by Lynn, JB
“This quilt was made by my grandmother,” Loretta announced.
“Our grandmother,” Leslie testily reminded her.
“It’s not to be treated so casually. Leslie could have spilled a cup of coffee on it.”
I gave her a hard look. “So, trying to tear it apart is the way it should be treated?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and giving her a look that signaled how ridiculous she was being.
Loretta hesitated. “It should be mine.”
“Uh uh,” Leslie countered.
I shook my head. “You two are acting like a pair of children,” I said. I stepped toward them. “Give that to me.” I held out my hand and waited expectantly.
My aunts looked back and forth between each other and then to me.
“I’m obviously the one that’s going to be responsible for it,” I told them, realizing that I sounded just like Aunt Susan.
“You tell ’em, sugar,” Piss cheered. She’d taken up residence on the sofa next to Templeton, who was absentmindedly petting her, and was watching the show along with him.
Grudgingly, the twins shuffled toward me, neither willing to relinquish their hold on the quilt until it had been surrendered into my possession.
I tried not to laugh at how ridiculous they were acting, but I could feel the edges of a smile teasing the corners of my mouth.
“You’ll keep it safe?” Loretta asked.
“I will,” I pledged solemnly.
“We’re going to vote on this later, too,” Leslie threatened.
“Okay,” I agreed. I didn’t care if they voted on what color the sky was at the family meeting, all I was trying to do was diffuse the current tensions.
I grabbed the quilt, but neither would release their grip on it. “On the count of three, you’re both going to let go,” I told them sternly. “One. Two. Three.”
Loretta let it go first, and I gave Leslie a hard look.
Grudgingly, she let it go, too, and stamped out of the room like a two-year-old having a temper tantrum.
Loretta turned to Templeton. “You could have helped me.”
He shook his head, making the zipping motion over his mouth again.
Sighing heavily, Loretta toddled out of the room on her stiletto heels.
I waited a long moment to make sure they were both gone before sinking down onto the sofa beside Templeton and Piss, hugging the quilt to me.
“Are you okay?” I asked Templeton.
He nodded.
I wasn’t sure I believed him. I would swear that the shadows beneath his eyes had grown exponentially darker over the last couple of days. He looked older. Beaten.
“Things will level out,” I told him. “It’s been a lot of change, a lot of stress.” He nodded.
I wondered how long he was going to keep up his mute protest. “I’m sorry that you’re caught in the middle of all of this,” I told him.
He reached across and patted my knee, signaling that it wasn’t my fault.
“Where do you think I should hide this?” I asked.
He shrugged. I half expected him to make the zipping motion, but he didn’t, he just pet the cat.
Herschel and Armani, still arm in arm, strolled in, unaware of the childish argument they’d just missed.
“I’m starving,” Armani said, looking at Templeton hopefully. “Any chance I could get you to make me some of your famous bunny pancakes?”
Templeton nodded and got to his feet. He cast a forlorn look at me for a moment, and I swear I thought he was saying that all hope lay with me.
“The twins were fighting over this,” I told Herschel. “Can you find a place to hide it from both of them?”
Herschel chuckled. “They used to fight incessantly over things when they were little,” he revealed.
“They’re not little anymore,” I complained bitterly.
I got to my feet and shoved the quilt into his arms.
When I started to walk away, Herschel asked, “Aren’t you staying for bunny pancakes?”
“I’ve got something else I’ve got to take care of.”
“You’re missing out,” Herschel said, leaving the room to hide the quilt.
“Wait!” Armani ordered forcefully. “Pull tiles.”
She held out a box from a Scrabble game, gave it a vigorous shaking like it was some kind of oversized maraca, and removed the lid with a flourish.
Deciding it was quicker to obey than argue, I reached in and pulled out seven Scrabble tiles. I spread them out on my palm so that she could see them. I’d pulled a blank, two E’s, two S’s and two Y’s.
“Easy,” she declared. “Take it easy.”
I looked at her doubtfully. Easy wasn’t something I could afford to be.
Seeing my disbelief she looked at them again. “Or…it could be yes.”
“Yes?”
She rearranged the letters so that they said, “Y-E-S Y-E-S.”
I didn’t like that much better. Every time I said yes to things, I tended to get in deeper trouble.
She shook the bag, indicating I should dump them back in.
I did and asked, “Can I go now?”
“Yes, my busy friend. Go take care of your business. I’m going to eat ears off of bunnies.”
Shaking my head, I hurried away before she could change her mind or anyone else could demand my attention.
Piss followed closely at my heels. “Is it a job?” she asked.
I nodded, knowing it wasn’t safe to answer her aloud in the house, not with Herschel listening in.
The problem was, I wasn’t sure if I should tackle Whitehat’s assignment first or go looking for Angel.
10
“DeeDee, do you want to go for a ride?” I called as soon as I stepped out of the house.
The Doberman charged toward me. “Ride!”
“Shotgun,” Piss meowed loudly.
DeeDee hung her head, realizing that the cat had already beaten her to claim the prime seat in the car.
“Let’s go,” I told my pets.
“What about me?” God roared.
I looked around and found that he was perched on a rock. “You can come,” I offered.
“You haven’t even acknowledged the fact that I was grievously injured by that fall,” the lizard said, puffing out the orange pouch beneath his chin, signaling his outrage.
“Are you hurt?” I asked.
“That’s beside the point,” he said proudly.
“So, you’re not grievously injured?” I said dryly. “You’re just complaining.”
“I could have been killed in that fall,” the lizard complained.
“I’m sorry that I tripped over the dog and we fell,” I said slowly.
He considered my apology for a long moment. “You haven’t said a word about deserting me.”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “I didn’t desert you. I had more pressing matters at hand, and now I have other things to do,” I told him. “So, make up your mind right now if you’re going to come along,”
“Well, I can’t let you go off on your own,” he said. “Who knows what kind of trouble you’ll get into.”
Piss bounded over to him and scooped him up in her mouth before he could even run away. “Let me down, you flea-infested furbag!” he screamed. “Ow! Oh, the agony.”
I chuckled, knowing the cat wasn’t about to hurt him.
“Everyone in the car.” I opened the back door so DeeDee could jump inside. Then I walked around to the passenger side and opened the front for the cat. She jumped up onto the seat, then spit the lizard onto the console between the two seats.
“That’s torture,” God started to complain.
I slammed the door shut, so I didn’t have to listen to the end of his sentence, and took my time walking around the car, wondering if I should pick up Benny, the mouse, to come along with us. I decided that it wasn’t worth risking going back into the house and running into something else. But my hesitation cost me anyway.
“Maggie!”
Gr
udgingly, I turned slowly to find my sister Marlene and her boyfriend, Doc, strolling toward me. They looked like they were joined at the hip since she had her hand in the back pocket of his jeans. Doc waved hello.
I smiled back. I like the paramedic/exotic dancer.
“Are you going to vote with me?” Marlene asked.
“Vote with you about what?” I asked carefully. This family vote thing was becoming a very complicated landmine, and I thought that if I made one wrong move, I’d get myself thrown off the island.
“I want Doc to be able to move in,” Marlene said, pulling him even closer to her.
Doc smiled sheepishly.
“I think it would be good to have a medical professional on hand,” Marlene declared.
I chuckled. “Is that going to be your argument, that he’s a medical professional?”
Personally, I thought that she might want to team up with Loretta, since the way Doc was putting himself through paramedic school was by being an exotic dancer. Maybe if they paired up with Loretta, they could share her stripper pole, assuming that she got it.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Doc. He is handy to have around, he stays pretty calm and I’m pretty sure he’s good for Marlene. In some ways, even though they couldn’t be more different, he and Templeton were alike in the impact they had on my family. They were both positive forces. I didn’t say any of that out loud. I didn’t want to tip my hand too early, in this all-important family vote.
“I’ve got to go,” I told them. “Errands to run. Important things to do.”
Marlene raised her eyebrows, signaling she didn’t believe me.
Doc nodded, clearly he took me at my word.
“But you’ll be back for the vote?” Marlene asked worriedly.
I nodded. “I’ll be here.” With that, I opened the door and climbed into the car.
“Everyone has an agenda,” God said.
I didn’t respond to him until after I had driven away from Marlene and Doc.
“Everyone has something they want,” I said quietly.
“Maggie wants Armani to move in,” the cat reminded the lizard.
“But she isn’t going around pathetically drumming up votes,” God retorted. “She’ll just put it out there, no campaigning needed.”
“That’s her choice,” Piss told him sharply. “It’s not your place to say.”
“Oh really?” God said, scampering up and down the length of the dashboard. “Has she even considered that if Armani is there, Jack Stern will be around a lot more?”
I looked at him and gave a brief shake of my head. I had not considered that.
“Do you really want a crime reporter sneaking around the place, sniffing up clues, foraging for leads, searching for—”
“You make it sound like the man is a hog searching for truffles,” Piss interrupted. “I’m sure Maggie knows what she’s doing.”
“Why would you think that?” God asked incredulously. “When has Maggie ever known what she was doing?”
I couldn’t argue with him.
11
“Going where we are?” DeeDee asked from the back seat, saving me from having to answer God and Piss about my competency.
“To find Angel,” I told her.
“Angel!” she barked excitedly.
“But the thing is,” I hurried to explain, “when we see him, he can’t know that we’re there. We have to watch from a distance.”
“Why can’t he know we’re there?” Piss asked curiously.
“Because Delveccio has sent her to spy on him,” God announced in his most dramatic voice.
“I wouldn’t use the word spy,” I said carefully. “Keep an eye on, maybe.”
“Is he in trouble?” Piss asked.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’m not sure that Delveccio’s sure. We’re going to find out.”
“We’re surely going to find out,” God mocked.
I was really starting to regret not leaving him behind.
“Angel’s a good guy,” Piss said. “I really don’t think he would be in any trouble.”
“I don’t either.” I squeezed the steering wheel. “But he was different the last time I saw him, and his uncle is very concerned.”
“Maybe his uncle thinks he’s going to drop a dime on him,” God suggested.
“How old is the TV you watch?” I asked him. “Not that there are any payphones around, but I’m pretty sure nothing operates on a dime anymore.”
“It’s just a figure of speech,” God told me haughtily. “Basically, for those who aren’t keeping up, I was suggesting that Delveccio is afraid Angel is going to rat on him.”
“Rat,” DeeDee shuddered in disgust.
“Not that kind of rat,” God railed. “You feeble furry. He’s afraid he’s going to testify against him. Send him to jail.”
“I really don’t think that’s what Delveccio was worried about,” I said. “Otherwise, he would have kept it within the family. He wouldn’t have involved me.”
“How are you going to find him?” the lizard asked.
Ignoring him, I called Gino while I drove.
“You okay?” the bodyguard asked as a greeting.
“I’m fine. But I need some information.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Delveccio’s man said.
“I need to find Angel.”
“He’s not answering his phone?” A note of concern weaved its way through Gino’s voice.
I chose my next words carefully. “I need to find him without him knowing I’ve found him.”
“Oh.” There was a long pause. “Hang on.”
I pulled the car off the road and reached into the glove box to get paper and pen.
“Are you writing Angel a love note?” Piss purred dreamily.
I shook my head.
“She’s preparing to write down the address she’s given,” God guessed.
I nodded.
“You there?” Gino asked.
“Yes.”
He rattled off an address, which I quickly wrote down.
“That’s Gaston’s Bar,” Gino added. “Not the nicest place. Not a safe place for you.”
“I won’t go in,” I told him.
“And you’ll call if you need help,” he coached sternly.
“I will.”
“Be careful.” With that, Gino disconnected the call.
“Speaking of family,” God said, giving me conversational whiplash. “I think we need to have a family vote.”
I punched the address of the bar into my GPS and pulled back onto the road. “The vote’s tonight,” I reminded him.
“No,” the lizard insisted. “I think we need to have a vote with us, your family.”
I gave him the side eye. Was he somehow suggesting that my aunts and my sisters were not my family?
“We have concerns, too,” God said.
I sighed heavily. I forced myself to ask even though I knew I wasn’t going to like the answer. “What kind of concerns?”
“Zippy,” DeeDee whined from the back seat.
I glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “What about Zippy?”
“He thinks he’s king,” Piss said, flexing her claws.
“King?” I asked, confused.
“He thinks he can boss everyone around,” Piss explained.
“Boss not the me of he’s,” DeeDee declared.
It hurt my brain to figure out what she meant by that sentence. “Say again.”
“She said he’s not the boss of her,” Piss translated.
“How can you even understand that rubbish that comes out of her mouth?” God demanded to know.
Instead of replying, Piss just hissed at him.
“Childish,” God retaliated, sticking his tongue out at her.
“I can talk to Zippy,” I assured them.
“He’s not going to listen to you, sugar,” Piss declared. “He’s had the run of that place for so long…”
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll tal
k to Herschel, I’m sure Zippy will listen to Herschel.”
“Also,” the cat said quietly, “I’ve heard that there’s talk of making me an outdoor cat.”
I glanced at the seat beside me at my one-eyed feline friend. “That’s not going to happen,” I said.
“It could if you lose the vote,” God told me. I frowned and squeezed the steering wheel harder. I thought that moving to Herschel’s would solve the family’s housing issue, at least temporarily, but it only seemed to be causing more problems.
“Who wants you to be an outdoor cat?” I asked quietly.
“Herschel,” God supplied when the cat refused to say. “Zippy is insisting.”
“He claims to be allergic to me,” Piss sniffed with disdainful outrage.
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say besides that; after all, it was Herschel’s home that we were moving into. If he wanted Piss out…
“That’s reassuring,” Piss taunted.
“If they vote to make you an outside cat, we’ll all leave.”
“What do you mean we’ll all leave?” God asked sharply.
“Piss stays, or I leave,” I told him.
“I appreciate that, sugar, but—”
“Not buts about it,” I pledged. “You’re not going to be homeless.” Even as I made the promise, I knew that in doing so I might become homeless.
12
I pulled up to the seedy bar where Gino had claimed Angel was. It didn’t seem like his kind of place. This was a guy who made romantic picnics on the roof of a building so we could see the stars.
God surveyed the dingy building, the line of motorcycles out front, and the half-naked woman displayed on the billboard. “Well, you can’t waltz in there and go unnoticed.”
I couldn’t argue with him. It wasn’t my kind of place, and considering the effort Angel had made to stay out of the family business, I couldn’t understand why he’d be there, either.
“Are you sure he’s here?” the lizard asked.
“That’s what Gino said.”
“And everyone knows that a bodyguard to a mobster is never wrong,” God mocked.
I shrugged. I’ve never had a problem with Gino. He’d never let me down, and I had no reason to think he was going to do so now.