While it breaks my heart, at the same time I understand, because I’m a stranger to him.
“How old are you?” I ask him.
“Four.” He holds up four fingers.
“Really?” I gasp. “That’s cool.”
“How old are you?” He asks me, leaning a little closer to me.
“Twenty. So many fingers they don’t even fit on my hand.”
He laughs at that and my God even his laugh his perfect. Everything about him is more than I ever imagined.
“I heard you like to skate.”
“I do.” He nods at this with a little grin, his hair bouncing. “I’m gonna play hockey one day.”
“Wow, that’s awesome. Do you want to go skate with me?”
He looks up at his mom and waits for her to okay it. When she nods, he says, “Yeah, that’d be fun. How do you say your name? I forgot.”
“Nova,” I tell him.
“Nova,” he says. “Like a star?”
I break out in the biggest smile. “Yeah, exactly like a star.”
“I love the stars,” he tells me, taking my hand.
I gasp, pressing my lips together as I fight tears, because holy shit I’m holding my son’s hand. It’s small and warm in mine. We waddle out onto the ice and start skating together.
“You’re really good,” I tell him.
“Of course I am. I’m good at everything.”
And he’s definitely Owen’s kid, because that’s so something he’d say.
“So, I was in your tummy?” he asks.
“You were.” I smile down at him as we glide on the ice.
He looks back at his mom and dad who are just now getting on the ice with Jace. I feel bad that I didn’t introduce him, but I was so shocked I couldn’t think straight.
“That’s cool. Mommy and Daddy tell me that I’m adopted, but I don’t know what that means exactly. I’m only four, after all.” He shrugs his slender shoulders.
“All it means is that you’re very special and surrounded by a lot of love.”
“Being adopted is a good thing, then?”
“A very good thing.” I smile down at him, fighting tears.
The emotion clogging my chest feels like it’s going to choke me. I can’t believe this is happening right now. That my son is here and that I’m holding his hand.
It feels too good to be true.
We skate around and he holds my hand the entire time.
The others hang back, giving me time alone with him, for which I’m grateful.
The amount of love I feel for this little boy eclipses everything else in the world. It’s a different kind of love too. It’s a bond that transcends.
It makes me wonder about Jace’s dad—how he could have treated his son so horribly. Our children are precious gifts, something meant to be cherished. I was forced to give my child up, but I can’t imagine willingly ignoring one. It’s heartbreaking.
I look behind me at Jace.
Despite it all, despite the darkness in both our hearts, we both still turned out pretty well. I guess it goes to show you that you can choose to be better, that you don’t have to let life break you. You have the power to make things better.
We finish skating, and my heart begins to break all over again, knowing I’m going to have to say goodbye.
Hellos are the easy part. It’s the goodbyes that rip you to shreds.
I look at Sarah and Jimmy with panic in my eyes. “Can I see you again? Can I see him again?”
Sarah takes my hand, looking at me with pity in her eyes. “Absolutely, sweetie. Jimmy and I were talking about it, and if you want, maybe we can speak to a lawyer about the adoption and change the terms so you can see him. We won’t keep him front you.” She squeezes my hand.
“Thank you.” I burst into tears. “Thank you so much.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Thank you, because of your selfless act we finally got the child we’ve wanted all our lives. Without you, we wouldn’t have that. The way I see it, we’re family. Bonded for life.” She hugs me.
I hug her back, mumbling, “Thank you,” repeatedly.
When she releases me, I hug Jimmy and then I bend down, opening my arms to Greyson.
“Can I have a hug?” I ask him.
He dives into my arms without a second of thought, which only makes me cry harder. I bury my face into his hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. It smells like watermelons which makes me smile.
I realize that this is my first time hugging him, but it won’t be the last, which only makes me cry harder.
He feels so good in my arms, like they were made to hold him, but I know I have to let him go.
I finally release him and he blinks up at me with wide eyes. “Why are you crying? Are you sad?”
“No.” I shake my head, wiping the wetness from my cheeks. “I’ve never been happier.”
“You cry when you’re happy? I didn’t know that.”
“Only if you’re really happy.”
He nods like this makes perfect sense.
Sarah takes my hand and squeezes it. She’s a pretty woman, in her forties with a few wrinkles from laughing, and soft brown hair.
“We’ll see you soon,” she tells me with a smile.
“Mhmm.” I nod, close to breaking out into hysterics again.
I watch them leave, and once they’re gone, a sob breaks free of my chest.
Jace gathers me into his arms, and I bury my face into his chest.
He rubs my back soothingly, humming softly—I think it’s a new song he’s been working on.
I rub my face against his shirt, probably leaving behind a streak of mascara tears.
When I finally have a hold on myself, I look up at him. “This was the best day of my life. Thank you—without you, this would’ve never happened.”
“I’d do anything for you, don’t you know that by now?”
He glides his fingers down my cheek and my stomach clenches. The amount of love he looks at me with is mind-blowing. I never in a million years thought we’d end up here—together. But somewhere along the way our paths crossed, and then they intersected. Some things are just meant to be, and I think that’s the case for us.
Jace
One Month Later
Death isn’t something that’s easy to accept, even when you know it’s coming.
I held my father’s hand as he passed away and Nova stood at my side while I cried. I didn’t even know why I cried, but I felt like someone should, and if I didn’t do it, who would?
My father’s last month wasn’t an easy one.
Every day he grew weaker until he couldn’t get out of the bed.
I went every day to see him, though. In the beginning, I didn’t want to, but by the end I was hoping they’d continue on forever.
I learned more about my father in that month than I did in all of my twenty-two years.
Some days, when the pain was too much, he’d revert to his old self, but most of the time he was kind. He asked me questions about myself that before he never cared to know and even asked me to sing for him.
I was singing to him as he took his last breath.
He died with a smile on his face so he either loved my singing or was glad he didn’t have to listen to it anymore.
I fix my tie into place and look in the mirror. My hair is slicked back, my face clean-shaven. My new suit fits me perfectly.
I have to give a eulogy at my father’s funeral today.
I meet Nova in the middle of the apartment, my eyes raking over her. The black dress she wears has long sleeves but ends above her knees. The skirt part flairs out at her hips and the top shows off the curve of her breasts.
“If you keep looking at me like that, we’re going to be late,” she quips.
“Wouldn’t be a bad thing.” I look her up and down.
She laughs. “Come on.”
She ushers me to the door.
The funeral is held in a church twenty minutes away.
I find it ironic since I don’t think my father set foot once in a church while he was alive.
Nova and I head into the church. Cade, Thea, Xander, and Rae are all already there, so we say hello. Nova stays with them while I go hunt down someone to tell me where the fuck I’m supposed to be.
Eventually, I end up greeting people as they arrive. Pretty much everyone that shows up is someone that he worked with. It’s a small crowd, but it’s better than nothing, because that was my biggest fear.
When it’s time for me to speak, my palms begin to sweat.
I clear my throat and speak into the microphone. “I’m … uh … Jacen … Jace. His son.” I point stupidly at the casket. “I’m Heath’s son.” I pause to take a breath and laugh lightly. “I’m not very good at public speaking—singing in front of people, not a big deal, but this …” I grasp the podium. “I’m supposed to get up here and tell you what a good man my father was, but I can’t lie to you. For most of my life he was horrible, but this last month … Maybe it was the fact that he knew he was dying but I finally saw some humility in him. He seemed human, for once. I always thought he was a bionic robot or something,” I joke. “As twisted as it sounds, I’m kind of selfishly glad he got sick, because it allowed me to see him in a different way. I got to know him in a way I never had before. We didn’t have the typical father son relationship, but this past month I got a small taste of what could’ve been. I wish it had been a lifetime like that, but it wasn’t, and so I’m thankful for what I had.” I press my lips together, thinking. “That’s something I’ve grown to learn—quality over quantity. I used to think more of something was better—more drinks, more girls, more sex. Then this girl came into my life, with her ever-changing hair color and shook up my whole existence. I suddenly understood quality over quantity because she’s everything I never knew I needed. Every moment I get to spend with her is one worth remembering. My dad didn’t like her, not at first, and she knew that, but by the time he passed he’d grown to love her too. I don’t think anyone can’t not love Nova.” I smile at her in the first pew. “Dad saw too, by the end, that quality over quantity is better, and I hope that’s something you all can learn too, before it’s too late. Thank you.”
I step down and head down to sit with Nova and my friends.
A few more words are said and then I stand to help carry the casket out to the grave. Xander and Cade stand to help me, along with a couple of the men Dad worked with.
We carry the casket outside into the cold, snowy, February air.
The girls huddle close together, trying to stay warm.
His grave is right beside my mom’s. I used to hope my dad would go to hell, but now I hope he’s wherever Mom is and that they’re finally together again.
My father might not have been the best, but I never doubted that he loved my mother in her own way.
I grab a flower from the arrangement on his casket and drop it onto my mother’s stone.
Nova loops her arm through mine, laying her head on my shoulder.
I squint at the sun shining through the bare tree branches.
“Confession—I think life works in mysterious ways.”
She smiles up at me, her dark brown hair blowing in the wind. Her nose is red from the cold and she crinkles it, accentuating her freckles.
“It definitely does,” she agrees.
If there’s anything the last month has taught me, it’s that life is always changing. What’s true today, might not be true tomorrow. What you feel today, can change in an instant. You have to learn to let things go, and when you do, you become stronger for it.
I know I am.
When Constellations Form
Xander and Thea’s second book
Due date: March 2017
First came marriage…
Then came love…
Now comes baby in a baby carriage.
So, at least we did one thing in order, right?
It’s been three years since Xander and Thea’s impromptu Vegas wedding. Since then, they’ve dealt with family drama, his grueling NFL schedule, and her college classes. Now that Thea’s graduated from college, it’s finally time for them to move out and start their life together.
Things couldn’t be any more perfect.
And then a curveball is thrown their way.
Midnight feedings and a screaming infant wasn’t a part of Thea’s five-year plan, but, suddenly, it’s very much her soon-to-be reality. Xander is thrilled at the prospect of parenthood while Thea can’t wrap her head around it.
But, ready or not, here comes baby.
Read about Rae and Cade in book one: Rae of Sunshine
And read the start of Xander and Thea’s story in book two: When Stars Collide
I can’t believe we’ve come to the end of another book. I’ve wanted to tell Jace and Nova’s story ever since I wrote Rae of Sunshine. I knew in that book that Nova had a child she gave up for adoption, and I itched like crazy to tell that story because I knew it would be good—plus, Jace and Nova have explosive chemistry so that’s fun. Haha. This book was everything I hoped it would be and more. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you want to know more about where Jace and Nova end up then be sure to read When Constellations Form. That book is Xander and Thea’s second book but it wraps up everyone’s stories so you’ll see a lot of Rae & Cade and Jace & Nova.
Regina Bartley, honestly, girl, what would I do without you? You’re like my writing soul sister. You’re always there for me and encourage me when I get down. No book would ever be completed without you. I love you, and I hope I get to see you soon.
Emily—you’re a rock star, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. It feels like you’re a part of the family now. Thank you for always being there for me, you help keep me sane.
Wendi, Wendi, Wendi. You’re more than my editor and formatter; you’re my friend. I’m so incredibly lucky to have found you (*cough* you found me *cough*) because you’ve been the greatest thing to ever happen to me and my books. When everyone starts trying to snatch you up, remember this, YOU’RE MINE. Muahahaha!
To my author friends, Molly E. Lee, Lindsay Marie Miller, Lucia Franco, Clara Stone, and Valia Lind—we don’t get to talk often, but when we do I always have a smile on my face. I love you all, and your books rock!
Regina Wamba—holy crap, you nailed this photo shoot and cover. My jaw dropped when I saw it, and I think I might’ve teared up. I’ve been thinking and planning what this shoot and cover would like since I finished Rae of Sunshine and you went above and beyond of what I dreamed of. I can’t thank you enough. Your talent is astounding.
Yuli Xenexai, the styling for this shoot is my favorite you’ve done. You completely nailed the vibe for Jace and Nova. It couldn’t have been more perfect. Thank you for everything you do to bring my books to life. I can’t imagine doing it without you now.
Libby and Alex—you brought Nova and Jace to life perfectly. Seriously, when I saw the live videos and then the photos my jaw dropped. You completely embodied the characters, and I thank you so much. You rocked it.
Jordan, you may be my cousin but I honestly look at you as my sister. I’m so proud of the woman you are becoming and I’m in awe of your song-writing ability. I know you’re only going to go up from here, so never give up on your dreams and keep pushing. You can do it, I believe in you. I love you!
To the girls in Micalea’s Minions, I love you all so much. I feel like we’re a group of friends just hanging out. It’s awesome to have you all. Thank you for always being there. I love talking about my books and random things with you.
Most importantly, thank YOU. Thank you for buying my books, for reading them and loving them. Because of you I get to live my dream, and that never ceases to amazes me. I love you all so much.
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