by Lisa Loomis
“Nice meeting you,” I said.
Mathew stood up.
“See you around, Morgan.”
He said my name like a musical note and I couldn’t help but stare at him.
“It’s a family name by the way,” I said.
“What is?” he asked.
“Morgan. It’s from my dad’s side,” I answered.
I followed Ann and my mom down the hall as the guitar playing resumed. I noticed that the rain had stopped when Ann opened the front door, Brad stepping up next to her.
“Thanks for stopping by,” Ann said.
“Nice to meet you both,” Brad said, his arm draped casually around Ann’s shoulders.
Stepping outside, the night air smelled of pine and rain and I wondered if I would ever smell that again and not remember tonight. I felt sort of lightheaded as I got into the car. Those like feelings Gayle and I spoke of now made perfect sense.
“How did you and Mathew get along?” mom asked.
“Fine, he’s nice,” I answered flatly, trying not to betray my excitement.
“And cute and talented it appears,” she responded.
She shot me a quick glance across the car as she drove. I felt my face get hot and was glad it was dark in the car.
“So, the invitation… Are kids going too?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s a family thing.”
I would be seeing him again and couldn’t wait.
Chapter 6
The following weekend my parents were invited to a barbeque, and I heard that the O’Conner’s would be there. On the drive over, I sat and thought about Mathew while my heart flitted and raced. When I’d told Gayle about him and how I had felt, she thought it was funny. She could envision my physical reaction to him and teased me about it.
“I can’t wait to see him,” I said.
“That’s something I haven’t heard you say very often, or never,” Gayle teased.
“I know.”
I hoped Mathew and I would get a chance to talk some more. When we arrived at the Bensons, it was still light out, and there were a lot of people—adults and kids. Some I knew, some I didn’t. I joined the girls in a game of tag in the backyard. We took off our shoes, and I could feel the cool grass between my toes. I looked around the group and hadn’t seen any of the O’Conner’s. The adults were busy cocktailing and noshing on appetizers while we were off running around, enjoying the freedom of early summer and warmer weather. The yard smelled of freshly cut grass and jasmine.
“Let’s get some lemonade,” Alice Benson suggested.
She was the oldest daughter and about a year ahead of me. Alice’s mom had set up an area on the patio with snacks and drinks for the kids.
“Time to light the barbie,” Mr. Benson said to no one in particular as he came onto the back patio.
Alice took the pitcher and started pouring glasses of lemonade.
“Here, guys,” she said, holding out a glass at a time.
I took one and sat down on the cement steps.
“Look at my feet,” I laughed.
My feet were totally green from the lawn. Everyone started turning their feet up and looking at their own. All our feet were green, green and covered with little clippings of grass.
“Wash those before you go in the house,” Mr. Benson said. “Alice, all of you, I mean it.”
“Okay, Dad, got it,” Alice answered.
I looked through the kitchen window and caught a glimpse of Mathew and three other boys talking inside. We sat and drank the lemonade, which tasted fresh squeezed. Not so sweet, more tart, the way I liked it. The other girls were talking, and I was only half listening as I watched Mathew through the window. I knew two of the boys, but not the other: Alice’s brother Pete, who was younger than Mathew; Glenn was another friend’s son who was Mathew’s age; and, the fourth had to be Bobby, who I’d heard about but not met.
I knew from my mom that Bobby and Mathew were good friends. Bobby was shorter than Mathew and had dark, thick wavy hair and olive skin. I could see them fairly well as the light was on in the house. Damn, Bobby was cute too. He and Mathew together were enough to make any girl look. I pictured Mathew reclined on his bed the day we’d gone by their house, and I felt a tingling sensation between my legs. It wasn’t the first time thoughts of Mathew could make me feel that. Alice’s mom came to the back door.
“Hey, girls, time to wash up for dinner.”
“Come on, let’s get the feet,” Alice said, dragging out the garden hose.
The sun was disappearing, and it was getting cold now that we weren’t running around. I was ready to go in. I grabbed my socks and Keds and put them back on. I would wash my feet later. When I came through the door, Mathew was still in the kitchen, his back to me. Bobby was facing me. He looked me in the eye and said something to Mathew. I looked away, pretending not to notice. When I looked back in their direction, Mathew was staring at me, and our eyes met. I smiled and he gave me the hey gesture with a raise of his chin. He turned back to Bobby and seemingly reported who I was.
“Get a plate, get some food,” Alice’s mother said, pushing everyone to get going.
I didn’t get a chance to meet Bobby or say anything to Mathew until dinner was cleared and dessert was over. We had jammed into the family room with plates on our laps to watch nothing that any of us could agree on. The younger kids won out and Flipper was on, and I watched the dolphin skip across the water ‘hehe, he, he-he’. It wasn't until I went to the kitchen to throw my plate in the trash that Mathew introduced Bobby to me.
“Hi. I think I was playing tag with one of your sisters,” I said before grimacing inside what a lame thing to say.
“Actually two of them,” he said.
He was handsome with beautiful brown eyes. When I looked at Mathew, he smiled slowly at me. Could he read my thoughts? I looked quickly back at Bobby.
“Nice to meet you,” I said.
I could feel Mathew’s eyes on me, could imagine the look in them from in his room when he’d checked me out. I wanted to hang with them, but didn’t know how I could do that. It was like it was expected that I hang with the girls.
“What are you guys up to?” I asked, desperately hoping they would include me.
“Not Flipper that’s for sure,” Mathew said.
I kept my eyes on Bobby knowing the physical reactions Mathew could cause.
“Ah, we’ll find something to do,” he said.
I waited for them to ask me to come, but they didn’t and I felt a deep disappointment.
“Guess I’ll put up with Flipper,” I said.
I turned away and went back into the family room. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were doing. I didn’t get a chance to talk with either of them again that night.
The next few weeks went by quickly with school coming to an end, projects due, and testing. My weekends were spent with my friends on the block, adventures down to the creek, us girls talking about boys. I didn’t have much firsthand experience with boys. Even Gayle had ventured farther than me. What I did have was the desire to, a bad desire. I thought about Mathew a lot, even when I tried not to. I pictured myself kissing him, feeling his skin, putting my hands in his hair. He was the first boy I had felt these kinds of feelings for, anything with him somehow wouldn’t be gross. I kept it to myself.
My family got invited to the O’Conner’s house for dinner prior to school ending. For days I felt the highs and lows in my stomach, my emotions ran the gamut from sheer joy to sheer panic. I tried on clothes for Gayle to have her help me decide what to wear. In the end I picked a pair of jeans that made my butt look good, and a top that accentuated my boobs. I felt silly over thinking Mathew’s reaction to me, wondering if his curiousness was all in my head.
When the night came I pulled on my flared bell-bottom jeans and the pink peasant blouse. I put on makeup and large silver hoop earrings and then admired myself in the mirror. I looked cute; he’d have to notice. I finished with lip-gloss and a dab
of perfume. Butterflies filled my stomach in anticipation of seeing him. I hoped he would play his guitar for me, alone in his room, like the first time I met him.
I had conversations in my head about what we would talk about. Wanting him to get to know me, be interested in me, and what I thought, attracted to me. When we arrived at the O’Conner’s, Mathew did not seem to be around, and I was too shy to ask about his whereabouts, and it seemed no one was offering. Pat, Sara, Sam, and I played tag until dark out in their yard. When Ann called us in for dinner, I still hadn’t seen Mathew.
“Where’s Mathew?” mom finally asked.
Thank you I said to myself and waited for Ann to answer.
“He’s at a friend’s playing guitar. They’ve formed a sort of band, I understand.”
“Oh,” mom said.
“It’s cute,” Ann said. “He’s the leader of the band. He enjoys it. Keeps him busy, I guess.”
I could feel my disappointment smash all the butterflies. My sense of wonder and joy about being at the O’Conner’s vanished. After dinner we all helped clear the table, the adults got an after-dinner drink and turned on a movie. It was a sad movie and now all I wanted to do was go home. Mathew showed up towards the end. Seeing we were watching a movie, he waved hello and headed to the kitchen. I could hear him get into the refrigerator, then dishes and glasses clinking. I wanted to go out and see him, talk to him, but I thought it would appear strange. When the movie was over, Mathew had disappeared.
We were sitting cross-legged, Indian style, on the platform in the oak tree when Gayle asked me how dinner with Mathew had gone. I snorted and stubbed out the cigarette we had shared.
“Dinner was good. Not seeing Mathew was bad.”
“I thought you went to his house?” Gayle questioned.
“We did, but he wasn’t home. I was so, so bummed.”
“Shoot, you were looking forward to seeing him.”
“I know, and instead I got to play tag with his brother and sister and watch a movie with his parents,” I complained.
Gayle laughed, it was low and slow.
“No shit?”
“Yeah, no shit,” I answered with a scowl.
“Where was he?”
“Playing guitar somewhere else,” I said perturbed.
I picked at the filter of the cigarette pulling the fibers apart and throwing them over the edge of the platform.
“He knew you were coming, right?”
“I would think,” I said sarcastically.
The thought sort of jabbed at my heart, that he knew I was coming, but went out anyways. Gayle had posed the question I didn’t want to consider.
“When he came home, we were all watching a movie. He poked his head in, waved, then disappeared. I wanted to follow him so bad, but I would have looked like an idiot leaving mid-movie. Like I was chasing him, when I hardly know him. Man, he is so cute,” I said and sighed.
“I think you have a crush on him, girl,” she said, pushing my arm, causing me to fall to the side.
“No, I don’t think so,” I said, falsely protesting.
“Oh yeah, oh yeah,” she taunted.
I wondered if this is what a crush felt like, it had to be. He was in my thoughts constantly.
“What about Alex?” I said, trying to give her grief back.
“Nothing there. He’s okay, but I don’t have it for him. That one night was sort of a freak thing, too much Boone's Farm.”
I laughed. Gayle shifted and stretched her legs straight out in front of her.
“Get your mom to have the O’Conner’s over so I can meet this Mathew,” she said.
“I need to be seeing him first. A whole lot more of him,” I pouted.
“Okay, be honest, you want to kiss him, right?”
I didn’t answer her. Gayle slapped her thigh and let out a partial squeal.
“Oh, Morgan, finally one that’s really got your attention,” she laughed.
“Shut up. There are a few who’ve got my attention,” I said, giving her a challenging look.
“Who else? Name 'em!” she shot back.
I thought about it for a minute.
“Bobby,” I said.
“Bobby who?” she asked surprised.
“A friend of Mathew’s,” I answered.
“Bullshit. You’re not a very good liar, you know.”
“I’m not lying. Let’s go,” I chuckled, uncrossing my legs and standing before turning and starting down the tree.
“So, do you want to kiss Bobby too?” she asked, coming down after me.
“No, only Mathew for now,” I said, jumping to the ground at the bottom.
I waited for Gayle to do the same. She gave me a grin, her knowing kind of look, as to my real feelings. I’d told her some, but not all. How could I think about kissing him, I hardly knew him.
“Here,” she said, holding out a small canister of spray mouth freshener to me.
I took it and sprayed two squirts into my mouth.
“Don’t talk about it with anyone,” I said as we made our way to the creek. “I mean, any of the kids on the block.”
I jumped over the creek, and when I landed on the other side, I slipped on the bank and my shoe went into the water.
“Damn it,” I shouted, seeing my tennis shoe covered with black mud and moss.
Gayle started to laugh which made me laugh despite my yucky shoe.
“I won’t. I mean, I won’t say anything to anyone. Doesn’t matter anyway, no one knows him.”
“I know. Don’t need shit from anyone though, including you,” I answered.
Chapter 7
School ended the first part of June, and we were finally going to the picnic that Ann invited us to. I knew that we were doing a Jeep tour, having a picnic, and that the O’Conner’s would be there. The O’Conner part was all that mattered to me. I wanted to see Mathew.
The ranch was seventy-six acres off Old Almaden Road in San Jose, and it was beautiful. We pulled through the gate, and I could see the rolling hills covered in golden grass, waving slightly in the breeze, catching the light. Clumps of wildflowers and bright yellow mustard patches; huge, gnarled oak trees; made it look like one gigantic moving quilt. Jeeps were parked in the road and people were milling around talking. I caught myself looking for Mathew in the group. When I didn’t see him, my heart sank. Maybe he didn’t come.
“Grab something,” mom said, as we got out of the car.
I picked up the bag with paper products, plates, napkins, etc., in it.
“Yeah, leave the soda for me,” Pat complained.
“Shush,” mom said, grabbing the beer.
As we approached the group, my breath caught when I saw Mathew and Bobby running out of the barn and up to us.
“Hey, Morgan,” Mathew said breathlessly.
“Hey,” I answered, feeling relieved
The butterflies rose up in my stomach and did cartwheels.
“Hi,” Bobby said, lifting his hand.
“You boys grab this,” mom said.
She handed Mathew a six-pack of Coors and Bobby a bottle of white wine. The boys stood there waiting for more to carry or for further instruction.
“You can put it in one of the Jeeps,” she continued.
“Sure, Mrs.—” Mathew started.
“Ah…” she cut in.
“I mean, Patty,” he chuckled.
I was surprised she had taken to the first-name basis so quickly. She must have thought Ann was onto something; maybe it was about feeling younger as their children were getting older.
They had already started splitting people into groups to load the four army Jeeps, and Joe called to the three of us—me, Mathew, and Bobby—to climb into the first Jeep in line.
I stepped on the side runner and climbed into the back of the Jeep. Noting the horseshoe-shaped bench in the back bed I chose the back so I was facing forward. Bobby came next and sat next to me; Mathew was last. Mathew could have sat a number of places, but he didn�
�t; he plopped himself right between Bobby and me.
“Shit, Mathew,” Bobby complained as Mathew partially sat on him.
I wiggled away from Bobby to make room for him. For me there was no reason to complain in fact I couldn’t have been happier.
“Why didn’t you sit there?” Bobby asked, as he motioned to an open spot.
“I wanted to sit here,” Mathew said as he looked me in the eye and gave me a small smile.
His expression sent a shiver through me, and it was hard to pull my eyes from his. I had no idea if he wanted to sit there or didn’t want Bobby sitting next to me. I could feel the heat rush up into my chest, and my heart beat faster. Yeah, Gayle I said to myself I want to kiss him. I want more than that.
Once the Jeeps were loaded, we started off down a dirt road. The further we got, the worse the road was, deep ruts jostling us around. Every time Mathew’s leg or arm touched mine, it felt like he touched me with fire. These feelings were strange, and exciting, at the same time. I’d never understood when people talked about sexual attraction, but now I did. I wondered if Mathew was feeling anything, or just being a goofy boy. It was easy to look at him because we kept jostling into one another. Bobby glanced at me several times, and I hoped it wasn’t obvious to him what was going on inside me. With Mathew sitting next to me, I didn’t want the drive to end. When the Jeeps came to a stop, he put his hand on my leg, pushing himself up.
“We’re here,” he said, jumping down from the Jeep with Bobby right behind him.
I was disappointed; I was going to be left behind again. Everyone starting pulling things from the Jeeps, tables were set up, blankets spread, coolers with food and drinks unloaded. The kids were splitting up into various groups and moving in different directions to explore. Sara was helping to spread one of the blankets out with a group of the girls, talking, and I started to head that direction. I noticed Mathew and Bobby working their way toward a creek I could see in the distance. As I watched them walk away, Mathew suddenly turned. Our eyes met for a brief moment, and he motioned for me to come.
I hesitated and looked over at the group of girls who were laughing, then back at Mathew, who motioned more forcefully, waving his arm for me to follow. I felt confused. Did he want me to come or was he just testing, teasing me? I didn’t want to be teased if that was the intent. I knew all too well from the boys on the block how mean they could be. How they would do things to make me look or feel stupid. I wanted to follow, but instead I stood riveted, staring at him. I watched as he walked back to me. He gripped my arm gently.