When she dropped the towel, Sam noticed how her nipples puckered, the tips resembling pink gumdrops. Water droplets glistened on the ends of the black patch of pubic hair. She was peeking without trying to peek. That would have been how she’d have looked, naked in the snow.
“I’m going to the apartment,” she said.
“Should I come over tonight?” Karen asked.
Sam looked away. “I’m going to pack.” And sleep, she thought, that too.
“What are you packing?” Karen stood before her, dressed in a black bra and dark red bikini panties.
“I’m going home.”
“You can’t go home. I just found you.” She sat on the bed next to Sam and put an arm around her. “I’ll keep you safe.”
“How?” she asked.
“At least wait till Jamie finds out about the license plate.”
“Jamie can’t protect himself.” Her voice was flat sounding. She could not think about last night without panicking. “I can go to UW-O.”
Karen pulled Sam down with her on the bed. Her hand snaked under Sam’s top and cupped a breast.
This evoked an image of the man with the black truck doing the same and Sam jerked away. “Don’t. Please.”
“I’ll call Jamie,” Karen said. “Maybe he can walk you back to the apartment.”
“Hey, Jamie, where are you?” Karen asked, the phone to her ear. “At UHS? They’re bringing in a doctor?” Karen turned her back to Sam, but Sam could hear. “Listen. Sam wants to go to the apartment and pack to go home. Will you talk to her? She’s really spooked by what happened last night.” She handed the cell to Sam, saying unnecessarily, “It’s Jamie.”
“Hey, Sam, don’t do anything until I get there. Okay?”
“If you had your car, we wouldn’t have been walking,” Sam said accusingly.
“I know. I’ll go get it.”
“When?” she asked.
“This weekend. I’ll get a ride home. Will you stick around till then?”
“I’ll go with you.”
“Look, I’m stuck here for a while. They’re looking for the license plate info.”
She handed the phone back to Karen.
“How’s your cheek?” Karen asked and said after listening, “I’m glad it’s not broken.”
Sam hadn’t even thought of his cheek. She got up and headed toward the door.
“She’s leaving. I gotta go.”
Karen’s hand was on her arm, restraining her. “Wait a minute. Fuck my class. I’ll walk you to your apartment. Okay? Let me get my stuff.”
Karen did all the talking on the way back to Sam’s apartment. “I’ll take care of you. Just don’t go away.”
She realized, though, that there would be the one time when no one could be with her, and he’d find her. The only safe place was home, because he didn’t know where home was.
When Jamie arrived, his ears and one cheek were red from the cold. The other cheek was so bruised it looked like mold gone amok on a peach. She stared at it. “You should never have made him mad.” She felt like she was walking around in a bubble. Karen was sitting on her bed. All of them had skipped their classes.
“The doctor said he called in the license plate info, but the police couldn’t find the truck. Next time we have to get the make and model and the license number. What are you doing, Sam?”
“Packing.” Her suitcase lay on the bed. She couldn’t bear to think of a “next time.”
“You’re not seriously thinking of leaving, are you?” he asked.
“Where are you going?” Nita was standing in the open doorway.
“What are you doing here?” Jamie asked.
“I live here. Remember?” she said with some asperity. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t stay here anymore,” Sam said.
“And who’s going to pay your half of the rent?”
“Carmen.” Sam brushed past Nita on her way to the bathroom. She put her toothbrush and shampoo and toothpaste and all the other things she used in the bathroom into a plastic bag.
“What happened to your face, Jamie?” Nita asked.
She leaned against the sink as Jamie started to describe the assault in detail. When he got to the part about the guy grabbing Sam and elbowing his cheek, she sat on the toilet lid, her head in her hands. Her heart was pounding.
“You and your smart mouth started all this. What if he’d managed to kidnap Sam? What then?”
Sam suddenly couldn’t stay alone. She grabbed the plastic bag and hurried back to her room as if she were being chased.
She felt their eyes on her as she dropped the bag in her suitcase and shut the lid. Nita put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped. “Don’t sneak up on me.”
“Sorry.” Nita held her hands up. “Look Sam, I’ll walk home from work with you. So will Jamie, won’t you Jamie? Maybe Karen will too. He won’t dare attack us when we’re all together.”
Sam slumped between her suitcase and Karen, who put an arm around her again. The thing was, she didn’t want to be touched. It reminded her of the attacker’s grip and her helplessness. “Who do you think he’d grab, Nita? You or me? Look in the mirror. You’re the one who’s not safe.”
Jamie said, “Hey, listen. I talked to Aunt Edie. She knows where Dr. Decker is. Decker gave her the name of someone at the clinic you can talk to.” He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. “Sharon Arnold. She said Dr. Decker said for you to give her a chance, Sam.”
She stared at Jamie, alert now. “Where is Julie?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”
“What’s Edie’s number?”
“Sam, Decker’s not doing therapy,” he said gently.
She began crying softly and was unable to stop. Her throat hurt. Her chest ached. Her nose ran.
Karen dug a wrinkled tissue out of her pocket and handed it to Sam. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe.” Her grip tightened on Sam’s shoulders, but that only made Sam sob harder.
Nita set Sam’s suitcase on the floor, plunked herself down and put her arm around her too. Their attempts to hold her were too much like the assault. Sam struggled to get away as they held on.
“I’ll find out where she is. Okay? I’ll call Edie right now,” Jamie said in an alarmed voice.
Sam went still. “Will you take me there?”
“Yeah, sure.” He put the cell to his ear and waited. “Call me ASAP, Auntie. We’ve got an emergency here.”
“Look, I’ve got a class I can’t miss,” Nita got up. “Don’t go anywhere till I get back. Okay, Sam?”
Sam nodded and curled up on the bed. “I’m so tired.”
“Should I stay?” Karen asked.
“No, you better go to class too. Lock the door.”
“I’ll stay,” Jamie said.
In her dreams, her mother came to take her home. They loaded her luggage in the backseat. On Highway 41, a silver semi in the outside lane sideswiped her mother’s car and forced it off the road. She and her mother screamed as they ran from the driver who was now chasing them. She woke up with a scream crammed in her throat. Jamie’s cell was ringing.
He was asleep at the foot of the bed, his mouth agape in a snore. She poked him with a foot, and he sat up. “Huh? What?”
It was Edie. “Hi, Auntie,” he said in a groggy voice. “Yeah, I was just taking a nap. I worked late yesterday.” He looked Sam in the eyes. “Listen, that guy in the black truck found us last night.”
Sam could hear Edie’s voice but not what she was saying.
“He nearly broke my cheek and busted my guts and he tried to kidnap Sam. We were walking home from work after midnight. We got away, but Sam really needs to talk to Dr. Decker. And I really need my car.”
Again Sam listened to Edie talking without understanding a word. Jamie thrust the phone at her. “She wants to talk to you.”
“Hi,” Sam said softly.
“Hi, Sam. Lynn was the one who talked to Dr. Julie Decker at a meeting. She to
ok a teaching job at UW-O when someone went on sabbatical.”
It was that easy. “I thought she didn’t want me to know where she was.”
“No, of course, not,” Edie said gently, “but Dr. Decker isn’t practicing therapy right now. Was this man who gave you trouble last night the same one who Jamie nearly backed into in the parking lot?”
“Yeah.” He had to be. Why would another man in a black truck accost them?
“Listen, I’m coming down next weekend with Lynn. We can bring Jamie’s car if that will help.”
She was crying again and handed the cell back to Jamie without answering.
“No, Auntie, you didn’t say anything wrong. Actually, you said something so right. We won’t have to walk home from work if I have my car. Sam is just upset over what happened. She wanted to go home.”
“So he couldn’t find me,” Sam whispered.
Jamie walked her to her next class at the Sewell Social Science building. He said before he took off down Charter Street toward Chamberlin Hall, “Wait for me afterward. I’ll walk home with you.”
She dozed off at the beginning of the lecture and never noticed when the room cleared out. Jamie shook her shoulder gently, and she awoke with a painful start, like an electric shock.
“Hey, come on. Pretty boring class, huh?”
“I couldn’t stay awake. I tried.” She closed her computer and put it in her backpack. His cheek looked even worse, like it was rotting. “Why aren’t you scared? You’re the one who keeps getting hurt.”
“I am scared. Okay? I almost shit in my pants, but then I thought what a mess that would make.”
“I’ve got it together now,” she said.
“Good, because I hate to think of what you’re like when you don’t.” He grinned. “I just met a dream man. Dark eyes, dark hair, great body.”
“Yeah? What’s his name?”
“I don’t know. He’s in my physics class. Maybe I’ll ask him for help.”
She threw her backpack over one shoulder. “You don’t need help. I’m the one who needs help in math.” She shuddered at the thought of having to study physics.
“You want me to call Karen? Find out where she’s at?”
“I think I’ll just go to the apartment.”
“I have to work tonight.”
“Don’t go,” she said, her bowels clenching.
“I’m done at ten. It’ll be all right. I’ll run all the way back to the dorm. He can’t run fast enough.”
“Call me when you get there.”
“Okay.”
“I mean it. Or I’ll call the cops.”
“Don’t do that, Sam.”
Chapter Eight
Edie hunkered down behind the wheel of Jamie’s old Escort, embarrassed by the roar of the engine. Why hadn’t her brother taken it to the Ford place and gotten the tailpipe assembly fixed or replaced? He was hard on his son, but she thought he’d forgive Jamie his youthful mistakes more easily if Jamie were straight. Sometimes she also thought he blamed her for his son’s sexual orientation, as if he’d caught it from her.
She followed Lynn’s Honda down the interstate, trying to keep up. Not only was the Escort loud, it didn’t seem to have a lot of power.
When she told Lynn what had happened to Sam and Jamie, Lynn had looked as horrified as Edie felt. “I also told them that you’d met Julie Decker and she was teaching at UW-O.”
Lynn said, “I doubt she can help Sam with this one. Only the police can do that by catching this guy. You’d think he’d stand out, cruising around campus.”
“It’s a big campus,” she’d said.
They were on their way to Madison to a meeting. The only reason Edie was going was to see Claire. She and Claire had gotten back from Minocqua long before Lynn had returned last weekend, and Claire had gone home in a sulk.
She’d thought then that she was through with this foolishness with Claire. But as soon as Claire was gone, she began obsessing about her, reliving their times in bed, because those seemed to be the only good memories. This relationship was more like an addiction than a love affair. Claire did not love her. She didn’t even seem to like her. Maybe she was the one who should be looking for Julie.
On Monday night Claire had called just as she was falling asleep. “Miss me?” she’d said as if she hadn’t moped through most of the weekend, ignoring Edie until she wanted something from her.
She’d felt raw inside, sure she’d never see her again, and her heart leaped at the sound of her voice. “I thought you had plans with Janine. That’s what you said before you left yesterday.”
Claire had ignored the comment. “Will you be coming next weekend? There’s a meeting on Saturday.”
Fool that she was, Edie was doing as bidden. She would leave Jamie’s car at Sam’s apartment, then go with Lynn to the ERFA meeting where she was supposed to meet Claire.
She’d had to come clean to Lynn about Claire. She’d hardly been able to look her in the eye when she told her.
“Claire Bouveau?” Lynn had said, interrupting Edie. “When did this happen?”
Edie told her, and Lynn snorted a laugh. “And you were mad because I didn’t tell you about Frankie.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I understand now.”
“Claire is a user,” Lynn said in a soft tone.
“I know that too.” She lifted her shoulders and grimaced. “I don’t think she even likes me.”
“Then why?”
“I can’t seem to help it. Why Frankie?”
“You don’t know Frankie. She’s not like Claire,” Lynn said gruffly. “Claire will hurt you.”
“It hurts more not to see her.” They were sitting at the table, drinking coffee. “I feel like an elephant around her.”
“She wants you to feel that way.” Lynn looked mad. “Think of yourself skiing. You’re graceful. You’re a gazelle. You’re not heavy, you’re just tall.”
Edie laughed a little at the compliment.
Lynn leaned forward. “Don’t let her put you down. Think of this as a midlife crisis.”
“Is that how you think of Frankie” she asked.
Lynn had smiled. “No and you’ll understand why when you meet her.”
She parked the noisy car in front of Sam’s apartment and Lynn pulled in behind her. Before they got to the door, it opened. “Heard you coming,” Jamie said.
Sam was standing nearby, hands in pockets, looking tired. Her skin was pale except under her eyes.
“You two got a gay meeting?” Jamie asked.
Lynn said. “You should come with us, since it’s all about saving your asses from the persecution of the wrongly righteous.”
“And I thank you,” he said with a little bow.
A girl joined them—cute with freckles and dark hair standing up in disarray. Her ears were studded with tiny rings.
“Hi, I’m Edie,” she said, “and this is Lynn.”
“Karen,” the girl answered with a smile and put an arm around Sam.
So that’s how it was, she thought, pleased. “Where is Nita?” she asked, wondering if she’d moved out.
“Working.”
“Are you staying over?” Jamie asked.
Edie and Lynn exchanged a glance. “With friends.”
“Your car needs work, Jamie,” Edie said.
“I know. Maybe I can get it fixed now that I’ve got a job.”
She placed two rolled up fifties into his hand and closed his fingers around them. She didn’t want the car to break down while he was driving it. “It might not be enough, but it will help.”
“Hey, thanks. Will we see you again before you leave?”
“I doubt it.” She didn’t want him to meet Claire, to know that his reliable aunt was not in control of her life.
Sam burst into the conversation. “Edie said you met Julie Decker, Lynn.”
“I did. She’s really cool.”
Sam turned red and ducked her head. “She’s gorgeous.”
; “Yes, yes, she is,” Lynn agreed.
“She’s more than that, though. She gets it,” Sam said.
“I’m not surprised.”
“What do you think she’d do if we went to see her?” Jamie asked.
“Not till you fix the car,” Edie put in. “Promise you’ll do that before you drive out of town.”
He put a hand on his chest. “Cross my heart.”
“I think before you go see Dr. Decker, Sam, you should e-mail her. Try [email protected]. She’s got to have a mailbox,” Lynn said.
They were late to the meeting, which started at ten. The large room was in the Union on the third floor and was hosted by the university’s LGBT group. A crowd of people sat around a long table. Heads swung as she and Lynn walked in. They each grabbed a chair and squeezed in between Pam and another woman.
Claire was not there, and Edie quickly realized that she’d have to sit through the meeting even if Claire showed up. It would be rude to leave. Pam poured her and Lynn a cup of coffee and brought them doughnuts from a table near the door.
“Thanks,” she whispered, smiling into Pam’s eyes, pale as the early morning sky.
Pam leaned toward her. “I thought you’d be skiing,”
“I brought my nephew’s car down.” That was her excuse. If possible, she would hide her affair with Claire from Pam.
“If you need a place to stay, you know where I am.”
People around the table shot “be quiet” looks their way, saving Edie from saying she thought she had a place to stay.
In charge, Todd talked about hate crimes and how some city councils were enacting ordinances against them. He also spoke about urging legislators to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” through letters and e-mails. On his right side, a woman next to Lynn stopped tapping on her laptop and spoke up.
Where Todd was ingratiating, she was commanding. “It’s expensive to take on the state, and that’s what we did, hoping to get the anti-gay marriage amendment repealed. I know how much you worked on this. It was heartbreaking to lose. Attitudes are changing, though, and there is the domestic partnership law. We need to create a stronger base from which to work to elect state and federal representatives and senators sympathetic to equal rights, because that’s what we’re fighting for.” She smiled and her dark, soulful gaze roamed the room. “We’re counting on you.” She sat down.
Looking for Julie Page 10