by D Wills
~1~
Under the burning sun
Helios, I salute you. The heat is scorching this lunch time. These are the kinds of days I adore; they make my otherwise unbearable life as an Erosian a bit more bearable.
My role in this horrendous life is to make teenagers fall in love at high school. A job I’m no longer performing remarkably well. Teenage sweetheart creator wasn’t the initial plan for me; this is the second option forced upon me because Eros hated me on sight! This meant my true purpose of being Eros’s ‘true love’ was hopeless. Now I’m a rejected, unwanted, Goddess of love trapped in the mortal world.
Nine months ago, Zeus the king of all Gods had me created as the third Erosian. An Erosian is Zeus’s flashy title for a slave to Eros. Problem is Eros couldn’t and still can’t stand me. Eros spent the first twenty minutes of my presentation ceremony screaming at Zeus and snarling at me. Terror caused by Eros consumed me instantly and the feeling comes back to me in nightmares starring him which haunt me almost every night.
Zeus had this misdirected idea that I’d be the one to satisfy Eros – he also thought that about his first two attempts though and they failed. What was supposed to have happened was Eros was to fall in love with the first Erosian Zeus had Prometheus create for him and this love would stop Eros's mission to have Zeus's mortals annihilate each other through misdirected passions!
The other two Erosians are Allana and Amora; they also got dismissed by Eros. We three live together in the mortal world like one happy family of rejected love rivals. Allana is the oldest of us and is very much like a mother to me; she explained to me that Eros sees us as burdens and nothing else so we were never going to be the solution to his reign of terror over the humans.
Eros embarked on his rampage because he lost his only love and the pain he suffered caused him to go crazy! He spent months making all the wrong people fall in love; this ended in some blood-soaked jealous rages and gruesome crimes of passion. The Gods tried to ignore his actions first in the hope that his anger would disappear and nothing too bad would come from any of the ill-fated couplings he created; but when the first drop of mortal blood hit the earth, Zeus intervened. The human race are Zeus's babies they belong to him! And Zeus wasn’t about to let them get destroyed because of an out of control temper tantrum! Zeus figured if he gave Eros something to love he'd stop his behaviour and so he ordered Prometheus to create Allana the first Erosian, and then the second and then me as we all failed one by one. I'm told I hold the record for quickest dismissal though. Our failure was inevitable; Eros was never going to be happy with three understudies, when he was still waiting on his leading lady.
That hasn’t stopped Eros from taking some pleasure in us. During each of our presentation ceremonies he would lovingly inform us how much he hated us and would then take great delight in our reactions. Eros also issued us with the order that we are forbidden to love anyone else but him. Meaning we would live our lives as alone and as miserable as him. I still remember his heart piercing words: “I don’t need to want you to own you. You belong to me; you are mine, and you will love me alone”. I felt sick when I listened to him while watching his snarling lips curl around every soul shattering word, coating them in a poison that has infected me ever since.
Eros warned us if we ever disobeyed him and gave our love to anyone he would kill them and banish us. We’d be sent to a world more horrific than we could possibly imagine - I’m not sure though where he could send me, that would be worse than this life of solitary servitude .
We weren’t the only ones gifted with his threats though, at my presentation ceremony Zeus got one too. Eros has begged Zeus every time he was given an Erosian to just be given his soul mate instead, but Zeus never delivered. To begin with Zeus and the mortals could enjoy some peace as Zeus promised he would try to give him what he wanted if he just gave him time. So whilst Eros patiently waited on Zeus’ promise the mortals and the Gods all relaxed. After Zeus broke his promise twice though and I was his third prize Eros's patience ran out! Eros threatened Zeus with a one year deadline; to give him back his love or he would savage the mortal realm again and this time he’d make sure even Zeus would be lucky to survive. I remember the horrified expressions of the Olympian court and I even saw Zeus gulp at Eros's plan.
Nine months have passed since then so I only have three months left of this life and then who knows what will happen.
Three months left, but my mind has already given up! I was phenomenal at this in the first few months after we left Olympus. I was like the star hitter on a baseball team; I’d knock matches out bam, bam, bam! I guess I was so thankful I hadn’t been left in Olympus with Eros that I was determined to prove myself as a worthy love God - not just a rejected Erosian.
Now my heart’s given up; I'm so fed up with witnessing happy relationships that I’m forced to make I can’t bring myself to start anymore. Especially when I could potentially only have a few months left; why should I suffer every day in slavery! The chances are that if Zeus does magically give Eros what he wants (which I'm guessing he won't because seriously he would have done it by now surely!) we Erosians will be destroyed. We’re not going to be any use to anyone else so who is going to keep us around?
That’s my prediction anyway on what will happen based on the limited knowledge that I have about our situation. I’ve not been privileged to a lot of information that would give me an idea of what will happen when the years up. No one has sought me out to confess all the secrets of my life or his past that could give me a clue to the future. Not like there are many people who would or any I could ask. My social relationships consist of Allana who censors everything she tells me. Allana’s like a mother, she tells me the bare minimum to protect me in her opinion and I wouldn't ask Amora even though I am desperate, because she is the most poisonous, dishonest angel in existence. There is no mortal, god or immortal as beautiful as Amora but there isn’t anyone whose attitude sucks as badly either! Especially towards me, she hates me as well. Anything she would tell me; would be such a sordid encryption of the truth, that there’d be no point in listening to her.
I wasn’t sent to the mortal realms totally uninformed I was told the necessary information relevant to my situation, according to the higher ups. That information came from Allana so you can guarantee it had been censored down to pg-13! After my disastrous presentation ceremony Allana was instructed by Zeus, to train me in the ways of an Erosian and to give me enough background on our lives to allow me to do the job properly.
I listened intently to her as she explained my job was to help teenagers fall in love and that I had been moulded to be youthful for Eros; like his true love was when he first met her - I don't think it was her youth he fell in love with so I failed before they even showed him me! Even though looking younger than Allana and Amora didn't sway his attractions the way everyone had hoped; being sixteen would help me blend in when creating high school sweethearts.
Zeus had this mad notion that by replicating parts of Eros’s true love in us, he would find the part of her that had enchanted Eros eventually, and then Eros would forget about her. Well let's just admit Zeus's plans don't have the best success rate! I also believe I was given the worst attribute compared to what the other two got! I was given youth, where as Amora was given unrivalled beauty and Allana is a replica of Eros's lost love - so what advantage did I get?
Allana was so patient with my training once Eros had basically dumped me on her. Allana carefully showed me mortals auras, which are what we use in the beginning to join lovers together, she showed me how to spot the ones that match so I could pair them up. I followed her instructions without question; find matching couple, bring together and ignore the
deep pit of loneliness inside that gets deeper every day. Well Allana tried to warn me about that last bit but I foolishly never allowed the full scale of what my life was going to be like to register in my head. I never took the warnings Allana tried to give me seriously. If I had maybe I'd have started things differently. It wasn't until about six weeks after I'd been sent out on my own that the emotions Allana told me about became real. The words she had used; lonely, painful, torturous, had all claimed residence in my body. Each emotion stayed dormant inside of me until I got used to making matches. It was like they were lying in wait to bring me a world of hell once I found the emotions in others. With each match I made a piece of that hell broke through like a jagged spike erupting somewhere within me. The eruption awoke the horrific feelings from their hibernation and they attacked me with all their strength. Sometimes days have to pass after a match, before the pains begin to ease.
I’d told Allana in training I’d be fine; I didn’t need love for myself so I wouldn’t care about giving it to others. I told her that I wouldn’t want something I’d never felt; because how could I miss something which had never existed in my life? She didn’t answer me then and I wrongly presumed it was because I was right.
I wasn’t. Allana didn’t answer me then, because no one can explain why you are able to yearn for something you've never experienced, you just are. Perhaps we are all born, or in my case moulded; with some sort of dormant love gene, ready and waiting to be ignited by the right person. Like there is kindling settled in our stomachs and we just need to find the one with the match.
There are days when my bitterness gives way to envy and I think about making the wrong matches; just so someone else can be as miserable as I am. I know that’s what Eros did all those years ago and maybe going rogue like him isn’t one of my finer plans, but there are two perfect candidates over there to destroy right now, Eros style.
At the far end of the football field on the only side not bordered by benches are a couple of towering trees; those at this school who aren’t sun worshippers usually rush to hang under them when the rays start burning down. One of the more emo-esque cliques are lounging under one now. Every time I’ve scanned back to them this lunch hour to check their auras with those of others', I’ve seen the same two glancing at each other suggestively. I'm sure the girl has gone through a whole tube of lip gloss; she hasn’t stopped licking her lips at him.
The girl shakes her jet black hair out of the loose pony tail that falls low on her neck; flashes of neon pink from her streaks fly over her face as she attempts to flick her hair about like the models on the shampoo ads. I choke down laughter as the wind whips around her at exactly the wrong moment, or I suppose the right one, sticking her hair to her gloss. As she tries awkwardly to comb the defiant strands back behind her ears, the pale foundation she’s wearing can’t hide the blush that burns through her cheeks. I guess she probably should’ve licked her lips just one more time.
He is acting nowhere near as coy. Leaning back on his hands he openly stares right at her, raising his eyebrows and smirking every time she flirts with him. His dark hair is gelled into spikes, which on most would look stupid but somehow he works the look. He’s talking to one of the other guys sitting around him, but his attention is obviously focused on her. Something glints on his lower lip hypnotising her.
It’s his lip ring shining in the sunlight. Bet if I matched those two up, it’d get pulled out in a fight. A devious smile curls the edges of my lips as I imagine the pain he’d be in; undoubtedly deserved pain. He looks like a player, and he has the arrogant ‘all girls love me’ attitude. Perhaps they do, but does he love any of the girls he gets?
Instinctively I focus in on their auras; they shimmer like full body halos. This is dangerous; I could quite easily get carried away and they’d be intertwined in seconds.
Their colours are at opposite ends of the aura scale; his is dirty gunmetal silver and she has a murky purple shade. They both need to find a light coloured aura to match up with happily. These two together would be mutually destructive. The only compatible parts of them are their bodies. Their sex would be earth shattering, but the only conversations they'd have would be blazing arguments; which would in the end physically nasty.
Get real Acacia! Screwing my job up and causing harm to mortals might be one way to end this life but it wouldn’t be a pleasurable experience. Resting my elbows on my knees I lean forward and concentre intensely on the rest of the school in front of me. This creature I am is made to give love; I am not the recipient, so I should do that and stop moaning about my loneliness and picturing ways to relieve it.
There’s only one real way to relieve it anyway; find someone to love me the way I’ve made so many love each other. Eros’s warnings though, which haunt me every day, douse any intentions that may exist inside of me about finding myself a boyfriend. The memory of his words of hatred never fades. I sometimes think the empty space they created in my body is the reason I feel so alone. Maybe Eros put the longing inside of me for love to torture me; perhaps this is a small part of the pain that infects his life every single hour.
My irritation at sucking at my job and hating my life needs to be paused; time to play the mortal. Two groups of girls are wandering over to where I’m sitting. Their inane chatter quickly attacks my mind giving me no time to create a barricade to shield myself from their voices.
“You should definitely wear the purple one?” One girl squeals
“Are you kidding? I'm trying to make him work for to see the goods not show him everything at once!” all the girls collapse into giggles as they seat themselves two benches down from me.
The second group walks to three benches above me.
“I can’t tonight I got to study for the trig test if I fail my mother will kill me” one of the other girls in the group announces.
“Come on B! Just an hour he’ll be heartbroken if you don’t turn up!” the rest of the group makes pleading noises with the first girl.
I do my best to appear normal. I grab my phone from my bag and start to open some apps, so I blend in with the rest of the people sitting alone. Their conversations continue to flow into my head, one through each ear. They crash into each other; their words fighting for space, giving me one massive headache.
Attempting to put up a shield as Allana taught me to do when I don’t want to listen any mortal voices around me, is now impossible when they’re this close. I should never have taken my shield down, but no one was this near to me before and I wasn’t expecting company.
The girls sit closer to me than normal, which is why I’ve been allowed the unwanted privilege of hearing every bit of their conversations, which mainly focus around tonight, and some party that's happening.
“Tonight is the night, I'm so getting with Marcus” A girl from what I’ll label as ‘group A’ confidently announces.
“Well you need to come; you need to witness me finally capturing Marcus!” A girl from group B states!
“Capture him? He’s not an animal!”’
“Oh I bet he is!” The girls in group B collapse into laughter.
Guess this Marcus is going to be one lucky guy. Don’t get the wrong idea about me; I'm not some sort of weird eavesdropper. I’m not listening in deliberately. I can thank my glorious immortal maker for the ability to hear everything. As an Erosian my senses are more advanced than mortals; so really I would still be irritated by them no matter how far they choose to sit from me. When the mortals are at a distance though I can choose which ones I listen to, or I can put the shield up and block them altogether.
Allana told me that I shouldn’t try to use the shield too often. She calls the ability to hear mortals talk an ‘advanced skill’ to be used to our advantage. I prefer ‘advanced annoyance’. I mean I try hard enough already to be normal, but being able to hear everything constantly, even the smallest whisper, presents a whole new challenge. Not to mention how the irritation swells within me when they’re talking about me, whi
ch seems to be pretty often. Hearing my name makes my head snap up like some wild meercat. They all burst into hysterics whenever this happens. If I allowed my feelings to exist, I’d be seriously hurt by their reaction. I’m not even going to dwell on what they’re saying about me at the time.
Leaning back on my hands I tilt my head to the sun. My life’s not all grim. I suppose. I guess Allana’s half right; hearing everything can be sort of useful at times, especially when they’re talking about someone they want. Sometimes the skill makes my job easier when one of them eventually starts talking about someone they like who is viable. Then I just check they match; work my magic, and voilà. Not today, though.
Some senior boys pass me as I return desperately to scanning the horizon. The football field in front of me has huddles of jocks dotted around most with their red jerseys slung onto the floor, which of course has attracted clusters of girls to the benches. I try to pick through their auras for any matches, but I’m still out of luck. The senior boys stop by the girls in front of me.
“What are you doing sitting so close to loner aren’t you scared you’ll catch something” the senior boys howl with laughter and start punching each other. I ignore what they say and check their auras instead. May as well try and make the best of the situation – I swear that is the motto to my life!
The word ‘meathead’ springs to mind when I glance over the boys, but I check their auras against the girls they're currently drooling over. No matches there either. I’m beginning to think the Fates are toying with me by planting me in a school were romance is like a pool in a desert.
The meatheads start to grin and elbow each other as they nod in my direction. Trying to ignore them, I focus my attention on the other group of girls; allowing their conversation to flood my mind, so I won’t be privileged to whatever jibes they’re about to make. I know I shouldn’t be bothered by them; I'm not here to make friends or to be liked. The familiar ache in the pit of my stomach wakes up as the image of Eros discarding me like a piece of trash returns to my mind. Tears prick the backs of my eyes, the same sting I get every time I replay that day.