Me: Stop it!
Ashton: But it’s so much fun...
Me: Friends aren’t supposed to picture each other in their pajamas
Ashton: Maybe I don’t want to be just friends anymore
A surge of adrenaline set my heart pounding against my ribs as I read his message again and again. Apparently that whole double date thing had brought all of the old feelings back to the surface for both of us. He wanted us to get back together. But what did I want?
Ashton: I was just teasing about the pajamas
Ashton: Dani?
Ashton: Did you go away?
Me: No
I just had no idea what to say. I wanted it so badly, but at the same time it scared me to death. What if we tried it and then broke up again and I lost him for good?
Ashton: Don’t even try to tell me you didn’t feel it too
Me: I did
Ashton: Wouldn’t you like to feel that every day?
Me: You know why that won’t work
Ashton: Dani. Sweetheart. We can find a way
Me: I don’t know that we can
Ashton: I’ll never stop having these feelings for you
Me: It doesn’t matter. Nothing has changed
Ashton: We can make it change
Me: Your parents aren’t going to let it happen
Ashton: It’s been a year and I haven’t dated anyone else. Maybe they’ll give up
Me: I doubt that
Ashton: Come on, D. You know we belong together
Did I know that? I felt it, but did I really know it?
Me: I’ll think about it. Nite, Ash
Ashton: Nite, D. Sweet dreams
Under the circumstances that seemed extremely unlikely.
Chapter Four
I put off Ashton on Sunday with the excuse that I needed to work on my art project, but I didn’t stop thinking about what he’d said all weekend. On Monday morning I spent extra effort getting ready for school, going back and forth over which outfit I should wear then making sure that my makeup was perfect. Although I still hadn’t committed myself one way or the other after our conversation, I had a weird compulsion to look my best when I saw him—as though I was his girlfriend again or something. It was dumb, but it was how I felt, and when I pulled into the school parking lot I had butterflies in my stomach just like before our first real date.
I found my friends sitting in their usual spot in the quad. Since the boys were all at football practice, it was just us four girls. Delaney was bent over her phone composing a text to Walker, but Allison’s eyes widened as I sat down beside her.
“Dang, girl. Ashton is in trouble now.”
“What makes you think this has anything to do with him?”
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. But you sure caught someone’s attention.”
“Huh?”
Her head tilted in a nod over my shoulder, and she caroled in a sing-song voice, “Somebody has his eye on you.”
Without thinking I turned my head and for just a second made contact with a pair of sky blue eyes. They turned away quickly, and if Allison hadn’t noticed first I might have thought I was imagining things.
“Dylan Stafford?”
“Not the first time, either, so it’s not just because you look extra hot today.”
I frowned a little. Dylan was checking me out? He was one of Quinn’s friends and had played football and run track until he wrecked his leg last year in a motorcycle accident. He was a bad boy a lot like pre-Delaney Walker, and he was insanely hot. If I hadn’t still been so hung up over Ashton, I might have run a few questions past Quinn to see if he knew anything. After all, if Delaney could tame a bad boy, why not me? A girl could sure do a lot worse than Dylan. But I just couldn’t get Ashton out of my head.
When I turned back Allison was frowning thoughtfully as she contemplated my outfit. “I wonder if that look would work on Seth? I saw him at the gym Saturday and I swear he gets cuter every day.”
“There’s only one way to find out. But that would mean you’d actually have to talk to him.”
With a snort she looked away. We both knew there wasn’t much chance of that ever happening. I glanced over at Molly, then back at Allison who just shook her head.
Molly sat a little apart from the rest of us, wearing her old hoodie like armor and staring blankly into the distance. I knew exactly how she felt. I’d gone through it a year ago and the echoes were still reverberating through my heart. I scooted over beside her and wrapped her in a tight hug.
“Hang in there, Molls,” I whispered. “It’ll be okay.”
She didn’t answer, but her head tipped over to rest against my shoulder. I held her until the harsh buzz of the first bell broke us both out of our thoughts.
“Come on. I’ll walk you to class.”
Molly trudged listlessly beside me through the halls with her head down and her face hidden by the fall of her hair. I remembered her as she’d been a year ago, friendless, an outcast by her own design so that she could avoid having to deal with people. I felt so bad for what she’d gone through, and I refused to let her return to that life again.
“What are you doing after school?” I asked.
She lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug without bothering to look up. “Same as every day.”
“I need to get my mind off of things. How about I come over after dinner and you can kick my butt at Mario Kart?”
“I guess so.”
“Maybe we can pry Laney loose from Walker long enough to play, too. At least I have a chance at beating her.”
That earned me a little huff of laughter. “You might have to use dynamite,” she said.
“Whatever it takes. I’ll bring Allison with me to make it more interesting for you.”
Mario Kart was Allison’s favorite game, and she was almost as good at it as Molly.
“You don’t have to do this,” Molly muttered. “I’m fine.”
I nudged her arm. “I’m doing this for me, too. I was talking to Ashton this weekend. He wants...” My voice trailed off as we came to an intersection in the hallway and I stopped short.
“Wants what?” Molly asked.
I barely heard her. Ashton was walking along the cross corridor with a pretty blonde girl. Both of them were laughing, and there was no mistaking the sparkle in her eyes as she playfully bumped him with her shoulder. When he grinned down at her she tossed her bronze hair and moved closer to him.
I felt as though I’d been punched in the stomach. Even worse I recognized her—Kelly Benton. Her dad worked with Ashton’s dad and her parents played golf with Ashton’s all the time, and she was exactly the kind of girl his parents were always pushing him to date.
As they passed in front of us, Ashton slid his arm around her shoulders in a quick hug that sent blood roaring through my ears to drown out every other sound around me. Then they were gone, lost in the crowd before Molly noticed what had captured my attention.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I gave myself a shake and flashed her a quick smile. “I’m fine,” I lied. “Just spaced out for a second.”
Her expression was openly skeptical, but she let it go.
I dropped her off at her classroom and hurried to my own where I dropped into my desk with my mind still racing. What was Ashton doing? Maybe it was nothing. Just because he was walking Kelly to class didn’t mean anything, even if she was flirting hard with him. He did know her because of his parents, after all. He was probably just kidding around. The boy would never tell me that he wanted us to get back together then turn around and mess with another girl. Not Ashton. Right?
Unless maybe this had been my last chance—he was giving us one last shot before he finally moved on. It had been over a year, after all. I couldn’t expect him to stay single forever if I wasn’t willing to date him, could I? That wasn’t fair to Ashton, no matter how much the idea of him with another girl made my stomach hurt. I shook my head. I was letting my imagination run aw
ay from me, so I kept telling myself that what I’d seen meant nothing and tried to focus my attention to the teacher and stop thinking about Ashton.
By the time the bell rang I’d mostly convinced myself that I was just overreacting, and I was feeling a lot better by the time I got to my third period class. I sat next to Allison, who was sneaking longing glances at Seth the pizza guy.
“So did Ashton start drooling when he saw you?” she asked.
“He hasn’t seen me, yet.”
“Well, I’ll bet he forgets to eat when he sees you at lunch.”
I made a face at her. “You should spend less time worrying about me and Ashton and more about how to land that boy over there,” I said, nodding towards Seth.
Allison blushed. “He doesn’t even know I’m alive.”
“And whose fault is that?”
She muttered something under her breath, but I was distracted by Kelly coming in and taking her seat. I tuned Allison out as a couple of other girls started talking to the blonde girl.
“So I saw Ashton walking you to class.”
Kelly’s face brightened with a triumphant smile. “He finally woke up and saw what’s been under his nose all along.”
“It’s about time. He’s been single practically forever.”
“That’s about to change,” Kelly said. “He asked me to come over after school today.”
My heart stopped and I couldn’t breathe. No way. No freakin’ way.
“Are you serious?” the first girl asked.
“We’re going to study chemistry.”
“I’ll just bet you are. And maybe some biology, too.”
All three of them laughed at that while my stomach twisted into knots and my heart became a lead weight in my chest. Thankfully their conversation was cut short by our teacher rapping on her desk for attention. Not that there was any chance of that for me after what I’d just heard. He asked me to come over after school today. The words played over and over in my head until I could barely think at all.
I went through the rest of the morning like a zombie. What was going on? Why would Ashton do this? I knew him better than that, or at least I’d thought I did. But that was cold comfort every time my mind wandered and I pictured Ashton and Kelly “studying.” By lunchtime I was completely numb.
When I stepped into the cafeteria I glanced at the line at the counter, but I had no appetite so I threaded my way over to the table Allison and Molly had claimed. Molly barely looked up as I snagged a chair, but Allison smiled at me.
“Hey, Dani. No lunch today?”
“Not hungry,” I mumbled.
She grimaced in distaste at the tray before her. “Believe me, you’re not missing anything. Except...”
“Except what?”
“Hi, Dannika.”
I whipped my head around to find Dylan’s Paul Newman blue eyes twinkling down at me. His lips curved into a mischievous smirk that left me too flustered to think straight. I was all about Ashton, but Dylan was enough to make any girl want to sit up and purr.
“Hey.” It was totally lame, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Do you have the reading assignment for our lit class with you?”
“I think so.”
I dug into my backpack, grateful for an excuse to turn away. The heat in his eyes had thrown me off balance. No one had ever looked at me that way except Ash, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. It was nice to be appreciated, but he wasn’t Ashton. Still, he was really cute and I couldn’t have Ashton. Could I? Maybe I needed to start taking my own advice. I tried to ignore Allison’s enormous grin as I found the paper in my literature folder and handed it to Dylan.
“Thanks,” he said. “I don’t suppose you’d care to study sometime? I didn’t do so well when I took this last year.”
That had been while he was recovering from his motorcycle accident. I wasn’t at all sure it was a good idea, but I couldn’t help a pang of sympathy for him. My eyes met his and I found myself biting my lower lip as I considered.
“All right,” I agreed. “Get with me in class and we can trade numbers and pick a day.”
His smile became so dazzling my heart stuttered like Dad’s old lawn mower. “Great! Thanks.”
“Well, well, well,” Allison murmured as he walked away. “Looks like ol’ Ashton has some competition.”
“He just wants to study.”
“Uh, huh. That’s why he was looking at you like you were the last cookie in the jar.”
There was no point in arguing. Any denial would have been a lie and we both knew it. Almost immediately guilt twisted my stomach. Why had I agreed when I knew Dylan was interested in being more than just a study partner? I liked Ashton. But hadn’t Ash been hanging around with Kelly, who was definitely interested in more than studying chemistry with him? And it wasn’t like I could actually have Ashton. So why did I have to feel guilty?
Laney and Walker chose that moment to stroll into the cafeteria, holding hands and with eyes for nothing but each other. My stupid mind replaced my two friends with Ashton and Kelly in a mental image that made my throat seize up. I had to stop torturing myself this way.
Desperate for something to distract myself, I pulled out my art folder and stared at my drawing. It seemed more flat and lifeless every time I looked at it, no matter how realistic I made the faces. They stared back at me, mocking my inability to create. Why couldn’t I connect with this piece? Why was I so hung up on it that I couldn’t come up with something different, something better?
“Still having problems with that?”
Ashton pulled out the chair beside me and sat down with a broad grin.
I turned away, not wanting to look at him. “Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Right. Tell that to somebody who doesn’t know you.”
“It’s nothing, Ash.”
He put a hand on my arm, but I jerked away.
“What is it?” he insisted. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Not yet.”
He blinked, baffled. “What are you talking about?”
“Kelly Benton.”
To my surprise he laughed. “Is that it? I was actually worried for a second.”
I rounded on him. “Maybe you should be.”
“I’m not interested in her.”
“Oh, really? Is that why you walked her to class and invited her over to your house this afternoon?”
“She’s just a decoy, Dani. For my parents.”
It was my turn to be baffled. “I don’t understand.”
“Look. If my parents think I’m interested in her, they’re not going to be worried about you. So if I go out, they’ll just assume that I’m spending time with her. It will take the pressure off, and they won’t be so suspicious all the time.”
It made sense in a weird, twisted sort of way, but I still didn’t like it one little bit.
“Ashton, you can’t do that.”
“I’m dead serious. I’m not interested in her.”
“It isn’t that, you big jerk. You can’t use someone that way. She really thinks you like her.”
He leaned back in his chair with a thoughtful expression. “I didn’t think of it that way. I guess you’re right, though.”
“It wasn’t a horrible idea,” I conceded. “But it isn’t fair to her.”
“Yeah. I’ll stop it.”
“Good.”
With a rueful smile he reached for my hand. “I’m sorry I upset you. I didn’t think you’d find out before I had a chance to explain.”
The warmth of his hand felt so good against mine that I never wanted him to let go. “It’s okay.”
“So have you thought about it? What we talked about?”
“I haven’t thought about much of anything else.”
“And?”
I took a deep breath. “I’d like to get back together,” I admitted.
“I hear a ‘but’ coming.”
“But I’m afraid we’ll just break up again and this time I’ll lose you for good.”
“I know. But Dani, sometimes you just have to take a chance.”
I shook my head. “I want to, Ash. I want to so much. But I’m scared.” I didn’t want my heart broken again. And I wasn’t sure I could trust him not to—again.
“All right. I’ll drop it for now. But we both know it isn’t going away.”
I stared at my drawing while he went to go get his lunch. He was right, of course. It wasn’t going away. Not ever.
Chapter Five
A couple of weeks later Molly and Quinn got back together, and while I was glad for them I was a little bummed, too. If they could make things work despite their issues, why couldn’t I? If Molly could take another chance on Quinn after what he’d done, why couldn’t I put faith in Ashton the same way?
That Friday afternoon Delaney asked me to come over to hang out at Walker’s with everyone, but I made excuses saying that I had to work on my art project. It was true enough because I’d made very little progress on it, but really I just didn’t want to have to spend an evening watching the happy couples being all sappy and sweet.
Golden afternoon sunlight flooded my room and lit up the drawing on my easel. I frowned down at the laughing face and threw down my pencil. The picture was right there in my head, complete in every detail, but for some reason it wasn’t coming out through my fingers. I felt completely disconnected, and the image on the paper remained lifeless. There was just no spark in it at all. Again I felt the urge to tear the drawing to shreds, but what would replace it? Nothing. A big, fat nothing was all that I had. I flung myself down on the bed and muffled a frustrated scream with my pillow.
“Does that help?”
Ashton was leaning against the door frame, regarding me with an amused smirk. I sat up and glared at him, then gave a rueful laugh.
“Not really.”
He sat down on the bed beside me and I leaned into him until he put his arm around my waist so I could snuggle in close. It felt so good, so perfect, that I wanted to melt into him.
“So what’s the matter?” he asked.
With a sigh I let it all spill out. He had heard it before, but he listened again without interrupting. When I finally ran down he nodded in understanding.
Just Friends Page 3