wall and walked over to stroke Windy’s neck. The horse neighed again and pranced into the barnyard to join the team of Belgians. Mervin watched the three horses nuzzle each other before they took halfhearted steps toward the gate and the pasture beyond. The horses were lonesome, Mervin told himself. But how could that be? Three horses could keep each other company just fine. He was the lonely one. In hindsight, his decision to move onto the farm by himself had not been a gut idea. He should live with his parents and drive over each day to tend the place. But that plan would have been impractical. They all knew that.
“You can’t farm right if you’re not there,” Daed had told him.
Which begged the question, how would Daed farm his acres once he left when the war broke out? Maybe he shouldn’t have purchased the place with the government’s draft hanging over all of their heads.
Mervin sighed and retreated into the barn. The truth was he couldn’t resist the purchase of the farm—not after his inability to buy a place last year. What a disaster that had been. His wedding with Mattie had been planned and the date set. He had a farm to the west of the Yoders’ home place picked out and the contract at the lawyer’s office. That was when things had begun to go wrong. He needed a down payment, the last of which was to come from his share of the crops Daed gave him for his work on the home place. Then the summer rains had set in and continued for days, and after that for weeks. Fields had flooded, and the cornstalks began to tilt in the wet ground. The fall harvest had been tackled with wagons that sank deep in the mud. Before they were finished, an early October snowstorm blanketed Maryland and Delaware and reached well into Lancaster County. The devastated countryside appeared smitten by the Lord’s hand. There had been a much-reduced harvest, and Daed had barely survived the year. They made silage out of the damaged crops once the ground had frozen, which was gut cow feed, but he had needed the cash.
On the Saturday after he called off the purchase of the farm, he had driven Windy over to Mattie’s home. Mattie came running out to meet him with a bright smile on her face. “Couldn’t help coming over to see me this morning,” Mattie had teased.
He had cleared his throat and leaned out of the buggy door.
“What’s wrong, Mervin?” Her joy had faded.
“The farm,” he had told her. “I couldn’t buy it. There’s not the money, but maybe next year.”
“Next year!” She had stared. “But the wedding?”
“Mattie, please.” He had climbed down from the buggy to take her in his arms.
“You’re calling off the wedding?” Her shoulders had shaken for a long time.
He didn’t let go until she quieted down, but she kept her eyes downcast. “Perhaps I’d best go in the house, then.”
“Mattie, please.” He had begged again.
“It’s not decent to cry too much on your boyfriend’s shoulders”—she gave him a quick glance—“and since you’re not going to be my husband anytime soon.”
“It’s not my fault that we can’t wed, Mattie. The country is in a depression, things are a mess, and Europe’s threatening war.”
“You love me, don’t you?” The words were more accusation than question.
Of course he loved her. Did Mattie think the decision had been easy for him? Mervin leaned against the stall wall and hung his head.
Nearly a year had passed since then, a year in which he could have had his own farm and a frau in the house. Did Mattie think he didn’t want that? Of course he did, although the way she had questioned him a week and a half ago made him wonder if she didn’t really understand how committed he was to marrying her. That was why he had pressed ahead and purchased the farm this year, but now his nerve had failed him.
Mattie wanted a wedding date set, and they should have one by now. But the purchase of the farm had taken all the resolve he could muster. He had taken a risk that involved only money, not lives. With a wedding, their hearts would be at stake. He had spoken the truth to Mattie. If they wed, Mattie could be left to face the birth of their child alone. That was not right, even if he knew that things should not be easy for conscientious objectors. His child must not grow up without his daed. He couldn’t live with that. Not when he knew they could have waited.
On the other hand, this war might never involve the United States. Doubtless this was why many of the dating couples moved on with their wedding plans.
“We are taking the plunge, and so should you,” Willis Stoll had told him at the last Sunday service. “Mary and I plan to keep our date. We think we have to trust the Lord.”
That’s easy to say, Mervin had almost replied. He had nodded instead. “Jah, I know. These are difficult decisions made in difficult times.”
“But the times are always difficult,” Willis insisted.
“Will Bishop Martin marry you?” Mervin asked him.
Willis laughed. “When the day comes, how will the bishop not marry us?”
Which wasn’t exactly the question. The question was, did Bishop Martin approve of weddings this year? Neither of them wished to press the bishop for an answer. One thing was certain: Love could be irresponsible. He didn’t want to blame Willis of such a transgression, but Willis and Mary were younger, and this was their first planned wedding date. Surely Willis had given the subject serious thought and had simply come up with a different answer than he had. Willis planned to live in the spare bedroom upstairs at the home of Mary’s parents. Even with a more prosperous year, Willis couldn’t afford a farm.
<
br /> Mervin, on the other hand, couldn’t imagine that this was the right way to treat a wunderbaar woman like Mattie. He wanted a place of his own. Mattie deserved the best. He didn’t exactly have the best, but he had a decent farm with a decent house on the place. Why would the Lord take him away from all that with this war? Which was a useless question. The draft was very possible, and his faith and resolve would be tested to the fullest. He might not return for ten years.
When he looked back from that perspective, would he wish he had married Mattie this wedding season and allowed the future to take care of itself? What if he did marry Mattie and came back in ten years to a child in the fourth grade who didn’t know his daed? Mattie would have raised the child by herself. Would Mattie’s love for him survive such a thing? Did he have the right to ask this of her? Or allow Mattie to think she could carry such a load on her tender shoulders?
Willis must have asked these same questions and decided that Mary could handle things. Did Willis know something he didn’t? Willis and Mary did have a freshness about their love. But didn’t Mattie and he have the same thing? They had been through the fire last year with their postponed marriage. Perhaps that gave them a maturity the others didn’t have.
Mervin closed the stall door and gazed across the pasture to where his horses held their heads high in the air. The air held the promise of a storm, which explained his restless animals. They found a resolution of their rumpled spirits with a race across the fields. He couldn’t do that with the approaching war or with Mattie’s insistence that they wed this year. He needed council, a man to speak to about the matter. This had become too much of a confusion for him to sort out, and Deacon Joe was the one to approach. Why not make the trip over to Deacon Joe’s place this morning? The deacon lived only a few miles up Route 340 toward Lancaster.
Mervin whistled, and Windy, at the far end of the pasture, jerked up his head.
“Come here.” Mervin waved his hand, and Windy trotted toward the barn. When Windy arrived, he stroked the horse’s neck and led him inside, where he tossed on the harness.
Windy neighed, as if he were in full agreement with this trip.
“I thought you wanted to stay inside the barn a moment ago?” Mervin teased.
Windy tossed his head.
“Maybe I should take lessons from you and get excited about adventure.” Mervin fastened the last strap and led the horse out of the barn. A soft stir of wind greeted him. Windy neighed again.
“Storms coming,” Mervin agreed and rubbed the horse’s neck until Windy calmed down.
He held up the shafts of the buggy, and Windy swung himself into place without much prompting. Mervin fastened the tugs and hopped into the buggy. He jiggled the reins, and Windy trotted out the lane.
The traffic was light on State Route 340, and Mervin waved at the few buggies that passed. An English automobile approached him just before the turn toward Deacon Joe’s place. Mervin slowed and held the reins tightly. Windy wasn’t a skittish horse, but he didn’t take any chances. Everything had him on edge this morning. The driver of the Plymouth waved as he passed, and Mervin returned the greeting. He stared after the sleek lining of the automobile’s frame. How strange the English world was compared to the simple buggies and lifestyles of the Amish. Each year saw more changes in the English world and further pressures on his people, who wanted only to live their lives in peace. Now the English had brought the threat of their war to the Lancaster County districts.
Mervin turned his thoughts away from the fancy English automobile. They were almost at Deacon Joe’s driveway.
“Whoa there,” Mervin called out to Windy.
The horse slowed but still took the turn at a fast trot. With a whirl they pulled up to Deacon Joe’s barn door. The deacon appeared with a grin on his face. “Gut morning there, Mervin. What’s the rush?”
Mervin smiled and climbed down from the buggy. “Looks like a storm’s on the way.”
“Jah.” The deacon glanced toward the west.
“Ahh…” Mervin cleared his throat.
“Jah.” The deacon waited.
Mervin stared at the ground for a few seconds. “I’ve been thinking and wrestling with something, and I thought it was time to ask for council.”
“Your wedding to Mattie this fall?”
“Jah, is it that plain to see?”
Deacon Joe grinned. “That’s an important step in life, Mervin. Of course you’re thinking about it.” The deacon’s gaze drifted back to the western horizon. “There are lots of reasons to think about it.”
“Willis Stoll says he’s going ahead with his plans.”
The deacon’s grin faded. “That’s what it looks like, and so are some of the others.”
“You don’t approve, then?”
“Mervin, please don’t put me in that place. Marriage is a sacred thing in the eyes of the Lord, and only the hearts involved know when the time has come.” Deacon Joe paused. “We pray, jah, and we are concerned as a ministry, but we can’t make those decisions.”
“I guess not,” Mervin allowed.
Deacon Joe met Mervin’s gaze. “We will support whatever decisions our young people make during this time. That’s what Bishop Martin has decided. Only Bishop Amos in the south district is openly encouraging his dating couples to place their marriage plans on hold.”
“There is plenty of reason.” Mervin stared at his shoes.
“I agree, but reasons are not always the right choice. You should know that, Mervin.”
Mervin forced a chuckle. “Can I use that excuse for breaking the ordnung?”
Deacon Joe joined in the laughter for a moment. “I wouldn’t try it if I was you, but we both know this is a matter of the heart.”
Mervin nodded. “That’s what has me worried.”
“You are a wise man.” Deacon Joe smiled. “I highly respected your decision last year to place your wedding plans on hold. Some would have rushed in and let the sticks fall where they would, but you chose caution. We could use more young men like you in the district. I’m sure the Lord will reward you for your faithfulness.”
Mervin fixed his gaze on the deacon. “Then we should wait? Is that what you’re saying?”
Deacon Joe laughed. “You are a tenacious one, Mervin, but I wouldn’t be the one to second-guess the bishop. That’s all I’m saying.”
Mervin ran his fingers over Windy’s bridle. “Mattie wants to take the chance. She wants our wedding date set this season in a bad way. Should I let her council influence me?”
Deacon Joe patted Mervin on the shoulder. “Sorry, son. I’m not going there. That’s even more dangerous than disagreeing with the bishop. Make the choice that you can live with, and Mattie will follow. If she doesn’t, you’d best be finding that out now than later. No one in the district wants a frau who can’t submit herself to her husband’s lead.”
“She is quite submissive,” Mervin protested. “But the heart must always speak. I wouldn’t take that from her.”
“And neither would I,” Deacon Joe assured him. “But you must make the decision in the end.”
“I know,” Mervin said. “Well, I won’t be keeping you. I should batten things down at the place before the storm arrives.”
Deacon Joe nodded. “Seek the Lord’s will, son, and everything will be okay.”
“Thank you,” Mervin muttered.
He climbed back in the buggy and waved good-bye as he turned the buggy around and drove down the deacon’s lane. At least Deacon Joe was confident that things would turn out well—if the heart was submitted to the Lord’s will. He could share in that confidence. But the burden seemed a heavy one to carry. One choice was no lighter than the other. Maybe he should do what he wanted and take Mattie as his frau this wedding season. Maybe the Lord would understand. Could duty and desire both be right? He seemed forced to choose between them.
Mervin jiggled the reins, and Windy headed back toward the town of Whitehorse at a fast trot. Dark clouds hung on t
he horizon and a blast of wind whipped across Route 340.
Chapter 4
Thursday, October 30, 1941
Mattie climbed down from Daed’s buggy and squinted her eyes in the bright morning sunlight. Of course Cousin Mary would be given a beautiful day for her wedding. The bitter thought spun in Mattie’s mind. This is what came from taking gut chances and doing the right thing. Willis and Mary had shown everyone the way. The young couple had opened the district’s fall wedding season. They had done so with the storm clouds of war on the horizon. Tonight Mary would be with her loved one as his frau. Wasn’t that worth whatever risk was needed? Mervin didn’t think so, but she did. This should have been her wedding date, instead of Cousin Mary’s.
Mattie waited while Mamm climbed down from the buggy behind her.
“It’s a fine morning for a wedding,” Mamm said with a bright smile.
Mattie remained silent. Anything she could say would only reveal her own unhappiness. She had managed to smile at the proper places all morning, but her resolve melted away when they had driven up her cousin’s driveway.
Mamm stopped and turned around. “Your turn will come, dear. Don’t worry.”
Mattie forced another smile. “Mervin loves me. I know that.”
“Of course he does,” Mamm said and led the way toward the house. “And he always will,” Mamm tossed over her shoulder.
At least she could think about Mervin’s love, Mattie comforted herself. She would be with Mervin all day. As Mary’s cousin, she had been asked to serve as a table waiter. Mattie paused to glance toward the barn. There was no sign of Mervin, but his buggy sat near the barn, tucked in the long line. That must mean Mervin was in the house. But what did she expect? Mervin wouldn’t be late unless there was a perfectly gut excuse, and she didn’t want to think what that might be. Perhaps trouble at his farm or some such disaster. Mervin placed duty and fear of the Lord first in his life. She loved the man for his devotion, but she should also be by his side tonight as Mervin’s frau. Instead, she would leave the hymn singing this evening as his girlfriend.
A Plain and Sweet Christmas Romance Collection Page 27