“I am afraid of enclosed spaces and zombies and especially a combination of the two.” I figured I’d done a good job of getting the highlights of my neuroses out. ”I think that’s it. You already know I’m afraid of disappointing people, I have to draw all the time, and that I’m a little afraid of you leaving… Not because I don’t trust you or trust how you feel about me.”
He nodded and his serious look was really serious now. “I know. I’m afraid too. Not of your ridiculous list though. Those things just make me love you more.”
I rolled my eyes. “Alright, you have been warned.”
He bit me hard on the shoulder and I gasped at the pleasure of it.
When his eyes found mine, he said, “You didn’t say you were afraid of vampires or werewolves.”
I shook my head. “Not afraid of them at all. Actually, I thought you already knew I was a vampire.”
He chuckled. “You do have really cold hands sometimes and you do like to bite me.”
At that I demonstrated how much I liked to bite him all the way down his torso.
“If you are truly a vampire I’ve died and gone to vampire heaven. Fuck, that feels good.”
I bit him on the insides of his thighs and he jolted under my hands. When I grazed his most sensitive flesh with my teeth, his hands flew into my hair and he moaned loudly. I couldn’t help but smile wickedly at him when his eyes landed on me. I took him as far in as I could. His eyes rolled back in his head and he lost himself to the pleasure.
I tried to touch him, kiss him and lick him everywhere, but soon he started to squirm and his legs were shaking. He gently lifted me off of him and grabbed frantically for a condom.
Once it was on, he lifted me effortlessly by my hips and brought me down hard on him. Crying out in a mixture of pleasure, and a little bit of pain, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. We were so close with me on his lap like this. It quickly became my very favorite way to make love with him. I was just a little above his eye level and he was gazing up at me with such emotion in his deep blue eyes. We moved against each other as his hands gripped my hips. He took one breast and then the other to his lips. His teeth pulled on my piercings lightly and my head fell back in ecstasy. I didn’t think I could take much more until I felt his touch on my clitoris, and then I was quivering uncontrollably. I screamed out his name as I came the hardest yet.
But he wasn’t finished. He was gripping me by my shoulders, bringing me down harder and faster onto him. I leaned back and rested my hands on his thighs and he was so much inside me and all over me that I was overwhelmed. Tears started falling from my eyes and he jerked me up to face him.
“Jaylene?”
The question in his gaze made the tears come faster. His eyes were so intense on me. Soon tears were falling from his eyes as well. We clung together as our bodies ignited. We exploded together and cried out, “I love you,” kissing each other passionately.
Sweating, shaking and still crying softly we held each other like that for what seemed like days. I never wanted his body to not be connected to mine like that.
“I keep thinking about what you told me Maggie said about not trusting words like you can trust touch.”
He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “Yeah,” was all he could say.
“Yeah,” I answered him. “I agree with her. And I wish we could be like this always.”
He smiled and kissed me deeply. When we came up for air, he chuckled. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think being like this forever would definitely interfere with both of our careers. I don’t think I could fit a guitar between us and I know you couldn’t tattoo anyone naked with my cock inside you.”
I burst out laughing and it became evident that I needed to move.
He gently lifted me off of him and he went to clean up. “Although,” he said over his shoulder, “it just might fit with the whole rock god persona. If we could be having sex, and I could be hitting an amazing solo at the same time? I might just make the rock n’ roll hall of fame.”
I groaned loudly in response. I loved how his sense of humor came out at the most interesting times.
“I think I need an ice pack,” I hollered to him. I heard him laughing and then I heard a knock at the door. “Tell Mackenzie I’m sorry if we disturbed them.” I started cracking up because I knew her answer would be that she was happy to be disturbed by those sounds.
Devon came back in a minute later with a towel wrapped around his hips and shut the bedroom door behind him. “Chère, it’s not Mackenzie. It's Marcus.”
I frowned at him, standing up quickly to grab a sports bra and a shirt. “What is he doing here?”
He was looking at me sadly. “He wants to talk to you.”
I pulled the shirt on and then grabbed for some shorts. “Why?”
He pulled on his boxer briefs and shook his head. “I guess he wants to make amends. Although I wish he would have told me he was coming here.”
I looked closely at him and giggled, covering my mouth. “Shit, I wish he would have too. Devon, I left marks on you!”
He looked down at his chest and the faint trail of teeth marks I’d left behind. He laughed a happy and satisfied male laugh and pulled me to him to kiss him. “Chère, don’t ever be worried about that. I’ll wear your bite marks with pride.” He looked at himself in the mirror and ran his fingers over one of the marks. “God, that’s just fucking sexy. I told you you were fucking sexy.”
I elbowed him and looked in the mirror. “Yeah, well, I look like a disaster. Can you bring me a brush from the bathroom? No sense in being completely obvious about what we were up to. You can tell him I was taking a nap.”
He smacked my ass. “Really? A nap? How does that explain the bite marks?”
I looked at him as innocent as possible. “I was dreaming you were chocolate cake?”
He licked his lips at me. “Hmmm, that gives me ideas, you got any frosting?”
“Go get my hairbrush, bad boy!”
He winked and then stepped out, closing the door.
I looked again at myself in the mirror. When Marcus made his comments to me the other morning, I hadn’t slept with Devon. I was still a virgin. Tonight, he’d shown up just after I’d been thoroughly made love to by his cousin. In a way, I felt it made what he said to me true. I did feel like I had a say over Devon but not in the way he meant. I’d never try to use that say to control him. To protect him, I’d have my say in a heartbeat. Because he was mine, my love, and I hoped Marcus could see that for what it was. I wasn’t some groupie or Yoko Ono-type. I loved Devon, but I also loved the rest of the guys and deeply cared what happened to them. They brought me into this, he couldn’t expect me to just sit back and not care.
Devon walked in while I was giving myself this pep talk and he must have seen the determination mixed with a little fear on my face because he turned me to him and held my face in his hands.”You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I know what he said bothered you and I know why. But he was wrong, very wrong. You had every right to stand up for me and I appreciate that you did. I love you, chère.”
I smiled up at him and kissed his bottom lip. Oh, how I loved that lip. “I love you, too, baby. And yes, I have to do this. He is a huge part of your life and he and I need to come to an understanding.”
He just held me and looked down at me for a moment before pressing his forehead into mine. “Whatever I did to deserve you, I’ll never know. But I’ll thank God every day that you’re in my life.”
I looked up at him and the tears threatened to spill again if I didn’t step back. “Yeah, well just remember that when you reach down and discover it’s one of those days I didn’t shave, or a morning after I’ve had vegetables.”
I turned to walk out the door and he said, “And when I take you to the movies, I’ll love you and be thankful the whole time.”
I turned back to give him one more smile before taking a deep breath and stepping out into the living room.
/>
Marcus stood from the couch when I walked in. He was smiling but looked haggard, like he hadn’t slept all weekend. He also looked admonished, a little guilty, and a lot sad. I walked over to him and he stepped forward to take my hand and kiss me on the cheek.
“Thanks for seeing me, Jaylene. Sorry if I am imposing.”
I shook my head and motioned for him to sit on the couch. I took the other end and sat with my legs up under me. I didn’t say anything. I let him work out what he needed to say to me.
“Before I apologize, let me just say that I’m here tonight because I wanted to talk to you before everyone was around, and I wanted you to know that I came on my own, not because of what Daryl or Devon said. Not even because of what Sherry said to me when I got to L.A. She kicked me out, by the way. Wouldn’t see me. Said I was a complete jackass.”
I figured that might have caused some of his current state of distress. “I’m sorry, Marcus. I know you care about Sherry a lot.” He looked up at me, surprised. I continued, “I can tell. You might try to act like you and she just have a 'thing,' nothing serious, but I know she means more to you than that.”
He looked down at his hands and shook his head. He looked like he slept in his clothes and his usually perfect hair was a perfect mess. “Yeah, well it doesn’t really matter how I feel because she’s made it clear that we are strictly business from now on.” He shrugged and smiled sadly.
“Can I get you some tea or something else to drink?”
He nodded. “That’d be real sweet, Jaylene. Thank you.”
I started the kettle and Devon came out of my room dressed and with his boots on.
“I’m going out for a smoke. You need anything just holler, ok?”
I nodded and he kissed me on the cheek. He gave Marcus a hard look before he walked out the door.
In a minute the kettle whistled and I poured for both of us. “Do you take honey, Marcus?”
“I do, thank you.”
I brought the mugs into the living room and handed him one. “It’s chamomile, I hope that’s ok.”
He nodded. “You’re too kind.”
I waved off his compliment and took a sip of the tea along with him.
He set his mug down and leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees. “What I said to you, back at the St. Germaine that morning, was an awful thing for me to say in so many ways I don’t even know where to begin. I can’t say anything in my defense, and I wouldn’t disrespect you by trying. It wasn’t until I heard a ration from Daryl and then tried to talk to Devon that I realized just how awful it was.”
I didn’t know what to say to him. He obviously had more to share, so I let him.
“Devon was right, you know, when he said I only looked out for myself. In this case, he was right. See, Devon has been my best friend since we were kids. I looked up to him and he put up with my shit more than anyone else. He also believed in me and gave up his own dreams to join me on this roller coaster. I know he wanted to finish college. I know he wants to make more serious music. And I hate it that I’m holding him back. Then Maggie died and I’m left plugging the whole dam together with my fucking finger. Thing is, I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough. Only Devon is strong enough to hold us all together. When you came along, and he started speaking up and asserting himself, it was easier to blame you and his feelings for you than it was to face the fact that I was losing him. And I am, I’m not stupid. I know that when this album is over he’s going to quit and I understand it, I do. He’s better than all of this.”
I was completely floored. I knew that there was something deeper at play here. but I had no idea.
He took a shaky breath and glanced up at me. His hazel eyes were wet with tears, but he was holding them back. “The thing is, Jaylene, I want him to be happy more than I want it for myself. He deserves a hell of a lot of happy. And I’m so fucking glad he found you. He’s been miserable for so long and the moment he laid eyes on you he lit up like a damn Christmas tree! He’s so in love with you, Jaylene, and I envy him tremendously.”
I could feel this poor man in front of me crumbling and that just wouldn’t do. “Marcus, whether you believe it or not, your strength is what kept you guys together through all this. If you hadn’t stepped up, I think things would have been a lot worse. You’ve been limping along, sure, but everyone was functioning for the most part. Think about how out of control things were before Maggie died. If it weren’t for you staying on these guys, do you really think they’d be where they are now? Do you think Star would have gone to rehab? Or would you have had to attend at least one more funeral?”
He stared up at me with dead eyes, and when he spoke again, his voice was trembling. “I was so afraid of that. I thought if I kept pushing them and pushing them, they wouldn’t have time to fall apart. So I did. And they hate me for it. But I didn’t know what else to do, Jaylene. I couldn’t let them fall apart. I love those guys more than life.”
He dropped his head in his hands. His level of pain came close to the first time I talked to Devon about Maggie.
”Marcus they don’t hate you. I know Devon doesn’t hate you. He loves you and he worries about you. But he’s angry. I don’t need to tell you that.”
He laughed. “Oh no, you don’t need to tell me that. I really don’t know how I made it out of Daryl’s place alive. Between the two of them, I thought my ticket had finally been punched. And I’ve pissed off people bigger and scarier than them before.”
We both laughed.
“I think you did the best you could with what you had, Marcus. I think they all appreciate you for that, even if they don’t show it. But at some point you need to let go of your need to control everything or it’s going to kill you.”
“I know that. I’m exhausted. I haven’t been able to sleep. My blood pressure is ridiculously high right now.” He leaned back against the back of the couch.
“You need to take care of yourself. Do you even know how to do that?”
He laughed. “I guess.” He looked at me for a long moment. “I can’t believe I hurt someone as precious as you. Can you ever forgive me?”
I smiled at him and reached over to take his hand.
“I forgave you the minute I walked out of that room. I knew exactly why you said what you did; maybe not just how deep it went. I knew you were just scared of losing him. You won’t lose him, you know.”
He shook his head. “No, I guess not. He’s too good of a friend and cousin.” He paused and looked over at me with that devilish grin of his. “Did he tell you I crashed Rose once?”
I blanched. “What? He let you drive her?”
He shook his head. “Not exactly. I kind of took her without asking. He was pissed enough about that. But when he saw the damage a fence post did to the rear quarter panel, I thought I was done for. You know, he never said anything to me. He banged around outside in the garage cursing my name in colorful ways, but he never yelled at me. He didn’t talk to me for a couple of months. Then one day he came over to pick me up; Rose was completely restored, and we went out to hear some music. I think it was a year or so after his daddy died.” He shook his head. “He’s always been too good for me.”
I could feel his sadness, but I had to speak my mind. “I’m not going to lie. I was really hurt by what you said.”
A pained look crossed his face and his eyes met mine like a kid waiting for his punishment after disappointing his parents.
”I was mostly hurt because I was afraid you guys would actually think that little of me.”
He looked horrified and sat up. “No! No, Jaylene I never thought badly of you. It had nothing to do with you. I’m so sorry. Jade told me what you told them after I left and I swear, if I could have kicked myself any harder…”
I laughed. “Yeah, they were all pretty surprised. But you didn’t know.”
“It doesn’t matter if I knew or not, I was way out of line. I’m sorry, Jaylene, and I swear, I will never, ever, disrespect you ever a
gain. I am so fucking grateful for all you have done for us, especially for Devon. I know I’ll have to earn back your trust. I just hope you’ll let me.”
“Of course, Marcus. We’re good.”
Marcus rested his hand over his heart and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he grabbed me into a hug and squeezed. He was shaking and I just held on to him for a moment. I heard the door open and Devon’s boots come in. He walked in the room and Marcus moved to quickly let go.
Devon crossed his arms and said in a stern voice, “She must have gone a helluva lot easier on you than she should have by the looks of it.”
I rolled my eyes and motioned him over to join us on the couch. He sat behind me, putting me between them.
“I know. I’m feeling even shittier now.”
I pushed at his shoulder. “Oh, quit. Both of you. Marcus, where are you staying tonight?”
He shrugged. ”Thought I’d go back over to the St. Germaine.”
I looked at Devon with an eyebrow raised, warning him not to argue with me. “No, that’s not acceptable. This pullout couch isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, but I’d feel better if you stayed here tonight.”
He looked up at me and one tear escaped his eye.
He looked over at Devon, who shrugged and said, “She’s the boss. If she wants your sorry ass on her couch, I’m not telling her no.”
I smacked Devon’s thigh and he jumped. “You be nice! Grab him an extra pillow and blanket from the closet, would you please?”
He rolled his eyes and went into my room. I motioned for Marcus to stand so I could pull out the couch.
“Jaylene, I appreciate this. Everything.”
I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. “I know. Now get some rest, ok?”
He nodded. He helped me move the table and pull out the couch.
Devon threw the pillow and blanket on the bed and said, “Goodnight, asshole.” Marcus laughed. “Love you too, Cousin.”
He winked at me and I just rolled my eyes at the two of them.
I went in to use the bathroom and when I came back to bed, Devon was under the covers with his bare chest visible. He watched me as I took my clothes off and I crawled over him to get into the bed. He groaned and as soon as I got under the covers, he pulled me into him and kissed me thoroughly.
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