by Lisa Loomis
“You’re coming back tonight with me, right?”
I put my hand on his heart and could feel it beating inside his chest.
“My suitcase is at Jack’s, so I was figuring so,” I teased, ducking in for a quick kiss.
He tugged me into him, but I pulled away. We were already excited and we had no place to go here at his parent’s house.
“I about passed out you know when you told your parents you were seeing me.”
“Why?” he asked.
I stared at him, his face part in shadow from the moonlight.
“'Cause you’ve never said anything like that. Not even to me,” I said, my breath catching in my throat.
He sighed and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.
“Let’s get showered and head back, night's young,” he said.
We used separate bathrooms to shower. Ann had set out bath towels for us, and pointed out where shampoo and things were for me. Mathew met me in the hall.
“Let’s go say goodbye,” he said smiling.
“It was so good to see you,” Ann said.
Brad gave me a hug. I almost thought after the initial shock of it he might be actually pleased Mathew was seeing me.
“Morgan, you’re welcome anytime.”
“Thanks,” I said.
As we rode back to Mathew’s place, I wished it could be different. I wished, as I hadn’t in a long time, that we could be together for more than moments. I watched the lights coming at us, cars coming, coming, brighter, brighter and then gone; moments. I reached across the car for Mathew’s hand. He took mine and gave it a squeeze. For only being eighteen I sure felt like I had dealt with a lot of grown-up feelings.
There was no one home at Jack’s.
“Sit,” Mathew said. “Beer or wine, if we have any.”
“Beer is fine.”
I sat down on the worn white leather couch. Leaning back I rubbed my hands over the cushions and could feel the cracks.
“Here you go,” Mathew said sitting down next to me and handing me an open beer.
I took a big sip; it was very cold and tasted refreshing. It made my mind jump back to beach when we’d gone to get his guitar.
“I was nervous at your folks. Guess I hadn’t expected you to tell them you were seeing me. You always surprise me, Mathew.”
He moved closer and put his arm around me, and I curled up against him. I nestled my face close to his, breathing him in. I slid my hand under his shirt and ran my hand from his stomach up his chest. I felt so relaxed, and my body melted into his. We sat that way in the quiet living room while we drank our beer. For some reason it made me happy we didn’t have to fill the space with words.
“Let’s go to bed,” he whispered.
“Okay,” I said, letting him take my hand.
He was off early the next day for a meeting and practice with the band. He left me in bed, reminding me Gayle was to pick me up about ten thirty. I tried to go back to sleep after he left, but couldn’t. I lay there staring at the ceiling, thinking about all the pieces, which made up my relationship with Mathew. This summer I had gotten the good Mathew, the playful, sensitive, fun one. I had to remind myself there was another Mathew, the bad one, the one who could crush me with his words “we’re not a couple”. We had been alone most of the time, away from outside influences, away from the band.
I had three days left with him. My feelings for Mathew were back with a vengeance, but as always, we were headed in different directions. The band was getting ready to go tour in Australia and I was headed home to Escondido. Mathew was pumped about touring another country and there was no talk of us. His emotional hold on me was evident. My best attempts to erase him had failed. Gayle felt guilty she had reopened the door.
“Gayle, like you said, he’s persistent when he wants something. You couldn’t have stopped him,” I reassured her. “Even if you hadn’t bet and lost, he would have found me.”
I thought about the other girls who must exist in his life. In three days, they would all be back. When he toured Australia there would be a whole new pool of screaming groupies, girls that would throw themselves at him. Gladly climb into his bed. It made me sad, for both of us.
Chapter 40
Gayle showed up right on time.
“You look marvelous. It makes me happy to see you happy,” she said.
“Happy for me with Mathew, that’s a stretch.”
I left the door open as I gathered my things from the couch then walked out closing it softly behind me. It was a bright sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, and already hot. I knew it was going to be a scorcher, perfect day for being poolside.
“Nothing wrong with Mathew.”
“What?” I said, my voice rising as I got in her car.
“There’s nothing wrong with him, Morgan. It’s you and him together, the games or whatever it is.”
Hadn’t I just thought about all those things in bed, staring at a white ceiling, having my heart roller coaster. Feeling the love and desire, right along with the hurt and disappointments.
“Gayle, let’s not dissect our weird ass relationship. You know I can’t explain it to you any more than you could to me.”
She glanced at me with a small smile then backed out of the driveway.
“I’m getting freaked about leaving, Gayle. We don’t talk about it, like if we don’t, it won’t happen. I know, once he goes on tour, it’s over. He’s back to the band; the groupies will follow, and it will be a matter of time before another bimbet enters the picture. I try not to think about it, but it’s not working. It’s like we’re frozen in time for now; not letting the rest of the world in.”
“Enjoy it while you can, Morgan. If you won’t stay out of his bed, that’s all there is to do.”
“I love you. You’re so damn honest, it hurts,” I laughed feeling a twinge in my heart.
She told me more about Bridgett as we drove to Los Gatos. I was nervous about meeting her; I didn’t know what to expect. How would they act around me?
Gayle went straight through the house and out to the backyard where Bridgett was out by the swimming pool, lying on a lounge chair on her stomach, reading. When we walked out, she got up hurriedly and left her top on the lounge. She stood topless staring at the two of us, her small breasts perky.
“Oh, sorry,” she said, reaching for it.
As she tied her top in place, Gayle introduced us. Bridgett was tall and slender with dark hair that hung to her shoulders, brown eyes. Her body was more athletic than skinny. I could see her muscles and the firmness to her skin. Jazzercise had been good to her.
“I made up a pitcher of margaritas,” she said and disappeared into the house.
“She’s been nervous about meeting you,” Gayle said. “Why?” I asked, surprised.
Gayle walked over and put her things on a lounge and adjusted three of them to align with the direction of the sun. I slipped one foot out of my sandal and dipped it into the water of the kidney shaped pool. The bright blue water was a perfect temperature.
“She wants you to like her,” Gayle said, spreading her towel on a lounge. “She knows how close we are. Do you feel uncomfortable?”
“A little,” I said. “Don’t start making out in front of me, and I think I’ll do fine.”
She shook her head and smiled at me just as Bridgett came back with the pitcher and glasses and poured us a drink. I could see that her hand was shaking as she filled the three glasses. I too felt nervous, about how they would act around me. I was almost afraid they might kiss in front of me and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about that. Gayle stripped off her shorts and T-shirt and went to the table. She put her hand on the small of Bridgett’s back and leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Okay, I can deal with that I thought. Bridgett looked at me and smiled uncertainly.
“What a gorgeous day. I’m lucky the weather’s been good since I arrived,” I said, like Gayle’s greeting hadn’t bothered me in the least.
�
��So has Mathew I understand,” Bridgett said. “Been good.”
Gayle laughed heartedly, and I understood Bridgett knew my whole story. Not a bad way to break the ice I thought. I smiled at her wit.
“Okay, you two, catch me up on you since I have been the one obviously misled. Gayle’s been keeping me in the dark when she knows all my secrets,” I said feigning hurt.
I got to hear the story from the beginning as we lounged poolside with cocktails. Bridgett retold the story that Gayle told me at lunch. Explaining that she never intended for what happened to happen. It started innocently, with her wanting to help Gayle with her questions on health and nutrition. How to get in a healthy routine of eating and working out. She said that as time went on, she felt a closeness to Gayle she had never felt, a true emotional connection, something she’d never had with her husband. Bridgett explained how she couldn’t really understand her feelings at first, but that as their friendship developed, it became clear.
They had sparred and playfully touched each other over lunches, dinners, and at the gym. Bridgett had worried about her growing feelings and figured Gayle to be too young.
“Shit, I started having sex at fifteen with Morgan and Mathew. Eighteen’s an adult, I wasn’t too young.”
I swallowed hard, and stared at Bridgett, who didn’t seem fazed.
“Yeah, she knows more about Mathew than she probably would like to,” Gayle chuckled.
Bridgett got up and refilled our glasses.
“Telling my husband I was leaving him for a woman was the worst part. He was sort of a man’s man, so it was a huge blow to his ego. He wasn’t shy about letting me know,” Bridgett said.
I could tell by the way she shyly angled her head that she still felt guilty.
“I can imagine,” I said.
It wasn’t hard for me to conjure up his reaction, like an unexpected gut punch. A little like when Gayle had told me, but far worse.
The day did turn into a scorcher and I was happy to be close to water, constantly getting in and out as I tanned in the sun. Bridgett got more relaxed as did I; the margaritas didn’t hurt. We talked and laughed and by the time Gayle and I left for Jack’s I felt very comfortable. They never made me feel awkward.
“Well?” Gayle asked as we drove.
“Well, it’s all new territory for me and a lot to take in. I mean, for hell’s sake, we double-dated more than a few times, so how was I to even think anything but men? You slept with Mathew and me, which I see you promptly disclosed to Bridgett. You said you liked it. Didn’t you?”
“I like men. Don’t get me wrong. Right now, I just like a woman better,” she teased. “I let you believe it was a man because it was easier, although, I knew I had to tell you sooner or later. It’s part of the reason I wanted you to come for a visit, so I could tell you face to face.”
She glanced over at me.
“I’m surprised you would think you would lose my friendship, but I can’t imagine it was easy. Your family knows?”
“Yeah, they all know.”
“How did they take it?”
“Pretty well actually,” she said.
“I like her, Gayle. She seems mature and level-headed, unlike you I might add.”
Gayle laughed.
“She is.”
She pulled up to Jack’s and shut off the car. She sat back with a sigh, putting her hands in her lap.
“What?” I asked. “Is there more?”
“Could the four of us go out?” she asked, without looking at me.
“Gayle, I did tell Mathew. I told him to keep it to himself. I’m not sure how he would feel about us going out like couples. Let’s just see. I’m in unchartered water as it is.”
She looked at me searching my eyes and I smiled.
“I know. For your sake, I hope it continues,” she said. “Thanks.”
The TV was on when I went into Jack’s; no one watching it. I could hear voices out back, so I went through the kitchen towards the back door. There was a mirror on the table with smudge marks on it and a rolled up bill. I stepped out onto the porch. Jack was there with a group of friends, having beers. A joint was being passed around.
“Hi,” I said when Jack saw me.
“You can join us, sweetie, or I think Mathew’s in his room.”
“Thanks for the offer, but I’ll go see him,” I said.
“You have a good day?” Emily asked.
“Yes, surprisingly.”
She knew about Gayle because I’d talked about it with her. I stopped in the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine. I walked through the house and down the stairs, hoping I wouldn’t find something I didn’t want to. I knocked, opening the door immediately. Mathew looked up from his desk.
“Hey, kid”.
“What are you doing? Not like you not to be part of the party.”
“I’ve had enough of those guys today. I’ve been working on a song I wanted to get down,” he said.
“Yeah, what’s it about?”
“A beautiful girl, with blue eyes, who’s sleeping in my bed,” he said.
I stepped into the room and gave him a whatever glare.
“You’re so full of it.”
“No, it’s true. She keeps leaving me, though.”
He swung his body to the side of the chair and motioned for me to come to him. He put his hands on my shoulders, pulling me down to bring my face level with his, and he kissed me.
“Are you writing something about me?” I asked hesitantly.
“I am. Want to hear what I have?”
I set my bag on the floor beside his chair and moved to his bed and sat down. His window was open, but the curtain stood still, the room was warm
“No. You’ll make me sad.”
“Can you hear the music, no words?” he asked.
He wanted me to hear it, wanted my approval.
“Go for it.”
He played for me. No words. I liked the melody, how the chords blended.
“You taught me to hear it, you know. Not just to hear the song, but hear the music. Then hear the words, the story.”
“That’s good,” he said with a grin. “A lot of people don’t ever hear the story, just the song. Feelings are how songs get written.”
He strummed the guitar. I watched his face and his expressions. I was curious.
“Can I stand the story?”
“Try,” he said.
I sat listening to the words: they dug deep. He sang a couple of verses and went back to the chorus and stopped.
“That’s all I have so far. I need to keep working on it.”
I leaned back on my elbows.
“It's so cool you can do that. I think it would be so hard to put the two together and make it work,” I said.
“It’s not that hard,” he said looking at my legs stretched out in front of me. “You have a good day with Gayle and her girlfriend?”
“It was a new experience, I’ll tell you. She wants us all to go out before I leave.”
He cocked his head to the side and smiled his mischievous grin.
“So she wants to take it from a threesome to a foursome?” he teased.
“You wish. I don’t think that’s her intent. Besides you have all you can handle right here,” I said moving my hands down over my body.
He put the guitar down and stood up stripping off his shirt. He had red short shorts on and seeing him half naked made my heart race. He held my gaze as he came to me. He ran his hands up my legs and climbed on top of me pushing me back into the bed.
“I do, don’t I,” he whispered in a raspy tone.
I stared into his eyes as he lowered his face and put his lips to mine. I pulled at my clothes, but he held back, making out with me, fueling my desire. I could feel his hard cock through his shorts, but each time I reached he pulled my hand away.
“You’re torturing me,” I whimpered.
He ground his pelvis into me dry humping, making me wet.
“I want to he
ar it,” he murmured, as he kissed my face, lips, and then down my neck.
He rolled my T-shirt up over my head and un-tied my bathing suit top from around my neck, pulling it lower exposing my breasts. He moved leisurely down my body and spread my legs to sit back on his feet between them. He cocked his head and grinned sexily at me as he again ran his hands up my legs, but this time he ran them to my crotch and pressed firmly through my shorts. I moved my pelvis against him. He slipped two fingers under my shorts and beneath my bathing suit. Mathew smiled when he felt the wetness, then he sat back.
“Don’t stop,” I moaned.
I moved to undo my shorts and he put his hand over mine, stopping me.
“I want to hear it,” he said again.
I felt like I might orgasm right then, and my nipples got hard. I stared into his blue eyes.
“Fuck me, Mathew.”
He removed my hand and undid my shorts and then yanked my shorts and bathing suit down together taking them down my legs and off as he stood. I watched as he stripped out of his shorts, my breath catching at seeing him. He admired my naked body with his eyes and then cocked his head.
“Please fuck me,” I begged.
His eyes burned with passion as he climbed on top of me and thrust his hardness into me. We made love frantically, seeking, needing, our bodies responding to each other knowingly, exploding at the same time with deep panting rasps.
“Do you want to go out and get something to eat?” he asked, as I lay curled into his side.
“Not really. I like it here in bed with you,” I answered.
We were alone, the world shut out.
“Is Gayle taking you to the airport Sunday night or am I?”
“Do you want to?” I asked mildly surprised.
I traced my fingers down his chest wishing our lives were different, wishing we could be together.
“I do.”
“Anxious to get rid of me?” I asked and smiled.
“Not at all,” he said, running his hand down my hair and giving it a tug.
I pressed my fingers into my forehead. I was fighting with my emotions, feeling like I should say something about leaving, about our wonderful time together, something. What did I want to say? I swallowed hard. I don’t want to go. I want us. I need us. As the various thoughts raced around in my head, not forming words, he squeezed me to him. Almost as if he knew.