by Nora Phoenix
Noah had to be suspicious after seeing the scars and knowing about the previous injuries. Plus, you know, the whole fake woman thing. Fuck, Noah and Josh had seen him freak out completely. Yet they hadn’t asked any questions. It was a trust that felt unfamiliar, yet surprisingly good. He had to keep his distance from them, though. You can’t afford to make friends. You get well, and get on your way.
The tight bandage Noah had wrapped around Indy’s ribs had brought relief. The fact that Noah had done it himself instead of asking a nurse, and had made small talk the entire time, had made it anything but awkward. The heavy-duty painkillers Noah had prescribed had improved Indy’s mood even more. He’d received the first dose in the hospital, and they’d just picked up the rest at a pharmacy—which had cost Indy another fucking fortune. It made a huge difference to his headache, as he could at least open his eyes without getting stabbed in the head. Still, every bump and dip in the road made him wince. And the meds made it damn hard to concentrate, to think clearly.
“We’re here,” Josh announced, as he banged a left into a driveway, and hit a button attached to the visor.
Indy wasn’t completely sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t the suburban single-family home they pulled into. Holy crap, this was a nice house, illuminated by several outside lamps and garden lights. This was where Josh and Noah lived? He’d expected an apartment of some kind. What’s the story with these two? It doesn’t matter. You’re not here to stay.
“I’ll take Indy in,” Josh said. He switched the car off inside the garage and pressed the button again. The garage door closed behind them with a buzz. Josh's eyes found Noah’s in the rearview mirror. “You go get changed,” Josh said.
Indy frowned. Why would Noah want to change so urgently? Surely scrubs weren’t that uncomfortable.
From the corner of his eye, he caught Noah climbing out of the car, a pained wince flashing over his face. Josh waited till Noah had disappeared through a white door before he exited the car. He walked around and opened Indy’s door.
“Do you need help?”
“Can you unbuckle me? Twisting my back hurts like a mother…”
Josh bent over him, deftly clicking the button to release the seatbelt. As Josh pulled back with the belt, his hand brushed against Indy’s crotch. A small shock blazed through Indy. What the fuck was going on? It was like a switch had been flipped, and suddenly his body responded to every little touch. Damn inconvenient, not to say fucking embarrassing.
“Sorry,” Josh mumbled. He straightened and stepped back.
Indy extended his hand, and Josh took it without hesitation, sending another sparkle through Indy’s body. Josh had a strong grip, more powerful than Indy had expected. Leaning partly on Josh's hand, Indy turned his body to swing his legs out. He let out a groan as his ribs protested. Josh grabbed Indy’s other hand and waited till he pulled himself up.
“Can you walk?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” Indy said and let go of his hands.
Josh stayed one step behind Indy as he carefully made his way through the tidy garage to the door. When he got there, Josh reached out around him and opened it. It led into a brightly lit hallway with a small mudroom to the left, a door presumably leading to the back yard in front, and a bathroom and steps to the kitchen to the right.
“Go on in,” Josh said.
Indy made his way into the kitchen, which was decked out like an amateur cook’s dream with a double oven, a large five-burner stove, several appliances he didn’t even recognize, and more glossy white cabinets than he could count. The gray marbled counter ended in a breakfast area with a couple of black leather bar stools. Little red flowerpots containing various green plants perched on the small windowsill. The faint smell of lemon hung in the air.
The parlor was homey with light gray walls and carpet, a warm burgundy red couch and two big reading chairs in the same color. A huge TV was mounted to the wall, with a nizza sound system and an Xbox. It was all so fucking clean and tidy, so lovely normal, Indy thought.
“The guest bedroom is upstairs,” Josh said. Indy slowly climbed the stairs, every step radiating pain to his ribs and head.
“Second door to the right,” Josh offered when they reached the upstairs hallway.
The first door was closed, but light was spilling under the door. That had to be Noah’s bedroom where he was getting changed for whatever reason. Josh once again reached in front of Indy to open the door and flicked on the light. The guest bedroom was sparsely decorated, but had a comfy-looking queen bed, a dresser, and a small closet. It beat the hell out of the places Indy had stayed at lately, and it sure as fuck was a whole lot better than his car.
“Your bathroom is across the hall. There are towels in the cupboard under the sink, as well as some toiletries.”
A muffled groan sounded from the room next door. Josh's face tightened. “Can you get yourself comfortable? I’ll be back in a minute to check on you and see if you need anything.”
Indy nodded carefully. What was going on? Josh gently closed the bedroom door, and another door opened. Low voices drifted through the wall, but they were too soft to make out.
Indy lowered himself onto the bed. Fuck, it was good to be lying down again. The painkillers helped, but his body still felt like he’d gotten run over by a car. He inhaled deeply. The bed linens smelled wicked fresh, like those expensive dryer sheets.
The voices next door continued with some kind of discussion. Were they arguing about him? Did they not want him here? Had Noah spoken out of turn? If they don’t want me, I’ll leave. I’m not staying where I’m not welcome, injured or not.
Where would he go? His heart rate sped up, and he clenched his fists. He pressed his eyes shut, not wanting to even think about leaving again.
“For fuck’s sake, Noah, are you insane?” Josh exploded next door.
Indy’s eyes flew open. What the fuck?
Noah said something back—Indy recognized his voice—but it was still too soft to hear.
“Oh, fuck you, you arrogant shit!” Josh shouted.
A door slammed and someone—Josh, Indy assumed by the even and rhythmic steps—stomped down the steps. Shit, he was seriously pissed off. What was happening?
Seconds later, a low, hard thump reverberated through the floor. Oh, God, what was that? Indy scrambled up from the bed and made it to the door, cursing through his teeth at the pain in his head and ribs at the sudden movements.
“Noah!” Josh cried out from downstairs.
Indy yanked the door open. Josh came flying up the stairs, his face twisted in worry. He blew into Noah’s room.
“Are you okay?” Josh shouted the question on Indy’s lips. Indy stood in his doorframe, hesitant to intrude.
“I’m fine. I needed you back here and didn’t feel like shouting, so I kicked a chair over.” Noah’s voice had a touch of amusement, as if he was satisfied his little trick had worked.
“Oh, I want to…” Josh cut himself off, but the frustration in his voice was unmistakable. Something told Indy they’d been through similar confrontations.
“Trust me, I know exactly what you want to do to me.”
“You drive me crazy sometimes, you know that?” Frustration and affection laced Josh's voice. Thank fuck the dispute had been resolved, whatever it had been about.
“Will you trust me when I say this is the right thing to do?” There was that tone in Noah’s voice again, the one that made you want to follow him to the ends of the earth and back.
“Always.” Josh's voice sounded muffled.
Indy stepped into the hallway. Noah appeared seconds later, balancing his weight on two crutches. He was wearing a Patriots T-shirt that sat tight across his wide chest and biceps and simple white boxer shorts—and he was missing his right lower leg. What remained was a red, irritated stump that ended just above the knee. Both of his legs were covered in angry scars.
Indy swallowed, then let his gaze move up again. Noah’s eyes were kind, vulner
able. He was showing Indy his scars, because he’d seen Indy’s. Tit for tat. Who is this man? Why the fuck would he do this for a complete stranger?
Nothing could have made Indy feel more accepted than this. Nothing.
God, he knew how Noah felt. Completely exposed, stripped bare, even if he’d made the deliberate choice to show this. All Noah wanted was for Indy to look at him the same, to know that his wounds didn’t change how Indy saw him. It’s what I want more than anything else.
How could he express that to Noah? He could make a joke about it, or show that it didn’t make a lick of difference. Dammit, he was too fucking fried to come up with anything funny, and he was so over his fear of touching Noah. Indy’s face broke out in a smile as he stepped up to Noah, grabbed his neck and pulled him down to kiss him square on the mouth.
“You’re still sexy as hell,” he said, letting him go.
Noah’s eyes widened, and behind him Josh stood frozen, his jaw dropping. Then Noah smiled, a big, lazy smile that lit up his entire face. Sweet fuck, Indy had never seen a smile like that. It was like lighting a thousand-watt bulb in a dark room and holy mother of all, it was fucking deadly. Indy’s whole body reacted to that smile, was drawn to it, drowning in it.
“I take it kissing is your solution for everything?” Noah asked dryly.
Indy forced himself to descend from the light of Noah’s smile. “What, you’re complaining?”
His stomach turned sour.
Fuck, what have you done? You weren’t thinking. When will you ever learn to activate that fucking filter? You kissed a man. On the mouth. A man who knows you’re not a woman.
Noah’s smile faded into something way more serious, but equally powerful. “No. No complaints,” he murmured.
Indy let out a breath he’d been holding unconsciously. Noah lifted a hand to brush a curl from Indy’s forehead, and the tender gesture caught Indy’s breath again. He slowly released air as Noah drew back.
Why did this guy affect him so much? Shit, it was equally exhilarating and scary as fuck. It seemed his body was ready to feel again, after being dormant and self-reliant for so long. He’d encountered many guys in the last two years, especially since he’d started dressing as a woman. None of them had affected him. His body hadn’t been ready yet to awaken, apparently. No fucking wonder. But today, he’d been ready. Fuck, he’d been more aroused in one day than in the entire two years before, maybe more aroused than ever.
It was a relief, in a way, to discover that part of his life wasn’t over. But dammit, it was fucking complicated, too. How can I react this strongly to two guys? That’s weird, not normal. No shit, when was I ever normal?
Maybe it was because intuitively, he had trusted both guys. And trust right now was the biggest turn on he could think of, ranking way above a hot body. Sure, both Josh and Noah were hot, but that wasn’t what attracted Indy. It was their inherent trust. Noah had trusted him with something not many people got to see, and Indy had wanted to honor that. That had to be it. He wanted to reciprocate that trust, include Josh as well.
“Did you tell Josh?” he asked Noah.
He knew immediately what Indy was referring to. “No. Doctor-patient confidentiality.”
To his credit, Josh didn’t ask what they were talking about, but merely studied Indy. Josh knew about demons, alright. The guy had PTSD. He wouldn’t judge, or ask what Indy wasn’t ready to reveal. For the second time that night, he made the leap to trust. He slowly turned around and lifted his blouse. Even with the bandage around his ribs, the scars had to be clearly visible.
Like Noah, Josh never gasped. When Indy wanted to drop his blouse again, a flutter of a touch caressed his back. Josh's hand, or maybe just his fingers, for it was so feather light, followed the jagged path of the biggest scar. Indy’s back tingled where Josh brushed him, sending shivers to his core.
It was seconds at most before Josh dropped his hand. “Thank you,” he said softly.
Indy pulled down his blouse, turned around to face them.
“You’re safe here, Indy.” Noah’s voice was warm, strong, and his eyes beamed.
“I know.”
Josh's gaze traveled from Noah to Indy and back, and there was something indecipherable in his eyes. “Let’s get some sleep,” he said, his posture stiff and his voice pinched.
Indy stepped back. He was still standing awfully close to them both. “Yeah. I’m wiped.”
Noah’s face shut down. “I have the evening shift again tomorrow, so you can sleep in. I’ll wake you every three hours.”
“Thank you.”
Noah cleared his throat. “Can you give Indy one of your shirts to sleep in? He’ll drown in mine,” he asked with a sideways look to Josh. It was the first time Noah had referred to Indy as he, but it was okay. They knew he was pretending, even if they hadn’t asked why.
Noah’s eyes were fixated on Indy, who squirmed under his scrutiny. Why was he looking at him like that?
Josh went into the room next door.
Noah’s room.
Their room.
Noah and Josh are sleeping in the same room.
Noah is gay.
Shit, shit, shit.
I’m pathetic. The biggest fool ever.
In one night, he had kissed not one, but two hot guys…and they were together. How the fuck had he missed this? He’d known Josh was gay, but even with that, the thought had never crossed his mind that Noah was gay too. Dammit, Noah had told him they lived together, and Indy still hadn’t connected the dots. He was an idiot, and a pathetic one at that.
Indy slightly raised his chin, willing himself to meet Noah’s eyes. God, Noah and Josh had to be laughing their asses off. Or feeling completely sorry for the pathetic fucker who’d completely missed they were together. Fuck, he wasn’t sure which one would be worse.
But when he met Noah’s green eyes, they weren’t mocking him, or laughing. Instead, he let his hands fall to his sides with a pained expression. Indy didn’t wait for him to say anything, but carefully made his way into his room, closing the door with a definitive click.
Kill. Me. Now.
Noah groaned. A sharp pain stabbed his leg. The leg that no longer existed. The leg that was buried somewhere in Afghanistan, courtesy of a well-placed IED he’d hit while trying to get to a wounded soldier. It had to be one of the most frustrating pains ever: to ache in something you no longer had. Phantom pain was, contrary to its name, very real.
His stump throbbed, too. It had been bothering him more than usual lately, caused by the adjustment on his prosthetic leg. The more his scars and stump healed, the better they could fit his prosthesis, but it took getting used to. He’d worked longer than his regular shift because of Indy coming in, and the extra two hours of standing and walking were killing him now. Plus, ever since the amputation in the field over a year ago, the stump had troubled him. It had never healed completely, had become a constant discomfort.
He glanced at the clock. Another half hour before he had to check on Indy for the first time. He was looking forward to seeing him again, talking to him, even if it was under these circumstances.
Fuck, he’d been frantic when Josh had called him from the ambulance to tell him he’d witnessed a robbery and was bringing in someone who’d helped him through an episode. Shit like that could set Josh off, cause him to have a major panic attack. His best friend was fragile, and violence especially was a big trigger. The fact that Indy had saved Josh's life had made Noah like him before he’d even met him. But when Indy had told him he’d kissed Josh to snap him out of the episode, Noah had been…He didn’t even have words. Shocked, maybe?
Something about the mental picture of Josh and Indy kissing had triggered him. Had he been angry? He considered it. Not really, no. Not jealous either. More like upset that he hadn’t been there, hadn’t been a part of it. It didn’t make sense at all.
Well, neither did this weird connection with Indy. What the hell was that? It wasn’t purely physical attraction, n
ot with him being dressed like a woman, including makeup and all. Not that Noah hadn’t recognized the beauty underneath. Those full lips, the almond-shaped eyes, the little gap between his front teeth, and his cute button nose. Oh yeah, he’d noticed, alright.
It was way more than that, though. Maybe it was the mystery surrounding Indy. The boy was underweight, malnourished even. Noah had registered the ribs sticking out, the too-thin arms and legs, but also the frail nails that hinted at a lack of calcium, the paleness of Indy’s skin. He’d seen the same in homeless people he’d treated, or neglected kids who’d been physically abused. But Indy had been clean, had not shown any sign of drug use.
The conundrum of his gender made the puzzle even more complex. Josh had whispered a quick plea when they’d brought Indy in: “Protect her gender.” What the hell was going on in Indy’s life that he felt the need to hide his gender and identity? It could be that he was transgender, gender neutral, or simply enjoyed cross-dressing, but combined with everything else Noah had witnessed, it felt like more.
The old injuries Indy had hinted at, those horrific scars on his back—he had survived one hell of a trauma. Noah didn’t judge how people survived. How could he, when he hadn’t learned to face his own trauma in a healthy way? If Indy didn’t want to talk about it, if he chose to hide behind a mask and even a different gender, Noah would accept that. He was damn curious—how could he not be?—but wouldn’t ask questions.
Indy’s scars hadn’t made him less appealing to Noah; on the contrary. They shared that, didn’t they? For once, Noah didn’t feel the need to cover himself up, to keep that part of him hidden. No one had seen his stump, except Josh and his own doctors and therapists.
And when Indy had stepped up to him, had kissed him…God, it had been like he’d been zapped. All his nerves had been on fire, his body tingling with want. He’d grown hard from a simple kiss. Sexy as fuck, Indy had called him. Noah wanted to do so much more than kiss him…