I stared at the phone and felt a dull ache inside. Nobody liked to think of a kid’s life going down the toilet.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Mona asked.
I picked up the phone, and she closed the door. “Hello, Mr. Barnes,” I said, using what Mona called my professional voice.
“I’ve got Ricky in my office,” he said. “We’ve been discussing his case.”
“Mr. Barnes, I don’t know what you expect from me, but I have not agreed to get involved in Ricky Perez’s legal matters. I’m not a forensic psychologist.”
“I know that, Dr. Holly. That’s not why I’m calling. Ricky would like to speak with you.”
I felt a quiver of anxiety as I waited.
“Dr. Holly?”
“Yes, Ricky?”
“I, um, just told Mr. Barnes everything,” he said in a halting voice. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I was scared.”
I heard his voice catch, heard him sniff. “I know.”
“I hit Father Demarco with the baseball bat,” he said. He choked back a sob. “I never wanted to hurt him. But I was so angry. I wanted that Blood member to pay for what he did to girls, and I was willing to make any kind of deal. So I linked up with the Thirty-Eights. I’m sorry I lied to you.”
I swallowed. “How can I help you, Ricky?”
He started crying. “You already have,” he said between tears. “I never would have been able to tell my mom and my grandmother if you hadn’t called me down. I just want you to promise not to give up on me, because I want to be able to talk to you some more.”
“I’m never going to give up on you, Ricky,” I said, my voice wavering. Screw professional detachment, I thought. I’d have to be made out of stone not to feel something for the kid on the other end of the line. “You’re going to be the first doctor to come out of your neighborhood,” I reminded him. I had no grand illusions, only hope.
chapter 16
After hanging up, I sat at my desk and tried to gather my thoughts. Mona was right. I had a crappy job. She knocked on my door. Her expression was troubled. “Mrs. Perez just called. I guess you know what it was about.”
“How are they taking it?”
“Not so good. But Lewis Barnes said Ricky won’t do hard time since he will be tried in juvenile court. He might spend time in the juvenile detention center.”
“How is he going to get out of the gang alive?”
Mona sighed. “That’s the tricky part. Both Mrs. Perez and Ricky’s mother are prepared to leave at a moment’s notice with the clothes on their backs. Lewis and I are working on a plan in case they have to do that. In the meantime, he is going to talk to the judge. Ricky will have what the gang refers to as ‘street cred’ by being locked up, which is the safest place for him right now anyway.”
“Did he say anything about the shooting?” I asked.
“No, but the police told Barnes the so-called ‘Blood’ member ate a bullet for honing in on the Thirty-Eights’ territory. The penalty for that is death. It had nothing to do with Ricky.” Mona sighed. “It’s going to take someone smarter than Elizabeth and me to figure out a way to curtail gang violence, but there are supposedly experts who stay on top of that sort of thing.”
I was relieved that Ricky had no involvement with the gang member’s killing. I knew that even though he would confess to beating Father Demarco, he would never mention the Thirty-Eights or the deal he’d made. Ricky would protect his sister no matter what.
“How is Elizabeth, by the way?” I asked.
“She took out a restraining order against her husband and that crackpot doctor; plus, she’s got that stud of a bodyguard.”
“I’m glad you discussed your desire to raise funds for the boys and girls clubs,” I said. “It will help divert her attention.”
Mona nodded. “Um.”
“Um, what?”
“I sort of agreed to be Jeff’s friend if he swore never to tell anyone that I tried to seduce him.”
“Jeff is a big boy. He’ll live.”
“Um. Do you think your mom or aunt or Arnie will say anything?”
“My aunt doesn’t gossip and Arnie pretty much minds his own business. But in high school, my mother was voted the girl least likely to keep a secret.”
Mona slapped a hand over her eyes. “I’m screwed.”
I was tired when I arrived home at the end of the day. While I’d made progress with Alice Smithers, I was still concerned over Ricky Perez and feeling bad for his family. I worried that his sister would not get the help she needed, that Ricky would never recover emotionally from what he’d done, that his mother and Mrs. Perez might spend years living with the shame of his crime. Of course, if it were up to me the whole world would be in therapy, just like the orthodontist who thinks everyone needs braces.
Mike greeted me happily at the door, and I scooped her up and twirled around. Her tail wagged at warp speed; I was thrilled to have the old Mike back.
The phone rang. I put Mike down and answered. It was Jeff.
“Guess what? I have a new partner.”
“Fantastic!”
“I would never have gotten around to advertising for one if you hadn’t bitched, moaned, and nagged.”
I smiled. “Why, thank you, Jeff. I’m touched.”
I checked my other messages. Jay had called and promised to call back. Ricky’s tearful mother left a message, thanking me for helping her son and wanting to know if I would consider seeing him while he was in juvenile detention. I made a mental note to call her back.
The machine beeped and Bitsy Stout spoke. “Kate Holly, guess what I found in my yard when I returned from my Bible study meeting? Dog poop, that’s what. This is the last time I’m going to warn you to stop letting that, um, dog of yours poop in my yard.” She hung up.
At least she hadn’t called Mike ugly.
When my doorbell rang, I was surprised to find Jay standing there, wearing a weary smile. “What are you doing here?” I asked as he stepped inside. Mike raced toward him and put her paws on his legs.
“You got a hug for a tired fireman?” he asked, reaching down to rub Mike’s head.
I slipped my arms around him, and we held each other tightly, saying nothing, just enjoying the contact. I caught the smell of soap, mingled with sweat and soot. I stepped back and noted the deep lines of fatigue on his face. “Are you okay?”
“I am now,” he said. He leaned down and kissed me. It was long and lingering, and I felt it reach down far and warm my soul. He raised his head and smiled. “I was hoping I could grab a shower if you have any guy soap on hand. It’ll ruin my macho image if I go back to the station smelling like magnolia blossoms.”
“Gee, I don’t know,” I said. “You might have to bathe in Mike’s flea dip.”
“Silly woman. Maybe I could crash here if the sofa isn’t already taken.” He glanced past me.
“Silly man,” I said, closing the door behind him. “Have you eaten?”
“I grabbed something earlier.”
I took his hand and led him upstairs. I kept his stash of underwear and socks in one of the dresser drawers. I opened it and pulled out what he would need, plus a pair of old sweats. While he undressed, I reached inside my closet and grabbed his jeans and a long-sleeved shirt so they would be there for him later. “I hope this is okay,” I said.
He barely glanced at it. “Thanks.” He wadded up his clothes and put them on the floor beside his shoes. “I hope the water is hot,” he said, walking naked into the bathroom.
I stared at his broad back and trim hips and gave a soft sigh of feminine pleasure. “Me, too,” I said.
I hurried downstairs, heated a couple of cans of soup, and made grilled cheese sandwiches. The phone rang. I felt a cold knot in my stomach when I saw the caller ID readout. I recognized the area code from before.
I answered.
“This is Mandy.”
“What can I do for you, Mandy?”
“I need to speak to J
ay. I haven’t been able to reach him on his cell phone.”
“That’s strange,” I said, “because I can.”
Silence at first. “It’s important.”
“He’s in the shower. I’ll be happy to take a message.”
“You have no right to keep me from talking to him,” she said. “Don’t you get it? He’s not your husband anymore.”
I could almost feel her hostility burning through the phone line. “I don’t think you get it, Mandy,” I said, more calmly than I felt. “This is where Jay sleeps at night, and if he hasn’t called you back by now it’s not likely he will.”
I heard a deep intake of breath, followed by a dial tone.
Jay walked into the kitchen as I put the food on the table. He wore his sweats but was bare from the waist up. I liked him that way. He sat down at the table. “Would you like a beer?”
“No, thanks. I don’t know if I’ll get a call. How about a soda instead?” he asked.
“Sure.” I didn’t ask questions.
He picked up one of the sandwiches and looked at me. “Thanks, babe.”
I smiled. I knew he wasn’t thanking me for the sandwich. He was relieved that I wasn’t pushing for information or making demands as I would have done in the past.
We decided to crash early. Jay put his radio and pager on the night table beside him, pulled off his sweats, and climbed beneath the covers. “Come here,” he said, reaching out.
I stripped down to my panties, turned off the lamp, and climbed in beside him. He pulled me flush against his body, his broad chest warm on my back. “This sure beats the hell out of sleeping on a cot,” he said, a smile in his voice.
I felt the tension melt from him. His breath was warm on the back of my neck as he settled into sleep. The rise and fall of his chest lulled me, and I felt myself drift, enveloped in all that was Jay.
It was times such as these, when we pushed life’s many complexities aside and focused on simple human needs, that Jay and I were at our best.
I wasn’t sure how long I had slept before I heard the alarm go off on Jay’s radio. I felt him climb from the bed, heard him slip on his clothes. As always, I felt a sense of dread, only this time it was worse because I knew the alarm only sounded when a fire was bad and extra manpower was needed.
I turned over. “What time is it?”
“Early. Go back to sleep.”
I pushed the button on my wristwatch. The face lit up. Two thirty a.m. I swallowed hard. “Do you think—”
“Don’t, Katie.”
I tried to make my voice steady. “Please call me as soon as you can.”
He planted a quick kiss on my head and raced down the stairs. A moment later, I heard him pull from the driveway.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.
Wearing my warmest robe and sitting at the kitchen table, I fretted through my first and second cups of coffee. I watched the clock. Mike sat at my feet, still as a statue. I reached down and stroked her ear. My shoulders felt weighted with worry. I crossed my arms on the kitchen table and laid my head down.
I was jolted awake by the sound of a car door slamming outside. It was after four a.m. I almost toppled the chair as I ran to the front door. I threw it open.
Carter Atkins stood on the other side.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, angry to find him there instead of Jay.
He swallowed so hard that his Adam’s apple bobbed along his throat. “Jay has been hurt. He was taken away in an ambulance.”
“You’re lying!” Adrenaline rushed through my body. I swayed. Carter reached out, but I slapped his hand away. I tried to close the door; he stuck his foot in it. Fear clutched at my throat. How many times had Jay warned me to stay away from him?
“Go away!” I yelled. “I know what you did. You tried to make Ronnie Sumner look guilty, but you were the one setting those fires.”
“No, I—”
“You’re angry because you can’t pass the exam.” I shoved the door harder. “You hate firefighters because you know you’ll never be one.”
“Kate, listen to me.”
“No!” I glared at him. “If you don’t leave this minute, I’ll scream so loud the whole neighborhood will hear me.”
“I’m telling the truth. I heard it over the scanner, and I didn’t think you’d be in any condition to drive so I came to get you.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you!”
“You don’t have to ride with me,” he said. “I’ll follow you to the hospital in my truck.” He pulled his foot from the door. “I’ll wait for you or I’ll leave. Tell me now.”
He’d backed away from the door, leaving me free to close it. I struggled with my emotions. If I trusted him, then I would have to believe Jay was really hurt. “Why have you been hanging around me?” I said.
He looked down at his feet. “Because you don’t treat me like I’m a retard. Because I care what happens to Jay even if he hates me.”
He appeared genuinely concerned. My eyes spurted tears. “Don’t you lie to me, Carter,” I said, shocked at the sound of my own voice. “Don’t you dare lie to me.”
A single tear slid down one of his cheeks. “Jay and three other men fell through the first floor of a house and into the basement. They ran out of oxygen before they could be pulled safely out.”
I didn’t want to believe him. “How bad?”
“They’re alive. Call the hospital if you like.”
I closed the door, locked it, and hurried to the phone. I fumbled through the phone book, my fingers numb as I searched for the telephone number to the local hospital. I dialed the number to the ER and explained to the woman on the other end who I was.
“Yes, we have a Jay Rush listed,” she said, “but I’m not allowed to give out information over the telephone.”
“I’m his wife!” I repeated. “Just tell me if he’s alive.”
“Yes.”
I hung up and ran to the door with Mike on my heels. I opened it to find Carter sitting on my front steps. He stood. “I can be dressed in three minutes,” I said.
I turned so quickly my head spun. I raced upstairs, Mike right behind me. I flipped on the light switch, tore off my robe, and grabbed my jeans from the chair where I’d left them. My hands shook. I could barely hold the waist band open to push my legs through.
I searched for my sneakers. I dropped one of them twice before I could put it on. My fingers were clumsy as I tried tying the laces, and I couldn’t stop crying. I took the stairs one at a time because I feared my knees might fold at any moment. I reached the kitchen. I was not prepared for what I saw.
Carter stood in my kitchen. Behind him, Mandy Mason held a pistol to his head. She wore thin latex gloves. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.
“You don’t look happy to see me, Kate,” she said.
I gulped. “What are you doing?” I cried. I saw resignation in Carter’s eyes. He was a man waiting to die.
“Have you ever heard of payback?” she asked calmly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“C’mon, Kate, you had to know your husband was screwing my brains out. Everybody at the station knew. Excuse me, I mean your ex-husband.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Denial is a good thing,” she said. “Why is the wife always the last to know?” She smiled. “Why don’t you ask me where Jay’s birthmark is?” she said.
I suddenly knew with all my heart that Jay had not been unfaithful. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want you to hurt like I was hurt,” she said. “I want you to experience the humiliation that I went through when Jay finished with me. When he tossed me aside as though I was nothing,” she added.
“She’s lying,” Carter said.
“Shut up!” she yelled. She hit him in the head with the butt of the pistol. He staggered forward. I started toward him and saw something from the corner of my eye at the
window over my kitchen sink. Someone was out there. I averted my gaze quickly.
“Come any closer, and he’s dead,” Mandy said. Mike growled.
I could almost feel the hatred roiling inside the woman. “You’re going to shoot us?” I asked. “My neighbors will call the police the minute they hear the shots.”
“Perhaps you’d rather burn like the others.”
I frowned. I saw the look of disbelief in Carter’s eyes. Realization hit me like a brick. “You started the fires?”
“I tried so hard to be the best firefighter I could, but it was never enough. Not for a man like my father, who had walked right into the belly of a fire. A man who became a hero to each and all, even though it almost cost him his life,” she said. “I wanted to be just like him, but there was only one hero in our home and it wasn’t me. I was nothing.”
Bitter tears streamed down her face. “The men at the fire station in West Virginia liked me, and I enjoyed being liked by them. I enjoyed being special.” Her bottom lip quivered. “But men talk, you know? They gossip. My father called me a whore.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t have that. I decided those men would have to pay, not only for their sins but for my father’s as well.” She laughed bitterly. “They never suspected that I was behind the fire that snuffed out three of their own.”
I could tell Carter was as stunned as I was. “What does that have to do with Jay and his men?” I asked.
“My father asked Jay to hire me because he wanted me out of the way. I embarrassed him. I was angry at first. But then I met Jay, and he was different. He treated me like I was somebody. We could have had something if it weren’t for you. But in the end, he was no different from the rest.” She shrugged. “I wanted him to pay. I wanted to make the men who watched him make a fool out of me pay.”
I stared into her eyes as she continued on. I recognized the wild, disjointed expression because I had seen it in the psychiatric ward at the hospital. I was familiar with the ramblings of a mind that had lost all direction.
Still holding the gun to Carter’s head, Mandy reached for the knobs on my gas stove and began turning them on.
Carter clasped his hands together in front of him and made a large fist.
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