“Ryder?” Wayne questioned.
After a split-second debate about whether or not to recruit Wayne to gang up on Hank, Ryder grunted. “I’m fine. Go back to bed.”
A moment of silence followed and then he heard Wayne’s snort. “Whatever, man. Just keep it down.”
He heard Wayne leave and Hank tugged on his arm again causing him to bite his lip hard. It hurt like hell but he wasn’t going to give Hank the satisfaction of knowing he was inflicting pain. The weight upon him shifted as he felt Hank’s breath at his ear.
“If we didn’t need your shooting arm intact, I’d snap it right now. I’ll ask you one last time, are you ready to calm down and discuss this rationally?”
Hank shifted his weight again and Ryder felt a knee press into his back. The pain was substantial, but the pressure it put on his chest was immense. Unable to fight in his prone position, he knew his only recourse was to give up, even as he had no intention of speaking with Hank.
“Fine,” he grunted out. The relief that spread through his body upon his release was immeasurable. His mood, however, hadn’t improved at all. As he regained his feet, he shot Hank a resentful glare. “Dick move,” he grumbled.
“You’d better be talking about yourself, Lee,” Hank barked. He was visibly irritated and Ryder decided not to push him lest he himself end up facedown on the floor again. Instead he angrily crossed his arms and resumed his glare.
Hank motioned to the table. “Wanna sit?” Receiving nothing but a curt headshake in response, Hank released a small sigh before speaking again. “We’re going to talk about this. You don’t want to, I know that, but you have to. Depending on what Mark tells us tomorrow, we could face Bossman and his forces soon. You need to be clear-headed going into that.”
“I am. Even you said I was functioning fine so I don’t know what the fuck you’re going on about right now.”
“I said you were too focused and too calm, and that it scared Levi and me.”
“Whatever. Calm and focused is what I need to be, what all of us need to be, so shove your fucking pep talk up your ass. I’m good.”
When Hank crossed his arms, Ryder knew he was pushing the shifter again but couldn’t help it. He was purposely being antagonistic and rude but had to be. The alternative, actually speaking with Hank, maybe confiding in him, was something he refused to do. Gone were the days of sharing his dreams and fears with his mentor. Hank had never been truthful, not since day one, and Ryder would be damned if he would confide in his former commander again.
“That’s the last bit of disrespect I’ll allow you to utter tonight. If you can’t keep a civil tongue then keep your damn mouth shut and listen.” Back to silently glaring, Ryder waited to hear whatever bullshit Hank would spout next, furious with the situation but eager to let Hank say his piece and then leave the house. “I told you we were going to discuss this. Well, maybe that’s not going to happen but I will say what I intended to say before your childish outburst. Levi did bring your behaviour to my attention and I’m glad he did. He’s right. You’re not as in control as you appear to be and his worry over that is justified. We can’t have any weak links in our chain going forward from here. Too much has happened and not being a united front will result in someone getting killed when we go up against the pack. We all want to put an end to them but we have to do so professionally, without making mistakes.”
His blood boiling, he narrowed his eyes, as he didn’t need this chastisement and longed to unload another insult or two on Hank. Realizing he’d agreed to be civil toward Hank and didn’t agree to extend that civility to Levi, he arched a brow, intent on pissing Hank off in a different manner.
“What makes Levi such a fucking expert? Aside from being the biggest target I’ve ever seen, what exactly has he contributed to this investigation? From what I’ve seen, he’s nothing but a giant asshole.”
Hank’s answer surprised him. “He is an asshole.” Uncrossing his arms, Hank took a step closer to Ryder. “Maybe he always has been, I really don’t know, but I will tell you this: He’s the most dedicated and focused shifter I’ve ever worked with. He’s definitely a little short on social skills, but he’s the best agent I’ve come across. Maybe not having a mate accounts for that in part, I don’t know. What I do know is that I wouldn’t be alive if not for him. He saved my life and almost lost his in the process. That’s the type of shifter he is. He’s protective over others to the point of self-sacrifice. I owe him my life and those of my pups. If he hadn’t saved me, I never would have been a father.”
As he unfolded his tightly crossed arms, Ryder felt like a dick. While may he have questioned Hank’s allegiance to Wayne and himself, he didn’t doubt Hank’s love for his mate and pups. The tone of Hank’s voice as he spoke of Levi, the thankfulness for his friend’s actions, the loyalty he felt for the shifter, was clearly heard by Ryder. Being honest with himself, he knew that loyalty extended to him and Wayne, too. He cast his eyes to the floor as guilt crept through him.
“She could die, and your pups.” His head snapped up at Hank’s words, his eyes wide. “It’s a possibility,” Hank continued, “after what we learned about Jason’s first mate. Before that, the only confirmed death was that of Tiffany Ward who didn’t survive the change. We thought that ensured the survival of female shifters taken by the pack but we know differently now. Your mate might not be alive when we locate the pack.”
“No. She’ll be fine, we’ll rescue them all in time.”
Shaking his head, Hank took another step closer to him. “What have we always tried to make shifters with missing loved ones understand when we speak to them?” Ryder couldn’t answer the question, his heart pounding too ferociously. “We try to make them see we might not be able to recover kidnapping victims alive. That sometimes, despite our best efforts to reach them in time, the victim is already dead when we locate them. We tell them that to prepare them for the worst case scenario because that’s usually what transpires. You’ve worked kidnappings, you know they rarely have happy outcomes.”
Hank’s hand descended on his shoulder. “Ryder, you’re an excellent agent and your skills can only help us recover Ashlynn and the others. But you have to accept they might already be dead. You need to go into this with a rational mind and a heart that’s acknowledged this could end up being a body recovery mission and not a rescue.” Tears stung his eyes, and he blinked rapidly. Hank’s words felt like knives, each puncturing his heart with their truth. “Even if they are still alive, it’s been days since their capture, long enough for the rogue shifters to have done horrible things to them. Early pregnancy is a delicate time and any trauma can lead to trouble for a pregnant shifter and her pups. That’s the added worry you need to accept. Ashlynn’s chances of surviving are akin to her brother’s. It isn’t a hopeful situation for either of them. You know it, but you have to accept it. You have to expect it. If you don’t, you’ll jeopardize us all. I can’t allow that, and if you’re not fully prepared to find your mate dead then I will pull you from this case.”
A sob escaped his lips. He was certain his heart would split in two under the onslaught of the terrible things Hank said. Every word was true though, and he knew it. Ashlynn could be lost, along with his pups.
“I hate to be the one to do this to you but you have to see the truth. If this situation was Myra in the hands of the rogue shifters, I’d need you to tell me this and I know I’d fight you as hard as you’re fighting me.” He squeezed Ryder’s shoulder. “I love you, and I hate doing this, but I have to.”
This related truth drew a low whine from Ryder’s lips. Hank did love him, enough to hurt him because he had to, for Ryder’s sake, and for all the shifters involved in the rescue attempt. As Hank’s arms encircled him, he tried to pull away only to find Hank’s hold had become vice-like.
“Let it out, Ryder, all of it. Rage, scream, cry, punch me if you need to, but get it out. Clear your head and accept the truth.”
Wrenching his body as hard as he
could, he broke Hank’s clutch and, with a deep roar, shifted. His clothes fell from him in ragged shreds as he instantly achieved his wolf-form. Rattled by the awful feel of rage mixed with sorrow that barrelled through him, he set his sights on the table before him. He attacked it with a ferociousness that scared him, nothing more than gnashing teeth and tearing claws. Wood splinters punctured his toes and his gums but he continued to decimate the table before turning on the chairs. When the entire set was reduced to a pile of rubble, he threw his head back and howled in anguish and fury. A second howl followed, then a third.
Returning to human-form, he stood and locked eyes with Hank. The apprehension in the shifter’s eyes morphed to an understanding of the words Ryder uttered next.
“I’m ready.”
***
As she rapped on the door, Hannah forced a smile. Her earlier confidence, that of being able to handle anything that came her way, had faltered in the short time since she’d last seen her mates. The conversation with her mother hadn’t gone well. After finding out Hannah had granted SASS access to all her father’s files, her mother had flown into a rage, and accused her of betraying her father. As Keegan had tried to calm their mother, Taylor had walked Hannah to her room. He’d assured her he and Keegan would take care of their mother and told her she was doing the right thing, something he knew his twin also believed. The pack had to do their part to recover Ashlynn, Nathan, and the others, and this was Hannah’s contribution, allowing SASS whatever they needed. He’d then told her to spend as much time as she needed with her mates for she deserved no less. Taylor’s words had lifted her spirits but her call to Adam had crushed them again. Tears threatened to erupt as she recalled Adam’s callousness. Like the one with her mother, her conversation with Adam hadn’t gone the way she’d intended.
The door swung open and, at the sight of Dustin and Zack’s expressions, her forming tears fled. Both looked concerned, but the unmistakeable joy in their eyes at her arrival banished her worries. She’d deal with her problems later. Right now, she needed her mates. Leaping forward, she wrapped one arm around Zack’s shoulders, the other around Dustin’s, and squeezed them tightly. As their scents filled her nostrils, she knew they were all she’d ever need to cope.
“Hey, are you okay?” Zack asked.
“I am now,” she answered. “I need you two. Now.”
As she cupped their stiff erections, one in each hand, she felt their energy change. In unison, they stepped back, breaking their contact with her. Both wore identical concerned expressions. They could already read her and the realization saddened her as much as it elated her. Still feeling more connected to Dustin, she wasn’t sure she could read him as well, didn’t feel she could read Zack much at all, and uncertainty caused tears to surface.
Dustin took her hand and squeezed it. “We want to be with you but you’re upset, we can tell. Come on, let’s sit down. Tell us what happened.”
She looked around the room, as Dustin led her to the bed, Zack following closely as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Candles were burning on the dresser and nightstands and her throat felt thick. They’d put those candles out, she knew it, and their attempt to make this first union romantic warmed her aching heart. Dustin sat, pulling her toward him and slipping an arm around her shoulders as she sat closely beside him. Zack sat on her other side, his thigh brushing hers, and rested a hand on her knee. Their closeness was invigorating and a little intimidating. Unlike a lot of shifters, she’d never experienced a multiple-partner sexual encounter and while turned on by the prospect of being with both Zack and Dustin at the same time, it also scared her a little.
“I take it your conversation with your mother didn’t go well?” Zack questioned as he squeezed her knee.
She released a deep sigh. “How could it, really? I mean, she’s devastated, how couldn’t she be? So am I, and my brothers. I can tell they realize that Dad was complicit in what happened, that he deceived us all. Mom refuses to see it though. She was ...” Another shrug, this one stiff, and she leaned into Dustin more. “She was mean to me. Really cruel, in fact.”
“She’s lashing out,” Zack said, drawing her attention to him.
“Yeah, I get that,” she replied with a nod.
“But it still hurts.”
His words and the understanding tone he employed triggered the tears she’d suppressed all evening. As her chin trembled, he wiped her tears with his thumbs. The love in his eyes overwhelmed her and she sobbed loudly. She was elated with her mates, devastated over her father, hurt by her mother and by Adam, and pissed everything had occurred at once. The conflicting emotions clawed at her heart. She didn’t want to feel anything but the warmth of her mates’ bodies and here she was crying, an act certain to prolong their claiming, the one thing she was certain would help the most.
Pulling away from both men, she stood and viciously swiped at her tears. She heard them regain their feet and knew they’d attempt to comfort her again. If one of them hugged her, she was certain she’d start wailing and so she dashed to the washroom, entered it, and closed the door. After kicking off her heels, she turned on the tap and splashed cold water on her face, trying to calm herself, to drive away the tears. The tight, aching feeling in her chest persisted and she sobbed again, unable to help it. All this was too much and she was unable to control her emotions as she’d always been able to. A knock sounded on the door and she could faintly smell Dustin’s scent. It was inviting but the tangible tension that accompanied it had her sobbing again. Her mood affected them. She was ruining their claiming night and didn’t know what to do about it.
“Hannah, can I come in?”
Tell him no, get a grip on yourself first. If he comes in here, you’re gonna fall apart. Is that how you want to start mated life? As a weeping, weak shifter who’s totally dependant on her mates for support? Tell him to give you space to pull yourself together. Cry if you need to, but not in front of them. You’re stronger than this. Except she wasn’t. She wasn’t sure where she went, the strong, independent doctor, the woman who balanced long work hours while maintaining a close relationship with her fiancé. Did that shifter ever exist? She excelled at work, there was no question about that. All the hard work in school had paid off and her surgical residency was a dream come true. She’d been commended often and more than one surgeon had informed her they were certain she’d be offered a permanent job by the hospital. It was everything she’d ever desired and was within her grasp. Her relationship with Adam however, although over, was a different story. She wondered if he’d merely proposed to keep her quiet, even as she hadn’t been pressuring him for a commitment. She’d grossly misread Adam and his intentions, and the career she coveted, the one she’d worked so hard for and desired for so long, was probably lost too. After all, she was expected to remain here and be Alpha.
She wanted to fix it all somehow and do it on her own. Dustin and Zack didn’t need a clingy, dependent mate. They needed one as capable as they were, being future Alphas themselves. The only way to start this union was to prove she was that adept, independent shifter.
“Hannah?” he called again. “Please, let me in. I’m worried about you.”
She should send him away and get a grip on herself but she didn’t want to. All she wanted was to be with him. Zack, too, but the need for Dustin was still stronger. She wanted the comfort and help they offered, but she also didn’t want to face her problems tonight, even with their involvement. She just wanted to be claimed and to claim them, to lose herself in their bodies and ignore everything else, if only for tonight. But her Alpha status seemed to hang over them ominously, threatening to ruin a night that should be nothing but loving, one that should be perfect.
“Come in,” she said quickly before she could change her mind.
Dustin did, drawing up closely behind her, and Zack shadowed the doorway. As he locked eyes with her reflected self, Dustin’s arms wrapped around her waist.
“Talk to me,” he encourage
d. “You need to get all this out. Don’t bottle it up, it’ll only get worse.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to ignore it all, just for tonight. We should be together right now, claiming one another.” She looked to Zack to ensure he knew she was including him, and then met Dustin’s eyes again. “I’m ruining tonight for all of us, and I don’t want to.”
He kissed her cheek and then nuzzled his chin into the crook of her neck as he looked at the mirror again. “You’re not ruining anything. You’ve been through a horrible ordeal tonight and you need to deal with it. We told you before, we’ll wait for you, as long as it takes.”
“But the pull ...”
“It doesn’t matter,” he insisted. “We’ll deal with it.”
The sincerity in his voice, matched by the honesty in his eyes had her blinking at fresh tears. She wasn’t sure what she’d done right to deserve him and Zack but she had them, and they wanted to help. While she still felt she was ruining their claiming night, holding back from discussing her issues would only push it back further. With a nod, she turned to him and then sat on the counter, facing him. Zack drew closer to stand beside his brother and, glancing back and forth between the pair, she related her arduous night. She told them of her mother’s accusations and the callous way she’d delivered them. They remained quiet, allowing her to get the whole story out without interruption and she appreciated that. Once she started speaking, she found it easy to keep going, truly feeling unburdened by relating it, and realized why. They were her mates, the two beings best suited to understand her. She then related how, until a short time ago, she’d had a fiancé. While skimming over most of the relationship, she did relate how things had been shaky between her and Adam for some time. Then she told them of the phone call she’d placed to Adam to break up with him. He’d been a jerk, angry over her decision to remain there to be Alpha, and incensed over her meeting her mates. While she’d hardly expected him to congratulate her on her mating, he hadn’t even expressed condolences for her father. Quickly, they’d descended into arguing, especially when he seemed more concerned over losing the car he drove than her. It was a car her father had given her, and Adam drove it far more often than she did, to the point where she’d rented one to drive home for a visit. Furious, she’d ended up telling him to shove the car up his ass. Sideways.
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