“So back at the diner,” she said, setting her crust on her paper plate, “you told Paige if she was all moved in and Rosie didn’t mind, that we’d go to her new house for Thanksgiving.”
He paused in midbite, then slowly chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, about that. I probably shouldn’t have answered for you.”
“I guess the question is, do you see us as...I don’t know, the kind of couple who goes to Thanksgiving dinner at the family’s together?”
He gave her a grin, which she knew preceded some funny comment meant to deflect the conversation away from becoming too serious. Or to keep her from asking questions he didn’t know the answers to. “Well, yeah. I’m your you know, whatever, right?”
“Yeah, you are.”
“But I know you have Nick and your parents to consider, so I should have put her off and talked to you first.”
She nodded, picking some of the crispy melted cheese off the crust to pop into her mouth. “So it’s whether or not I already had plans and not our relationship having a question mark?”
“You think our relationship has a question mark?”
“Don’t you?” Looking at her pizza crust was easier than looking at him, so she kept picking at it.
“I don’t think it has an exclamation point yet, but more than a question mark. Maybe one of those dot-dot-dot things?”
So their relationship had an ellipsis. Like there was more to come, but it was open-ended due to lack of detail. “Okay.”
“But you think it has a question mark?”
“I think it has a lot of question marks.”
He set his empty paper plate on the coffee table and then leaned back against the couch, his body angled to face her. “There are always question marks.”
“But if we’re heading toward being the kind of couple who spends family holidays together, I’d like to turn some of those question marks into periods. Or at least into the dot-dot-dots.”
“I know you have a son and family and a home and a life in Whitford. I know I have a home and a business in Brookline that I need to get back to. Four and a half hours across state lines is a big question mark, but it’s not one that can be answered today.”
“And you want kids of your own, Ryan. That’s a big one, too.”
That widened his eyes. “It’s probably a little premature to be talking about having babies.”
“No, it’s really not, since we’re talking about our relationship. Babies are relevant because you want them and I’m not having any more.”
“Oh. Did you...you know, have the surgery or whatever?”
“No, but I don’t need surgery to know I’m thirty-four years old, I have a sixteen-year-old son and I don’t want to start all over again with another baby. Trust me, that clock hasn’t ticked in years.”
“And you’re convinced I want babies?”
“I saw you with your cousins’ kids. And look around.” She waved a hand in the direction of the stairs. “You built a four-bedroom house.”
“And I still barely had enough room for the entire family when I threw Sean’s welcome-home party. Now that Mitch and Sean have wives and the babies are going to start coming, I can’t fit everybody in. I’ll be throwing sleeping bags down in the game room.”
“Don’t you usually have family get-togethers at the lodge?”
“Yeah. But Sean was going from Boston straight to New Hampshire. Liz was flying in and out of Logan with less than forty-eight hours between flights, and I live here. It made more sense for Josh and Rose to drive down than for all of us to go up.”
She wasn’t sure if he was being deliberately obtuse or if he didn’t get what she was trying to say. “My point is that you didn’t build a four-bedroom house on the off chance your family would all show up at the same time.”
“No, I built a four-bedroom house with two and a half bathrooms and a bonus room over the garage because it’s the ideal meeting of floor plan and price for this neighborhood. I’m a builder, Lauren. Everything I do is about the market and the property’s resale value.”
It all sounded very logical, but she had a hard time believing it. “I don’t think you’d be happy never having kids of your own.”
“I’ll be honest. I haven’t thought that far ahead. But I do know, without a question mark, that being with you makes me happy.”
“Being with you makes me happy, too, but—”
“Sometimes, if you stick with something and go with it, those buts have a way of working themselves out.”
She wanted to tell him it wasn’t that easy for her. She had a son and she had to consider him, too, and whether or not he might get attached to Ryan. But she knew Ryan knew that, and she knew he was too decent a guy to toy with her if he didn’t believe those buts would work themselves out.
Besides, she’d had a wonderful day and she didn’t want to bring it down any more than she had. “Self-resolving buts, huh?”
“Yeah.” He grinned, as though sensing she was ready to put the discussion to bed, if only temporarily. “Besides, you told me I might get lucky tonight.”
She laughed. “You did get lucky.”
“That was evening. Now it’s night.”
“You’re insatiable.”
“If that means I can’t get enough of you, you’re right.” He stood up and held out his hand.
It was an offer she couldn’t refuse. And maybe he was right, she told herself as he tried to pull her shirt off and walk at the same time. Instead of getting worked up and worrying, she’d go with it and hope those buts resolved themselves.
* * *
Ryan cursed and slapped the snooze button again. He needed a quieter alarm clock. Preferably one that had a longer snooze time, too.
“You’ve hit that four times,” Lauren muttered from somewhere deep inside the nest of covers she’d made by stealing his.
“It keeps going off.”
“And when it does, you’re supposed to get up. I swear, you’re worse than Nick. At least he keeps his clock on the far side of his room so he has to work for those few extra minutes.”
“I notice you haven’t gotten up yet.”
She snuggled deeper under the blankets. They looked warm. Too bad he didn’t have any. “I’m waiting for you to go make coffee.”
“I have one of those kinds that instantly brews a single cup.”
“Good. When my single cup is instantly brewed, I’ll get up.”
He slapped the lump he thought might be her ass, then swung his feet to the floor and scrubbed at his face. The alarm would go off again in a few minutes and she’d have to leave her cozy nest to deal with it.
After turning on the coffee machine so it could heat up, he put the coffee in it and stuck a cup under the spout. Sure enough, just as he was stirring the milk and sugar into the first mug, he heard the beep beep of his alarm, followed a few minutes later by Lauren’s bare feet slapping on the polished kitchen floor.
She’d thrown on one of his older T-shirts and brushed her hair into a messy ponytail, but she looked cute as hell anyway, all sleepy-eyed and utterly kissable.
“Coffee.”
He set the cup on the marble countertop of the bar and gestured for her to pull up a stool before turning back to the machine to make a cup for himself. About halfway through her cup, Lauren started waking up and even smiled at him.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked, leaning on the opposite side of the bar to drink his coffee. He couldn’t look at her face if he sat next to her.
“Good. Your bed’s amazing. How about you?”
“Once I got to go to sleep, I crashed. And you call me insatiable.”
Her cheeks got a little pink. “Complaining?”
“Hell, no. As a matter of fact—”
“No.”
“After I finish this cup of coffee, I’m going to have another cup of coffee.” She pointed her finger at him. “And you should have shaved a little better. I have stubble burn on my thighs and I have to sit on the back of that bike for hours.”
“Could put a little cream on it.” She arched an eyebrow at him and he laughed, holding up his hand. “I mean the real stuff, honest. Moisturizing crap.”
“I’ll definitely put some moisturizing crap on it, thank you.”
“You’re a little cranky in the morning.”
“You should see me on Mondays.”
He laughed and got the machine ready to brew her a second cup, but he didn’t feel all that amused. It would probably be a long time before he got to wake up next to Lauren on a Monday morning. His brain tried to tack an if ever on the end of that thought, but he resisted. He would. It would just take a while to sort out.
It took another hour to get her out the door so they could grab some breakfast. All he had was a package of English muffins and they were in the freezer, so she hadn’t been too enthusiastic about those. It was colder than he’d anticipated, so he made her put on Josh’s leather coat and the gloves before they hit the highway.
He kept his speed a little lower than he usually would, because of the cold, so Nick was already home when they get there. He waved at them through the window while Ryan rolled the bike to a stop next to Lauren’s car.
“I’ll just go,” he told her once he’d gotten her purse and tote out of the side bag.
“No, come in for a bit. I know you must have to pee as badly as I do, and you can visit with Nick for a few minutes, at least.”
He’d planned to pull over and take a leak on the side of the road as soon as he was out of sight of her house, but her plan was probably better. Officer Bob Durgin, the old bastard, hated the Kowalskis and would love to happen by and slap him with an indecent exposure ticket. Come to think of it, Drew Miller would probably get a kick out of it, too.
“Sure, thanks.” He carried her bags in and said hi to Nick, who’d sprawled on the couch, while Lauren sprinted for the bathroom.
“Heard you’re kicking butt at school lately,” he said.
Nick nodded and Ryan could see the pride on his face. “It’s actually not that hard if you pay attention and do the homework.”
“Keep it up.”
“I will. Mom’s going to see when the next driver’s ed class starts.”
“Cool.” He almost offered to take him out for practice hours when the time came, but in the nick of time he remembered he wouldn’t be around. He’d be in Brookline on the weekdays and Nick would be with Dean on the weekends.
One of those question marks Lauren talked about. A pretty shitty one, too. Not only did he need to build a relationship with her son if the one with Lauren was going to work, but he liked Nick.
Once Lauren was done in the bathroom, Ryan took his turn and returned to the living room to find them in midconversation.
“The movie was kind of dumb because Alex and Adrienne are little,” Nick was saying, “but Jody made popcorn and Dad turned off all the lights and it was kinda cool.”
“I told you they wouldn’t be upset.”
Nick shrugged. “Jody asked if I’d watch the kids one night a month and I said sure. I don’t mind doing it. Just not every weekend.”
“I’m glad you talked to them.”
Ryan felt like a third wheel, standing there watching them talk. It wasn’t difficult to figure out what they were talking about, but there was no place in the conversation for him. Especially since it concerned Dean.
When Lauren saw him standing in the junction of the hallway and living room, she smiled. “I was thinking about making some hot chocolate to warm me up. You want some?”
“Hey, the game starts in like ten minutes,” Nick said. “You should stay and watch it with us.”
Ryan had hoped to make it back to the lodge in time to watch it with Josh, but what the hell? Probably more fun to watch it with Nick anyway. He looked at Lauren and, when she nodded, said, “Sure. Sounds like a plan.”
It was a good time, he thought later, when he kissed Lauren goodbye and walked to the bike, even if he was going to freeze his ass off between there and the lodge since the temp had gone down with the sun. He’d spent a few hours yelling at her television and high-fiving her son while she curled up at the other end of the couch and read a book.
“I’ll be pretty slammed this week,” he told her. “I’ve got a lot to wrap up before I go back to Brookline next Sunday. But I’ll call you and I’ll see you tomorrow when you pick up Nick. Unless you want me to bring him home.”
If he brought Nick home after work, maybe she’d invite him to stay for dinner and they could all hang out and watch some television together.
“I’ll come get him. I don’t want to miss out on Rosie’s baked goods du jour.”
“Okay.” So they’d leave it as it was. “I’ll see you then.”
She waved to him from the window as he backed the bike out of the driveway, so he gunned the engine a little taking off and saw her laugh.
One more week. Then it was going to start getting harder unless he figured out what the hell he was doing and how to be in two places at once.
Chapter Seventeen
Rose was worried about Ryan. Watching him through the window as he talked and laughed with Lauren and Nick should have warmed her heart. Instead it was adding to the forehead wrinkles and the gray hair.
Since she’d seen it happen on Monday and again on Tuesday when Lauren picked up Nick, Rose was pretty certain she’d see it again today. As soon as Lauren’s car disappeared down the road, Ryan’s smile would fade. His shoulders would tense, his jaw would clench and she’d have to say his name three times to get his attention.
Her boy was in love and he had no idea what to do about it. The first step would be admitting it to himself, but she wasn’t sure he’d gotten that far yet. If Mitch was in town instead of whichever city needed a building imploded this time, she would have seriously considered interfering to the point of asking him to have a heart-to-heart chat with Ryan, but he was out of town until Friday or Saturday.
Coughing, she turned away from the window when Nick started toward the car. She wasn’t so nosy she’d spy on Ryan kissing Lauren goodbye.
Five minutes later, he walked into the kitchen. Just as she’d thought, it was as though somebody had turned off his inner light switch.
“I walked around the place with Dill and Matt earlier,” he said, going to the sink to wash his hands. “They’re done here. They’re going to grab their stuff and head out shortly.”
“Just like that? I could have made them a special dinner or dessert or something. All I have is a chocolate cake.” She was going to miss having those two around. Unlike some men who sometimes took her for granted, Matt and Dill appreciated her fussing over them and made sure she knew it.
“I told you on day one that they’re employees, not family. And they’re leaving now because I told them they don’t have to report in to Wendi until Monday morning, so if they go tonight, they’ll have four full days at home.”
Normally she would have snapped him with a towel or given him a verbal dressing-down. Not only did she not care for his tone, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew Dill and Matt worked for him. But she cut him some slack because she knew he was twisted up inside.
Still, it took a lot of willpower not to get weepy when the two guys passed through the kitchen on their way to pack their things. They’d kept their shared room very neat, probably out of fear of the boss, so it wouldn’t take them very long.
“Can I ask you a stupid question?” Ryan asked when their footsteps had faded down the hall.
“You can try, but I don’t think you can top Sean wanting to know how much Kool-Aid he’d have to drink to turn his pee blue, especially since he was old enough to shave when he asked it.”
That got a brief smile out of him. “If you had met a guy you wanted to marry when Katie was younger and he wanted you to move away from Whitford, would you?”
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “It wasn’t just Katie. I can’t imagine I’d have left you five kids and you weren’t mine to take with me. And Katie’s dad was gone. Nick’s dad gets him every weekend.”
Ryan’s jaw flexed and he gave a terse nod.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Was I supposed to pretend I don’t know this is about Lauren?”
“Yeah.”
“Too late, so talk to me.”
“That was pretty much it.” When she just looked at him, waiting, he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “She also thinks I won’t be happy long-term because she doesn’t want any more kids.”
“Some might consider that more important than two hundred miles. How do you feel about it?”
He shrugged. “I always thought I’d have kids someday. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about not having kids.”
She wasn’t sure what to say to that. She’d bandaged their skinned knees and nursed them through colds and teenage melodrama, but making a decision not to be a father was something a man had to do for himself.
“I love her.”
That did warm her heart, no matter how twisted up he was because of it. “Does that make it easier or harder?”
“Both.”
“I wish there was an easy answer I could give you.”
He smiled, looking a little more like his usual self. “I do, too.”
“What I can do is serve up some slices of that chocolate cake.”
All He Ever Desired (The Kowalskis) Page 20