by Meg Anne
“Effie,” Helena said in a soft voice. “Can you tell us what you Saw?”
“I—” she paused to lick her lips. “I’ll try.”
“Take your time,” Ronan said, placing his hand on her shoulder. She flinched, the contact too much for her battered senses. Ronan dropped his hand with a muffled apology.
Effie’s eyes lifted, scanning the room before settling on Timmins. His face was pale and drawn, but he gave her an encouraging nod. She took a deep breath and gave a jerky nod of her own. “I was in a dungeon, I think.”
“What makes you think it was a dungeon?” Von asked. His voice was calm and measured, the question a prompt not a means of interrogation.
“There were bars,” Effie said, her eyes taking a faraway cast.
“What else do you see?”
“A man,” she replied in a dreamlike tone.
“What is he wearing?” Helena asked.
“Black with…” her brow furrowed as she searched for the word, “straps?”
“Sounds like an Endoshan,” Ronan said softly. The others murmured their agreement.
“Where is Rowena in your vision?” Von asked, trying to direct her focus.
Effie whimpered. “She’s mad at the man. She has him gripped by the throat and is saying something. She’s so angry.”
“Is there anyone else there?” Von asked.
Effie was silent for a few beats. “Yes.”
“Do you recognize them?”
She shook her head.
“Can you describe them?”
“Children,” she whispered, her body trembling with the word. Whatever she was seeing terrified her.
Helena’s eyes shot to Kragen. “She’s draining more of them.”
Kragen’s face was grim. “That’s what it sounds like.”
Renewed anger surged through Helena at the thought. Now Effie wasn’t the only one who was shaking, although it was outrage and not fear that had Helena on edge.
“Is there anything else?” Von asked.
Effie shook her head.
“Thank you, Effie.”
She slumped in her chair, completely worn out from the events of the afternoon.
“Perhaps you should lie down and rest for a while,” Helena suggested. “Would you like that?”
Effie nodded.
“She can use my room. It’s closest,” Timmins offered, stepping forward to assist Effie.
She gave him what barely passed for a smile, leaning on him heavily as they left the room.
“So, what does it mean?” Ronan asked once they were alone.
Kragen was the first to speak. “They are in Endoshan, clearly.”
“You think?” Helena asked, not certain it was that obvious.
It was Von who answered. “They are allies, it’s a logical step.”
“But an obvious one,” she pointed out.
“It may be obvious, but it does not make it untrue,” Joquil said. “Let’s think about this logically. You said that Effie entered into the vision after you mentioned needing to know where Rowena was located.” Joquil waited for her confirmation before he continued, “The first thing she saw was an Endoshan man. That answers the question, doesn’t it?”
Helena frowned. That seemed far too simple an explanation. “I don’t think that’s how visions work. Miranda mentioned more than once that visions aren’t straightforward.”
Von lifted his hands and shrugged. “It gives us a direction at least, which is more than we have now.”
“How do we even know what she saw is occurring now? Maybe it’s where Rowena is going to be? Or if it is where she is now, how do we know she’ll still be there by the time we arrive?” Helena felt like she was the only one not ready to spring into action.
“We don’t,” Joquil said, “but I can’t help but refer back to the sequence of events. It was your words that triggered the vision. One can only assume the vision was an answer to a question.”
“But I didn’t ask a question,” Helena pointed out.
Joquil gave her a look, clearly not appreciating her distinction. “A need then. The vision responded to your need to know where she was. You did not say where she is going to be, you said where she is.”
Helena frowned, still not totally convinced. She looked around the room at their faces. Why are they all so determined to believe this is the answer?
Kragen spoke up next. “Rowena was severely weakened during the attack. It makes sense that she would need to go somewhere relatively close to seek out a new source of energy. Endoshan fits that description.”
Helena sighed and nodded. That much at least was true.
“We need to find her before she has time to recover fully,” Von said.
Helena nodded again. “I know.”
“This is our best option,” he said.
“This is our only option,” Ronan countered.
That’s when the answer to her earlier question came to her. Her men needed a purpose. They could not stand sitting still spinning their wheels while their enemy was still out there. Like Von had said, if nothing else, this at least gave them something to do. Worst case scenario she wasn’t there, and they were back where they started. But if she was… they could strike while she was still weak.
“Even if she’s not there, Kiri,” Kragen said, “those children might be. We have to save them.”
That sealed it for her. Fruitless endeavor or not, Kragen was right. For the children alone, the trip would be worth it. “Fine,” Helena said on a sigh. “Endoshan it is.”
“When do you want to be ready to leave?” Ronan asked, already standing.
“Soon,” Helena said wearily. “Before nightfall.”
They had barely been back in Tigaera for a day, and already they were talking about leaving again. Many of them hadn’t even had a chance to sleep since their return, herself included, and she was feeling the strain.
“I’ll make sure the others are ready,” Ronan promised before leaving. Joquil and Kragen followed him, leaving Von and Helena alone.
He stood next to her, just out of reach, and suddenly the distance felt entirely too far.
“Can you just hold me, and we’ll pretend neither of us said anything heinous?”
“There’s no need to pretend, Mira. You may have had a point.”
Helena shook her head. “I was wrong, and you didn’t deserve that. Least of all from me.”
“You won’t even accept my letting you off the hook without putting up a fight,” he muttered. His lips quirked up as he reached for her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head.
Helena let out a watery laugh.
Von’s voice grew serious. “I’m sorry if my words were insensitive or callous.”
“Me too. I didn’t mean it when I said that you didn’t care about others.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tight, burying her face in his neck and breathing in the spicy scent of him.
He tilted her chin up so that her eyes met his. “If I was hard on you, it was only because it hurts me to watch you beat yourself up. I can protect you from any enemy except yourself.”
“I know,” she whispered, her lower lip trembling.
He kissed her then, his lips sealing over hers, taking away the pain, anger, and grief that had been spiraling within her and making her feel off balance.
“I love you, Mira. Always.”
“I love you, too.”
They pulled apart, Helena feeling steady for the first time since leaving Greyspire.
“What can I do to help ease the burden?” he asked, brushing a stray curl from her cheek.
“You already did it.”
He brushed his lips against hers again before looking down to ask, “This is probably a bad time to yell at you for putting yourself at risk, isn’t it?”
Helena let out a snort of laughter. “Probably.”
He sighed. “I thought so. As long as you know that we will talk about it.” For all that his v
oice was light, she knew he was serious.
Helena nodded. She had made a mistake allowing herself to drain her power so completely at the ball. To be caught damn near defenseless when in the den of her enemy was a rookie mistake. One that she was lucky to have survived.
“Can we get through all of this first? Then I promise I will let you snarl at me as much as you want, and I won’t complain once.”
Von threw his head back and laughed.
She shoved at his chest playfully. “I know that I scared you. I’m sorry for that. I will try to be more careful.”
The smile fell from his lips and his eyes went molten. “Don’t you understand? It’s self-preservation that makes me want to tuck you away and fight your battles for you. You are more precious to me than anything in this world, Helena. When I say that you are Mine, I do not simply mean my mate. You are my purpose. Without you, I am lost.”
“Von,” she whispered, the floor feeling like it just dropped from under her. But she did understand, because it was the same for her. She had already had to live in a world without him, and she’d be damned if she ever had to suffer it again.
The need to be close overwhelmed them, and he swept her up in his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist. Everything else could wait, for now the only thing that mattered was the man that held her heart in the palm of his hand.
There was a light knock on the door.
“Come in!” Helena called, hurriedly folding a few additional shirts to stuff into her pack.
“Is this a bad time?” Effie asked, her voice much more controlled than the last time they’d spoken.
Helena looked up with a frazzled smile. “Not if you don’t mind talking while I pack.”
“Do you want some help?”
“No, I think I’ve got it. How are you feeling?”
“Better.” Effie searched the room for a seat, but there were clothes scattered about everywhere. “Where’s Alina?”
“I gave her the night off. Packing is keeping my hands busy, which is a welcome thing at the moment.”
Effie nodded her understanding. “I always thought chores were an excellent distraction.”
Helena made a face that had the other woman laughing.
“I didn’t say I enjoyed them.”
“Fair enough,” Helena said, watching as Effie finally decided to perch on the edge of her bed. She looked like she would flee at the first loud noise, she was also entirely dwarfed by the massive bed; her feet not even able to touch the ground.
Effie was looking much better than earlier, although the bath probably had a lot to do with it. Color had returned to her skin, and her hair no longer looked or smelled like the contents of a rubbish bin.
Helena dropped her pack so that she could give her full attention to her friend. “Have there been any other side effects?”
Effie shook her head, her eyes focused on her feet, which were swinging back and forth.
Despite her silence, Helena could tell something was definitely weighing on her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
When she spoke, she floored Helena with her words. “I don’t know how to be special.”
“Effie—” she protested, but the other woman shook her head and kept talking.
“No, it’s okay. I was raised ungifted, I knew that it made me different, and after a while, I came to terms with the fact that I would never have any magic of my own. But now…” Effie’s big eyes lifted and met hers. Helena was overcome by the sense of utter helplessness she found there. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. Everything I thought I knew… everything that was true… it’s gone.”
“I know what that feels like.”
Effie tilted her head, looking very much like an inquisitive bird. “With all due respect, Kiri. I don’t think you do.”
Helena’s eyes searched hers, wanting to argue, but biting back the words.
“You thought that you were ungifted, but you were never surrounded by those that had magic. You were loved and cared for your whole life. All I ever wanted was to be special enough that my parents would love me. Or to have enough magic that I could live with my grandmother. I was obsessed with it for years before I finally came to terms with the fact that I could never be more than I was.”
She didn’t look angry as she spoke, only resigned. Helena wasn’t sure which was worse.
“You have to understand, Helena. I was nothing. Worse than nothing, for even the servants usually had some ounce of magic, and there wasn’t even a single drop in me. I had to fight every day to prove that I wasn’t a worthless piece of shit.”
Helena flinched. She’d never heard such harsh words from Effie.
“I had to learn how to be invisible, how to do what so many others could do without trying. And now…” she lifted her hands in a helpless shrug, “now I have this gift that I don’t understand and I don’t want. I would give anything to give it back if it meant she could return.” Tears filled Effie’s eyes, and she blinked furiously, trying to force them away.
“I’m so sorry, Effie,” Helena whispered, knowing the words were useless. They wouldn’t make anything better.
Effie wiped away a few stray tears. “It’s okay.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“I want to come with you.”
Helena froze, the words catching her off guard. “Are you sure?”
Effie’s jaw clenched, and her hands curled into fists. “I have every right to be there.”
“Of course you do. It’s just… if you need time—”
“No. Not more crying. Tears don’t change anything, only actions do. I want to act.”
Helena found herself nodding in agreement. She knew exactly how Effie felt.
“It was my vision that helped you make this decision; I want to see it through.”
“Okay.”
“Good.” Effie let out a breath then, her shoulders sagging. She had been prepared to fight the issue.
“Effie?”
“Yes?”
“For what it’s worth, you’ve never been anything less than amazing to me.”
Effie’s lower lip trembled. “No one has ever said anything like that to me before.”
“I have always admired your quiet strength. In fact, I was jealous of just how sure of yourself you were. I haven’t felt that confident or capable a day in my life, and certainly not once since I found out I was Kiri.”
Effie gaped at her in surprise.
Helena shrugged. “We all carry our scars, Effie. Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.”
“I’ll try and remember that.”
“It will get easier as you learn how to use your new gifts. Try and remember that it’s not something that you have to do on your own. We are all here to help you adjust, however we can.”
“Thank you, Helena.”
They shared a smile, Effie pushing herself off of the bed and back to her feet. “I guess I should go repack as well. Thanks for letting me come with you, and for listening.”
“Anytime.”
Effie was almost out the door when she stopped and looked back. “I guess you do understand, after all.” With a final shy smile, Effie shut the door behind her.
Helena stared at the closed door for a long time without moving. There was a lot hidden in the words that Effie hadn’t said. Secret pains and doubts that still haunted her. Helena would never have guessed that there was so much hidden beneath the surface; Effie hid her past well.
If Helena had learned anything leading up to her trial, it was that one’s unspoken fears were the biggest obstacles. There was nothing harder to face than your own demons forged from self-doubt. She just hoped that Effie would remember what she said, and not suffer in silence.
“Mother, stay close to her,” Helena whispered, turning back to her clothes. “She is going to need you in the days to come.”
Chapter Fifteen
Endoshan was not what Helena expected. After
her brief visit to Etillion, and knowing that at one time it had been the sister city to Endoshan, she’d expected it to be nearly the same. To an extent perhaps it was, but the differences far outweighed the similarities. Instead of Etillion’s rolling green hills, there were wide stretches of dark, swampy water, and there were lush trees with thick ropey vines that hung between them. The heat was oppressive. The air like a living thing around them; a thick barrier that made each movement sluggish.
Even though it bordered Vyruul, it may as well be across the entire realm. There was not a speck of ice in sight. Helena doubted snow was something few, if any, Endoshans had experienced until they’d arrived at Vyruul the first time.
There was a low buzzing and then a loud crack as Ronan slapped his neck. He moved his hand away and inspected it with a grimace. “Bugs should not be allowed to be as big as one’s hand. It’s disgusting.” He shook his hand to fling away the offending insect.
“Gross,” Serena muttered, jumping out of the way.
Helena was inclined to agree. Endoshan had the distinct aura of a predator. Something that was hiding in the distance, tracking your movement and preparing to strike. She shuddered. Generally, she was a fan of wildlife, but these were no snuggly creatures. The wildlife here was like nothing she’d experienced growing up in Tigaera. Sure, they had bugs and even a wild wolf or two, but their insects were little harmless ones. Nothing on the scale of the massive buzzing creatures they’d discovered upon their arrival. She was stepping carefully, not wanting to be surprised with a stinger in the eye.
“Are you certain we’re in the right place?” she asked Amara. The Etillions were the only ones who had been to Endoshan before, although not since the wall had been erected and Endoshan had effectively closed its borders against them.
Amara nodded. “It’s been a few years since our last scouting mission, but the keep should be just around the next bend.”
A light breeze stirred the branches of the trees and the resulting whisper of the leaves made the hair along her arms stand on end. Helena risked a glance over her shoulder, more certain than ever that their movements were being tracked.
Helena clutched the small bag of Kaelpas stones tighter in her hand. Never had she had this kind of reaction to a place before. A sense of danger lingered in the air, not like the taint they’d found in the Forest of Whispers, but a wrongness nonetheless. She wanted to go home. They could track Rowena a different way.