“I could turn it around, sure. Let me think about that. Not a bad idea to let the ladies have control from time to time, don’t you guys agree?”
I rolled my eyes. Lothario Lambert was back.
“Seriously, Marcus? Does that shit work in real life with women who have no idea you’re a rock star? I’d love to think it doesn’t.” I was still scribbling when he walked over.
“I certainly haven’t had any complaints.”
The guys all pulled up chairs and decided to take a break. Devon passed out water bottles and Jade brought out some cheese and cracker platters Marie must have put together and left in cold storage. Hmmm, I kind of liked that place.
“Do you give them any time to complain?” I really didn’t want to have this conversation with him. I was enjoying Marcus on a Mission earlier tonight. I’d say mission accomplished!
Thankfully Star changed the subject. “So what time is Sherry coming in tomorrow?”
Marcus frowned. “You know, I don’t remember what she said. I’d have to check my texts. But we’ve got at least three or four solid tunes to play for her, you think?”
They all nodded and murmured their agreement. “So we’ve made progress,” Marcus continued.” It might tide them over, but it means we’ve got to really get on it this week. What do you guys think?”
Mage spoke up. “I’m all for the hard work. I think we can do it. The question is are we going for a focus on this album? Or are we just throwing together random songs that sound ok? Because I feel like we have a really solid concept coming. I mean, so far the songs are kind of about us, right? D’s song, this one tonight is about our journey. Well, that and Jaylene kicking our asses.”
There were some grumbles of reluctant appreciation. Who were they kidding? They’d had a blast. But Mage was on a tangent.
“The other two, well, they reflect Marcus’ insatiable side.” This prompted giggles. “But if we want to make this about us, what if we really get into it, man? What if we all spill here, get our shit out there? About Maggie? About the shit we were doing in LA before things got bad? About where we want to be? I think we can really do something big here.”
There was some shuffling of feet and some clearing of throats. What he was proposing was going to be painful for all of them.
“What do you think, guys? We’ve been through some shit, for real. Let’s just fucking get it out and put it out there.” The others remained quiet but pensive. I could feel their minds churning.
“If we do that, we need to be willing to take it if the critics and fans hate it. If we’re getting that personal, can we take it if they slam us?” Marcus brought up a valid point.
“I’m so beyond that right now.” Star was doing that thing with his hair, making it stand up all over. “So what if they criticize us? It’s not like they’ve never experienced pain and loss. Hell, a bunch of our fans have either been through rehab or need to go. I for one think if my story would help one person not have to feel like this it would be worth it. Who gives a shit about the charts or the label?”
I meant to stay quiet during this conversation. “Star, that’s really brave.” I said it just above a whisper and his grateful smile told me he needed to hear it. “You guys have all been haunted by what happened, as well as other things. Putting it out there will be tough, but might feel extremely rewarding.”
Five sets of eyes were boring into me, and I felt myself shrinking back into my chair a little. Did I just blow it? I only wanted to encourage them.
“Anyone else just completely in love with this woman right now?” Jade’s emotional voice nearly brought tears to my eyes.
Star was sitting next to me and leaned over to give me a hug and kiss me on the cheek.
“Absofuckinglutely. Haunted! That’s brilliant.”
Mage looked at me knowingly and mouthed, “Told you!”
Devon’s deep blues were on me, but this time sadness wasn’t pouring out. It felt more like determination. I smiled at him and he sent a hopeful smile right back, wordlessly letting me know that loving me was pretty on the mark for him. The realization hit me like a gentle wave working its way through me. I’m sure I was blushing again.
Marcus remained quiet and slowly the focus moved from me to him. He was still staring at me, contemplating in a business-like manner, whether this would be a good deal.
Devon kicked his chair. “You’re awful quiet over there, Marcus. What do you think?”
Marcus’ eyes didn’t waver from me. “The question, Jaylene, is what do you think? Are you willing to go there with us?”
My heart felt heavy in my chest. Was he testing me? Was he thinking I wasn’t up to this?
“I’m willing to go wherever you guys need to go. I want to listen to your stories. All of them. I’ll hold your hand. I’ll let you cry on my shoulder. I’ll even let you yell and scream at me. But I can’t fix anything. Only you guys can fix things. And there’s no guarantees you’ll get an album out of it, although it seems to me like you’ve all got something really beautiful to say.” My voice sounded calm but I was panicking inside. Could I really do this and not let them down? Gods, give me the strength because I wanted them to do this.
“I trust you, chère.” Devon’s words shattered me. Spoken in such a husky voice, his feelings were there right on the surface.
Star grabbed my hand and said, “Me too, Jaylene. I trust you. You’ve been so good to us.”
Star was fast becoming one of my favorite people. His belief in me did a lot to make me feel a little more able to do this with them.
Jade swallowed hard and said, “Count me in, too. Maybe if we do this then we can quit being so mad at each other all the time.”
It struck me how childlike Jade sounded when he was stressed. So vulnerable.
Marcus looked at Mage who was standing with his arms crossed. “No brainer for me, man. I already told y’all she’s got some of the Gift in her. I don’t ever question that.”
I wish I knew what the hell he could see that I couldn’t.
“Well, then it’s settled. Who’s going first?” They all looked at each other wide-eyed. When no one spoke I offered a solution.
“It might not work for you guys to just jump in there and start talking. But I have another idea. How about you guys each take a photo album and pick out your favorite picture of Maggie? Pull it out. Here you can use these sticky notes to mark the spot.” I handed each of them a small pack of stickies I’d found in the back office along with a pen. “When you find one, think about what was happening in the picture or your favorite memory of her. I’ll hang up some poster board on the wall and you guys put the picture up on the board with a few notes beneath it with the memory. That will give you guys a place to start and it will give me some more information about her. Because see, you’ve shared a few pieces with me, so has Marie. But I don’t see her yet. I want to see her. I may have tattooed her once, but I didn’t at all get to know her like you did.”
The guys all grabbed albums, chatting and laughing with each other. Except Devon.
“Jaylene, would you come outside with me, please?” He held up his cigarettes.
Aha. I nodded, grabbed my water, and followed him down the hall. Star looked up, concerned when he saw the pace Devon had set. I waved at him and he went back to his photo album.
Devon pushed open the door hard and the dark, night sky greeted us. It dawned on me that I hadn’t been outside much the past few days. I was kind of missing the sun. I made a mental note to find a way to spend time outside every day, no matter what was going on. Vitamin D, kind of important.
When Devon turned to face me, his face was a mask of anger and hurt. “What did you mean when you said you tattooed her? What are you talking about?” He was really agitated. His hands shook when he lit his smoke. He took a long drag and then blew it out with his eyes closed. When he turned those intense blues on me this time I felt like I was at the cop shop being interrogated. I squirmed a little.
“I forgot you weren’t in the room when I realized that yesterday. Back in December, Daryl asked me to come to his place to tattoo someone for him. He wasn’t there, just her. And she told me her name was Meg Stone.”
That memory was coming back to me more vivid now that I’d seen her picture. Another reason I had no idea she could be Devon’s sister was that they looked nothing alike. Her hair was a dark, golden blonde, and curly. This was nothing like Devon’s straight, black hair and blue eyes. Marie and Devon looked so much alike. I guess she favored their father?
Devon was pacing and had almost sucked down the whole cigarette. I was sure this wouldn’t be the last one he smoked while we were out here.
“So what happened? What did she say to you?”
I couldn’t tell what had him so upset. I wanted to get the rest of the story out and then maybe he would tell me.
“I got there and she was alone. Daryl and Katie were out with the girls. She told me what she wanted, a fleur de lis with angel wings, something to remind her of home. She told me she’d grown up here but was now living in California. We talked a little about California, places we liked. We talked about college. She never really said what she did for work. She mentioned she’d sort of had to run away to make the trip, that her husband wasn’t pleased she came since he didn’t see anything good about Louisiana.”
Devon grunted. “Thomas came out for the wedding and bitched about it the whole time. They left immediately after the reception and never came back. At least, I didn’t know she’d come back.” His eyes were wet, but he was still pacing angrily. “They got married three years ago and she barely saw Mama after that. He never wanted her to go anywhere without him.” There was venom in his voice when he talked about her husband. He grew silent so I told him the rest.
“The tattoo was on her right hip. She didn’t want it to show, she wanted it to be just for her. She said her husband was going to throw a fit, but she didn’t care. She missed home and wanted a piece of it to carry with her.”
Devon stopped pacing and stared down at me where I sat on the bench. He growled and cursed under his breath. “Why didn’t she ever tell me she came home? I would have come with her. He had her so fucking tied up in knots all the time. She had to sneak around to do what she wanted to do. Goddamn him. I swear, I never want to see that fucker again as long as I live.” His anger was so fierce. It was tangible in the air.
“What happened to him? After the accident?”
He turned on me, his eyes full of hate. “What the fuck do you think happened to a rich white dude? He got fucking probation, some community service bullshit. Not even enough of a fine to be a pretend slap on the wrist.” He wiped at his eyes and ran his forearm under his nose. “His goddamn lawyer got the blood test thrown out in court and without that it was just an accident. He fucking killed her and he’s out there living his life.” He stopped and shook his head, rested his hands on his hips for a minute. Then he took out his pack and smacked it hard against his hand.
I knew this anger had to be inside him, but I was surprised at the vehemence in his voice. It was gone almost as soon as it surfaced, though, and his next words were sorrowful.
“The funny part is I’m the one who should have paid. I’m the one who sent her off with him that night.” His voice broke and he threw the pack against the wall. He collapsed onto a bench and dropped his head into his hands and pulled viciously at his hair. “If only I wasn’t such a dick that night.”
His body was trembling wildly. I hurried to his side and put my hand on his back, gently rubbing circles between his shoulder blades.
This was pain. Pure, guilt-laden suffering poured out of him. I wished I could take it all away from him.
“If you could change anything about that night, Devon, what would you have done differently?”
His breathing slowed down a little as he tried to get himself back under control.
“I sure as hell wouldn’t have been so drunk. I wouldn’t have tried to talk to Richard about why he was remixing guitar parts at the last minute at that party. And when Maggie intervened, I never would have yelled at her like I did.” He looked up at me, his eyes bloodshot in the patio lights. “I killed my sister, Jaylene. As sure as I told her off, I sent her to her death.”
I held his face in my hands and he closed his eyes, trying to pull away. He wasn’t successful. “Devon, did Maggie listen to you, you know, when she was making decisions about her own life?”
He looked at me puzzled. “No. I was her little brother. She could boss me around all she wanted, but she’d blow me off anytime I tried to talk to her about anything to do with her life.” His eyes were searching mine for where I was going with this.
“So if she never took advice from her little brother, what makes you think she would have listened to you that night? Especially if she thought you were being unreasonable?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Yeah, but, if I wasn’t so out of control that night I would have made sure she didn’t get into the car with him when he was high. That guy snorted so much coke his brain should be completely gone by now. But she was going to do what she was going to do.” He seemed so heartbroken.
“You just said it, Devon. She was going to do what she was going to do. Had you voiced your concerns to her about him? Had anyone?”
He nodded. “All the time. We were ok with him when they were just dating but as soon as they moved in together he became a total control freak. She didn’t make a move without his permission, especially not after she went behind his back and got us signed. That’s when things got really bad. She tried desperately to get him to forgive her for that.”
“Devon, women who are in relationships like that rarely take the advice of the people who love them, especially if their partner convinces them that her family is out to keep them apart. She had to want out herself. It doesn’t sound like she was ready to get out. Especially when I met her. She was still head over heels in love with him and wanted desperately to please him. Sadly, I don’t think you or anyone could have gotten through to her until she was ready.”
Tears were spilling out of his eyes and his pain was so heavy that his head dropped from my hands and he rested it against my shoulder. I smoothed back his hair just trying to ease him however I could.
“I feel like I failed her. If I could have just talked to her, made her listen to me. Maybe she would have started taking better care of herself. Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten in the car with him that night.” His voice was so weak it was breaking my heart. I took in a shallow breath and said what I knew he had to hear.
“Maybe. Or maybe she would have told you off and cut you out of her life because she felt like you didn’t understand, didn’t support her. I’ve seen it happen, Devon. I don’t know that anything you did could have changed things at that point.”
He looked up at me again, resignation starting to show in his eyes. I opened my arms to him and he leaned into me, letting me hug him and stroke his shoulder. He being so much taller than me made it a little awkward, but I held him to me and willed some solace into him.
“I miss her,” he whispered, his voice gone.
“I know, baby. I’m so sorry you lost her.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and heaved a huge sigh. We sat like that for a while until he seemed to be breathing normally again.
“I’m glad I got to meet her. I do recall she had an infectious energy about her.”
He took one last deep breath and the shuddering stopped. “She would have loved you. She would have tried to convince you to move to LA, change your style and possibly your name, and convince you the stars belonged to you because you were that good.” He chuckled. “In your case she’d be right.” He wiped his eyes with the bottom of his shirt and took one more deep breath. When he turned to me, his smile was terribly sad but hopeful. “Thanks, chère. I know I needed that, but it fucking hurts.”
I gave him a squeeze. “I know. It’s like when annoying people always say
‘the things in life that are painful are more worth it’ or some shit like that. Whatever.”
He chuckled again and turned in my arms to put his forehead against mine.
“You’re amazing, Jaylene. I feel like I can talk to you and I’m not going to die. It still hurts, but I can breathe when I’m with you. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you.” He reached up with his hand and grazed my cheek with his thumb.
I leaned forward and kissed his lower lip gently. “You are a brave man. I’m so glad I can be here for you. I just want you to feel better.”
He breathed out hard. “How much better?”
This time I bit him on his lower lip. “You and that lip of yours are going to be in trouble if you don’t behave.”
He groaned. “But you make it so hard to be good.” He stuck his lip out further into a ridiculously sexy pout.
“Ugh, really? That was a Marcus Moment if I ever saw one.”
He grabbed me and pulled me on his lap, laughing. “He would be proud of that one.” He kissed me on my nose and then I made to stand up.
“Alright, Mr. Boudreaux. Time to get back to work. You haven’t picked out a picture yet.”
I might have swung my hips a little excessively as I walked to the door. This time I was sure he groaned.
“You’re killing me, Miss Charles! If I don’t behave, will I get detention?”
I turned on him, one eyebrow raised pointedly. “No preferential treatment for you! Get inside, Mister, or no more private tutoring.”
He jumped up and hurried inside. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be a good boy from now on.” He winked as he scooted past me and I couldn’t resist kicking him in his perfect ass.
“Ow! Ok! I didn’t think corporal punishment was allowed in school anymore!” He ran into the room rubbing his backside, laughing. The other guys were huddled over a bunch of pictures. They barely looked up as we came in.
“Remember this one? Wasn’t this when Uncle Daryl caught her and Katie driving around in Aunt Marie’s car without a license?” Jade was showing Marcus a picture and they were all laughing.
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