He smiled at me sadly and took my hand between his two. “It’s too late for that. I’m already in this, chère. I love you. Patient or not, I can’t be anywhere else right now but with you. I want you any way I can have you, and if that means I have to wait to be that last first, I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
I leaned forward and threw my arms around him, pressing my face to his neck. I breathed him in as he pulled me onto his lap and held me tight.
“Devon?”
He kissed my shoulder and said, “Yes, chère?”
I sighed. “Can I ask you a question? About something you said earlier?”
He laughed. “You can ask me anything.”
I drew in another deep breath for strength. “When you said before that you were thinking about a future, what does that look like to you? I’m not trying to insert myself into your life, here. I just want to know what you see.”
He sighed impatiently. “Like it or not, you’re inserted, ok?” He laughed and I did too. “The future I see has you in it. Specifically, I see myself doing music in some form and you and I together. A family wouldn’t be too out there to consider, after we had lots of time to practice.” I giggled when he tickled me a little. “Because I assure you the practice part will be fun.” His tickling turned to caressing and I sighed as his lips returned to my neck.
“I know I’m sounding like a total ‘fraidy cat, but having babies scares me! I just want to put that out there.”
“Then we’ll deal with it when it comes up. I feel totally open about it. I love kids. There's plenty around to have in my life if I don’t have my own. But the thought of you pregnant? I gotta say, you’d be so fucking sexy I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.” He pushed me back onto the bed and started devouring me as I giggled over his fervor.
“As long as you’re ok either way. I just don’t know right now. But honestly, I’m saying all that without even having had sex once. I might hate it and never want to have it again. How would you feel about that?” I was failing miserably at keeping a straight face with that statement and he saw right through me.
“Oh, you’ll hate it alright. You’ll hate it when I get you so close to an orgasm and then back off to just prolong the ache for a while. You’ll hate it when I finish and you’ll want to go again right away. You’ll hate it when it’s the morning after we’ve just made love all night and you can barely sit in your damn chair to tattoo that day. Oh, you’ll hate everything about it except for loving how it feels for me to be inside of you.”
I could feel myself growing hotter and wetter and that need was back with a vengeance. With a very shaky voice I said, “I don’t know, Devon. I might be really hard to convince of that.”
He laughed against my earlobe sending chills down my body, hardening my nipples. Then he ran his hand up the inside of my thigh and stroked me gently from my folds to my clitoris, making me bow off the bed.
“I am so looking forward to convincing you.” He looked down at me with a sparkle in his eyes that replaced the sadness.
I stilled him for a moment with my hands on his cheeks. “I love you so much, Devon. I love you and I want to make love with you tonight, fully accepting all the ramifications that go along with it.”
He smiled and kissed me deeply, his face tightening up with the passion he shared “I love you too, chère. And if at any time you want to stop, you just tell me. I want you to trust me, ok?”
“Trusting you has never been an issue. Now why don’t you get back to that convincing me part.”
He proceeded with a tenacity that was highly commendable. After kissing me into a boneless state he proceeded to apply a similar technique to my more sensitive set of lips until I was past boneless to complete liquidity. He did exactly as he’d threatened, bringing me to the brink of orgasm several times so that when it hit, the waves wracked my body like the wake of a passing cruise vessel. And with every new experience he brought me, he was tender and generous.
I was lying in a state of bliss but still feeling like I needed him one more place before feeling completely sated. “Baby, it’s time. I bought some condoms, they’re...”
He chuckled. “Oh, I brought some, too.” He reached for his jeans and brought out a long strand of them. I raised my eyebrow at that and he shrugged. “I promised you four, but for your first time we might not use them all. You might need to work up to a four-time night.”
I laughed and barely had the energy left to slap myself in the forehead. He knelt above me and I watched eagerly as he rolled the condom over his shaft.
“That is such an impressive phallus you’ve got. The Greeks would have worshipped it, built palaces in its honor.”
He rolled his eyes at me and then smacked my ass to get me to roll on my back from my curled up position.
“Ow! Hey, I’m just being honest. I feel blessed to be experiencing it’s majesty. Marcus must have been thinking about it when he wrote Mystikal Stick.”
He groaned. “Ok, enough,” he said and then kissed me slowly and thoroughly until I was melting again. “Now if you’re quite finished exalting my cock, I’d like to get to work here.”
I kissed him with a big wet smack of my lips. “Sorry. If you hadn’t noticed, I kind of make jokes when I’m a little nervous and seeing as there’s nothing little about you, I’m largely nervous.”
He pressed his forehead against mine. “We can stop, chère. I don’t want you to be afraid.”
I shook my head fervently. “No! No more stopping. I want you and by the feel of you, you want this, too. Let me make you feel good, baby.”
He smiled. “Everything we’ve done has been amazing for me. You feel so damn good. I told you, watching you come destroys me.”
“Then what are you waiting for? Make me come again.”
He shook his head. “It might not work that way your first time, Jaylene. But I promise, we’ll keep on practicing until we make it happen, ok?”
I nodded. “Ok. Proceed.”
He laughed, but his laughter was quickly cut off as he slid slowly into me. We both moaned together and I felt like I was splitting apart. I didn’t think I had it in me to tense up, but I did and he stopped moving.
“Chère, you ok? Am I hurting you?”
My eyes were wide and I was breathing heavy. I smiled. “Doesn’t hurt. Just big.”
He laughed, dropping his head to my shoulder as he pulled back and then tried to move forward again. The feeling was invasive and I sucked in a breath as he pushed himself in until our pelvises were almost touching. His eyes found mine, seeking reassurance. I nodded and leaned up to kiss him, never taking my eyes off his. He stilled for a moment until I could catch my breath.
“Are you done or is there still another yard left to go?”
We laughed and my muscles clenched around him. That caused him to wince.
“Oh, gods, did I hurt you, baby?”
He just laughed. “Not at all. You feel like heaven, beautiful. Now I’m going to move and you just hold on, ok?”
And then he was moving, his tip pushing so far into me it took my breath away with every stroke. The friction was so hot, I felt myself tensing and tingling with every movement, climbing higher until I reached a peak and fell over the edge into those delicious waves again.
He paused as I finished. “That was amazing, chère. You still with me?”
I nodded but felt like I barely had control over my muscles and joints. “I’m with you. I’m useless here, but I’m with you.”
He chuckled and then started moving at a quicker pace. He leaned back and hooked an arm under my leg, pushing it towards my chest and then he really started moving. I watched him above me, covered in a sheen of sweat, his eyelids heavy over those endless deep blue eyes, and his lips were pursed together as he sucked in harsh breaths. The sensations were even deeper this way, but I was so taken with watching him that my pleasure hinged on witnessing this beautiful man find his release. When it hit him, he cried out and fell forw
ard, stretching me even further. He too was being carried on those waves of pleasure, and it was like he was crawling further inside me with every wave that passed him until he finally collapsed on top of me.
We lay there breathing heavily together and I felt our connection strengthen. Suddenly, all I could see in my mind was shoelaces...I could see the loops wrapped together and pulled tight and then a second time. A double knot. I stroked his back and kissed his neck. He sighed and pulled his hips back slowly. He made eye contact with me and I hoped he saw how much I was feeling in that moment.
“I feel like we just knotted.”
He raised an eyebrow and leaned down to kiss my nipple, sending shock waves back down below. “Knotted?”
I nodded. “Like shoelaces. I don’t know, that’s the first thing that came to my mind.” I felt a little shy and vulnerable under his gaze. I guess a part of me, smaller now than before, still waited for him to realize that he was a rock star and I was just Jaylene. But what he said next helped to blow that small part to pieces.
“For me it was like coming home.” He smiled, maybe a little unsure as well. I beamed at him and then frowned.
“I just wondered something. Do you even have a home? Like your own? I don’t even know where you live!”
He chuckled at that and sat up to dispose of the condom. “Uh, the bathroom is where?”
I laughed and pointed. “This place is tiny, Devon. I don’t think you can get lost.” He stood and walked gloriously naked through my apartment and I rested my arms behind my head. “Is it ok if I just lay here and watch you?”
He was still laughing as he closed the bathroom door.
I sighed and pulled the covers over me. I was sleepy, pleasantly sore, comfortable and happy. Happier than I’d been in forever. When he came back in the room and found me smiling like a Cheshire cat he chuckled.
“I’m hoping that is a satisfied smile and not some secret joke going on over there.”
My eyes dragged open. “No jokes. I am just feeling incredibly incredible right now.”
He pulled back the covers and crawled in next to me. I instantly curved to him and wondered how I’d ever not slept side by side with him.
“I’m incredibly glad. You’re incredible.” He leaned down to kiss me and I was starting to get sucked in again to the pleasure that is Devon when I stopped him with a hand to his jaw.
“You didn’t answer my question, Mr. Boudreaux.”
He rubbed his chin on the top of my head, his arm folded behind his head. I rolled over so I could look at him and admired the way his bicep flexed when he laid like that. I did some more admiring, waiting for him to answer. He laughed a little and his smile made me weak.
“I don’t really have an answer. I guess I’m kind of between places at the moment. I’ve been staying with Mama here. We've got the place in Houma. I don’t go there very often, but I went there last night.”
I woke up a little from my drowsy state at that. “That’s where you went last night?”
He nodded and looked up at my ceiling. I had a dream catcher hanging from the ceiling fan above my bed and he studied it for a moment. “I needed to pick something up and, well, I hadn’t been back since the guys and I went out there. I felt like I needed to.”
I kissed his chest but kept watching his face. “And how did it go?”
He blew out a breath and looked down at me. He had just the slightest double chin when he looked at me like this and I couldn’t help but love the way his lips, swollen from kissing me, pursed out just a bit more from this angle. “It went, I guess. I expected to have that pain in my chest, but truthfully I just went in, got what I needed, looked around a bit and that was that. It didn’t hurt as much.”
I smiled and his mouth turned up slightly at the corners. “I’m so glad, baby. I don’t want you to hurt like that anymore.”
He grazed his knuckles along my cheekbone and smiled sweetly. “I’m not hurting so much anymore. And being here with you, I’m more relaxed than I’ve been since before I left for L.A.” He blew out a breath. “I guess that’s why I don’t want to go back, but it looks like I’m going to have to.”
Internally, I’d tried to prepare myself for this conversation and I silently gave myself a pep talk that I could handle it.
“Do you have to go permanently or can you, like, go when you’re needed...I don’t know, I am unfamiliar with your job description and duties required.”
He cracked up. “You mean there’s a job description for what we do? I’d love to read that. ‘Wanted: Dumbass musicians who don’t mind being slaves to the label, being packaged and sold, exploited, and expected to give sexual favors.’”
“Ok, how much of that is kidding?”
He snorted. “All of it and none of it. I’m just bitter right now is all. I shouldn’t complain. I’m getting paid to play music and getting paid well. If I play my cards right, I could be set for life and get to do what I love.”
“I hadn’t thought about it like that. I guess you have to put up with the stuff you hate to do what you love, right?”
He nodded. “All except the sexual favors. That part is kind of fun.”
I bit his nipple and he sucked in a breath. ””Oh, shit Jaylene. I don’t know if that hurt or felt fucking great.”
I ran my tongue over the spot and his eyes rolled back in his head. I giggled and kissed him some more. But I wanted more answers.
“So where do you stay when you’re in L.A. ?”
His eyes opened. “I know what you’re worried about. You're worried you just had hot sex with a homeless guy, aren’t you?” I held my teeth over his nipple again and the smile fell from his face. “Ok, ok. We have a house we rented in Hollywood. It’s an old mansion built in 1925 that’s only partially been restored, so it’s a little worn but it’s perfect. We’ve all got rooms there, but Marcus has his own apartment closer to L.A.” He snickered. “Mage found it. He read about it being haunted and was sold.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course he’d think it was perfect. It sounds great, though. I’ve always wanted to go to Hollywood. Not that I’m a big celebrity stalker or anything, but there’s so much great history there!”
His eyes lit up. “There really is. I did some exploring when we first got there. Before things got really crazy.” He trailed off, deep in thought.
I let him have his moment and rested my head on his chest. Listening to his heart beating grounded me.
Sometime later he said, “Jaylene? Would you be willing to come see me, in L.A.?”
I turned my head to look at him and smiled. “It could be fun. But I wouldn’t want to get in the way.”
He frowned. “You would never be in the way. In the way of what?”
I sighed. “The band, your business out there. I don’t know. I don’t know how I’ll fit into your life once you leave here.”
The frown still creased his forehead but it looked more pained than frustrated. “Chère, there’s no fitting you in. I want you with me.” He exhaled and pulled me closer to him. “Look. There’s no reason why New Orleans can’t be my home. I’ll go to L.A., we’ll record, and then I’ll come back here. Eventually we’ll go on tour and I’ll be gone for a time, but I want this to be my home. I want to be home, with you.”
I sighed dramatically. “I guess I could clear out a spot in the medicine cabinet for your toothbrush and razor.” I started to giggle and he turned me sharply to face him.
“I’m serious, Jaylene. I want you to be my home.”
My eyes widened and we just stared at each other. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence and I knew I shouldn’t joke right now.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You want me to be home?”
He nodded, his eyes searching mine. “Yeah, Jaylene. I want you, I want to be with you however I can, don’t you get it? You’re home for me.”
A tear ran down my face and I brought his hand up to kiss his knuckles. He brushed the tear away. That pained look was still o
n his face.
When I spoke my voice was so quiet I wasn’t sure he could hear me. “I want to be with you however I can, too, Devon. I love the idea of coming to visit you. I really love the idea of you being here with me. But my shop is here, my work is here, and I’ve just gotten things running smooth. If you’re ok with that fact, that I won’t give this up, I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you.”
I would remember the smile that lit up his face right then anytime I ever wondered whether it was worth it, whether I could do this. His hands came up to my face and he pulled me into his waiting lips. His kiss was so tender, and there was a longing there I hadn’t felt before. There was hope, joy, fear of the unknown but determination to face it together all wrapped up in a single touch of his lips to mine. He pulled me onto his chest and looked deep into me.
“I love you so much, Jaylene. Being with you makes me feel like I can face it all, makes me want to be the best man I can. Hell, makes me want to climb mountains and scream at the top of my lungs! Is that too corny?”
I giggled and snuggled closer to him. “Corny is good. I like corny. Bet I can out-corn you though.”
His chest rumbled with his laugh, tickling my ear and sending shivers down my back. “Oh, I don’t think so. I’m pretty corny.”
I looked up at him and thought long and hard. “Well, I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more to be the one who walked a thousand miles for you!”
He laughed and rolled me over underneath him, kissing me deeply. With his tongue caressing mine, it was hard to focus. I loved getting lost in him.
“Yeah? Well, you might be able to out-corn me with ‘80's songs, but I will annihilate you with cheesy show tunes to profess my love for you.”
“Oh yeah?” I was digging this game of one-upping each other. “I will totally slay you with Hair Metal innuendo!”
He scoffed. “Please! Did you forget what it is I do for a living? There’s no way you can slay me with innuendo. Remember, I likely contributed lyrics to Sin on my Face.”
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