Wade wanted to stare at her, to study her face. But how to avoid being weird? If he made chitchat then he could look in her direction.
“How do you all know each other?”
Traci tucked a lock of hair behind her ears. “Linda and I are in a small group, and Tom and I volunteer at MissionFocus together on Monday nights.”
His heart skipped a beat. MissionFocus. She volunteered at the same organization where he once dedicated so much of his life, where he met Carter.
Traci paused to pick some wild raspberries by the side of the trail. “Tom tells me you used to lead MissionFocus, Wade.”
“I did. Years ago.”
“What happened?”
How to answer without sounding like a nut? The truth? He stopped so he could build a time machine in order to convince her to have an abortion so he could enact revenge on her son. No, save that for the first date.
Keep it light, simple. She doesn’t need the whole story.
“Burn out. I burned out.”
“It happens.” Traci offered him some of the raspberries. “Even the best of us need a break. It’s not easy dealing with other people’s problems.”
“You two are such downers,” giggled Linda. “Why don’t you talk about something happier? You’re having a good time, for Pete’s sake.”
They laughed, told jokes. Conversation turned to Wade’s work for the Department of Defense, the stuff he could tell to other people. They remembered old trips to summer camps and winter toboggan rides. He shared so many memories with the Griersons. They were a big part of his past.
Linda turned on the balls of her feet and faced them, bringing the group to a halt. That look only meant one thing: she was up to something.
“Well, we should go put away lunch.” She pulled Tom by the elbow, ushering him down a side trail. “Why don’t you two walk around the big loop and meet us back at the truck?”
They were already twenty feet down the path before Wade could protest. Alone? They were leaving him alone with this woman? “I can help. No reason you guys should.…”
“Don’t be silly.” Linda’s gestures were big and rehearsed. She clearly set this up. “You two have some fun. We can manage.”
And the Griersons disappeared behind a thick stand of pines. Wade and Traci stood at the trail junction, caught in the awkwardness of the moment. A blind date. What could they do?
Traci broke the silence.
“Well, we should probably listen to them. They are kidnappers after all. No telling what they might try.”
“No, we don’t want to upset them.”
They continued down the dirt path, following a creek through a crab apple grove. Light shone on them, highlighting her hair. He wanted to hold her hand, but was that appropriate? Do you reach out and grab it? Do you have to ask? He was in fifties, he should know what to do by now.
“Some kid broke your heart, huh?” she asked. “Volunteering, I mean. Now that the happy couple is gone, we can go back to that, right? I’m curious. They called you a force of nature at MissionFocus.”
“He was some kid.”
It was her kid. What was he doing? You can’t banter with the woman you convinced to.…
Traci discovered another bush of raspberries. “I think we all know what that’s like. They say that you know you’re a good mentor when one of them breaks your heart. It happens.”
“To you? Has it happened to you?”
Traci’s palm filled with red berries. She offered him some and went to work at picking more.
“Oh, yes. A few times each year. Almost a hundred kids come in and out of our meetings each week. Twenty-one volunteers. That means we each have to invest in the lives of at least five teens. I take the girls out to dinner, we talk about boys and school. They spill their guts. They are so honest. Every aspect of their lives is an open book. Somehow I learn to love them like they are my own. They become my children. I want to protect them, but I know I can’t. The temptations they face are too strong. At least half of the girls have divorced parents. Some are raised by their grandparents or the state.”
Traci twirled a ring on her finger. Not a wedding ring, he noticed. “They don’t have a lot of good options. About ten percent of the group makes it to community college, five percent to a university. The rest stay here in Kitrich and try to make the best of it. But a lot of the kids can’t wait until after graduation to start acting like adults. They are so tired of their home lives that they do crazy things. Some of the girls get pregnant on purpose to trap guys into marrying them. It’s terrible. What kind of father can a seventeen-year-old be? What hope do they have? The bills add up and, before you know it, they’re under water. But these young women are so desperate to escape their lives that they’ll do anything. Anything. It breaks my heart.”
He’d mentored girls like that. Even now he spotted them at the grocery store and hid, too ashamed that he hadn’t helped them avoid their bitter mistakes.
“And you blame yourself for not fixing them?”
“I try not to.”
She wiped a tear from her eye and turned away. A group of ducks bobbed in the water to their left while a young family played by the shore. They watched from afar as the father taught his son to hold a fishing pole, careful not to hook himself. It was serene, perfect. But what did it mean for her? She was a spinster in her early fifties. No children of her own, no husband. Aside from MissionFocus she had nobody. Neither did he.
Wade guided her away from the lake with his hand on her shoulder. How surprising. Suddenly, without warning, she nestled into his arm. A hint of perfume wafted his way. She was so attractive, but he did not like seeing her upset. A diversion was in order.
“Do you like your nursing job?”
# # #
Tom placed the remaining dirty dishes into large plastic containers in the back of the minivan. The small parking lot hummed with the sound of people leaving as evening set in. Kids kicked soccer balls while parents tried to keep them from running in front of moving cars.
His wife trotted back from the restrooms, wiping her wet hands on her pants. “Drier in the bathroom broke a decade ago. Still not fixed.”
Tom grumbled, too much on his mind.
“What do you think?” she chirped, folding the red and white-checkered picnic blanket. He turned his back. No point getting into this, not with her.
“What?” She folded her hands against her chest. “You don't think I'm a good matchmaker?”
“That's not it.”
“She is a great gal. Single forever and needs a friend, I thought that maybe we could....”
He kicked at the gravel and counted to five. “It's not that. Traci is great..., it's..., Wade has acted strange lately. I get this creepy feeling about him.”
“You're being paranoid.” She shoved the blanket into the trunk and bent down to pick up a trash bag. “Wade is…, Wade. He’s a little skittish. So what?”
“Guys have a sense about these things.”
“Oh, right. Guys have a sense about other guys.” She took a drink of water from a bottle. “It's very sweet of you to have concern for her.”
He shouldn’t fight this battle. Linda would never understand. She always believed the best about people. “I'm serious. Something doesn’t sit right.”
“You weren't worried when you hooked him up with Darcy, and she's nowhere near as capable with men as Traci is.”
Tom closed the big back door and sat down on the bumper of the minivan while she zipped her duffel bag. How to get her to understand his point of view? She didn’t see the signs––the ranting at the protest, the constant looking at Traci, the theatrical behavior. This was not the Wade Rollins they knew. “This is different. When he first saw Traci, he froze, did you see that? Froze.”
“She's a good-looking woman, what do you expect?”
Tom stared straight ahead, wringing his hands together. “Not like that. Like he'd seen a ghost. I'm worried for them.”
She sh
ook her head. “I don’t think it’s a problem.”
“Remember what I told you he said at the protest? All that stuff about justice and taking matters into our own hands?”
“There is nothing for him to get upset about there. She’s a nice woman, he’s a good guy deep down. I think he needs to get acclimated to being around people again. He’s hidden himself forever.”
She didn’t see it. Why did he marry such a rational woman? “I think he’s dangerous.”
“You think he’s dangerous and you let them walk alone together?” She hoisted the duffle bag over her shoulder.
“That's what I'm worried about.” Tom kicked at the gravel by his feet again.
“Don't get upset. She’s a big girl. You’ve seen the way she handles the teens at church. She can protect herself.”
Tom stared at the ground unable to respond. He could not explain his reaction. Some unknown force started moving when they introduced those two. What seemed like a good idea earlier that morning now felt like a big mistake. He checked his watch. When did they go separate ways? Thirty minutes earlier? Shouldn’t they be back by now? Where was Wade?
She knelt next to him on the bumper and rubbed his back. “They haven't wandered very long. It's a nice day, let them be.”
“I need to go check on them.”
“Why are you so worried?”
Tom put his head in his hands. “I don't know.”
“Then relax and allow love to work its magic.”
“What if—”
“Do you think they're smooching in the woods? They're old enough to take care of themselves. In their fifties, for goodness sake.” She gave him a shove. “Lighten up, old man.”
He stiffened. No, something was wrong. Tom stood and started walking, ignoring her delays. If trouble happened out there, he didn't want to live with the horror that he'd stood back and let it go. He considered Wade a good friend. But he wasn't the same. Something had changed.
Tom set off at a trot, bounding into the woods. Linda called after him, but he was not willing to turn back. No time for questions.
Sprinting over a rise he came upon a small wooded valley. No sign of them. There was only one way out of the park and it was through this clearing. They must have turned back by now. Tom broke trail. In three minutes he crossed the valley, dodging fallen logs and large rocks. His heart pounded.
“Wade?” he shouted. No answer. “Wade?”
What if he lured her into the woods and knocked her unconscious? Maybe he took advantage of her. Wade might not know how to act around women. Any number of things could happen.
This is how terrible tragedies start. A guy who’s locked away from society gets set off and that's it. Snap. He takes a gun to the grocery store. Tom could never live with himself if something happened to Traci.
Coming over the next ridge, Wade and Traci came into focus sitting together on a bench several hundred feet away at the center of a second valley. He stopped at the top of the rise and watched.
They sat apart from each other, not daring to cross the center of the bench. They talked, nothing more. He stood there, breathing heavy, feeling silly for getting carried away. But he didn’t dare leave his perch. Ducking behind a tree, he settled in to watch from a distance.
Just in case.
# # #
Wade and Traci sat together, enjoying the quiet summer evening. Words escaped him. So much happened in the last few hours. He woke that morning thinking about his research into Maggie, the woman at the abortion clinic, and now he had a crush. A crush. What a difference a few hours can make.
A grassy field spread in front of them. To the right a slight depression created a swamp occupied by toads and ducks. The trail wound its way around the bench and back up the ridge behind them. Their bench pointed west, the perfect place to watch the sun set.
But a dark cloud hung over his head. This was wrong. It was not sustainable. Thirty years ago he convinced this woman to make one of the biggest choices of her life. She killed her son for him. She was complicit in his judgment against Carter. But he could never tell her that. No matter how deep their relationship, he would always have this secret. It would not last. But throwing away a perfect moment seemed like a greater sin than keeping his secret.
She gathered a bundle of dandelions growing at their feet. "You should come by sometime, to MissionFocus. It might do you some good. I know they hurt you, but…. You'd love the kids.”
He bit his lip. “I don’t think so. Thanks, though.”
“Really? C’mon.”
“I get pretty antsy around teenagers. Claustrophobic. They remind me of…, of something I’d like to forget. I can’t help it.”
She touched his hand. A thrill tickled his arm. She’d touched him. How wonderful. Traci moved a little closer.
“That bad, huh?”
“That bad.”
Exhaling to the wind, she patted his hand once more. “Maybe someday.” She set the flowers aside. “Stop in and we’ll get you set up when you feel like you can give mentoring another go.”
“Thanks.”
If only he could find the courage. What was he afraid of? That teenagers might jump on him? Might force him to care about them? A woman asked for his help and all he could do was run away. How silly. Anger only held him back. If he was going to get better, to rejoin society, this fear must die.
She snuggled against him, her warmth mingled with his. Traci’s hair tickled the side of his face as he wrapped an arm around her. They were together. The perfect moment. It was…, real.
Traci settled in. “I feel very comfortable around you. Like we've talked before. Are you sure we’ve never met?”
Wade shook his head. She could never know the truth. “I get that a lot. I’m the man everyone thinks they know.”
They sat still for a moment taking in the sights. The silence was interrupted by the sound of branches breaking behind them. Wade turned. Tom stood at the top of the ridge looking down on them, his hands cupped over his mouth.
“Time to head home. We’ve got the van all packed.” He waved for them to join, but Wade did not want to go.
Traci wriggled away and sprang to her feet. “Okay, Tom, we’ll be right there. Give me a sec.”
Tom stayed put, staring down at the couple. How long had he hovered there? Long enough to see them cuddled together at the very least. He’d never hear the end of it.
“Shoo!” Traci shouted with a playful wave at their unwelcome chaperone. “I can take it from here.”
Tom turned and walked out of sight, his eyes on Wade until he disappeared. Traci didn’t seem fazed by their host’s strange behavior so Wade let it pass.
“Now, Mister Rollins. Let’s not make this the last time we see each other.” She dug a pen and a scrap of paper from her purse. “Let me give you my phone number.”
His heart jumped. A number. A phone number from a beautiful woman. He couldn’t believe it.
Wade took the paper and tucked it into his pocket, hiding it so that Tom and Linda would not see. It was a thrill, basic but life-altering, like the earth opened and gave him a precious gift. Heaven smiled upon him.
But as they drove home, he faced the reality of his own obligations. What about Maggie, the woman at the abortion clinic? If he helped her, she might turn out as well-adjusted as Traci. He could set another woman free.
So much work to do, serious work. Getting the information he needed from the clinic almost meant the destruction of his entire plan. No sense in turning back now. Think of all of the good he could do. With a machine like that he would do away with any kind of scum he found. If he could turn Traci around, imagine what would happen after twenty trips, fifty trips. Wade took his crush and hid it. It was a time for diligence, not for trifling love affairs.
But nothing said he couldn’t call her.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Aaron groaned, en route to his manager’s office. Why couldn’t they come to him for a change? Instead they made him w
alk across the entire building as if sent to the high school principal’s office. Scores of cubicles passed by as he headed for the glass-walled kingdoms of upper management.
They kept the carpets cleaner over here, and enjoyed better lighting. The air conditioners whispered instead of rattling. Each clear cube contained its own printer instead of sharing one with forty other people. It even smelled better thanks to the air fresheners plugged into every other outlet. Someday he’d have an office with a door and things would change. No more cramming his coworkers into boxes. No more useless meetings and, every once in a while, he’d walk down into the territory of normal people.
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