To Have and to Hold

by Laura Dower

  “Oh,” Madison said. “Um … would you excuse me for a sec?”

  Madison turned away from Wanda, Tiffany, and the others and dashed into a bathroom located in the small, blue cabin alongside the lake. She splashed a little water on her face and primped in front of the mirror, trying to get a strand of hair to stay in place that kept flying out of its clip. But the hard, fluorescent light inside the bathroom didn’t help Madison feel any better. It only shone a glow on her sweatier-than-sweaty forehead. A small blemish had just started to pop out along the side of her nose.

  Madison reached for a tissue and blew her nose hard, hoping that somehow her pimple would magically disappear….

  And that somehow Dad would magically reappear.

  Instead, she heard a knock on the bathroom door.

  “Are y’all coming or what?” Tiffany said.

  Three different parties located in three different, huge ballrooms packed the Great Hall restaurant to overflowing. People lined the halls waiting for service at the bars. Madison, Tiffany, and Kirk walked into the room designated for the Wolfe and Finn wedding. The other cousins were already inside.

  “I don’t see your dad or Aunt Stephanie anywhere,” Tiffany remarked.

  Madison kept looking. “They have to be here,” she said, still desperate to make her getaway.

  Wanda put her arm around Madison. “Are you feeling alrighty, hon?” Wanda asked. “I know this is a big day, and things are a little crazy right now….”

  Madison looked up at Wanda. “Huh?” she said. She didn’t feel like having a heart-to-heart right now, especially with yet another person from Stephanie’s family. “Oh, I’m fine,” she said softly, trying hard to be nice.

  Deep down, Madison felt a pang like the kind she had used to get when she slept over at someone’s house.

  There was a word for that feeling.

  Homesick.

  She envisioned Phinnie, sniffing around his chair and pillows. What Madison wouldn’t give to have just one doggy kiss from him right now! She closed her eyes for a split second—as if doing that would somehow send a secret psychic message to Mom.

  Where was Dad?

  “Hey, look at the food spread,” Kirk said, appearing with his arms outstretched.

  He was a welcome sight, coming over and tugging on Madison’s sleeve.

  “You have to see this. Grandma has, like, twenty ice sculptures here,” Kirk continued. “Roses, a spur, and a lasso …”

  “More food?” Madison cried. She followed Kirk inside to see the ice figures.

  Tiffany came up behind them. “Boo!” she said.

  Madison was about to turn around and scare Tiffany right back, but then she saw Dad across the room. He was standing very close to Stephanie.

  “Hey, look,” Tiffany said, as soon as she’d spotted them, too. “Aunt Steph and your dad are holding hands again. That’s a good thing.”

  Madison nodded. “Yeah,” she said blankly.

  Tiffany looked at Madison, crossing her eyes. “Well, duh!” she said in a bright, twangy voice. “’Course it’s good. They’re getting hitched tomorrow. At least, I think that’s why we’re all here. I knew they’d make up after fighting.”

  Madison turned away to see Mrs. Wolfe on the other side of the room. She looked as chipper as ever.

  “Maddie!” Dad called out across the room. “You’re here!”

  Madison immediately ditched Tiffany and bounded across the room toward Dad. He gave her a hug.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t see you before we left the run-through,” he said.

  Madison sighed. “I forgive you, Dad. I’m just glad you’re here now….”

  “How are you holding up?” Dad asked.

  “Fine …” Madison said. “How are you holding up?”

  “Um … Stephanie and I are fine, too,” Dad said calmly. “I think. For now.”

  Madison hated how her dad was answering for both himself and Stephanie. That was how Dad would see things from now on, she thought.

  “What happened back at the ranch?” Madison asked.

  “You got me,” Dad said with a shrug. “Diane tries so hard sometimes, but, with the rush of plans and all that—I think she got a little carried away.”

  “You sounded so angry,” Madison said. “I’ve never heard you talk like that.”

  Dad laughed. “Nonsense!” he said. “Sure, you have. I get mad a lot.”

  Madison giggled. “No, you do not.”

  Dad threw his arms into the air. “No? Well … I’m going to have to start getting madder, aren’t I?”

  “Please don’t,” Madison said, giving Dad another hug. She wished that holding him tight in a hug could keep Dad from changing altogether.

  The rehearsal dinner got under way a lot faster than the run-through at Bobcat Lake had. After a round of “three cheers for the bride and groom” toasts, Dad and Stephanie made their own little speeches, thanking the guests for coming to their special party. Dad added a little piece to his toast that referred directly to Madison.

  “As you can see, I’m a little outnumbered in the guest department,” Dad said, with his glass raised to the ceiling. “But my daughter, Maddie, makes up for all of it. She’s here watching over me.”

  Stephanie was the first person to clap, and then the whole room broke into a wave of applause.

  Tiffany leaned over and whispered in Madison’s ear. “You must be so embarrassed,” she said, not really clapping.

  Madison made a face. Embarrassed? She wasn’t embarrassed at all.

  Instead, Madison was feeling surprisingly choked up by the turn of events. Only a few hours earlier, she’d been feeling sick about the wedding.

  What did Tiffany know?

  After the rehearsal dinner there was a little more dancing, but the dance floor was small, and hardly anyone seemed interested. The most energetic people on the dance floor were Dad and Stephanie, who were back to being their lovey-dovey selves again.

  It wasn’t until the end of the evening that Dad wandered over toward Madison with his arms wide open.

  “Okay, honey bear! It’s your turn!” he said. “Will you dance with me?”

  Madison looked over her shoulder, pretending that he was talking to someone else. “Um … no way, Dad!”

  Dad grabbed her anyway. “One dance,” he said. “And then we’ll head back to the hotel, okay?”

  Madison glanced around to see who was watching. She didn’t see Tiffany or Kirk anywhere. She could feel her knees buckling.

  “Dad,” she said softly. “I really don’t want to….”

  But Dad grabbed both of Madison’s wrists and pulled her along with him.

  As they spun across the dance floor, Dad squeezed Madison close, hugging her and dancing with her at the same time. Surprisingly, all of Madison’s Texas anxiety fell away like a heavy cloak.

  Now, Madison felt a little more like a princess, swirling around on the dance floor in her peasant skirt, hugging her dad tight. Madison closed her eyes and felt the music lift her up and down and around….

  Her imagination took over.

  What would it be like to dance with a boyfriend she loved—who maybe loved her, too?

  Was this what it would be like if Hart Jones held her in his arms?

  Did love always feel like floating?

  Dad twirled Madison until she was really and truly dizzy. Ceiling and wall decorations blended together in a blur of stars and glitter. She grabbed Dad’s arm to steady her balance. Together they applauded the band when the song ended. That was when Stephanie came over. She was clapping, too.

  “You two looked perfect out there!” Stephanie gushed. “What a pair.”

  Madison felt that maybe Stephanie was saying nice things just to butter her up. After all, the moment of truth had arrived. The wedding was tomorrow. Stephanie needed to step quickly into the role of supportive, encouraging stepmother, didn’t she?

  “I think everyone’s heading home,” Stephanie whispered to Dad
. “Are you two heading back to the hotel?”

  Dad nodded. He reached out for Madison’s hand, and she gave it to him.

  “Well, I’m heading back to the ranch, then,” Stephanie said with a little gasp, as if she’d finally let it sink in that she was getting married the following day. “See you tomorrow….”

  Stephanie started to giggle.

  Dad did, too.

  Madison stood back, watching the two of them say their last good-night as singles. Of course, she had to turn away when they kissed. Madison dreamed of kissing boys more than she dreamed of almost anything else. But right now, the sight of her dad locking lips with Stephanie made her a little queasy.

  After Dad and Stephanie finally parted for good, waving and blowing more kisses, Dad wandered over to a few of the other guests and shook their hands. Madison sat down at a table alone, picking at a snag on the tablecloth. The blue, digital clock on the wall said 10:11.

  A moment later, Dad came over and knelt in front of Madison. “What are you doing all the way over here?” he asked.

  “I’m waiting for you. Can we go now?” Madison asked. “You told Stephanie we were leaving. So why are we still here?”

  “Hold on!” Dad said. He stood up again and held up a single finger, as if to say Just one more minute.

  Madison slumped back in her chair.

  Who was Dad going to talk to now?

  Madison didn’t feel like saying good night to anyone else—especially not Tiffany.

  Fifteen minutes later, when Dad finally returned to collect Madison and head for the door, Madison’s mood lifted.

  They walked out of the restaurant into the hot Texas night air.

  A taxicab was there, waiting to take them back to the hotel.

  Chapter 15

  THE RIDE BACK TO the Bellville Villas was surprisingly quiet, as if Madison and Dad had run out of things to say.

  The only real sounds were the sound of Dad humming to himself (it sounded like one of the love songs that had been playing at the rehearsal), and the low drone of crickets and other insects outside.

  Madison spied the Texas moon through the window of the car and made a quick wish.

  Please don’t let this wedding happen.

  No sooner had she thought the words, however, than Madison wanted to take them back. How could she wish for something so … unkind?

  All the same, Madison had real reasons for wanting to see the wedding called off. She would have to recount them in a file as soon as she had a chance.

  Mrs. Wolfe wasn’t playing fair, and Madison didn’t want a step-grandmother like that. Besides, what did Madison want with a new cousin like Tiffany?

  Mega-omens were all around. Madison was worried. Was Dad’s union with Stephanie doomed? It sure felt like it. Madison had spent the last year saddened by the Big D. She wasn’t sure she could deal with the Big D-2.

  Somewhere inside, in a teeny little corner of her heart, Madison still secretly wanted Mom and Dad to get back together. Was it so wrong to hope, even though she knew Mom and Dad could not get along, and even though she knew they had tried to get back together and failed?

  Dad kept up his humming as they got out of the taxi, rode upstairs in the elevator, and walked down the corridor to the hotel rooms.

  Madison pushed her card key into the door first.

  “I’ll come in with you,” Dad said, following her inside.

  “Oh,” Madison said. “You will?”

  Dad let out a huge breath as soon as they’d walked inside. “I can’t believe I’m getting married tomorrow, can you?” he asked.

  “Nope,” Madison said, collapsing onto the bed.

  “What a whirlwind,” Dad said, wiping his brow. He smiled. “Stephanie and I were talking tonight about how great it’s going to be once we get back to Far Hills.”

  “Great,” Madison said under her breath.

  “Don’t you think it will be great?” Dad asked. He eyed Madison up and down. “What’s with the sour-puss?”

  “Nothing,” Madison grumbled.

  Dad shrugged his shoulders and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Well, off to bed. I need my beauty sleep,” Dad joked.

  Madison didn’t laugh. She clicked on the T.V. instead.

  “First, I’m going to check and see if Uncle Rick and Aunt Violet or any of my other friends have checked in yet, okay?” Dad said.

  Madison nodded without really looking at Dad.

  “See you bright and early?” Dad asked.

  Madison nodded. “Uh-huh,” she said, changing the channel.

  As soon as Dad had gone out, Madison turned off the T.V. set and pulled out her laptop.

  She didn’t need the tube. She needed a serious BFF fix.

  Her e-mailbox blinked with a few messages—all of them from friends.

  FROM

  SUBJECT

  Bigwheels

  I almost forgot!!!

  Balletgrl

  Fiona

  Sk8rboy

  Summer BBQ Sat.

  Bigwheels had written again. That was twice in one day!

  Madison clicked on the e-mail.

  From: Bigwheels

  To: MadFinn

  Subject: I almost forgot!!!

  Date: Fri 19 July 4:03 PM

  How are u? I know I just wrote this morning but I had 2 write again. I forgot 2 ask u to e-mail me n e photos from the wedding so I can see ur dress. I bet ur the prettiest girl there. That’s like something my mom would say. But I bet it’s true.

  Hang in there.

  Yours till the polka dots,

  Bigwheels aka Vicki

  Madison hit SAVE so she could write back to Bigwheels later.

  Next, she found a message from Aimee.

  From: Balletgrl

  To: MadFinn

  Subject: Fiona

  Date: Fri 19 July 6:55 PM

  Im writing b/c I know u would want to know that things here are pretty bad. I guess Fiona’s Dad had some kind of relapse and he’s back in serious or critical condition. I feel so helpless. Fiona cries all the time now. What am I supposed to do? I wish u were here so we BOTH could make her feel bettr. U have 2 hurry home!!

  My mom says Mrs. Waters is not doing too well either which is a major bummer. I think my mom and your mom and Senora Diaz are all going over to Fiona’s house to help her deal with what’s happening. I’ll e-mail u more details l8r.

  I miss you so much, Maddie. Fiona isn’t the same since all this happened and Far Hills feels so weird without you being here. I have a super long dance class tomorrow so I might not e-mail right back, but e me anyhow, please? Promise?

  Love, Aim

  Madison had to keep that promise in mind. It seemed more important than anything else just then. She couldn’t believe that she was sitting in the middle of Texas while her friends were going through such a rough time.

  This wasn’t where she belonged. Was it?

  Finally, Madison opened the last and final e-mail. She almost dropped her laptop when she read the “From” line.

  It was from none other than Hart Jones.

  From: Sk8ingBoy

  To: DantheMan; TheEggMan; W_Wonka7; Peace-peep; L8RG8R; Wetwinz; Wetwins; Balletgrl; MadFinn; Rokstarr; 07l2biggy; DougLee; B_Foster; SkatrGod; Kickit88; CharlieX; JK4Ever; RosyROSE; Flowr99; LuvNstuff

  Re: Summer BBQ Sat.

  Date: Fri July 8:21 PM

  Okay guys here’s the deal the BBQ is now starting l8r so don’t show up until after 12 ok? Thanx

  p.s. we will be playing VB girls vs. boys, see ya

  Madison’s stomach churned.

  Fiona needed her.

  Aimee missed her.

  And Hart was having a barbecue?

  Why wasn’t she in Far Hills right now?

  “Wait a sec!” Dad said, walking back into Madison’s room. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw him come through the divider door.

  There was no time to think about Fiona or H
art. Dad had one of those serious, “don’t mess with me” looks on his face.

  Madison closed her laptop. “What’s up, Dad?” she asked.

  “I should ask you the same thing,” Dad said.

  Madison looked at Dad like he had three heads. “Huh?”

  Dad nodded. “You hardly spoke all the way home.”

  “Oh, Dad,” Madison sighed. “I’m fine.”

  Dad leaned in close. “Maddie,” he whispered. “What’s wrong?”

  Madison felt her stomach flip-flop. Maybe it was the words Dad was saying, or maybe it was the way he was saying them. She wasn’t sure. But those two words put her stomach in knots.

  “Tomorrow,” Madison said simply, in response.

  Dad closed his eyes. “You’re still not comfortable with the idea of me getting married, are you?”

  “I can’t talk to you anymore about this….” Madison said. “It’s not like it would make a difference, anyhow.”

  “Now what is that supposed to mean?” Dad asked.

  “Nothing,” Madison grumbled. She lay back on the pillows and bit her lip. There was no way she was going to talk about that anymore. She wanted to get back to her e-mails from Aimee and Hart and everyone else.

  “Look, Maddie,” Dad said. “I know this has been an insane trip. First your luggage got lost. Then we had trouble at the dinner the first night—and at all the parties. I wish I could do some things differently, believe me….”

  “I miss home. I miss my friends,” Madison said.

  “But you’ll see them in a day or so,” Dad said. Then he paused. “Oh. Are you talking about Fiona—and what happened with her dad?”

  Madison looked away. “Maybe. Whatever.”

  “Honey,” Dad said. “I know you want to be there for her. And you will be. Even though it’s hard, I really need you to be here for me, too.”

  Madison closed her eyes. “I’m trying, Dad….”

  “I can imagine how you feel, Maddie. You feel bad about Fiona. And, as far as the wedding goes, we’ve tried to make the plans work for you, but maybe that was just wishful thinking….” Dad said.

  Madison rolled away from Dad.

  “I don’t want you to be angry like this,” Dad said.